Friday, May 15, 2015

Worry less and do more


Last night was time for Chameleons, and while I've managed to remove all traces of my rather nice, silver nail polish. I've not done such a good job, shifting the bike oil. Luckily, I'm not a closet bicycle repairman, I'm not sure I could handle the stress. Hiding your overalls, making sure your fingers are free from oil and being able to walk by a tool rack, without looking wistful..... Okay, that's enough with that silliness. :-)

On Wednesday, I was both unpacking and repacking my night out bag. Time had run away with me and while I'd remembered to hang up my wig, the rest of last time's items, were still carefully folded up. There I knelt, looking at a few key items and then I had one of those little moments. You may, or may not, have had one. The shoulders drop a little, you let out a sigh and ask yourself Why am I doing this?

Suspending political correctness for a moment, lets look at some harsh facts. I'm a bloke, a little on the non-thin side, balding and I'm sat pondering what women's clothes, I'll be wearing, in a community centre, for all of three to four hours. When doubts like that creep in, I guess I can see why some people, may be a little baffled by why we trans folk, do what we do. Hell, I still can't explain it.

When things like this happen, I push the negative thoughts aside, finish what I'm doing and then go have a cup of tea. Yes, I am British: so sue me :-) I'm sure there would be less trouble in the world, if we could all take a moment, have a brew and think things through a little more. Not, that that has helped the English, we seem to have invaded, or been a war with most countries on the globe. :-)

Doubts aside, I made my way up to Nuthall and bumped into Pat and Kim, in the upstairs changing room. Despite an issue free chest strimming at the start of the week, my body decided to save up a break-out for Thursday morning. Yeah, thanks immune system. You still narky there's pollen about? :-) To top is off, my love of pies and lack of exercise - more on that later - has meant that a favourite ditzy print dress, is not going to fit Yours Truly, unless I get my (lardy) arse into gear....

[ ...which explains the oil marked fingernails. I've been repairing my bike, after going for a ride and the chain snapped. Still, I did get a good long walk and I didn't have to carry my bike home. Small mercies eh? :-) ]

Plan B was a floaty top (no, you can see what looks like the Eye of Sauron on my chest) and that didn't work, so Plan C: mum-nextdoor-shirt, shorts and footless tights.... which, although this felt a bit Last Chance Saloon, I was pleased with. Funny how you have to make do and are then happy with the result. Hobson's Choice, perhaps? :-)

I had a good chat with a few of the new visitors and a really long chat with one girl, Vicky, about role-playing games and her background. Sometimes, it's like that, you just get talking and off the conversation goes. I also sold Kim my old wig, the long brown one that just wasn't quite working for me. Of course, it looked fab on her - and I'm not saying that for the sale. She seemed happy with it.

After that, it was time to tidy up, then retreat to the stairs for a quick photo or nine (thanks Val!), before locking the place up.

All in all, well worth the faffing about.

Take care,

Friday, May 08, 2015

Not happy


Last week I was wondering what to prattle on about and this week, I'd been trying to keep an open mind, about this, that & the other. I guess I'll be saving those such ideas for a rainy day..... although we've had a few recently. It's bloomin' cold for May - so much for spring fashion. Most people seem to have gone back to their winter wardrobes. :-)

I'll warn you in advance, this will be about politics and if you don't like reading about it, don't :-)

Often, I write about things from an emotional stance. Often the cause of a post is around how I feel, such as a good night out, or something good in my life, like time with the Jones Massive. Take for example, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones's birthday the other day. That went well, with much relaxation for her, cuddles from the kids and presents from a hubby who not only gets the size right, but knows her tastes in clothes & jewellery. See, ladies, it's not all bad news being married to a part time trans person. :-)

Moving on, and skipping away from the bright, pleasant meadows of family memory, to the Mordor-like clouds that boil across the sky of my current mood. Let me put it this way: I was hoping we'd be shot of the current government.

Yes, I'm left wing and yes, I think those worse off than me should be looked after. I've had the bad luck to require a visit to the NHS. When Wee Man was tiny, we went though the NHS Direct system, because he had a dangerously high fever. Then again, there was the time of the car accident. Later, to help me get out from under the Curse of the Black Dog and many years ago, when the NHS pulled out all the stops, to keep my sister alive.

We're comfortably well off. I live in a beautiful part of England and life is good. I have no problem paying a bit more tax, to ensure that those less well off are looked after. I certainly had a number of payments, back when I was out of work and looking for a job. The government looked after me, sure money was tight, but we weren't out on the street. I know my sister has also been through the Council's emergency housing system.

The more I look to the current government, the more I see the want to slash those services that look after people and to let business take advantage. Zero hour contracts and tax loopholes, which very big companies - I've not even mentioned banks, yet :-) - enjoy flexible accounting, that the rest of us would probably be locked up for.

Yeah, life's good when you're minted: but what if you're not born into money, or you lose it? Life, or Fate, if you believe in that, can be cruel. Shouldn't we be doing out bit to keep everyone healthy, rather than selling services off, and putting money before people? That, if you pardon the pun, sickens me.

So, yeah, I'm pissed off about it. I have a problem with anyone who puts money before people.

I'm off to have a large gin and try to calm down.

Take care,

Friday, May 01, 2015

Travel in hope


This is a somewhat late post. The week has been fairly busy and if I'm honest, my brain is a bit fried from use. Lots of meetings and planning events, but, for me, that's better than the old stuff. Yes, I'm well out of my comfort zone, but I guess, it's good to try new things. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

I've also moved to a new office. Quite a distance from the old one, so I'm in with some new folk and I've been made to feel welcome - which is nice. The office is also much more of a male/female mix, which I prefer. The last one, I think there was just one lady, on her own. There is also, air con, which the rest of the building so needs. Cold, I can wrap up for. Heat, just makes me go 'meh' and I switch off :-)

Thinking about comfort zones, I wonder how much being trans has helped me move? I mean, not so much the 'I need to prove myself'. Moreover, if I wanted to get out, either of the closet, to a support group, or elsewhere; there's no one to do it for you. You just have to plan a bit, take a deep breath and push yourself.

I'm not saying I'm go getting. I'm really quite laid back. I guess what I am saying, is that if you want to be more 'out there', from a trans perspective; you have to push yourself. Yes, it's scary and yes, it will be tricky in places. Think of it as a struggle up a steep hill. There will be false summits and maybe you'll go the wrong way sometimes. Maybe you'll meet people walking and they will take other paths. Thing is, once you get so far, you'll be able to look back and, just maybe, see how far you've come.

Enjoy the view. It's better to travel in hope, than to arrive :-)