Thursday, December 31, 2009

"I looked him right in the eye and said 'goodbye'."

Hi folks,

Once again, Old Father Time will soon be hanging up his scythe and going through one more regeneration as he does so. It doesn't seem long since it was the year 2000 and all the fun & games that went along with that. I wonder if he ever fancies a turn as Young Miss Time? If so, he'll probably have to have to do the same work but take a pay cut. Hmm... that does read a bit bitter doesn't it? But if I put a smilie on there, people may get the wrong idea and think I'm taking the p*ss.


Let's move on eh? :)

Wow. 10 years. It's a cliche but they seem to have gone by so quickly. Speaking - or rather writing - personally, so much has changed. Back at the end of 99, there was just me and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. Now there's an extra two people under our roof. Both Wee Man and Little Miss have come on - I'm fighting the urge to use the well loved line of leaps & bounds - but they really have. It's been a joy to watch them take their first steps, learn to talk and just approach life with a sense of joy. Sure, there's been tears before bedtime and the odd dose of shouting: but in the main, I manage to behave :D

House-wise, we're still in the same home as before, although there's been a far bit of alteration done to these old bricks. A new roof, two extensions and it's looking like the kitchen and bathroom are ready to be renovated too. We've swapped the bedrooms around and so far so good. Part of this is I can't abide the hassle of moving and we seem pretty settled with the school and position for both of our jobs.

From a trans point of view, I think things have changed massively. Back in 2000, yes, I was 'out' to Mrs Jones, but I only ever got dressed up when she wasn't in. I didn't go out. Looking back, I think I was coping... no, make that mostly coping, but.... this part of my life was far from sorted. On the plus side, I had a job which gave me the luxury of flexible working hours and many mornings, I'd be in late following an early morning session of dressing up. It helped, but something was missing. Sure, I was on-line, but really on the fringes. I didn't join any forums until 2004 and I started blogging in 2005.

Talking of 'on-line' the rise of broadband, web 2.0 and to an extent - wireless - has changed my life. I spend a large proportion of my own time on the Internet: social sites, email and forums. Indeed, I think other than kids, having 'always on' Internet access has been one of the biggest changes to how I live my life. Mrs Jones and I watch a lot less TV, indeed, she has her own laptop and will often be doing something else while the Idiot Lantern burbles in the background. :) If we miss something, there's always iPlayer, although the proliferation of digital TV, chances are they'll be a repeat later in the week.

Just the other day, the family were snuggled up on the sofa flicking though the (digital) photos of Christmas. In the previous decade, we would have had to post a film off and wait while the postman delivered the results. Now: it's just click and view. You're no longer limited by 24 or 48 images and can just keep going. Did trannys rejoice when digital cameras took off? :) Then there's cameras in mobiles: how much has the news been affected by eye witness footage? Technology eh? It almost moves as quickly as fashion. :P

Talking of fashion, big boots + skinny jeans/leggings are still on the go. Is the Ugg boot the look of the noughties? Since the recession, fashion - at least to my untrained eye - seems to have slowed down a little. Before the downturn, there seemed to be a push on high-speed micro-trends. And now? I get this vibe that there's more mixing and matching going on. Perhaps that's why the skinny jean / leggings thing has kept on as long as it has. Personally, I find a fair bit of fun in that: making up a new look with older items. Sure, I like new clothes - and who doesn't? - but you've got to watch the pennies and when you get stuck on the wheel of new-new-new, I think there's a risk you don't take time to enjoy what you have.

Going back to the trans stuff, I went through all the usual hoops: lurking on forums, reading & (occasionally) writing pulp tranny fiction, knickers under suit, being worried when I shopped for clothes and dreaming - yes, literally day dreaming - of the idea of going out or socialising with others like me. Pretty run of the mill stuff. I won't dis that behaviour because some people are either working through the same sh** I have or are happy like that. I won't look down on it and all I can say is that it wasn't enough for me. I still felt disconnected, dressing up 'part of the way' didn't really help. I wasn't 100% sure what I wanted, but I knew where I was wasn't where I wanted to be.

The very start of this blog (back in 2005) hints at some of the inner processes that were going on as I stepped out for the first time. Man, that feels a long time ago. I remember the fear I felt in waiting to ask Mrs Jones if it would be okay. Yes, it was a case of asking, because there are two of us in this relationship - okay, sometimes it feels like three :) - and I didn't want to go behind her back again (Ed: she'd done that once before and... major guilt trip). I wanted to be honest and I hoped for two things: one, she'd say okay (Ed: like duh) and two, that when I went out, it would be what I wanted. I got both, lucky b*tch that I am. :) I'm (still) married, with two nippers and I have some good (trans) friends to boot. There's been the odd kick to the happy sacks by the Fates, but in the main, life is good.

Sorry if this has been a bit one sided, but this is a blog :) Yet Another Tranny Girl Blog at that. Cliches and stereotypes exist for a reason - even if we don't want to admit that they're a little too close for comfort. :) So to wind this up, I hope that whatever journey you are on, you get to travel safely and arrive in style. Good luck to each of you for the new year.

Take care

[ Today's lyric: Down In It by Nine Inch Nails ]

Thursday, December 24, 2009

Merry Christmas

Dear all,

A quick post this time around - at least, unless my imagaination runs away with me. :0) I guess the title says it all, but I do hope the festive period is good to you and that 2010 goes well too.

Thanks for taking the time to read this wee blog of mine over the year (Ed: years?) and posting comments: questions, wit and suggestions.

Take care,

Friday, December 18, 2009

"But the wind goes right through you,
It's no place for the old,"


It's bloomin' freezing at the mo! :) I'm sat with two jumpers and a fleece on, but I'm still feeling the cold. Then again, I've always been a bit of a nesh* bugger :) There's talk about a little snow - well, actually quite a lot of snow - according to the weather, but I won't be digging out my snowshoes just yet.

(Ed: a propensity for feeling the cold - for the benefit of our overseas readers :D )

Like a good bonfire, I find snow rather magical. Yes, I know technically speaking there's nothing special about frozen water falling in unique fractal shapes :-P It's more than the land is transformed from what you see when you look out of the window to something fresh and so new. Plus, snow swallows sound and the world feels different. Perhaps I wouldn't be in such a good mood if I had to go to work in it. :)

So, are you all sorted for Christmas? Here at Chez Jones we're just about done. Just a few small items to get - which we can do via the supermarket - and we're good to go. Just the wrapping to sort out then. That'll be a task and a half. Still, with a few tunes on the MP3 player, the time will go by quick enough. Mind you, this time next week it'll all be over. I hope you get (and have given) something nice.

I'm hopeful that Mrs Jones will enjoy her lot this Christmas. That's not to say that she doesn't normally, far from it, but there's always that little wedge of doubt: is this any good? Will she be happy with X? Still, if I didn't care, maybe that would be a sign of a) being a smug pillock or b) not caring - and that's simply not true. (Ed: or (c) - both :P).

Maybe it's a trans thing, but I don't mind looking through the racks of skirts and tops, or at the seemingly endless variety of slap - sorry, make-up - that I could buy Mrs Jones. Actually, putting it like that, it must be a trans thing :-) While browsing, I did find a very cute dark red skirt (in the sale too!), although it was - *honestly* - only in my size. That did go in the shopping basket. A bit naughty, but I did buy two extra gifts to cover it.

That leads me on to something Alex (thanks misses!) posted this week about entitled What is Gender? The source is from a specialist - at least to my untrained eye - and makes for very interesting reading. Well, it is if you like that type of thing. I know I do. :) A number of bits had me nodding and thinking about friends and also myself. The idea that elements of who you are will shine through - the old cliche of the truth will out. That and when you can start to be yourself, the feeling of being at ease with who you are, drives you onwards. The old analogy of a dam and a torrent of water bursting out springs to mind. After all that time couped up, you want to be free. Of course, there's a price for that freedom, but such is life. Sometimes it's compromise, sometimes you lose people. I guess it comes down to how badly you want to be you.
I think I know where I stand now: I'm somewhere in between the two poles and that's not necessarily a bad place. While articles like the above won't give you all the answers, I find comfort in them. I find that there's a reason for my behaviour. I'm this way because of Nature, it's not any one's fault. If there's no fault, then there can be no blame. If there is no blame, should there be any guilt?

So that's me done for another week and as next Friday it'll all be over bar the turkey sarnies, may I wish you all a very merry Christmas. I hope you get something nice in your stocking (sheer or otherwise :D ) and if you're troubled at all, you find a bit of festive peace coming your way.

Merry Christmas,

[ Today's lyric: Fairytale of New York by The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl ]

Friday, December 11, 2009

"You got me spinnin', baby
You know I'm in a trance"


I've started and re-started this post a few times, but there's something missing from the previous drafts. I guess.... I guess it's that I can't quite capture the excitement from the Chameleon's Christmas Party, so you'll just have you use your imagination and bear with me :)

Given that there was some setting up to do, I managed to swing an early pass. As luck would have it, Wee Man was singing in his school production. I saw him (and the rest of the school) perform earlier in the week and they were very good. I know you're supposed to say that as a parent, but he really did give it his all. I was really proud of him.

So, Wee Man dropped off, I over up to Nuthall to help with the setting up. I met Shimmer* and Katie (mum + son respectively - *sorry real names escape me right now!) waiting while the Keep Fit Crew occupied the main function room. I hung around to help put tables and chairs out, while the disco was set up and Sandy sorted out the food. Once the necessaries were taken care of, I popped upstairs to get fabulous. :)

Gaynor was already there - looking rather fab - as I started to get changed. Tonight's outfit was a re-run of the pink dress (from M & S), black opaques and my suede stilettos. After my chat with the ladies in Boots, I tried a darker lipstick and gloss to give it a bit of shine. The blackberry nail varnish looked rather good... IMO :)

Talking of Boots. Lots of (trans) people went in after their visit (including me) and had a pleasant chat with the staff. Tracey (and Sarah) went last week (in trans-mode) to do a spot of shopping and say hello. They also got to meet the manager and were able to sing the praises of how well the night had gone. I'm glad they got to do that, because the make-up ladies really did get stuck in and we all had a good laugh. There's talk about another - and longer - make-up evening next year. As a side note, I got another round of thanks at the party which made me blush. All of the above happened because a friend there, Alison, asked on the forum, if anyone knew of any shops who offered make-up advice. I sent an email to Boots and the rest is history. :)

Back to the party and Shimmer had got the music going when I got downstairs. The place was getting busier and busier as the time passed. I swapped to my dancing shoes as the heels where beginning to cramp my toes (we suffer for fashion, don't we? :D) and because requests were being taken for what tracks we'd like. I said hello to a few people... including Sophie H who'd come along for her first visit. We also had a visit from the ladies from Hot Hair. They'd brought some stock along and - bless them - stayed on to have a bit of a boogie.

We had a raffle which helps to top up the funds and as way of a change, a musical party game. Basically, Shimmer would play a short burst of a well known pop track and you had to do the dance that went with it. We had the Birdie Song (pop hell), Agadoo (roll for SAN loss!), Hokey Cokey (your other left!), the Can-Can (my heels stayed on!), YMCA (easy enough) and just when I was expecting the Time Warp - the cheeky lass - played stripper music! Cue much joking about, although thankfully, everyone kept their clothes on. :) It was all done in good fun and after that, the music kicked back in and off we went.

Various party faves and some 'beat up' 70s/80s numbers (not sure who mixed that Depeche Mode track! :D). My favourite track of the night was Knock on Wood, there's something about the pounding beat of that number. I dunno.... in the words of Baloo: I'm gone, man. Solid gone. :) Luckily when reality returned, no-one was injured... always a plus :) Sophie managed to capture the insanity of some the night (thanks chuck!). Thankfully there's no video feed of me dancing. :)

It was all a bit of a blur once the music got going... and I hadn't had anything alcofrolic to drink either. The evening flew by and it was time to say our goodbyes and Merry Christmas's. Upstairs once again to get changed and pack things away. That's it for this year, but what a way to go out! Take about ending on a high.

My feet still hurt... but that makes me smile when I think about why.

Take care,

[ Today's Lyric: Knock On Wood by Amii Stewart ]

Friday, December 04, 2009

Here's your ticket,
Hear the drummer get wicked!


December is truly upon us: the wind's bitter cold, there's decorations galore, fancy frocks are in the windows, party invitations are doing the rounds and the Easter Eggs are in the shops. Actually, the latter may not be true :)

Just as sports folk like the early summer months - or so it seems - so the early winter season is truly transtastic. Cosy clothes, warm boots and of course, the cherry on the top of it all: the party season. Outfits are glam and heels are high. All good stuff.

To add to all this, at least for yours truly here, is the chance for a dance. (Ed: ooo, unexpected sh** poetry). As a kid I was pretty shy and retiring, but in my teens I discovered night clubs and that was the end of the wallflower behaviour. Once I hear a tune I like, I'm gone. I've no doubt I'll become - if I'm not already - the embarrassing Dad at a family disco. Okay, not quite, I can reel myself in when I have to, but the urge to want to dance is pretty strong.

So you can imagine the so build of delight at the thought of a night out (Chams Xmas Do!) with good friends and the clear and present danger of sore feet from dancing until I'm out of breath.

Okay, while it's not going to be anything like a superclub - as far as I know - it's enough for me. Let's just hope it doesn't go all 'Pete Tong' :) (Ed: that's "wrong" for our overseas readers).

Take care,

[ Today's lyric: Welcome to the Terrordome by Public Enemy ]