Friday, July 25, 2008

"Safe in the knowledge there will always be
a bit of my heart devoted to it.."

Summer greetings!

Is there such a thing as summer greetings? Well, there's Seasonal Greetings for Christmas, so why not something for Summer eh? :-) Phew! It's really warming up isn't it. I hope it stays nice for the weekend. It would be nice to head out for a bit of parklife and let the kids enjoy themselves.

Anywho... Last week Rachel's comments on the theory that cross-dressing (or being transgendered if you prefer) may not be nurture, but something we are born into. Certain it explains a few home truths! I would also wager it shows its better to feel it rather than fight it (to mangle some words from Primal Scream). To my tranny intuition (!!) this feels right in someway. The anecdotal evidence - as we mentioned last week - is quite strong, but that doesn't make my comments a valid nor accurate study.

Don't worry, I'll get to the point in a minute! :) While I was out enjoying a chat and a cake at Chams (in fabby fave new top) last night (great turnout by the way), the BBC ran a programme featuring John Barrowman. For those of you who aren't from the UK or don't follow Dr Who / Torchwood / I'll Do Anything / The Kids Are Alright (okay - I don't watch the last two), John's a big strapping 50s pin-up of a guy who happens to be gay. Some folk have a problem with the character he plays - Captain Jack - but honestly I think it drags the show forward, but that's not what I wanted to chat about.

No, the programme - which I'm hoping to catch on iPlayer - details the recent research into how the hormones you are subjected to as an unborn child affect you. New Scientist had reported on studies showing the differences in straight vs gay brains a few years ago. Clearly, research waits for no man and the results are in.

Hopefully I won't upset to many folk with this next bit. Where are we trannys in this avenue of research? Do we have a bit of female brain wrapped up along side our male traits? Are we not quite female centric enough to be truly gay or bi? Have we by some quirk of fate had our brains feminised just a bit to make us this way? One thing's for sure, I'm not going to find the answers rattling around in my brain. I shall leave that to the professionals.... cue theme music!! :-D

Take care

[ Lyrics: Parklife by Blur. This one kinda ticks both boxes: going out on Thursday and the weekend. Ah, musical puns eh? :-) Cheesily Cheerful and all that! ]

[ Update: Wow. Some of the tests from the shrinks - like spacial skills and wordage - plus the childhood stories are ringing a few bells. LOL Damn. I think I might a closet Scotsman :-) ]

Friday, July 18, 2008

"I could stop if I wanted too..."


I'm going to do something bad. I'm going to break one of the unwritten rules of the Man Code. Mind you, I'm only a member by default and my heart was never really in it. I like shopping rather than sport and my map reading skills are terrible. Still, I can open a jar of pickles and re-wire a plug, so I'm not ready to switch over just yet :-)

Where were we? Oh yes, one of the rules is that what you hear when your mates are drunk stays between you. I suppose a snappier line would be: what's said in the pub, stays in the pub. :) I'm not a big drinker and getting p*ssed up isn't really my thing but it had been a while since we'd all met up, so why not stop off for a bevvie?

What's the big secret then? Okay. Affairs. It seems that a few folk (no names) have been playing away. One wife knows and they were (rightly so) repercussions. Two partners don't and these other affairs have now ended. So this is 4 blokes out of a group of 12 who've *ahem* strayed in the last ten years. Does this blode well for men or long term relationships I wonder? Still, the activity isn't limited to men, I know a married lady who ran off with another chap.

So why am I blabbing this? Not to have some rant about cheating b*stards that's for sure. Yes, it's cheating, but should I judge? No, I don't think it's my place and I'm close to some of my mates. I don't approve - as I know a couple of the wives in question - but lay into them? What would be the point?

Interestingly - and even with a bit of chemical fire in our bellies - the mood wasn't accepting. No, it was far more a confessional than boasting. There was none of this 'good on yer' back slapping. Conversation was muted and it took a while for the group to return to the banter we'd started the evening off on. You could see people weighing up their thoughts as the night progressed.

For a split second I found myself sat on a high-horse... only to slip off. I'd never cheat on my wife, I felt like saying. But then another thought hit me: what if I already am? What I do, who I am - a tranny - is for some partners, beyond the pale. It can be as much a breach of trust as having it away with your secretary. I suppose the thing is you don't know what's going on in your mate's heads. Heh - something I am grateful for when thinking about a night out with the 'girls'. :-)

But like an affair, a relationship can survive you coming out. I know a few couples where they are still together. There are varying levels of acceptance, but I think you have to count your blessings. A cliche, yes, but I'd rather compromise than drive the ever lovely Mrs Jones away. Luckily for me, I never had the ultimatum of 'it or me'. I think that's one of the lines a tranny would hate to hear.

Honestly. Could I stop? No, for me: to stop, throw everything away and turn my back on the friends I've made. I think it would be just too much. That's a long, dark road and one I hope I keep on passing by.

My that was chirpy wasn't it? :-)

Take care,

[ Today's lyric: Just One Fix by Ministry ]

Friday, July 11, 2008

"Walking round the room singing stormy weather..."

Howdy y'all,

Another week zips by eh? Where does the time go? It's funny, I think as an adult time moves differently than when you where a child. Well, okay, the perspective of time at least :-) As a child, time would (on occasion) *really* drag. You know, certain lessons, queuing, is it Xmas yet? Whereas as a adult time seems to be the opposite: it zips by and there doesn't seem to be enough of it. Even with that extra 25th hour, I think they'd be stuff that just didn't get done. But then, how much of what we do is important in the big picture?

There was a good turnout at Chams the other night - quite a packed event in many ways. I met a couple of new people, Sarah and Cherrie (thanks for the nail varnish remover, Cherrie!). In a nod to the 80s, I'd gone for leggings and a long top. Such is fashion eh? Apart from the usual witty banter and chat, the group decided that next month we'd have a party. After chucking about a few ideas for a theme, we settled on 'movie stars'. Someone suggested a Chewbacca outfit but if so, that's going to be one hell of a waxing appointment. :D Now, the questions are who to go as and how to put the outfit together? Something to think about during meetings eh? :)

While driving through the rain the other day, I found myself pondering how much of a link there is between fashion and our climate. Yes, I appreciate it's quite obvious when you consider it in terms of 'what to wear today'. However, I was thinking a bit broader than that. What if you lived in a climate where it was less varied than the UK? I wonder what it's like for countries (and TG people in those countries) where the seasons are less defined. I mean make-up and a wig during the hot months? No thanks! :) Then there's all that skin that's bared when in hotter climes. Equally, in a cold climate those summer dresses aren't going to be of much use. While we may live in a world of global branding, some items are just not going to sell well.

While I do look at other people's blogs, the places I go to a pretty much limited to the ones written in English (Ed: Babelfish? What's that then?). I wonder what it's like to be a tranny in another country? Africa, Japan, Sweden or South America for example? Perhaps there's a bit of homework. :D

Take care,

[ Today's lyric: Weather with you by Crowded House ]

Friday, July 04, 2008

"Hurry hurry hurry before I go insane"

Hey ppl,

Time for a bit of navel gazing this time around. Not so much the "what's wrong with us?" vibe, I - like so many others - seem to have cleared that hurdle for a bit. Will it come round again because most tracks are circular, who can say? Possibly, but let's enjoy the moment eh? :)

Anywho, I was walking to an appointment the other day, enjoying the sights of the city: people watching, fashion spotting and taking in views of buildings (what's new, what's changed, what hasn't). It struck me how much I don't take in when I take the car. Clearly, your eyes are on the road - or the side mirrors - so there's obviously little time for window gazing and I think this is a real shame. There's just a brief pause at traffic lights or roundabouts where you see faded posters, litter or folk walking by.

So the walk around the outskirts of town - as I arrived early (by bus) - was very refreshing. Just the simple act of not being in the office or bolting a sarnie at my desk, seemed to do the power of good. I didn't have to be anywhere - well, not for a good 40 minutes :) - and that felt very nice indeed. I could, I suppose, checked out the shops, but why bother? There was nothing I needed, not really, and taking that chunk of an hour to do nothing cleared the cobwebs away. Perhaps I should do it more often! :)

I guess that goes against the 'hurry sickness' that I read about. Clearly it's not a physical condition, but a state of mind. It's one that I see in my own life and that of friends and colleagues. The push to get to the next meeting, the seemingly endless information overload of email. As technology makes things quicker, so we seem to speed up to match. I do wonder if they'll reach a point where we can't cope with all the data coming in. One thing I do know, if I need to get work done, I have to shutdown my email client and put the telephone on silent. It's a strange world where you can get more done away from the office, than when you are in it.

Still, a full two days off... and the sun is shining.

Take care,

[ Today's lyric: I Wanna Be Sedated by The Ramones.]