Friday, December 08, 2017

Being out. Being me.

Hi,

There are times when Life seems to have you on an assault course. Barriers, tunnels, and cold, wet mud to slog through. We push on doing what we can, sometimes stopping for breath, sometimes to help someone along, or even to get help ourselves. It's not so much aiming for the finish line, but clambering through until you reach easier ground. Mind you, any time you're not crawling through the proverbial mud is a win in my book. :-)

When my boss - who, BTW, is a thoroughly nice chap, BTW - showed me my remaining holiday leave, I dared to dream I may get a day out. Not that he knows... or so I hope. I did suspect a colleague knew a few years back. But that may have been the paranoia talking when I first started out. Trans people, we're a funny lot ;-)

So, a day out? Much careful planning was done to ensure everyone would be at school or work. I ran through a mental checklist of what I could wear and reduced it down to what I like to wear, and what won't kill my feet after two hours. Ladies, I know your pain when it comes to a day in heels. The unholy battle of style, comfort, and practicality :-)

Then, along comes a dose of the lurgi. The Ever Lovely Mrs J was the first to be set to bed by its evil germs. Wee Man followed, the Little Miss, and so the weekend passed by. So far, so good! They started to get better, and as my day off approached, I did wonder if I would - ACHOO. Shiver. Shiver.

Bugger. :-)

Still, with plenty of Lemsip, fruit, and the bloody-mindedness of a T person wanting a day out, Wednesday rolled around and I was not sneezing or shivering, so off I went.

Step by Step

With Wee Man and the Ever Lovely Mrs J off on School Run Part One, it was up to me to take Little Miss off to primary school. We have a chat in the car (mostly about books) and it's great daughter/father time, IMHO. I kissed her goodbye and set off back to the car.

It was at this point that the nerves start to kick in. I don't know if you have this crisis of confidence - if that's the right term - or worry bomb, but I do when it comes to going out. There's the will something bad happen?; will I be spotted?; to The Agreement. The latter, I don't truly hold up to, and this makes me feel guilty. In my defence, I do go far away on the rare times I go out as Lynn, so I'm hoping this would be okay. But, hey, we all lie to ourselves right?

One of the ways through the fear is to break things into steps. So, once everyone is off to work or school, I get ready. I usually know what I'm going to wear, so today there was only a few choices to be made around shoes and skirt. The top was a red jumper or a fall back to a red cotton cropped sleeve should things warm up. I ditched last time's heels (much as I love them) and plumbed for my ankle boots instead. That style seems very popular at the mo, so when trying to blend in following fashion a little seems to help.

With my outfit on, we're on to make-up. Best keep it simple and nothing too 'nighttime'. We don't want to scare people do we? :-) I chanced using two mascaras, as I'd read this helped with definition and I can say that a coat with Brand X, and a second coat later with Brand Y, does indeed give a better curl and more definition.

All that was left was to double check my bug-out bag. Time time, a small travel suitcase with Richard clothes, work shoes, and the all-important make-up remover. After letting the dogs and out checking the outside tempreative (brrr!!), I popped a pretty scarf on. All I had to do now was make it out of the front door and into the car.

Deep breath, Lynn. Ooh, maybe not that deep, given the corset's well fastened. :-)

Into the porch, pop the lock on the car, bung the suitcase in the boot, close it, get in, seatbelt on, and off up the drive into the traffic.

After that, it's a stop at a nearby-but-not-too-nearby layby to check I do have everything I need. Oh, and to sort my nail varnish out, of course.

Being Out

Oddly, once I was parked and on the move, my nerves settled. Parking was tricky as I guess lots of folk had come in for Christmas shopping. Whoever designed Leicester's main shopping centre had put in some wall length mirrors just inside. Not only do they bring the natural light in, they're also great for a quick selfie ;-)

I'd brought along my birthday money, which may go to show that I've not been buying much of late. Well, apart from a new red lippy for today. :-) My main aim was just to enjoy the day out, and maybe spot some Christmas presents for the Ever Lovely Mrs J. Leicester has some cute little shops away from the high street, so it's those I head for after checking out the usual chain stores :-)

My luck was out on the shoe front - not that I needed any - as all the 9s seemed to have gone. New Look didn't provide. Perhaps it being that awkward period of mid Xmas Party season, so they don't want to fill the shelves with goods that aren't going to move. Fast fashion, eh? If you've not bought it before you need it, you've had it. Ah well. I was trying on, more than buying, so it's all good.

-

I think I must have been in town between 11am until 3pm, which was long enough to get around the city centre. I had a lovely chat with a young lady in Body Shop. I'd popped in for a replacement blusher, and we started chatting. Turns out her partner is (was?) trans, and I found what she had to say about sexuality and growing up very interesting. She was not yet 20, so I think very much in the next generation. She was saying how she fell in love with the person, rather than the labels. The conversation moved on and I felt that if I wasn't going to buy anything, I ought to move on. So I did :-)

I had a couple of what I'd call just regular chats with people in shops. I say regular because they felt no different to how I'd talk to them in Richard mode. I think you can gauge when people want to talk, and when you're just intruding on their day or time. I had a long-ish talk about make-up routines with a specialist in a department store. Much as she's paid for her patter, she seemed genuinely complimentary about my make-up. Good to know I don't look a complete mess then! :-D

I didn't get any stares or rudeness really. It seems we trans folk are becoming part of the background more and more. I did spot maybe a handful of passersby taking a too long a look, but I wasn't really paying attention for the most part, and maybe they were curious, rather than judging. Hell, I can dream. :-)

Come the end of the day, I took a skirt I had no plans on buying into the changing room. This was solely so I could take some snaps in case the walkway one hadn't worked. By this time I'd swapped my jumper for the red mid-sleeved top. It seemed that walking about certainly warmed me up, despite the arctic chill on the wind.

Today's daytime outfit sans coat & scarf


The only snag to the day was when I set off to my usual 'getting changed spot' deep in the countryside. Eeek! I don't know what had gone on, but someone had blocked the short lane with a large tree stump. It took me another 30 minutes to find another place quiet enough. Maybe next time I'll think about getting changed at a service station. That or setting off earlier and using the facilities at Chameleons HQ.

All in all, a great day out and one that's left me with a lovely happy glow to my mood. Hello Christmas Spirit.

Take care,
Lynn

4 comments:

  1. That was a wonderful read. So glad to hear of your day out. Sue x

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    1. Thank you, Sue. Very kind of you to say so. Being out, visible, and accepted* was truly great.

      * No special treatment, just people talking to you as they would normally. Well, in the north ;-)

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  2. Funny how some words never made it across the pond or at least to Cali....like lurgi, and lemsip.

    You rock that skirt and red top. Go get your birthday money and get it. If you don't, I will....but by the time I get there it will be crazy out of style.

    Surviving the snow?

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    1. Would a guide to slang be useful? I say this without sarcasm. :-)

      Lurgi... an unknown infection. Sometimes a bad cold, or stomach upset.

      Lemsip is a brand of cold relief. Other lemon flavoured paracetamol infused beverages are also available.

      Thanks for the kind words re skirt and top. Apologies for the confusion, as that's what I wore to go shopping. Funny how tucking a top in changes the look.

      The snow is going slowly, add luckily there's not so much to clog up the roads. Nottingham tends to escape the worst weather, IMHO. Mind you, it is mostly 0C, so a touch bracing. Still, better cold than hot! :-)

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