Friday, October 26, 2018

Accepting and not reacting

Hi,

I'm not 100% sure how to start this one, so I shall go with the usual tried and tested method of typing sh** that comes direct from my brain, into this small white square and see where it takes us. For those of you with paint to watch dry or busy-busy lives to lead, why are you here? :-)

This week has been.... complicated. Complicated by a not fully pleasant cocktail of conflict, tiredness, and a bit too much on at work. The latter is my own fault for jamming a lot in to the week and being out of the office quite a bit. Now, usually, that's not a massive issue, and indeed, if anything, I really enjoy meeting new people and hearing what they've got to say.

Perhaps it is a hangover (not literally) from last week and I'm still not back to my usual self. You know, the confused, slightly tubby Dad with two wardrobes, a fast track to self-deprecating humour, and a fine line away from a wisecrack to a visit to HR. :-)

But.... I think I have forgotten the following important philosophical teachings:

1. Most of this sh** don't matter.
2. Don't Panic
3. Remember - and be mindful - of the good times

In Life's 24 hour rolling news come social media now now now, I think there's a risk that we dwell too much on the moment and then spin out into what might be. While I think being mindful of what is happening - particularly if something good is happening - the future, and dare I sound like a good friend who runs meditation classes, is unknown.

With the above in mind and a half-finished pint in hand, perhaps taking time to think of the good things that have happened and are happening, I may be in a better mood in days to come. From a trans point of view I felt pretty good about my outfit on Thursday, we had a visit from TrendCo (hello Nicola & Steph), laughed about things, and had a good chat about life.

So, with half-term very much upon us, I'm going to kick back, enjoy what things come my way, and do my best to relax and just be.

Take care,
Lynn





Friday, October 19, 2018

Getting better

Hi,

How's things? Me? Oh, I've been better. At least it was only a bad cold. Gah, and what a stinker! Usually, I find that colds run as follows:

  1. That slightly odd feeling in your head (no rude comments, please! :-) )
  2. Lots of sneezing followed by a nose running like a tap.
  3. Wanting to eat all the food in the house.
  4. A bit more sneezing
  5. 36 - 48 hours later, everything's fine.
Items 1 and 3 might just be me, so please don't trust any research where N=1. Oh, I missed off item 4.1 where I breathe into envelopes and send letters to people I don't like. :-P

However, this cold seemed to be quite the bruiser and it's only now - a good five days later - that I am feeling much like my old self. For a time, I wasn't even interested in shopping. That's clearly a sign that Something Isn't Right With Lynn. Don't worry, there's a very long list of things where I'm not quite right, but let's gloss over that eh? :-)

So while looking for some a suitable (and legal) photo to pop int this week's blog, I stumbled on said item to the right. Now, earlier in the week I'd read about people of a certain political leaning being 'awoken' by a certain colour of tablet. Hint: it's not the green & white ones. :-) It was a disturbing read - and I say that as someone both trans and left of the centre - that people could be 'turned' towards, shall we say, less tolerant political views... and worse. 

I'm not going to talk about the negativity of the above. Instead, I'm going to come back to Our Different Journey and ask something else.  
  • When did you first feel trans?
  • How did it make you feel?
  • Did you embrace or run from it?
Those of you who've either followed this blog, or have had a poke around the site, may well have come across the Our Different Journey section of the site. To be honest, it's something I did in days gone by. Those answers are snippets in time from when they were written. While I think things may have changed for some of those writers, perhaps much will still be as is. I'm still thankful they took the time to answer my questions and share what they've learned about being trans.

Talking of that, this week I had a very nice email from someone, saying that reading those journeys had helped her. As I've said once, and will no doubt say again, if just one person finds help or solace in this blog, that, for me, can only be a good thing.

Update: I also had an email reminding me about the extension to the consultation on the Gender Recognition Act. Please do take the time to complete this survey so that trans voices are not lost. For anyone thinking there's some all-seeing, all-knowing Trans mafia out there pushing our agenda, sorry kiddo, that ain't true. Trans rights have to be pushed for, either by us or allies. So, if you an ally reading this, or a trans person - part time or full time - please do one extra awesome thing and tell the UK government how important this is. If you're not sold by my words, have a read of the PinkNews article on those organising against trans rights.

Take care,
Lynn

Friday, October 12, 2018

When in doubt, wear something you love

Hi,

This week I had the good fortune to pick the kids up from school. Usually, this is the job of the Ever Lovely Mrs J, but she was indisposed in having a well deserved day out with Granny J. I popped to one of the shops on the way home as the kids needed a few things for their packed lunch.

On the way in, I spotted two young *ahem* 'scamps' (nee: chavs in the making) climbing up a bin and trying to haul themselves on top of the bus shelter. Said structure is mostly plastic and was wobbling precariously. For a moment, I did wonder about taking a snap and passing on to the school.

But, as the shelter continued to buckle, I heard my inner Dad voice say: Ah, I think we're about to witness a valuable life lesson. However, the Fates - depending on your point of view - did shine on the ne'er-do-wells and the roof did not give way. A lucky escape if you will, particularly as their parent turned up. I assume it was them, unless kids now get into cars that pip their horns loudly and yell out of the window: "Get off that bloody roof!".

Uber has really let itself down hasn't it? ;-)

Chams

Due to an early pass from home, I was early to Chameleons and unusually for me, I had my mind made up about my outfit. I was so early, that for a moment, I did wonder if I had the wrong night. It's not like that hasn't happened before. :-)

Due to 'working from home' in the afternoon, I had a spot of luck to try on a new skirt from Amazon. I've been after a non-black pencil skirt for a bit, and I thought I had fallen on the right item. Now, it's either my extra Lynn padding.... wait for it... or the extra Richard padding (non-removable), that means it didn't fit as I felt it should.

In fact, trying on two other skirts - including a favourite A line / fit & flare number - suggested that either I'm wearing the wrong size or the padding isn't working as planned. In honesty, this knocked my confidence a little. Still, when not 100%, say yes to the dress! :-) Evidence, to your right. Not only does the dress fit well, it has happy memories as it was a gift of yesteryear from the Ever Lovely Mrs J, bless her.

So, while I can gauge if a dress or trouser/top combo works (or not), I seem to have a temporary mojo malfunction in the skirt/top capacity. Maybe the next time TrendCo are in, I'll quiz their dress expert. That or plenty of Internet research and checking the sizes of said items is in order.

Take care,
Lynn

Friday, October 05, 2018

Mist

Hi,

I'm not going to talk about the news today. Not because it isn't important, but knowing that if I do, it will only stoke the slow burn of rage within me. Yes, I believe that a person is innocent until proven guilty and I also believe that victims have a right to be heard, listened to, and taken seriously. Perhaps blindly, I am hopeful - or if I can admit this to myself - that we're in the last hurrah of powerful misogynists and that those not of their ilk will turn against them.

A trans-something-or-other person can dream, right?

___

I was listening to a colleague the other day about projects. Don't worry, this will be trans related. As usual, I have to go around the houses with a bit of background before getting to the point. Call it setting the scene, or, if you're more cynical, that I need to pad this sh** out to make room for a photo that'll momentarily distract us from the awful truth of life. ;-)

Where was I? Oh, yes: projects. The part that's relevant is that most work - be it a personal project, a work thing, or even the route to self-discovery - is unknown.

Sure, we have a rough idea of where things are going, and yes, there's plenty of people who can tell you the stages you'll go through.... or, more accurately, might go through.

I'm going to stress that word because no journey is ever the same. There's always some quirk of Fate, cast of the die, or personal circumstances that give life that little bit of an edge to keep you on your toes.

Yeah, we can plan out the steps of what we're going to do, but the further we get away from the now of it, the more that future mist settles. We can't know the future, only guess at it. Sure, some guesses are more informed that others, but we'll - and I'm going to do that bit to prove that there's folk about telling you what's going to happen :-) - not really know until we're almost on top of it.

What can we do about the unknown? Should that stop us from embarking on finding ourselves? I would say, no, do think of what might be. Do think on how things can be better and understand that you can't know it all before you set off. Take a few steps forward and see how things work out for you. I think there's no shame in changing direction and trying something new. Maybe it will feel like four steps back, three forward, and repeat, but you will close off the areas that aren't working for you. That's all cool. It's all part of the learning process.

Maybe you want to stand still for a bit and let things go by: that's okay too. Just, don't stand so still you become stuck. Keep looking forward, learn from the past, but don't be held back by it. With time - and learning - those mists will clear and - just maybe - you'll have a grand view to see how far you've come.

Take care,
Lynn