Friday, August 24, 2007

"She's got herself a universe gone quickly"

Hi peeps,

It's been warp factor 5 this week. I think we all have times like these. Times where the clock seems to tick away and you're always behind, dashing to complete a task and then zooming off to be somewhere else. I'm just glad it's a long weekend.... and fingers crossed for some good weather eh? :-)

I've been tagged by Emma over this 8 questions thingy. So, on with the facts:

  1. Shall we start with the numbers? I'm 34 (Carter USM territory )

  2. I'm a parent. For a long time I thought I wouldn't be, but it's great. Difficult, yes, sometimes, but fun.

  3. I'm a Virgo.... which makes my head rule my heart. Obviously not quite enough
    to make me discount astrology completely though. :-)

  4. I'm part English, Scots and a little bit Irish. Ironically - given my surname
    - I've no Welsh blood.

  5. I went to an all boys grammar school (boy, did I fit right in!).

  6. I used to be a role player. (2D6 Orc trannys. Treasure type C).

  7. I'm a fast typist (my first job was in a secretarial pool. Hmmm... sounds
    like some iffy tranny fiction doesn't it!)

  8. I used to have very long hair but now I have a skin head.
There you go; 8 facts all about little old me. So, who can I pass this one on to? Ummm... in alphabetical order: ChrisieJessica, Jo, Maddie, Pandora, Rachel, Samantha and (last but not least) Sandi.

I hope you have a good weekend and over to you good people!

[ Today's lyric is from Queen Madge - sorry, Madonna, and Ray of Light ]

Friday, August 17, 2007

"Praise you..."

Hi peeps,

This is my third attempt at a blog tonight. The previous two attempts I found that I had run dry of things to talk about. I could blame it on work, but that wouldn't be 100% true. Some days, you don't have anything you want to get off your chest. I guess I'm just having a tranny duvet day.

I thought I'd catch up with what other folk have been up to. I headed into Chrissy's blog (which is always good for a read) and I was.... [sighs] here words begin to fail me. I appreciate that that's a bit melodramatic, but stay with me. I tell you what, why don't you go and read what happened and if you like, come back.

No really. Off you go. This'll make more sense if you do. It's not like this is going to evaporate.

Back huh? I felt shock first but now it seems to simmering into righteous anger. I must resist the urge to rant, but, no ***k it: I f***ing despise this pack mentality thing that some people have going on. Picking on people who are different or abusing those who know or who are related to that person... It is wrong.

People like Chrissy make it easier for the rest of us. They dare to do it FULL TIME, not the occasional swish down a far away shopping centre or a dash from the car to a nightclub. I'd like to point out that it's not about labels, it's about people just have the right to be who they need to be.

Sometimes I feel like there is a war going on. A war against the stupid, the ignorant and the bigots. Of course, in a war, there are casualties. Some of us pay very dearly for fighting who we want to be. The lucky ones - people like me and perhaps even yourself - float through life and never see that conflict.

Chrissy, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry it had to be you and yours.


[ No points today for guessing the title is from Fatboy Slim's track of the same name. Oddly, it's also from Camille Yarbrough's Take Yo Praise. I seem to recall that the subject of that song was Martin Luther-King (but I've been wrong before). Hmmm... Civil rights. ]

Friday, August 10, 2007

"I hear the roar of a big machine,
Two worlds and in between."


Blimey, where did the week go? I'm pretty sure I remember Monday coming around quite quickly and then everything else is a bit of a blur. Sorry today's post is a bit of a long one. Like last month's rain, the words just kept on coming.

Talking of the weather, the summer seems to have finally arrived in the UK. This is a rather nice change from the water and floods of yestermonth. Mind you, we got off quite lightly round here compared to certain areas of the country. I was talking to a chap down in Gloucester the other day and he was still waiting for the water to be declared safe.

I nipped out to visit Chams the other night and I had a very nice time. The weather being what it was, I just wasn't in the mood for all the finery so I went in bob mode (for a change). It's kinda weird doing that because when you go dressed up, it's a bit like a disguise in a way. Last time I went I got changed back in to bloke gear before leaving and one of the new ladies thought I was the caretaker. Perhaps it was the overalls and brush I had with me, but joking aside, there is I think quite a difference between the two appearances (Ed: bloody understatement!). It's odd because when you see yourself dressed up, you can look through the clothes (so to speak) and see the person underneath. Others, on the other hand, see the full display as it where and don't always make that leap.

Sadly Nottingham Pride didn't go quite as well for the group. While we did manage to get a leaflet together, we ran short of people to man the stall. I'm not going to grumble about it because it's one thing to be out and about, but quite another to front a stall for the general public. I guess we come back to that old mantra, don't ask anyone to do something you wouldn't do yourself. Maybe the leaflet can be re-used [shrug]. Perhaps I should put it on the web site as a PDF. Some to mull over the weekend.

Tranny Handbook?

Talking of help, Becky posted a piece on her blog about young trannys asking for advice. I think it's a bit of a tough one. Advice on what exactly? Dressing up tips? Coping strategies? How to dance in heels? Hell, I'd like to know some of those secrets! :-)

Looking at the matter seriously - and this followed a conversation I had with some of the new folk at Chams the other night - where do you start looking? I mean sure there are forums and things, but they can be rather scary and not always helpful. It's easy to get lost in the crowd in there. Some places are very nice and helpful while other times if you ask a frequently asked question, you can get a rather frosty response. I'm not keen on the latter because new blood keeps a site alive and really, good manners go a long way. We were all n00bs once! :-)

I suppose if you try and look at it from 'what if I was starting out today?' then it becomes a little easier. I know as a teenager the whole tranny think really freaked me out which seems pretty much par for the course. I have the occasional up & down but in the main, I think I'm mainly okay with it.

My main issue with it all is the thought of the upset I may be causing those close to me. However, short of stopping completely - which in my heart of hearts I know is never going to happen - what else can you do? Suppressing things just makes your miserable (note to self: see last month's post) and is a pointless exercise. So, the lesser of two evils: go out, have fun and come back in a cheery mood, or deny everything and turn into a right mardy so & so. That's not really any choice is it? :)

Okay... so how about these for starters. some are from my own fevered brain, others are things people have said to me:

Don't panic!

It's not as bad as you think. Yeah, it's not something your mates may do and Joe Public finds it rather amusing. Really though, is it doing anyone any harm? There are far worse things you could be doing to yourself or other people. I won't lie to you, there are times when you wish you were 'normal' but being TG is in your blood you can't escape it.

The Good...

Does that sound a bit like a curse? No, it's only bad news if you let it be. Speaking personally, I've had some truly wonderful times as a tranny. The fun of getting an outfit just right, the smile on your face when you finally workout how do your make-up without looking like Emily Howard or getting *those* shoes in the sale (and they fit!).

...The Bad...

There are times when I've jacked it all in and thrown everything out (a long, long time ago) in an effort to 'go straight'. It didn't last. I might as well have tried holding my breath. I let things get on top of me and in the end, I had to go and see someone to get my head straightened out. There's no shame in asking for help; sometimes you fall over and you need a little help getting back up. There are no bonus points for doing it all on your tod.

...And The Ugly

Try not to judge yourself against the photos you see on-line of other TG folk. Some people photograph really well, some are a dab hand at make-up and some are wizards with Photoshop. Good lighting, the right pose and the perfect shot make all the difference. If you like looking at photos, fair enough, but don't use them to mentally flog yourself. "I wish I looked that good!" Well, newsflash, chances are you unlikely to  unless you've got a couple of grand to spend on surgery or you're one of the 0.1 percent of the TG community who look *really* female. Maybe you should make the best of who you are because all the wishing in the world won't change anything.


I'm 30 something and like most TG folk out there I first became aware of who I was early on in life. So that's what? 25 years or so? That doesn't make me an expert and I don't profess to have all the answers. I can only pass on what worked for me and others. It may be very different for you because only you know what's right for you.

There is only one thing that will give you peace and that is acceptance. It won't be easy and there's no fast lane junior management track to get you there. It takes time and quite probably a few tears along the way, but one day you'll find that you just don't give a sh** about the bad things anymore. Maybe you'll find that its easier not to put a macho front and be who you are; no him/her, just a person with a touch more glamour than the next guy. Sure, you'll still have your off-days but that's part of living.

Oh, before I go, just one more thing (a la Colombo), if anyone says they have all the answers; don't believe them.  :-)


So that's it. I don't know if it'll make a lot of sense to folk out there, but it kept me interested for 10 minutes while I emptied my brain. Abuse, witty remarks and/or good ideas to the usual address.

Take care

[ Today's lyric is Lucretia, My Reflection by the Sisters of Mercy ]

Friday, August 03, 2007

"In this invisible world I choose to live in..."

Howdy folks,

How's it going? I hope you're enjoying the summer weather. It's actually not raining. Yippee!

It's been an interesting week - ummm - this week. On one hand it's been foot to the floor 0 to 80 progress at the work, yet on the other hand, not a lot has happened! Still, perhaps I should be glad for the quiet times. Quiet can be good, it means there's no heartbreak or drama going on. Instead, you just get to sit back and bask in life. Best enjoy it while I can! It's the little things isn't it. Little things like the most fantastic eyeliner I saw today on a young lady in the grocers. It was very cool. Maybe I should have asked how she did it. :-)

They really are super

There's no Sky or cable in our house (honestly, we're lucky to have power some weeks ), we're down with the Freeview Posse instead. After reading all the nice things people had said about Heroes, I was glad to read that Auntie Beeb were planning on showing it. I'm enjoying the show, it fills that Whedon scripted hole in my televisual viewing. Ahhh, Firefly series II, where for art thou? I didn't get into Lost and 24 kinda passed us by too. Perhaps they just weren't fantastic - or more accurately - 'escapist' enough. Heroes on the other hand, is wonderfully escapist and let's be honest, you can see kitchen sink / crime thrillers on just about every channel. I hope the series continues as well as it started.

Where am I going with this? Glad you should ask (!!) and in an effort to be a bit more open about what I get up to - rather than just blog about the ups and downs / this month's shoes - I thought I'd tell you about my superpowers. Well, they're not really *super*, but I do find them rather useful. I've got two - lucky so & so that I am - one is the ability to fall asleep regardless of how awkward the conditions for sleeping are and the second one is the ability to confuse. Sadly, the latter power only affects me right now, but I'm working on it.

Throwing caution to the wind, what about you dear readers? Any mystical, magical powers you'd like to share with the world?

Of course, it means that I can never tell you my real identity but then that would also be breaking the second law of tranny club. The first law? Post more photos. (Were you expecting a Fight Club gag? Sorry to disappoint).

Take care!

[ Today's lyric is from Idlewild's American English. A top track... IMO. :) ]