Friday, July 24, 2015

Mr.... Smith, I presume?


Subject to Blogger's scheduling system, you should be reading this, while I and the Jones Massive are lording it up on summer holiday. Those of you of a certain age, may wish to hum Cliff's eponymous critique of the yearly trip. While, those of another age, may supplement The Young Ones as a backing group. ("Did you just call me a b*stard?!"). Lastly, those of you under 40, or not from the UK, may consider what on earth I'm prattling on about and skip to the next paragraph. :-)

The next paragraph is a bit further down....

T'other day, a news stories popped into my social media feed. Entitled I was Transgender and Didn't Know it... I'd suggest you have a read, if only to distract you from my gibbering.

Done yet? I'll assume you have, not that it matters if you've skipped it. :-) I'll state that I'm trans-something-or-other, in that I'm conscious that different people read different things into labels. Whatever badge you care to pin on me - perhaps like some politically sensitive Pin the Tail on the Minority  - there will be someone who doesn't agree with the definition, or even the labelling. But, moving on, one thing I can agree on: I'm not 100% bloke in my head. There's some influence in there, that makes me disinterested in 'being a lad', sport, cars and sexual conquests. Truth by told, it might be more that I'm a geek, and the trans stuff is just rather fabulous icing on an already tilted cup-cake....

Gah, I've lost my train of thought. [ drinks tea ] Ah. It was behind the saucer, under the chocolate biccie. Yeah, so I wouldn't say I'm trans as in need-to-transition-trans, but somewhere on the spectrum. After reading the above Didn't Know It article, I looked back at some of the stories the Chameleons folk have shared with me, and a little bit of my own.

I think the earliest I knew something was different, was the second or third year of primary school. I also knew that a small boy with a curious interest in pretty things, was something you kept quite about. The 70s was (sadly) rife with homophobia and even at a young age, you'd hear grown ups talk about "he's one of them' or "bats for the other side.". I didn't know what One of Them was, but from their tone, it didn't seem a good thing.

About this time, and in a city, somewhere far, far away. There was a house somewhere in inner city Nottingham. Gentlemen who were 'in the know' would occasionally frequent this venue. Men would arrive and would then, to use a well know phrase, slip into something for comfortable. Hours would be spent, socialising and mixing with other trans people. They'd be away from society, because the Good Old Days weren't good to everyone.

I only know of the above, from a chat from a self-described irregular regular at Chameleons. I very much doubt Miss R visited (too young) and we only have whispers and, possibly, legend to go on.

I wonder who lives in the property now. Are they aware of the history? Where they even part of it? Maybe we need a new additions to Blue Plaques that include this pre-Out history. So much was hidden, and to an extent, still is. We've still a long way to go. We're getting there.

Take care,

Friday, July 17, 2015

Summer days


This week has been a bit of a gift. Firstly, I've had three days at home, so I can attend a virtual training course. One of those modern things, where instead of community to spend most of the day in front of a computer screen, you - ummm - stay at home in front of a computer screen. :-)

I am, however, doing the process and the trainer a disservice and only from a (weak) comedy angle. In fairness, these remote training sessions mean I can balance home and work life, without any major difficulties on either side. For those of you with a technical bend (Ed: ooh, Matron!), this course was on Cloud Services. There were a large number of people on the course, who've moved a lot of their IT systems to these external hosts. It seems the idea of a traditional 'server room' at work, filled with winking (read it carefully) lights and expensive kit, seem to be waning (steady). Give it a few years and maybe some companies will have no servers on site. Then give if a few years more and the trend will reverse. That's IT for you. :-)

Other than the training, the weather's not been too bad, so I've been able to get out for a walk around the village (willage?) and the countryside. This, for me, is a very nice change from the dash to the canteen, or walk-of-fire through the industrial estate to a nearby sandwich shop. All reasons to be cheerful. :-)

The Trans Force continue to be illusive, but I'm trying to just accept and move on. In the past, when the training has hit something I knew, I'd experiment with make-up, or sort out my wardrobe. This time, I didn't do any of that, which means I can concentrate on what I need to and I don't have to worry about home deliveries or tidying up, before everyone comes home.

I think the closest I've got to any cross-dressing, has been trying on some false nails I found in the cupboard. They certainly reduced my typing speed. How do people manage? Is it a training thing? :-) Silliness aside, while they were somewhat of a clash to the Dad shorts I was wearing; they felt right. I guess to some people, wearing them may seem odd, but to me, they're just another part of my wardrobe.

So, all is ticking along and I'm only a few days away from the family holiday. Good times.


Friday, July 10, 2015

Nurse, she's out of bed again.


Q. What do you call a cross dresser who doesn't dress?

If the answer is 'cross' then the hat certainly fitted earlier in the week. Thankfully, I have now calmed down a bit. I guess I was feeling stuck in the rat race. A silly prison of my own making. The feeling that it's the same ol, same ol loop. At least, if you're not thinking right and you start looking at things the wrong way.

What can you do? I suppose, rebel in little ways by not allowing yourself to be stuck. Doing things like a different route to work, buying your lunch from different places and trying to get out of the office. Make changes where you can and try to do the things I enjoy: reading, talking to people, a bit of gaming here and there. Oddly, that all seemed to help. It's certainly kept me out of the dark woods.

Cheer up, you arse
Mind you, I still don't have my trans mojo back, so it was a bloke mode visit to Chams. Maybe it's fallen down the sofa, or got lost in the Narnia-like depths of my second wardrobe. Wherever it is, the good news is that I've saved a mint on summer clothes and there's been a lot less rushing around, getting ready. I've certainly enjoyed not sweltering under a wig, during the hot weather. Mind you, the Centre now has air-con, so small mercies eh?

Anyhoo, a night out chatting was a welcome change. I also got to take a few snaps for people (hi Val), which brings me back to trying to do things for people. Perhaps I could do with the karma, as I handed over the lock-up keys to the group. Usually I lock up because I'm always last to get changed and I'm fairly regular. Hand them over I did (/Yoda) because it's holiday for the Jones Massive in a few weeks. Some time away with our new hound - a new addition to the family - may just what I need. Then, we're back for a bit during the summer holidays and we're off for a short break. The Ever Lovely Mrs J will be away on a conference, and the nippers and I will fly over with her. Should be fun!

I look back a wonder how I could stop; put being trans behind me and 'be normal'. Now, here I am, not dressing up and I'm wondering why. What a headf*** :-) Mind you, this still makes more sense than cheering 22 men chase a ball between some wooden posts. :-P

Take care,

Friday, July 03, 2015



Larks, it's late and the unwelcome side of too warm. However, the weather's on the turn, so I'm hopeful it'll be a bit cooler. It's also the weekend, so no rushing about to meetings, or the school run. Just time with the Jones Massive. All things to look forward to.

Little Miss performed in her school concert and I was very proud of her. Doubly so because she didn't play a recorder. ;-)

The pressure from work seems to be clearing a little and for that, I'm very grateful. I also had a long chat with a work mate. Not around work issues, but a twenty minute chat and much silliness and laughter. Odd, when you get stuck under a cloud, I forget what it is to make others laugh, or just listen to them talk. I find it's a welcome distraction from the noise in my own head.

So, here's to cooler temperatures and welcome distractions.