Friday, March 08, 2019

Plodding on

Hi,

Well, the good news is that things are ticking over. Much as I still feel the guilt around what I've done, what I've noticed is that I'm calmer at home and at work. It feels a bit as if something has unlocked with me, or perhaps, that the flame of anger has turned down to a low heat. Given I can't go back or magically recarpet my pins, I'm going to have to accept, face the consequences, and hope for the best. But, enough about that.

Blogging, for me at least, is a bit of a strange beast. Let's skip over the innuendo around a strange beast's bits though, eh? ;-)

I think I've posted at various times about sharing and connecting with people, and then there's the question around what do you write about?

Okay, there are the usual What Lynn Did Next kinda things: nights out at Chams, Xmas party, getting out, etc. Then there are the introspective posts, You Are Awesome,  and What Do You Think, Dear Reader? ones too. Other times - like the earlier post - are a riot of emotions, as I write to try and make sense of what's going on in my head. Clearly, that doesn't always quite work. But, I will say this: I try to write from what I feel to be right. Not as in correct but authentically. There are times when everything is A OK, times when things just are, and there are scary times too, but they all happen, and I write about them here. Life can be complicated, and I make no secret of that being as true for yet another trans person, as it is for more standard gender folk.

So, here's the question? How do you keep a blog going? I mean, it's been a while right? I don't say that as a brag, but just an observation. Feel free to riff on the line never has so much been said about so little ;-)

The practicality is you write when you can. When a thought comes to you, write it down in what comes to mind. Frequently that's the killer, not having some grand plan or great well of inspiration. Last week, and for some odd reason, I had three ideas and I took a moment to add them to Google Keep (NB: other note taking apps and solutions are also available ;-) ).

But, the above brainstorm is pretty rare, as most of the time, I just have to wing it. Maybe that's the other part of it: persistence... and a low quality threshold ;-) The thing with that last quip is the old IT cliché: done is better than perfect.

That's pretty much it. I was going to make a joke about a delusion that people are interested, but in honesty, I think that would be rude to those of you you are kind enough to comment and interact, so I won't. I do think that you write for yourself and at least that's authentic. Maybe folk who want the same will read it too.

If you feel differently, just let me know.

Take care,
Lynn

12 comments:

  1. Gosh, it's a big week in Lynnworld.
    Firstly, people are interested in your blog all right - look how many views, comments and shares it gets. So you've found a formula that sells. You are the JK Rowling of the trans blogging world!
    As for your legs, sometimes the conformity pressure builds too high and you have to release it and no-one can blame you, and don't blame yourself. Smooth legs are just fabulous but you may tire of the work needed and you (and Mrs J) will find the pelt grows back pretty fast. If she asks and you're honest about your motives then I believe she'll be grateful for your honesty even if temporarily upset at her husband appearing a bit less as the man she married.
    Love, Sue x

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    1. Yes, it's been 'interesting times' to visit a well used phrase.

      JKR is awesome. Not just for her writing, but her drive, acceptance, charity, and incredibly sharp wit. Much as I thank you for the compliment, I'm very far from her talents.

      I just... try to blog about what's going on. I mean, they say you should write about wear you know and write the stuff you want to read.

      So, I'm a part timer gender offender who struggles with having to stay in the Bloke Zone all of the time. I need space to 'be all of me'. Funny, I pulled a face when I first heard about being bi-gendered, but the Universe's sense of humour is rather good. I think that label of being both genders would work for me. It's just easy to say Trans, and not risk typing big ender ;-) I write and people are kind enough to visit and connect. I've said it many times and I'll gladly repeat, that if this little blog helps someone feel okay about who they are, then it's all worthwhile.

      The leg situation is still under wraps - no pun intended - and I think if things escalate, heaven forfend, I can only apologise and be honest.

      I hadn't thought about the conformity pressure before. Thanks for putting a phrase to that.

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  2. How could we know what's going on in the world of Lynn without Lynn blogging? The life experiences you share with us just remind us of how much we are all alike and not alone.

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    1. Wot Callie said.
      YATGB is at the top of my blogger reading list and I always look to it each week to keep me in touch and (relatively) grounded. Do keep going, even if it is to apologise that you don't have much to say (though you always do).
      As for your denuded legs, I understand your concern about the possible reaction but if your turn it would either of you feel that you had a right of veto about Mrs J changing her hairstyle on a whim? You may end up not liking the result as much as as she does, but I don't think that's something that should stop her. And if that's true, then I think the same argument ought to apply about your feelings about your body hair. But then I'm speaking as someone whose facial, chest and leg hair grows and disappears seemingly at random, depending on how close it is to 'Susie' days. I hope you both work something out that works for both of you. Perhaps you could get a pair of hairy tights to wear for Mrs J and keep your legs shaved underneath. (Now there's a weird concept: boy as girl as boy again. Very Shakespearean. Perhaps you should try it out on Twelfth Night.)

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    2. @Calie, your comment about us being alike struck a chord. From a person point of view, we all have ups and downs, but most of the time we get there. I'm fairly sure there aren't many non-trans readers, but if there was, I'd be curious to know if they can identify with certain topics on here. Confidence, dressing your age, weight, body issues, parenting when LGBT+, etc.

      The other part of it, and I think I don't often talk about politics, is - in the UK, at least - we seem to be becoming more tribal. More because we hyperfocus on behaviour or single issues, rather than "well, this mostly fits me.". I would also hold my hand up to the latter, even if I think I can spot it.

      But, in positive news, I think if someone reads this and thinks they can start a blog, go out, be more of they are; then that's great in my book. Becky and Jo inspired me back in the day, and regular bloggers (see feed, right ;-) ), still do.

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    3. @Susie: any chemists in the house? Spray on leg hair would be so useful. :-)

      "Be not afraid of being smooth of leg. Some are born hairless, some achieve hairlessness, and others have hairlessness thrust upon them." :-)

      Perhaps - and to jump works - the occasional lady doth protest too much. Ooo, you can"t beat a riff on The Bard.

      Fun stuff aside, and not too make light of what you said, thanks for the kind words in sharing how reading this helps. I am not planning on giving up. Rare gaps are are frequently due to timing, illness, holidays, etc. I think I did miss a post a year or so ago, as I wasn't quite with it. Such events are thankfully transitory and infrequent.

      I think I can see your point of view about hairstyles. I do know of a man - note, not gentleman - who tells his wife to get her hair cut and dyed. That just seems rude to me. Is it like commenting on a partner's weight?

      I think I can see the My Body arguement - wow, here's two trans folk talking about body rights. I wasn't expecting this today :-) - and I'm wary of previous upset caused.

      But, and to play on a line from Pulp Fiction: I'm trying to be the good husband. To respect, to care, to love, and all those, while pushing back the Tyranny of I Want. It ain't always easy, but maybe I just need to look at the good, rather than worry about the bad.

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    4. I always loved that Footlights sketch from Alan Bennett "For my brother Esau is an hairy man, but I am an smooth man." For me, smooth also feels nicer, but the in-between stage is always annoying.
      I take your point about trying to be considerate. Every relationship has a bit of give and take and necessary compromises, but they shouldn't involve one partner feeling constrained and unhappy at the result.
      That said, I have come to terms with the fact that L never wants to see Susie and that those times are limited to days we spend apart and which, for me, is always liable to be the biggest hole in our relationship. It's also the one that is putting me off the idea of retirement, even though L wants me to, because I don't know how I would cope with that amount of free time stuck in male mode without the enforced distraction of work, and I'm not really sure how I can explain that to her.

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    5. Ah, the, ummm, itchy period. Loofahs at the ready! :-)

      Yes, the balance of compromise is a tricky one. Too much one way and someone feels they're missing out or being put upon. Maybe it's because that's a binary option and life is frequently more nuanced.

      I feel your pain around retirement. Much as not going to work sounds appealing, it also provides time to work from home dressed or similar.

      Of the handful of retired and married trans folk I know, they balance it as their partners go out with friends or pursue hobbies. I guess each relationship is unique, so it's not easy to really know.

      As to how to approach the subject with Mrs S, I guess it comes down to begging able to explain your wishes without making it sound like demands, both keeping calm, and you both reaching a place that works for you.

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  3. Hi Lynn,
    First can I say I am always very interested in your blog and, as the wife of a part time trans person, take great comfort from reading it so thank you for writing it!

    As a non-trans person myself I can confirm that I definitely identify with some of the topics you write about such as body issues, body confidence etc. I expect most people would. That said, I don’t think for one moment that my body issues are on the same scale as yours, my husband’s or your trans readers’. As a non-trans person, I can only imagine the pain and inner turmoil of feeling the mismatch between your gender and your biological body.

    I have known about my husband’s gender issues for most of the 30 plus years we have been married, but I am sorry to say I have not always been as understanding and supportive as I now try to be. As you often say, your wife married a man and that’s what I did too so I can completely understand your wife’s point of view. For most of those 30 plus years I have wanted to have nothing to do with that side of my husband. I have known about his cross-dressing and could accept it as long as I didn’t see it or any evidence of it. I believe that was, in part, due to my own insecurities and my lack of understanding of gender dysphoria. I have experienced a significant shift in my own position in recent months and can now accept the other side of my husband in a way I never could before. We are now working together to find our happy medium, but it has taken a long time to get to this point. I hope you and the lovely Mrs J will manage to find your happy medium too.

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    1. Hi Anon. Your post is most unprecedented (to continue the Bill and Ted vibe :-) ) and very welcome too. Good to know that you find the blog comforting. TBH, I'd not considered it from the points of view raised.

      Ah, we don't play Pain Top Trumps here, so if you say you've body issues, there's no bonus points for 'having more' :-) I think we would all rather be okay with what we have, bit that can take a bit of work to reach.... and to maintain, IMHO.

      Lastly, thank you for sharing your journey and for your honesty in saying you've had to work at it. I'd like to hope that all good relationships are built on such things. Good to know you've found something that works for you.

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  4. I believe you're right: the best blogs are the most authentic ones, the ones that express an individual's unique voice. And that's important when choosing subjects for posts. I find inspiration comes naturally to me and I get bored by some bloggers who write what they think they should talk about instead of what they truly care for.

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    1. Yes, there's a few bloggers about - trans and otherwise - who very much have a voice. I guess some work for you and some not so much. Perhaps, and as you say, the Not So Much crowd maybe be a style thingb. But also if they switch in pursuit of something other than their actual voice, maybe it lands flat?

      So we're back to write about what you know and write the things you'd like to read. If nothing else, at least you'd be entertained ;-)

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