Friday, December 29, 2006

'Misfit, I sit. Lit up, wicked...'

Hello everyone in blogworld,

Hi folks. Did you have a good Christmas? I hope Santa brought you something nice in return for the sherry and mince pie you left out. Christmas was very good with various visits to the rellies and probably a little too much cake. Ahh, tis the season and all that. I guess it'll be celery sticks and salads in the new year.

With all the socials and parties I've been to, I think I must have been out (en femme) more than I ever have before. The thing is, it is rather addictive. There is were I begin to worry a little. Is it that I'm a simply a tranny and going out is just pure fun? No work stress, obligations or ties? Just being fabulous in fancy shoes, having a natter with the girls and being able to scratch the itch that dressing up allows you to do? Or - and more worryingly - am I becoming more at home presenting myself as a female? Am I relaxed because I feel 'right' or because being dressed ticks the box in my head that reads 'good times'? I have a wonderful wife and a lovely son. I think I would lose both of those if I went down the full-time path. Deep down, it's something I do not want to do and I fear it. What really worries me though, is do I get any choice in the matter? Being a tranny isn't optional - once your brain is wired that way, to fight it only leads to trouble (self-loathing, purging, guilt or depression). I guess my question is: how far will things go? As far as I want? Until I am happy? What about those I love? Must I chose this over them? Questions, questions. I am hopeful that it will not come to that.

Take care.

Friday, December 15, 2006

Karoke Queens

I'm looking at an empty copy of Notepad at the mo; waiting for the creative juices to kick in. Sometimes looking at a word processor is just too much. I don't know about you, but it all seems too formal. A report for work, a letter to the 'leccy board? No problem in Word or OpenOffice! But ask me to do something like this and...bbbzztt... disnae work.

So, what's been going off this week?

Xmas Fuddle

This week saw the last meeting for the Chams group. Rather than go for the traditional sarnies and mince pies, we went straight for the puddings. Why is it that all the bad things in life are so good? Can smack really be better than Xmas pud and a dollop of double cream? Actually, don't answer that. Then again if it was TrainSpotting would have been a very different film. ("Choose cake. Choose a mars bar. Choose not being able to get into your new skirt and wish you'd bought industrial strength MagicKnickers." :-)

I wore my new red skirt, brown fishnets, biscuit coloured top and my new shoes. God, I *love* those shoes. I know it's not right, but they're just so darned cute! Sorry, no piccies as the camera batteries were flat, clearly I'm not a person that quite grasps the idea of digital cameras needing batteries. In my day all you had to do was point and click! But then how many of us t-girls would be brave enough to drop the film off at Boots and collect the next day? Ahhh, therein lies the rub.

Anyhoo, (back on topic) the do was pretty good we had a visit from Tina's friend, ?????, our tranny friendly make-up rep. We also had some new folk come along. (Hi Zoe and Isobell if you're reading this). They'd certainly made the trek up to Nottm and I hope they enjoyed the night. Zoe said that she recognised my from my blog picture which gave me an ego moment. "It's like meeting someone famous," she quipped and we laughed about it. Is this what it's like for the other bloggers out there? Answers on a postcard (or blogger comments) if you like.

Mum's the word

Talking of new people coming along, I finally got around to replying to an email from a good friend of mine (Hi Maddie!) and she reminded me about the time a mother and son came along to the group. He was in his teens, so I hear and I was really impressed that his mum did that for him. As Maddie rightly said, it is not something that many people would do. If they come again, I think the conversation would be fascinating... doubley so if they do most of the talking.


Sandi had kindly brought along some little black dresses - and let's face it, what girl (or t-girl), doesn't want to wear a posh frock once in a while. There was this gorge number from Planet that I had the good fortune to try on. It felt great on, although my bra was showing on the shoulders and at the waterfall back. Classy... not. :-) So, the fool that I am, I turned it down. There's nothing wrong with a bit of glamour, I must say I did feel a bit Shirely Bassey in it (which bit of Shirl I will not say), but when would be able to wear it? It was too nice to wear while doing the hoovering and a certainly too much for any time outside of a) cocktail party, b) tranny xmas do or c) Bond film. ("Ah, Miss Jones, I've been expecting you". I tell you, they must be really hard up for Bond girls ).

Outed by waving?

During the evening of chit-chat Daphne recounted the time she was on her way to the LiverSausage. I was on the other side of the street in bloke mode. I called across to her to say hi and she said that she didn't recognise me until I waved. Clearly, I must have a very distinctive waving method (well, it amused me!). While there's a piccy of me on the blog (which worries me a little) is not as much a give away as my wave is.

Talking of the pub, I wonder if I can wangle another night out so soon? More to the point will they have Karoke and will I be able to embarass myself and entertain others at the same time? Questions, questions.

Final Countdown

More than a cheesy rock number (which would be sooo cool to do at Karoke) but Xmas is almost upon us. Have you done all your shopping yet? After that it's the seemingly endless wrapping to do. Still, it is worth it to see a look of joy on your friend's / partner's / child's face as the open up the gift. Have you bought anything that you're really chuffed with or is there anything you'd really like for Xmas?

BTW - just to let you know, I'm not offering to buy you owt - sorry, anything.

Take care!


Friday, December 08, 2006

A slight case of overshopping...

Hi everyone,

How's your week been? Not too stressful I hope.

Shop, shop, shoppity-shop

I had the day off today to get the rest of the Xmas shopping out of the way. My feet hurt (but more on that later). Besides the usual Christmas prezzies of chocolate, books and CDs, I had a wander around to find something more interesting for H. I got her a number of items which will (hopefully) bring a smile.

Once I'd got H's and Wee Man's presents out of the way - and dropped them off at the car - I went back to see what else might be about. I bought some Lipfinity because my lippy just doesn't last the night. A big thanks to the young lady in Boots who fielded all my questions. I also got around to (finally) getting a new bra. After trying on six (!!) I got the right fit. What a chore that was. Still, this new one takes my breastforms* and gives a bit more shape than my old one. Sadly, they only had that size in white. So, I still need a black bra. Ho hum!

[ * Breatforms? Well, chickenfillets to be accurate. Any girls new to the dressing up game? Well, two pairs of chicken fillets (Debenhams, La Senza, etc) may suit your needs. But, your mileage may vary. ]

I also dropped off a bag of old clothes to a local charity shop. Only to find two rather nice skirts in. One was a casual brown/black affair with a tie-dye pattern. The other more formal in deep red and twisted seams. Ack, that's a poor description. Perhaps I need a photo! Anyhoo, on the way to the counter, I spotted the handbags. Ahh! My luck was in as I spotted a bag I'd been after for a while. Okay, while the fashion may be in for big chunky bags, I have a soft spot for the cute little rucksack thingies that were in a while ago. So, I got one of those too! :) Ahh, money to charity and a bargain for me. What's not to like? :)

Later on, while looking for a few more things for H, I popped into New Look. They had some of the most fabby shoes in. I was in bloke mode, so trying them on didn't seem a good idea. Maybe one day, I'll brave Nottingham High Street en femme. Still, if you pay cash, you can always nip into a department store's changing room and try them on without prying eyes. One pair didn't fit (leather with that wood effect heel) but the 40 style ones did... and they were comfy to walk in (well, as much as you can in a changing room booth).

Bigot Du Jour

Well, that was me done. On the way back to the car, I popped into the tight shop in the Broadmarsh. I picked up some new fishnets - I'd laddered the last pair getting into the car (rats!). They do some very scary patterns (fashion huh?) although if you want anything a beyond what the supermarket / SuperDrug sell, it's a good place to go. Anyhoo, I could find 'medium' but no large. I asked if they did and the lady behind the counter asked if they were for me. I said yes and she said that they'd probably be okay. They get a lot of men coming in at this time of year for fancy dress (yeah, right!). "Oh, we get some of *those* people in too," cooed the assistant. Hmmm... a bit too much emphasis / distain on the 'those' for my liking. I tried my best poker face: Oh, all the usual nutters," she added. For a mo, I considered saying, "Trannys you mean? Yeah, the girls and I from Nuthall a frequent visitors. We probably account to a large proportion of your trade. But, if we're nutters, we could go elsewhere if you'd like." Of course, I didn't. Being British, I made some weak line about "well, it would be dull if we were all the same."

In and Out

By the time I got home it was dark. Strangly, that's one of the things I like about winter. There's something rather magical about the run up to Christmas. Cold nights, but being tucked up warm at home. I looked at the clock. Enough time to try some of my new clothes and test drive my shoes before getting cleaned up and be ready for H and Wee Man coming back. What a great ending to the week.

Have a good weekend!

Friday, December 01, 2006

I'm walking on sunshine

Surprise Treat

This weekend H and I popped into town to get some of the Christmas shopping out of the way. I don't know about the rest of you, but when you both work full time, Xmas shopping can be a bit of a panic. Luckily, someone invented the Internet and it's now a lot easier. Plus, if you don't want to wait, it seems a lot of shops will let you reserver and pick up the goods when you drop in. Instant prezzies and very little queueing. Good stuff indeed.

Once we'd got most of the presents out of the way, H stopped off to look at the shoes. She got some fabby new heels and some new tops. While we were having a coffee, she asked if I'd like anything. I said I was fine for shirts and whatnot (which was true). She took my hand and asked if I'd like any jewelry; perhaps a new necklace or something. I didn't know what to say for a moment. This'll sound sappy, but it truly made my day. I felt elated that she felt comfortable enough to be able to offer these things. I'm very proud of her.... and yes, I did say so.

Coffee, 80p. Silver bracelet, 5 quid. Acceptance from your spouse? Priceless.


Have you seen the new M&S adverts? They're fantastic. You can't go wrong with a bit of Shirl, but coupled with her, a camp opera version of Pink's "get the party started" and the whole James Bond evil ice palace - it's just the best. If a guy thought that one up on his own, I bet you five quid he can walk in heels and he's got perfect eyebrows. :)

Dangerous Curves?

Last month I posted a little piece about Anne Summers and M&S doing more of these MagicKnickers style garments. Looks like Trinny & Suzanna have grown tired of pushing other poeple's shapewear (not literally) and have released there own. If I see them I'll give them the once over. I'm not sure I need some at the mo (the diet is paying off!) but come Christmas, I don't want my skirts too snug.

By the way, do you think T&S will ever do a tranny makeover? It's not like it's not been mentioned enough on the forums. Dressing for your shape is one thing, but when your shape is prop forward, we need a little more help. :)

Xmas Party

Earlier in the week the NC group had their (should I say 'our'?) Christmas bash. It was absolutely fantastic - probably one of the best nights out I've had all year (en femme and otherwise). I can think of only one other party (this year) that I enjoyed as much.

As to the build-up, I'd run a map off Google and I was more nervous about getting lost and not being able to find the pub. Luckily, the Saints where in a good mood and I found the place pretty easily. I managed to park up outside and bumped into Daphne on the way in. Fortunately for Daphne, I didn't literally bump into her in the car. That would be bad wouldn't it. :) As it was special occasion I'd set off early (thanks H!) and I arrived in bloke mode. Or, as Sandi puts it as my "evil twin". :-)

The Liversage Arms is a lovely little old fashioned (in a good way) venue. No fake bricks or 'aged' wallpaper. The barman (Brett) was nice enough to point out I could get changed in the lady's, so off I went. The only mirror was shared, so I just had to brave it. I had my wrap dress on, boots and I'd managed to actually get some cleavage using some zinc-oxide tape. I bet that's not something you'll see on Blue Peter!

Anyhoo, I'm just putting my face on (no wig yet - ooo, skinhead with lippy and eyeliner on. Scary!) when the door opens and in comes a young lady. I say hi and apologise for hogging the mirror and move up a bit. Mandi turns out to be the singer with the Karoke. We had a good chat about this that and the other which was cool. Turns out that she does the singing full time. No more meetings or getting stuck in the rushhour, she says. Sounds good eh? Eventually, I'm ready: comb my wig, do that strange upside down thing you do to get it on and I'm good to go.

[ As an aside, I bumped into Mandi again in the loo. I was reapplying my lippy. No really! Anyway, we got chatting again and she said that it was the first time she'd had a crowd like us. She was cool with the whole TG thing. She said we were quieter than she expected, which puzzelled me somewhat. 'Why the age range?' she asked. I guess it's because it takes a certain amount of time for t-folk to either a) want to come out, b) want to go to a social group rather than just do their own thing or c) get the courage up to just do i t. It's not to say that we haven't had girls in their 20s come along, but in the main, it's the 30 - 40s bracket. ]

It was nice to see so many people make the effort to come. Some people I knew already, some a hadn't seen in a while and some I didn't get around to talking to. The singer started the karoke off and she was very good. Hats off to her. I'm no singer, seriously if I'd been on Pop Idol, I'd be on the cringe-worthy bit at the start. Still, you don't have to be a singer to be a performer do you. :-) After Yvone's ditty, up I went to do a number. It was the first time I'd ever done Karoke - still, how bad could it go? The adreline kicked in and the music was playing before I had time to reconsider. Still, if I can walk out of the house like I do, singing in front of the group couldn't be so hard should it? :) Well, I just about managed to keep up with the tele-prompter. Clearly, I'm not designed to multi-task. Read and sing? Not with my simple (mostly) male brain :)

The evening then revolved around chatting with people from the good, good natured banter, enjoying the buffet and getting up to do more Karoke. While I doubt that The 3 Degrees (Daphne, Val and myself) will not be storming the charts anytime soon, I'm hopeful we did entertain if nothing else! :)

We had a raffle and I won a prize, which was an added bonus. My name got pulled out of the hat a few more times, but little angel that I am, I asked for a redraw because I'd already got something. It's only fair really.

Eventually, the party wound down and by 1.30am I was back home grinning from ear to ear. Merry Christmas indeed!