YATGB (Yet Another T-Girl Blog)

"But you light up, and keep me out the cold."

2012-02-10T22:35:00.002Z

Hi,

After posting earlier in the year that it was rather warm, Winter's icy blanket came to rest across large parts of the UK. Now, I like walking in snow, I like the look of it and I particularly like the odd crunching sound it makes as you stroll around though it. Yeah, I'm odd like that. Childhood memories and the magic of a snowy winter with a good sledge. Anyways, the only bits I'm not so keen on are that it's been so cold and driving in it, is not so much fun. Still, the roads are pretty clear right now and what with winter boots being the sale - yay! - bargains were snagged by the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and I. I had wanted some biker style ones, but having left it a bit late, there wasn't much left in my size, but at least I've got some comfortable (and warm) flat boots. Much as I love my heels, there are times when you have to admit defeat and go for safety. :-)

So weather report aside, things are going okay. I had a visit to the hospital to get my arm checked out and all seems to be on the mend. It's feeling a lot better and despite a bit of ow once in a while, it's a Hell of a lot better than it was last month :-). The CBT appointment went okay too. It felt more focused this week and yes, I did come clean about my trans history. The therapist asked for a brief history - youngster, teenage, young adult to now (Ed: borderline duffer? :-P ) - and I mentioned in it there. He didn't latch on to it as a 'source of all woes' - which it isn't - and neither did he ignore it. It was added to the list along with the rest of my mostly idyllic upbringing and off we went. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones also picked up on how it was handled and we had one of those pleasant chats about how it didn't freak her out and that she was happy with the balance we've agreed. Good stuff really and a nice finish to our anniversary outing - just shy of twenty years. My, where did the time go? Probably spent waiting for a bus :-D

Talking of trans, although it was Chameleons this week, but I didn't go. I'd been off work the day before sick - a dose of something from Wee Man, I think - and although I was well enough to face work, I didn't feel 100% come the evening, so I skipped on going. Partly I was tired, but also a little part of me wanted to prove that I didn't have to go every time. Yet.... having done that, I missed going and seeing friends. Perhaps not the wisest move! Still, judging by the risk of another heavy snow fall - well, heavy by UK standards - I wasn't the only one to miss it. But, it's Invasion next week, so hopefully there'll be a chance to see the unusual suspects then.

While stopping off at the garage, I noticed that Marie Claire had an article on couples where one of them was trans. I had a brief flick through it, but lacking a few bob on me at the time, I didn't buy a copy. Has anyone read it? If so, what did you make of it. I believe it features parts from Laura Newman who writes the Angel & Princess blog (worth reading if you get time!).

Oh, and one last thing - as a famous fictional detective used to say - TVChix are now doing a banner exchange thingy (Ed: are those things still going? :-P ) and the secret foxes have added yours truly to the list. If you fancy a look, the haul is here.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Untouchable by Girls Aloud ]

"Hello, good evening and welcome to nothing much"

2012-02-03T21:49:00.001Z

Hello dear reader,

How's things with you? Things here on Planet Jones are good.... no, actually, good is perhaps overstating it; interesting may be more accurate :-) Bad would be the wrong choice of words as I've a lot to be thankful for: my arm is on the mend, the replacement car is working out nicely, etc. It's great to be able to get out of the house and take the kids to school / walk the dog. It's also fairly easy to get to work and, yeah, working life can be a pain at times, but it's also a very social place - or certainly, where I work, it is.

So why the use of the word 'interesting'? Well, as your sitting comfortably, I had my first appointment for Cognitive Behaviour Therapy this week. I'm still not sure about it and I feel it would be wrong of me to write it off after just one discussion.

However.... :-)

Having read a little about it, it all seems to make sense and seems a good idea from my layman's perspective. It would be trite to say 'postive thinking helps', but that's not wholly inaccurate. I do know that while you're off it - or seriously down in the case of some poor souls - the last thing you / they want to do is anything. Yet, getting up, taking some exercise, visiting/talking with people is often just what's required. I'm doing all that and I'm not feeling the cloying embrace of a deep blue funk. Again, more to be thankful for.

So we come to the discussion about what triggers the darker episodes. We must have spent about forty minutes going over the idea and I just didn't get it. I did start to get very frustrated, partly at myself for not being able to articulate what I felt. That and my inability to understand what the councillor was talking about - and yes, I did as him to explain it in simple terms. :-) It didn't help. Doh.

Perhaps that we've (I've?) not hit pay dirt on the concept of what triggers the depression, I'm still thinking that it's very random. What I mean is, there are days - no, were days back in the past - where I'd wake up and just getting out of bed was a big deal. Times when I'd sit in the car and the effort to lift my arm to open the door and pull myself from the seat seemed like I was lifting a telly. I never thought it could be like that and having gone though that, when someone says they've got depression, my heart goes out to them.

Sure, I know that the Pink Fog - or maybe more accurately, the occasional jealousy - I get when seeing womenfolk may not help. But.... I've not mentioned this because I'm slightly concerned that if I do talk about the trans factor (Ed: it's like the X Factor, only the outfits are sooo much better :-P), the session will lock on to that and lead us down a dead end. Not that CBT seems to hold any answers about the past, apparently it's all about protecting yourself against issues in the future. Somehow you're supposed to not talk about the past but look at what happened. I find that rather confusing.

I also know that if I upset the kids / the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones, or foul things up at work, the guilt seems to twist around on itself and come back to far more negative feelings. Y'know, I really don't want to have to concentrate on the negative and have to trawl up bad feelings to play pin-the-tail-on-the-depressive as I can't help but think that stirring it all up - but "don't talk about the past" - isn't healthy. It's almost like I'm having to analyse my feelings to the Nth degree and pour over them so we can fill out some boxes on a sheet. Ahh... maybe shouldn't be so negative, perhaps there'll be some colouring in later on. :-P

Early days I guess, so I hope that I get my head around the concept and the course improves. I do know of two other folk who've been down this route and they were less than positive about its use. Ho hum! Third time's a charm eh? :-)

In other news, it's Chameleons next week and a fortnight today, Invasion. I guess I better get my finger out and find out if Mrs J's got any plans. Again, you can but hope.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: The Only Living Boy in New Cross by Carter, the Unstoppable Sex Machine.... only 20 years ago. Sheesh. ;-) ]

"Do what you what you want,till you don’t want it anymore, (remember who you really are)"

2012-01-27T21:11:00.002Z

Greetings and felicitations,

A day off today which made a nice change... well, a change from the two previous weeks of being on a sick note, but let's move on eh? :-) So, first week back at work over and done with. Okay, one day physically at work and then - because of lack of transport - working from home.

Now, I don't mind the odd day at home working remotely. It's nice to get out of the office and have uninterrupted time to get stuff done. But, in all honesty, I missed being in and being part of the banter and general hubbub. I remember Sartre's famous quote 'Hell is other people' and the article the accompanying article by psychologists disproving it. :-) We're social creatures and not having the interaction - and no, I don't think Facebook replaces it, that's still text - is a bit... well, lonely. That's not to say 'oh, poor me', it's more an observation than a cry in the dark. Anyway, we've got lights in our house ;-)

So being in let me catch up with workmates and friends (Ed: yes, there's a difference :-P ), clear some of the paperwork and email cruft that had built up while being away. A small box of choccies were slipped to the desk of the lady who'd kindly stopped to help on the day of the crash. No, note and no she wasn't there. I suppose a low rent version of 'all because the lady loves milk tray'. Not that they were Milk Tray and if you're not a child of the 80s, I guess you're wondering WTF is Lynn on about? :-D You'd not be the only one. :-)

It was Chams time again (yay!) and despite me being in two minds over taking clothes, I did thinking it may be for the best. Sophie was kind enough to offer me a lift and off we went, chatting away as per and dodging mad Audi drivers. We got in just before 9 and off I went to get changed.

Now, my arm's been on the mend and I've been doing okay without my sling for most of the week. I did struggle to get my bra and shapewear on a bit, but Alison was kind enough to help my zip up my new dress (from Very in the sale). Anyhoo, as I was late - because let's face it, it takes me an age to put my face on - a few folk popped up to see how I was getting on, bless them. So there I was, half made up laughing and joking with Alison, Rachel, Sam, Sophie and Val. Honestly, it was very touching that they'd popped along to see how I was. It really put a smile on my face.

The evening rolled along as per, although we had one new face along: Rhiannon (hello Mrs!). She was staying not too far away, so she'd decided to make the effort and come along. I saw Helen chatting away, so I ducked out to make a brew and hoping to find a gap in the conversation. Time passed and soon our paths crossed. We had a good old chuckle about things and that's another cool person I've had the good fortune to meet thanks to this blogging thing. I also had a very nice email later on, but I won't say anymore! :-)

No sign of Maddy this time around, although a quick TXT meant she was okay, if not 'in da house' with the trans massive . She's been doing some storming work with posters for Invasion.... which isn't very far away either. Ooo, a night out. Just what I need!

Just time for a quick photo session - hey, we're trans, it's what we do! - and then it was off to get changed and go home. All in all, a good night and I was glad I made the effort.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: What You Want by Evanescence ]

"In the satisfaction stakes, It's like sitting on the number nine bus"

2012-01-20T23:00:00.000Z

Hi,

So, last week on sick leave before I go back to work. It's been different being off it physically, but with it mentally. What I mean is, when you're ill, like with flu or a bad stomach, your brain is a little all over the place while your body attempts to get over the situation. This time around, despite an amount of 'ow', I am fairly with it, so it's been good in that I've been able to catch up on reading and enjoy life in the slow lane. Taking the dog out for a few long walks - well, at least when it wasn't chucking it down - and it's been good being home when the kids come back from school. Okay, so I can't run around after them, but you can get involved. Help them do a bit of baking, sit with Wee Man and offer advice on the computer game he's stuck on. That sort of thing.

Despite all the time away and being on my own most days, there's been zero trannying. Having a busted shoulder doesn't make you want to swing the cupboard doors wide and revel in the fashions of this and yesteryear. :-) Still, something to look forward to as I recover. I have also missed Invasion (it's tonight), but what's good about that, is that there'll be another one next month and with luck, the weather will be better too. Having a break from dressing up / going out has made me cool down and worry less. Perhaps that's the opposite of how I feel I would feel, but right now, my energy seems to be tied up in getting better and taking it easy.

One odd thing about being off, is the amount of sleep I've been having. I am a bit of a napper - indeed, if there was an Olympic sport for dozing off, I'd be quids in for a gold. I've only broken my collar bone and I'm about as active as I am at work (hour walk at lunch, or when at home, 30 mins then 45 mins in the afternoon), so finding myself nodding off mid afternoon came as a surprise. Perhaps it's to do with the messing about with insurance, accident reports and whatnot that goes on. I'm hesitating to use the word 'stress' as while it hasn't been plain sailing, I wouldn't say I've been chewing my fingernails over it. Not that you should, I mean, standards, darhlink, standards. ;-)

Today's lyric (see below if you're not an indie kid from the 90s) is because I decided to head into town for supplies. We were low on a couple of key items and with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones doing all the driving while I'm car-less, I decided to chance taking the bus. Now, we live out in the sticks and like our telecommunications, public transport is patchy at best. As I stood under my umbrella (ella.. ella) the bus eventually turned up. I was a bit miffed in having to wait, but then the thought turned around. Maybe it's not public transport being rubbish, but more like a lot of things in modern life, we're used to immediacy and having to wait seems an anathema.

Just the weekend now and then back to work. Mrs J and I will be looking at a nearly new car and then with luck, I'll be back on the road in February. Fingers crossed as I've missed having the level of freedom your own car brings.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Eat Me Drink Me Love Me Kill Me by Pop Will Eat Itself ]

"Ahhh, seasons change with the scenery, Weaving time in a tapestry "

2012-01-13T14:50:00.002Z

Hello one and all,

Larks, it's been warm of late. I've been out and about - well, dog walking at least - without a coat, hat or scarf for the last few days. It's making for a very strange January, as typically, it's rather chilly in this part of the world. Odd, as a few places - of similar latitude? - seem to have many inches of snow. Small mercies eh? :-)

So what's been going on? In some ways, not much - which given last week's incident, is just fine by me! :-D I'm signed off work while my arm and shoulder recover. I find it a little odd as mentally, there's not much wrong with me. Stop that laughing at the back! :-) Okay, what I mean is.... from a thinking point of view, my brain is mostly working, so I feel a bit like I should be doing something. That said, if I do too much - as I explained to Sophie last night at Chams - I get tired very quickly and my shoulder starts to ache too. Not good, so being signed off looks like it's a good thing. If I take the pain killers I've been given, they do make me drift off to somewhere pleasant... perhaps a little too disconnected as they make me feel like I've had two pints. Not sure that's a good thing. :-) So the upshot of it all, is I'm taking it easy and perform that balancing act of not stressing my shoulder, but equally, not leaving it doing nothing either.

Talking of good things, there's been very little sign of the Black Dog of late - and long may that continue! I think the time off, the regular exercise and even - dare I say it - the fact that we all walked away (well, staggered in my case LOL) from what could have been a very nasty accident, has been helpful in some strange way. With the lack of work pressure, I wonder if I should start to look for another job; one which I'm more interested in and is perhaps more interested in my than my current employer. That reminds me, my line manager was decidedly snippy when I told him about the sick note. Given that the majority of my job is keyboard based - hell, I'm typing this very slowly with just one hand, so going back just isn't an option until both of my arms work properly. Talk about making you feel valued eh? ;-)

A few months ago, I wrote to Frock Magazine - an on-line publication - to see if they were interested in submitted articles. Anyway, I got chatting with the editor over email and my article has now been published. My name in lights! :-D Joking aside, it's rather odd to see your name (well, not real name obviously) in print. You can read said item here and my bit is on page 62: Getting Away with It. It's about - mais, oui, shopping.

I've pretty much spent my time reading, taking the dog for walks so I'm out of the house, chasing the insurance process and trying to help the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones with house stuff. Mainly as with the latter, she's flat out - bless her - ferrying the kids hither and thither as I'm currently without a car. Oh, talking of cars, mine has been written off, bless its little black tires. I must confess that I do get attached to things and I was a little sad to think that we won't be driving it again. Shame, but it served us well and luckily, took the brunt of the collision, protecting us inside.

Sophie was kind enough to offer me a lift to Chameleons, so I had an evening out with friends. That made for a lovely change from being at home and it was great to catch up with folk. No cross dressing this time around; certainly not when it takes me long enough to get my socks on in the morning. I did have to repeat my injury story a few times, as folk are naturally curious and Chameleons are a caring bunch. It was a busy night and Mrs J had packed me off with a few bags of her old clothes to pass on. She's really done well with her diet - even with the Christmas temptations - and as we seem to have started the spring clean early this year, there was a lot of hand out. Some went, a lot didn't, but so it goes. I guess we'll be doing a charity shop run later this weekend.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Hazy Shade of Winter by Simon & Garfunkle ]

"you should watch - watch your stay here, don't look out you're gonna break your neck"

2012-01-06T19:00:00.000Z

Hi,

Wow, first post of the New Year. I trust you had a good break over the festive period.

From a blogging point of view, I was all prepped for a nice, quite week and I'd been tapping my creative reserves over what to talk about. Well, it seems the hand of Fate had other ideas for this week. Sitting comfortably? Then allow me to explain.... :-)

Tuesday morning rolled around and as per, Wee Man, Little Miss and I were packed into my little car to head off on the school run. Off we went and then the next thing I remember is waking up - yes, waking up - with both children crying, we've stopped and a number of cars parked up around us. I tried to move and my body wouldn't really work - it was as if I was coming out of a deep sleep - groggy, disorientated, etc, but my body wasn't. My first thought was to try and get off the road, I mean, if I was stationary on a busy road, we'd get hit right? Plus, why were all these cars parked up? How odd! :-)

I tried to turn the ignition key, but the car flatly refused to do anything. The reality of the situation was slowly making its way into my addled brain. There were bits of glass in the foot well, my right arm hurt like Hell and the car I'd seen the distance was now parked - crashed? I couldn't really see - on the other side of the road nearby. Sh**! At least the kids are screaming, is that a good thing?

I remember saying to the kids that it would be okay and that we needed to get out. Bless them, they undid their seat belts and it was when I tried to move, a chap came up and told me to stay still and that I'd been in an accident. 'I need to move my kids,' I grunted, but he forced me to stay put and said that he'd put them in his car until the Police turned up. Events whirled around us as the Emergency Services turned up and did what they needed to do. There had been no fatalities (thankfully!) and from our car; I'd taken the hit being the driver, so both children were okay. Phew! Two passers-by waited with me while the paramedics did their thing; stuck me in neck brace, strapped me to a stretcher, dosed me up with various painkillers and off we went to Accident & Emergency....

So I'm on the mend with a broken arm and very thankful to be alive. As various friends have said, it could have been worse and they're right. It could have been a lot worse, but it wasn't and we're all alive. The kids are fine, I guess children are more resilient than you realise. Wee Man did have a cry when I got home later that day, mainly because he was worried about me going into the ambulance on my own. Little Miss? Oh, she was fine as she got a ride in a Police car. Kids eh? :-)

Talking of later, the chap who helped with the kids and to look after me, he called in on his way home. With no disrespect to the man, he was just a member of the public, there was no obligation to do so. I also spoke with the lady who stopped - no relation to him - and again, she didn't have to wait, but she did. They took time out of their day to look after someone - a stranger - because it was the right thing to do. I don't know about you, but I found that very touching and that line about restoring your faith in human nature? It rang true and deep. That's my binding memory of the event.

Work is off the cards at the mo - and yes, they've been good about the whole situation too - so I'm at home twiddling my thumbs. Well, one of them - the right one I have to keep wrapped up. :-) The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones has been doing her nurse routine and bless her, has been a saint through all of this. I'm frustrated that I can't do as much as I'd normally do. Plus we're now down to one car - because let's face it, if you live outside of a city, you need a car to do just about anything nowadays - but hopefully that'll be resolved at some point. Still, better one car than no car. That would be a massive pain.

As to trannying, that's well and truly off the cards at the mo. Trying to get a t-shirt on is one thing, hauling on a bra and various layers besides is just going to be a non-starter! :-D Still, a change is a good as a rest, so I'm told. Maybe I'll get to have both!

Anything for a few days off eh?

Take care
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Crash by The Primitives ]

"Right here, right now, There is no other place I want to be."

2011-12-30T21:20:00.000Z

Hi there,

New Year's Eve and the blank page of new day and year will shortly be upon us.... Well, unless you're reading this after the event. In which case, err, hello. :-) Psst, if you're a time traveller, any chance of next month's lottery numbers? :-P

So, Christmas has been and gone in a flurry of shredded paper and sweet wrappers. Honestly, I could be describing the inside of a hamster's cage, rather than the big day at Jones Towers. Really, all went well and good fun was had by all. The nippers didn't get up too early - too early being pre-8AM - and despite both being very excited the night before, they did manage a good night's sleep to set them up for Christmas Day itself.

Presents were enjoyed by all - Wee Man, Little Miss and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. I'll spare you the gory details and the looks on their faces made all the traipsing around the shops plus wrapping well worth it. I did well too - a few choccies, a kitchen gadget (not in a bad way) and also a very nice bracelet from Mrs J. No, not a man's bracelet, but something I was asked - with a sly wink - to open away from the kids. A very nice item and one that brought a smile to my face. Mrs J's parents turned up later on and by some miracle (Ed: she means Mrs J organising and each of them working together) the Christmas lunch was prepared without a cross word and it all came together nicely.

I've really enjoyed having the time off with my family. Sure, there's been a bit of running around between various in- and out-laws, but in the main, it has gone well and we're slipping into the last part of the holidays in a very relaxed mood. Sure, it'll be a shock to go back to work, but I'm trying hard not the think about that. :-)

One thing I was a little surprised about, was the reductions this year. It seemed that many retailers had decided not to wait until post-Xmas to reduce prices and as such, there were a few bargains to be had if you were quick. I know we did well replacing decorations that had become a bit tired and I was glad I hadn't bought them a week earlier. All pennies saved eh?

Mind you, I then spent said pennies on-line during a few of the sales. Oops. I'd had a look on a few favoured sites and it was as I hit Very that I could no longer resist - especially as two items where just around that tenner mark. What added to the experience was that Mrs J and I were looking together. Not just man and wife, but looking for each other and - as per last time - sharing our views. I really appreciated her time and patience on this - and yes, I did tell her so. She said herself that she was surprised that talking about buying clothes (for me) no longer bothered her.... which made me feel really happy.

Said items have now arrived and with the svelter figure the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones is now sporting, she had modelled the new clothes. Yeah, I can't wait to try them all on, but you can't have it all can you? :-) Only a few more days until the next Chameleons meeting.... and then an Invasion at the end of the month. Fingers crossed.

Talking of fingers crossed, I felt that we trans folk are slowly slipping into the mainstream media: what with My Transsexual Summer (Channel 4), Chaz Bono on America's Dancing With the Stars, a CD character in Coronation Street (UK soap opera), etc. Okay, we've still got a way to go, but I am hopeful that each time Joe Public sees us on the street, we become a little more visible, a little less ignorable - is that a word? - and ultimately, more acceptable as just another element of society. You can but hope.

I guess that pretty much brings things to a close for 2011 for me. Thanks for reading / commenting and I hope that 2012 is kind to you.

Look after yourselves,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Right Here, Right Now by Jesus Jones ]

"I got me a car, it seats about twenty, So c'mon and bring your jukebox money!"

2011-12-23T16:40:00.001Z

Hello dear reader,

All ready for the big day? I mean, Christmas, of course, but if you're planning something else cool, good luck with that one too. :-) Here at Chez Jones, after many a long night at the kitchen table, I think we are there in terms of having all the gifts wrapped. I did find one skulking at the back of my Lynn cupboard (!) for Little Miss, but luckily that was a nice easy one to wrap up.

Unusually, the fridge isn't groaning under the weight of enough food for ninety people. This time around we've tried a bit more planning - as way of a change! No, this time, we've pretty much got all that we need and last week's shop means we've got the necessaries in. I do need to get some puddings in for Christmas Day - as the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones's parents will be joining us. That'll please the nippers.... assuming I can get them to sleep on Christmas Eve. :-)

I've fallen behind a bit on my emails - both personally and for the Chameleons group too. Sorry if you're waiting on one from me. I will get back to you as soon as I can. Honest ;-)

Last night was the last Chameleons meeting of this year. We met up for an evening of tea & mince pies. Given the frenzy that surrounds Christmas, doing something laid back was very much appreciated. I had deliberated over what to wear the night before. Oddly, Mrs Jones and I were talking about it as she packed the presents away we'd just finished wrapping up. Why are you taking more than one outfit? A good question and one I still can't answer. I think I go for the scatter-gun approach to dressing up. :-) I took two dresses - patterned brown wrap + pink colour block; separates - cute cardy + short black skirt; lastly a long line wrap cardigan and leggings. Oh, don't forget boots and a set of heels.... and a coat, but we'll come back to the latter. ;-)

I think it's because I'm never 100% sure which way my mood will take me. There is the odd occasion where I look at what I've brought along and thing 'meh'. It's rare, but it happens on the odd occasion, so taking extra items to mix and match is a way to hedge my bets. Take for example Thursday night, I'd gone with the idea of the patterned wrap dress and boots, only to decide on separates instead. Changeable, moi? :-)

Last week I'd almost run out of boob tape - or Zinc Oxide tape to be accurate - and so I popped into Boots to get some. This time they had in some new wide paper tape for injuries (!), so I thought I'd give that spin. Okay, it's not pain free after a number of hours, but certainly easier to put on and certainly more comfortable than the thinner ZO stuff. Also quite inexpensive. Please forgive the chest blemishes - make-up hides a multitude of sins! ;-)

Anyway, while getting changed I had a lovely long chat about music (of all things) with Alison, Amy, Maddy and Sue (I think I'm right with the last name). We're all different ages, so I found it interesting to hear what people liked and how the music they'd started listening to had changed. Certainly, there seemed to be a bit of a rock vibe to the tastes in question, but that seemed to alter as we all got a little older. Twenty five years ago, I guess that's the label the teenage me would have picked, but even back then, I couldn't resist a good dance tune... or some camp pop (Bananarama, Army of Lovers, Pet Shop Boys, anyone? :-P). I guess you can deny all you want, but once you're trans, long will it dominate your destiny. ;-)

After last week's visit to town and Maddy's talk about a Karaoke challenge, I was thinking about visiting the pub again. Yes, a bit naughty, but so it goes sometimes. It's a pain getting changed afterwards, but I was glad we made the effort. Sophie and I said we'd join Sam and company after we'd dropped Kate's car off at the hotel.... oh and after taking a few snaps with Val. Despite being a little late setting off, we were lucky with the parking. I did feel sorry for Sophie in her vertiginous heeled boots. :-) Hell, it's not like I was wearing flats, but extra care had to be taken navigating the hill.

Once inside, Kate treated us both to a drink and we settled down with the Karaoke song list. Chatting and jokes en shewed plus Gayna, Tayna and Sarah arrived. A song was picked - B52's Love Shack - and Maddy and I put our names on the hit list. A few moments later we were giving the song a proper mauling. It was a hoot and I think we both got into it. I'm not sure what the rest of the pub folk made of it, but there were enough smiles to go around. A little later on there was a draw - purely based on luck, not talent - to win a drinks voucher.... and we won! Yay! Free drinks for the Chams Massive!

Sadly, no luck on the aural vandalism around Fairytale of New York as I had to disappear just after midnight.... perhaps much to the relief of music lovers everywhere. I caught Gayna taking a few snaps, so I guess we'll see if they surface on Facebook. Oh and the lady who ran the Karaoke seemed to have a camera with her too. I hope those snaps don't end up on a Pop Music Hit list. ;-) All in all, a really top night and a wonderful way to see out 2010.

I'd just like to thank you for taking the time to read and comments on my ramblings over this past year. All that remains for me is to wish you a very merry Christmas and what 2012 has in store for you, I hope it's only good things.

Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Love Shack by The B-52's ]

"Five. Four. Three. Two. One! Thunderbirds are go!!"

2011-12-17T21:14:00.001Z

Jones? Jones! Where the in the name of all that's fancy is that... umm... woman? By the sacred bra-strap of Grayson Perry, you better have a damn fine excuse for being a day late!

*ahem*

I came here to drink my tea and blog.... and I've just finished my tea. ;-) Yes, a day late indeed. What is the world coming to eh? Tsk tsk and other onomatopoeia (Ed: Ooo, hark at her!), although for once, I do have a good excuse: Invasion.

Roll back a few months and a few folk got talking at Chams (I think) about 'doing an evening'. Something to fill those empty Fridays between Chameleons, BNO or Leeds First Friday. Like all social groups, there's often a fair bit of chat and exchange of ideas. This one, however, had a life of its own: perhaps helped along by Sam (lady of blog fame) and Maddy (lady of poster fame). Anyhoo, there was an ad on the group's forum, then a TV Chix post and lastly, a Facebook page too. Thunderbirds are go! ;-)

I cross my fingers and checked the family calendar. There's nothing on and as far as I know, nothing planned. I ask the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones if she minds me going along as it'll be 'another night out'. I'm conscious that she's not had a girls night out in December and by the close of the month, I'll have had three. Oops. Bad husband! :-) We have, of late, had a discussions and jokes about my trans state: all in a positive way I should add. Take Monday, for example: we both had a day off to finish off the Christmas shopping... which reminds me... I better finish the wrapping off before bed. Where was I? Oh aye, positive stuff. We bought items for our extended family and chatted without barriers. Forgive me if this sounds a little shallow, but stay with me; we looked and discussed clothes, make-up, jewelry, etc for the lady folk within our social circle and we were fully open: tran and wife if you will. Opinion was asked by both of us over ideas and I felt so at ease; a sense of release if you will.

I had in mind that I needed to buy Sophie a little something and Mrs J offered a few ideas here and there. She asked if there was anything I really wanted for Christmas and honestly, no, from a material point of view, not especially. What about a bracelet or a necklace? Make-up? The offer was genuine and as I gave her hand a squeeze, I couldn't help but smile and say something like that would be great, but I didn't have any wish list in mind. I also thanked her for being so cool about it.

Skip on the big night itself and I'd arranged to pick Sophie up and get changed there. Wee Man had been dropped off with Granny as like a lot of nippers, he likes to stop up and be indulged by grandparents. :-) As the Do didn't kick off until 8ish, I hung back to sort out a bath and story for Little Miss. Sometimes, fighting against the dreaded Tranny Flap (Ed: as in panic. If you thought anything else, you're very rude ;-P ) isn't necessarily a bad thing... plus it gave the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones time to unwind and put her feet up.

Peck on the cheek and Dad duties done, I was out of the door and on my way to Sophie's place. I was, as per, behind schedule, but Soph was cool about that (and was looking cool too!). I bribed her with a free cookie and Xmas present too. :-) I'm also - as Alison will attest to - not the quickest at getting ready. I had a fail over the application of false eyelashes, as for some reason I could not get them to stay. It was akin to wrestling with two drunken spiders covered in InstaStick. :-) I gave up and topped up my mascara to repair the damage. To try and speed up the process, I opted to try the nail wraps I'd bought back in November. While they were not much quicker to apply than nail varnish, they did give a lovely finish.

Once fully fabulous (see below for shot), we got into the car and headed into town. Now, I had made a plan to park in a local secure NCP, but once we were in, I found it shut at midnight. Duh! Cue a quick departure and parking just down from the pub. Luckily not too far to walk and nice and quiet. Bit chilly though and I was glad of my old coat. The funny thing about my coat is that I got it for a few bob in a charity shop. I've looked at replacing it, but not found anything I'm really willing to shell out on. Anyways, I had some lovely comments about it, which changed my perception of it.

[ NB: Talking of nice comments, in a much earlier blog post, I talked about giving compliments. There's a lady at work who has lost a fair bit of weight and really shaped up. Without trying to sound like an old perv, I asked her if she was sticking with the Keep Fit group, she said yes and I said you can really tell. She gave a big smile and said I had been the only person at work to say so.... and that it had made her day. Yay for good feelings! ]

The New Foresters was lively and I spotted a number of T folk in the crowd. The pub has a lovely welcoming feeling to it. The people within were welcoming and I felt very relaxed there. Sophie and I bumped into Tanya and a few trans peeps we didn't know (from the 'sarf' apparently, but iffy jokes aside, they were cool :-P ). We mingled, caught up with Maddy, Sam, Mrs Sam, took some snaps and had a few soft drinks before heading off to the second venue of the night - D2 - and I was glad of my coat! Brrr!! Well, except for Crystal who said she's used to far chillier temperatures. :-) It was an odd experience walking down the road in a city you know while in trans mode. I guess being well out of the usual Lager Loon areas helped, but I was a bit nervous and I was glad we went as a group.

By this point I had to spend a penny and after I managed to find a loo that had a lock, I then had to faff about sorting out padding and whatnot. Oh the vanity eh? A quick lippy and hair check, then back to the bar. I caught up with Maddy and we managed to catch up (despite the noise) over what she's been up to and how things are going. Woo, that place was *loud* but the dance floor was good and old-duffer-in-waiting that I am, I didn't recognise any of the tunes (but then I've never really been a clubber) until a Katy Perry remix came on. Okay, I'm a trans cliche, so sue me. :-) It wasn't long before the dance floor was a-jumping and then we had to head off NG1 (next door).

Getting in before midnight meant we'd not have to pay. It's been a while since I've been to a club and having my handbag checked was a new experience. The bouncers were gents and we were in quickly. Sophie was kind enough to take a snap of me (see right) as I'd being taking snaps of people through out the night. By now time was marching on and I was aware that Sophie said she didn't want to be out until the wee hours. Neither did I as I know Little Miss doesn't really do lie-ins and it would have been wrong of me to try and blag a sleep-in as well as a night out. We said our goodbyes and headed off. A quick walk back to the car and then off to Sophie's house to get changed and go home.

All in all, a truly great night out. Top job to Sam and Maddy for organising!

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: The theme from Thunderbirds. F.A.B! ;-) ]

"I'm gonna marry the night, I won't give up on my life, I'm a warrior queen, Live passionately tonight"

2011-12-09T20:28:00.001Z

Hello again dear reader,

Today's post is live and direct from the top of my head. Nothing like winging it to give a completely unstructured and somewhat disjointed blog post. Mind you, I'm assuming you don't come here for quality writing. :-)

In the main, this week's been kind to me... which makes for good news. I did have a bit of a grump earlier on, but in the big swing of things, you have to let some work stuff just go and move on. You can't win them all. Sure, I guess you should aim to make things work, but equally, I'd say that at a certain point, you need to stop, rethink and if necessary, admit that some things - technically or politically speaking - just aren't going to happen. Skip on a few nights and I couldn't quite see what all the fuss was about. :-)

Dark skies are not forever

Midweek I had my review appointment with a counsellor and it seemed to go well. I did go through a few of the same questions my doctor asked, but that's to be expected and not a big worry. I did clam up and then the tears came suddenly when I was asked....

Funny thing is, I don't feel that I should worry about the reply to the question because this - this blog - is supposed to be warts and all (Ed: you can get cream for that). Yet here I am dilly-dallying around the answer because... because I'm... embarrassed by the answer. Deep breath.

I was asked "have you though about ending your own life."

It took me a moment to answer, just as it's taken a moment for me to put the above line on the page. The answer, was yes; I had considered it, but not now. Only when it [the depression] was at its darkest, did I think about it. Before you panic, that was then and a lot has changed. It was also one of those 'what if?' moments where - and I do this mental exercise quite a bit - what if I do X? What would happen? What would the consequences be? So it was with suicide too. It would stop the pain, yes, but I would not be here. Yeah, to state the obvious, but then logic when you're ****ed up do not make easy bedfellows :-). Did I plan it all out? No, but I had thought about it and no, I'm not saying this for sympathy. I'm mentioning this because if you ever feel that way: talk to someone, anyone, please. There, that's my Xmas wish that any of us don't go down that route.

I was then asked, "why didn't you?" and there's two elements to that. My first is that a few years ago, I remember reading about a young chap who topped himself, leaving behind a wife and two kids. No doubt the gent in question was suffering greatly, enough to drive him to such an act. As I sat in the car some twelve months ago with the wind and rain beating against the window, the memory of that article came back to me. Family. I would not let this... illness?... take me away from them. Yes, it's my life, but to put them through that, it was the proverbial slap in the face I needed to get myself together.

The second element was something I've mentioned previously. When things were really bad, emotionally, I was a mess. Perhaps oddly, logically, I was with it. It was almost as if the logical side could say "Yes, it hurts. Really hurts, but you can beat this. Don't give up."

I guess it was right. Life moves on. Things get better. I get better and with help, I'm getting better each day. Although I can remember those events - that day sat in the car just numb - emotionally, I can't connect with what went on. It's a bit like.... walking out of the woods. Leaving a cold forest and as you walk into the sun, you can feel the shadows falling from your back.

That or I've had too much cheese before writing this. :-)

So, the upshot of all of the above is I guess I'm due to have my head examined by a professional. I don't think anything will happen before Christmas, but I've got quite enough to be doing between now and New Years. I think I'll need January as a rest month. What about you? All sorted yet? Larks, I've not even begun the wrapping.

Contact

Those of you with eagle-eye action will have noticed the email form buried someway down the right hand side menu. It's funny - and not so much funny-ho-ho - that most of the comment traffic comes in via the comments feed and that suits me just fine. After all, I like to think of this blog as a place to chat about stuff. Where was I? Oh aye, contacts. Well, this week I've had a sudden rush of folk writing in. None of it trans related per say. Two were marketing firms and I'm a little confused as to how I'd be able to assist, but that's more me being a numpty.

The other two were from two bloggers, so if you fancy a read of something different - different from my navel gazing and wardrobe wanderings, there's The Gay Stage (which is theatre / media news from a LGBT view) and the Slope Show which is a about a lesbian comedy. Seriously, go take a look, you might enjoy them! Oh, one last thing, I had an email from the Transgender e-bulletin and the findings from their survey are now on-line (well, that and other news!).

Party Time!

Moving on to jollier news, it was time for the Chameleons Christmas party. Owing to a slightly overlook on the planning department, we had to do much of the "who's bringing what" game on the forum. Despite my slight worry that we'd have half a loaf of bread, eight sausage rolls and a cake to feed thirty of us, my worries were for nought and everyone pulled together. The tables were very full and it was lovely to see so many home made treats. H had made a lovely cake - which I missed, rats! - and there were some yummy roasted veggies and very tasty treats.

After getting changed upstairs - including the very careful application of my new tights - it was downstairs to help set up. Luckily I'd remember a knife to carve the french sticks I'd brought along and with the weather being so cold, it kept the chilled items suitably cool in the back of the car. Not that I enjoyed fetching them in the blustery weather.

As a bit of a change, I decided to forgo nail varnish and go with the false nails I'd won in a previous raffle. Honestly, I don't know how women who have long nails get anything done! Now I remember why I stick to just pretty colours rather than a longer length. Still, no visitors were harmed during the food prep. :-)

I'd wrapped a small gift for Tracey and Sandi as a thanks for all their hard work during the year. Yeah, I do a little bit with the emails and web site, but between them, the admin - paying the bills et al - gets done without any fuss, so I felt it was only right to pass on a note of thanks. Sophie, the wee minx, surprised me with a card and small pressie (Ed: I wonder what it is?) which was both very nice and very unexpected. Then Amy did the same and I felt thoroughly spoilt and very pleased at the same time.

I had remembered the laptop, so we had a few tunes as background noise - the real dancing didn't start until much later. There was plenty of chat, time to catch with old friends and new visitors (Hi Melanie!) alike. We had the obligatory raffle and I won some chocolate for my Dad.

As we had a late night extension, there was chance for a spot of dancing and Tanya had me in stitches with her big-box-small-box-light bulb rave spoof. It loses something in the written vibe being a visual gag. Anyways, much fun was had and my tights did manage to survive the evening.

Alison was kind enough to provide a quick snap of my outfit and the dancing meant I got to road test (?) my shoe boots. Fingers crossed all goes well for Nottingham Invasion next week. I just hope it's not quite so windy and cold! ;-)

One thing about the self-adhesive nails, there came off quickly and a lot less of a faff compared to removing polish. Oh the vanity! :-)

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Marry the Night by Lady Gaga. Currently my tune du jour - (soir?) - and I did enjoy dancing to it. ]

"Turn me around and take me back to the start, I must be losing my mind,I've seen it all a million times."

2011-12-02T20:39:00.001Z

Hi there,

Blimey, it's turned a tad chilly of late hasn't it? Righto, that's the obligatory English conversational invitation over with, shall we move on? :-)

I think the warm November had softened me up a little. I certainly wasn't ready to be sat on the wrong side of cold in the office today. Luckily we have an emergency heater that we keep stashed in the draw - just don't tell Estates. Shhh. :-)

Despite the lack of sunlight and cold, cold weather, I'm enjoying December. I think it's the run up to Xmas and all that it entails. Despite being slightly less flush in the bank department than last year.... Well, that's not strictly true. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones's salary and mine haven't gone down per say, I think it's more that a lot of other items (like food and fuel) have gone up. We'll have to cut back on running the fire with wads of fifty pound notes at this rate. :-)

Still, the good news is that we're pretty much done on the gift front. The kids and close family are sorted and just the other day, I had a day out shopping with my sister. She got a few items for the Jones collective and I finished off my shopping for the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. As Miss Jones lives further afield than us, I don't see my sister as frequently as I once did. In many ways, she's at the other end of the economic scale with being a working parent and having an absent CSA dodging ex-husband. Cue plenty of chatter about how things are, a number of coffee breaks and liberal use of the bank card. We stopped off in Debenhams so she could get some more eyeliner. "Which should I get?" she asked.

"The purply one as it'll go with your green eyes." At least, that's what the lady from the Body Shop had told me back in the day.

The make-up lady nodded too, so Miss J asked: "How do you know that?"

"I'll tell you when you're older." :-) Which is a pants line, but I couldn't think of much beyond the truth and I think that may have been too much. Besides, when you're having a good time, why bring it down? She laughed and we moved on. All in all a very nice day and reasons to be cheerful!

Talking of which, I made my initial appointment with the therapist today. It's for next week and it's a sort of... investigation type thingy... where they talk things over and find out if it'll help. Maybe it will, maybe it won't. Can - or even should I - stay on the anti-miserablist tablets long term? I don't know the answer to that. I do know that the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones has been looking into depression from a chemical angle (she's clever like that) and talk with someone at her work suggested that folk of my genetic origins may benefit from a healthy does of vitamin D (just bought), regular exercise (check) and keeping busy (check).

So far, so good which will put Monday's brief bad spell way behind me. I think it was a combination of a very busy weekend (from a work point of view), missing my tablet and then having a sh** day at work. There I was, pulled up in a lay-by in the dark watching the occasional car (Ed: what's an occasional car look like? :-P) drift by my rural hideaway. I think all of the previous - coupled with being tired - had built up to the modern cliche of a perfect storm. Off we went with the usual feelings of despair and half a pack of tissues used to dry the tears. Trannys eh? We're a mess. Depressed, self absorbed ones, doubly so. :-)

Yet as the tidal wave of emotion ebbed, the logical side of me (Ed: thanks Spock) realised I'd been here before and..... I'd survived. Pull yourself together, you've been through worse, I said aloud, wiped my eyes and turned the engine over. Macho BS aside, there are times when you've got to push the Black Dog back and walk away from its cloying embrace. I think it's still sat waiting in the bushes by the side of the road. It can bloody stay there too. :-)

With the above negativity out of the way, I can move on to happier news. I popped round to see Sophie on Wednesday night and much was said over tea and just the right amount of cake. I was in bloke mode, Sophie wasn't. We had a good old chin way about various things and a damned good laugh. Again, reasons to be cheerful as Mr Dury once sang. We had a brief chat about My Transsexual Summer and how that - and films - could push our emotional buttons. I know that Mrs J and I were both very moved by the hopes part from Trans-Summer (apologies for the contraction!) and for me, the comment - and I paraphrase - "these are my streets and I should walk them" struck home.

I've got a short list of stuff to do for next week: mend my dress properly this time, try to buy some of those sheer tights with the big stars on, sort out some new tracks for the Chameleons Christmas Party (thank you Lady GaGa) and help sort the food out too. Should be interesting.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Paradise City by Guns and Roses... or Iron Horse if you like a bit of bluegrass. ]

"Open up your eyes,You can't turn back the tide."

2011-11-25T20:27:00.001Z

Hi,

Another weekly post eh? ;-) Funny, I had a collection of things I wanted to talk about, yet now, as I sit here typing, they've all scurried away to hide within the proverbial shadows.

(Ed: temporal time distortion approaching team.... Yes, Lynn did write this bit earlier ;-) )

If I look to my right and out of the window, I can see rolling hills, the near empty branches of trees and some rather bushy connifers. The sun's spilling out a warm golden light to the day and yet when I track up to the sky, it seems cold.

Other than the exercise of description and a push to get me to actually type something, the above seems fairly indicative of my mood. For the most part, all is well, yet there is this nagging gap that I can't quite put my finger on. I suppose like the occasional arrival of a cool, but unwelcome draft.

Anyway! Enough of the negative, on with the good news. Thursday meant it was time for a night out. As per, I'd planned two outfits, but my heart - or perhaps my fashion Spider Sense - wasn't fully with it. Luckily, taking a couple of items packed meant I had options.

I was a little late getting changing as I stopped to say hello to one of the staff who worked at the Centre. Sue was having problems with her email, so being the helpful sort, I offered my services and got things working. It's not like it took long and as the Centre staff have been good to us, I feel it's a good thing to help in return.

Leaving Sue to catch up with the email, I headed off to get changed. I've started to do my make-up first, mainly as that lets me chop and change outfits later to suit. That, and being an early bird, I'm normally finished with the mirror as the other folk turn up. I was pretty much done when the others rolled in. One of the new folk - Sarah I think - was kind enough to say some nice things about how I'd done my eyes.

Talking of make-up, Amy had bought herself her first lot and - by her own admission - not being sure over the how's and the what's, she ended up quizzing, Maddy, Alison and myself.... oh, and a bit of help applying said items too. It's not easy when you first start out and I know I'm still learning despite all the hours I've put in. ;-)

What with the computer fixing and make-over, I was a little late getting downstairs. The place was packed too - not that that's a bad thing. Indeed, quite the opposite as it means there's lots of folk to talk to and it keeps the group's funds topped up nicely. Maddy had printed off the posters for Nottingham Invasion. Bless her, the minx had sneaked in my gag as a tag line: "Men in tights: a Nottingham tradition." I'll slip Mel Brooks a pint when I see him next. ;-)

After 9ish, the place thinned out as a number of folk set off to The New Forestters. I sort of fancied it, but at the same time, it's a faff getting changed compared to the facilities at the Centre and as I was a bit tired, I gave it a miss. There are times where the need for a good night's kip overrides the Tranny Force ;-)

With the Unusual Suspects out of the door, so the evening rolled on. There was then the obligatory photo shoot (not that I'm complaining!), tidying up and sorting out the pots. After that, I scooted upstairs to get changed. I did delay a little as I wanted to try my shoeboots out. I was wondering if they'd be suitable for dancing in - seeing as it's the Xmas Party next time around (December 8th). The reminds me, I best get the group's web site updated and put something in the forum too.

Jayne's organising a meal out in Nottingham before Christmas and I hear through the grapevine that some of the Centre staff are going along too. How cool is that? As Sandi said, that's acceptance! :-)

Anyways, all in all a good night out with good company. I did make a bit of a boo-boo by almost forgetting to take my nail varnish off. Luckily Alison saved me from that one. Shame in a way, it was a lovely colour. ;-)

Oh, one parting shot before I go: if you've been watching My Transsexual Summer, are you getting a bit fed up of the employer's line of "what about the punters?" Personally, I don't give a hoot who serves me, so long as they're polite and my drink arrives on time! :-) I really hope that that programme help non-trans folk understand what some of our community have to go through.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: It's No Good by Depeche Mode ]

"You known I can't believe it, when I hear that you won't see me."

2011-11-18T20:07:00.001Z

Hi,

This time around it's a quiet week and as I've said before, quiet isn't necessarily bad. Sure, I don't mind watching a bit of drama second hand - so books or film - but experiencing it first hand isn't always quite so welcome. :-)

Midweek

Mid week I booked an afternoon off to do a spot of shopping. Not the trans stuff, but the more mundane things such as new bloke clothes. My trainers have reached optimum comfort, which in real terms, means they are in danger of dropping to pieces when I least expect them too.

I also kept my eye out for some Xmas gifts and when you spot something that's just right, it can pay to pounce on said item before you forget or it goes out of stock. I did spot some nice items for the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones, so on a whim, I decided to check another store. Luckily for me, that paid off as there was a Three for Two offer. Handy as I was already in there buying make-up, although sadly, there were no special deals on this time around. I also managed to get Wee Man's fancy dress costume sorted out for his mate's birthday party and remember to get said mate a present.

While looking for men's shoes, I did see some rather nice biker style boots. Okay, not what I'd gone in to town for, but hey, when fortune smiles eh? :-) I decided not to invest because I've got a few pairs of heels and with Mrs J's feet being the same size as mine, we pool our boot collection.

As Invasion Nottingham is on the cards for next month, I did try on a coat in New Look, but it wasn't really me. The Invasion gig has been masterminded by Sam and I'm hopeful that'll be a good night out. I know a number of the Chams massive are going, so fingers crossed. Maddy is working on a poster and when that's ready, I'll ask about re-posting it here.

I had read on-line about a series of new bras. Debenhams seemed to be the first to market and like most fashions and technologies, it didn't take long for competitors to catch up. To that end, I did try the M & S Double Size bra. I guess you'd call it a Wonderbra on steroids. I sort of worked with just the one set of boob enhancers (aka chicken fillets), but not with both and really, it didn't do a lot for yours truly. Perhaps on a (genetic) lady, it would work wonders. So back that went.

You researched what?

Being both a nosey so-and-so and part of what some folk call alternative lifestyle.... although for the record, I think we trans folk are born this way (baby), so it's not really a choice. To boil it down to a soundbite, I think the only choices elements are being open, closed or somewhere in-between. But that aside, I find studies into us human folk rather interesting.

Anyhoo, a friend sent me a link to a presentation called A talk based on A Billion Wicked Thoughts. Research based on sexual behaviour, in this case, pornography access within the Internet. The YouTube video is here and while it contains adult themes, it's not graphic, although some terminology may offend. It's also just under an hour, so happy viewing.

One of the items mentioned was the popularity of she-male porn (if you're short on time, it's about 22 minutes in). Larks, just writing that is going to produce some interesting search hits isn't it. Maybe this wasn't such a good idea! ;-) If type of 'entertainment' is that popular with straight men, does this explain admirers? Does it also go someway to answering the notion - incorrect in my view - that trans folk are always 'up for it'? What I mean is, if Joe Public keeps seeing images of trans folks in erotica and not the real world, does that twist mainstream society's view of us. Questions, questions eh?

On that note, cheery bye and have a nice weekend.
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Don't You Want Me by The Human League ]

"Because the plot thickens every day,And the pieces of my puzzle keep crumblin' away,But I know, there's a picture beneath"

2011-11-11T21:20:00.001Z

Hiya,

It's been a bit of a mixed week this time around. Mostly good, with what really shouldn't be a big deal. Shall we get on with it then? Oh and a brief apology as this week's entry is rather lengthy.

The Trans Factor

Channel Four recently started a new series called My Transsexual Summer. I guess that's following the idea of X number of folk of a particular type, get them under one roof and film them. There was a show earlier in the year called Seven Dwarves which featured - wait for it, wait for it - a number of vertically challenged people who shared a house. AFAIK there wasn't a bird from a glass coffin who did the housework. ;-) Okay, that's the last of the fairy tale gags, I promise! I guess it was a sort of old school fly-on-the-wall reality TV programme. As opposed to 'reality TV' where no celeb folk are interviewed, labelled (the funny one, the cute one, etc) and the subjected to events that wouldn't happen in the real world (Big Brother, etc). Maybe it's unfair to be so overly cynical of television programmes, especially as I seem to watch less and less these days, but a bad show leaves bad vibes.

I did watch it and I did feel for those of them transitioning. I mean, there are ups and downs associated with being trans. The whole coming to terms with it, being able to be yourself, buying the right clothes and going out. That last point splits into two: firstly, as a common-or-garden tranny, I spend my working life in Bob Mode and I don't have to face the Big Bad World in Lynn Mode unless I want to. To that end, I guess I'm shielded from the discrimination that full time trans folk may be exposed to... and as if on queue, there was a brief part showing bigots doing what bigots do best (Ed: that's right, acting like a w***er). That was something the Every Lovely Mrs Jones picked up on. She said that it was one of the things she worried about when I went out. Not so much Chams, but out to trans events; what if you bump into some thugs? You only need to be unlucky once, etc.

I suppose the personal safety bit comes back to a conversation I had with Maddy. Things such as being careful where you go, avoiding dark/quiet alleys (unless you're a vampire, vampire slayer or even both), etc. I don't consider myself to be female, although when it comes to being out and about, I do find myself thinking is where I'm going safe for a woman on her own? Simple things like avoiding dodgy areas or not being on my own when it's kicking out time at the local lager lout venue.

Worse things happen at sea!

I've been running low on the anti-miserablist tablets for a while. That was mainly due to me feeling fine and as such, I didn't feel I needed to go back to the doctor. Errk, wrong answer, Hans! Not getting my finger out to go see the doctor meant I was down to taking one every other day and yes, I did notice then. I started to feel like I was starting to circle around the dark, or perhaps more accurately, I could feel the depression beginning to come back into my thoughts. I think it was temporary as provided I'm on the happy pills (not that they actually do that), I'm okay. I suppose it was a combination of brain chemistry, thinking over what I saw on Transsexual Summer and the Tranny Force. The latter has been quite strong of late. What really worries me - terrifies me at bad times - is that's the route I'm headed for. Don't get me wrong, if you're walking that path, good for you. I'm not here to disrespect your choices, what I'm talking about it my fear of losing my family, the people I hold dear, the idea that going full time is my only route out of depression. Well, it scares the sh** out of me.

So I did my best to be honest with the doctor and not do that typically English thing of stiff upper lip / putting a brave face on it. I answered his questions as best I could and tried not to steer the conversation, just let it happen. Now, I've got another few months of tablets to keep the Black Dog at bay and I'm on the list to talk to a therapist. The doctor's word were: "for some, the medication is keeps you going until the issues are over, but if the underlying problem hasn't been addressed, they're not much more than a sticking plaster."

It made sense to me and I should be getting a call later in the month. Going on from the worry about full time, that fits in with a conversation I had with Sam. She asked, where is the compromise between the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and myself? It's a tough one to answer, because each couple's relationship is complicated and unique to them. What works for one, may not work for another and other cliches. Without being rude, I suppose I can see her point of view. Equally, I can see Mrs Jones' wishes and 99% of the time, the fully carpeted legs / arms and non-pierced ears are fine. Just flights of fancy..... yet.... there are times when I feel locked away. I guess it's only human to want more, but at the same time, I'm fairly sure that going too far down the trans route will mean I run the very strong risk of losing the lady and children that I love. I don't want to pay that price. It's too high. Ahh, but if life were simple, we wouldn't need blogs eh? ;-) I'm hopeful that talking to someone professionally will help. Maybe it's not all trans related doom and gloom, merely an aspect of who I am? Maybe there's another something lurking within my psyche, or - as a mate once said - maybe you're just a morose c***. :-D

Out and About

On to brighter news! It was time for Chams again and all went well. The previous tenants departed on time and I had a nice chat with a member of the local council about it. The chap in question pretty much repeated the local clerk's position on the matter of us staying and that he - and the rest of the borough massive - were with us. If we're happy, they're happy. Good news eh? Oh and I got an email along the same lines.

It was also an evening of new folk. We had a visit from a young lad from Sheffield way. Bless him, he'd been waiting outside patiently and then after seeing me draw the curtains upstairs, he came up to knock on the door. "Is this the meeting?" comes a voice from behind the door.

At this point, I've got most of my lady gear on and I'm just putting my lippy away. "Which meeting would that be?" Thing is, we've had folk come to the centre on other business and you really don't want to be exposing Joe Public to a half-made up tranny at the best of times. Hell, it's not always safe to expose some of them to a fully made up one either. :-)

"The Chameleons Group?" At this point, I let him in and we had a good chat while Gayna and I finished getting ready. I'll leave the personal background aside, but the 'L' poor dear had been outted by an ex. Why do some partners do that? I think it's really low. What was good is that while some friends had been a bit funny about it, most were not and just accepted him. Maybe there's hope for us all yet eh? ;-) His current girlfriend seems much more accepting and encouraged him to come along. I think it's cool when folk fight the fear and come along.

Anyways, downstairs and feeling much chipper, I mingled and chatted. Later on Amy turned up and I had remembered to bring in my spare wig for her. She seemed very happy with it and as Maddy said, the jump between your male self and you with a wig on really helps with the self image. I wasn't giving it away, so I let Amy hang on to it for an evening's test drive. I've had a lovely email from her, which makes the organisation (well, what little I do) very worth while.

Val had been snapping pictures of the group on and off for a few months now. Not so much the posed tranny images we all know and love, but more crowd scenes: images of folk talking, life shots if you will. Anyway, her 'Valbum' was brought in and I'm hopeful I may be able to get a few to share within FlickR. I think it's a cool way to capture what's going on in the group. Talking of snaps, Gayna kindly volunteered - or was volunteered, I'm not sure! - to take a group shot of us.

We also had a visit from two new folk: one lady had been before, but many moons ago, whereas the other hadn't been out before. Understandably she was very nervous, so you do you bit to make people feel at home. Try to reassure them, get them a drink and let them settle in slowly. Jayne, bless her, also popped in to the kitchen to have a chat. It's good in that it lets people circulate and they're not stuck with having me prattle on.... like you are now..... Bugger. :-)

The evening few by and I enjoyed catching up with new and old friends alike. We had a quick photo session and then I joined the girls for a swift half at the local gay pub. I had said no previously, however this time.... I decided to go. I'd heard that the parking was right outside, so it was less than a stone's throw from the car to the bar. I didn't stay long because I was conscious of the time and I didn't need yet another late night. It was fun to be out after what would normally be going home time, that and a little long to chat.

Talking of night's out: Sam's planning Invasion Nottingham which I'm keen to go to (16th December). Not just because of it being a good night out, but because of all the hard work she's put in. I think it's great that folk grasp the nettle and organise stuff. Mrs J is cool with me going, so it's a case of sorting out something I can dance in. Step on! ;-)

Take care,

Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Falling to Pieces by Faith No More ]

"T.G.I.F"

2011-11-04T20:39:00.001Z

Hi,

Not so long ago, the conversation at a tranny do swung around to blogging. I think it may be been Rebbecca who asked: when do you find time to write? The short answer is as and when. Of course being a blogger, a short answer strictly won't do.... :-)

Since my teen years, I'd frequently have a scrap of paper / notebook and obligatory pen too. Back then, I'd get ideas for a story, a joke (sometimes slight amusing) or an idea for a computer game or RPG. Now, the ideas tend to be for a blog post or a short story. An item of conversation or unusual circumstance will occur and a small invisible light bulb (Ed: no, I don't know what invisible light looks like either) would switch on somewhere above my head. My memory being what it is, I now write these fleeting thoughts down and come back to them at a later date or when I'm in the right frame of mind.

Maybe that cliche about the Muse rings true: I do find it easier to write when I'm in the right mood. It seems that the words come relatively easily and I can rattle off a good few paragraphs in what seems like no time at all. Most of the time, I'm happy with that, but there are also times when ideas don't come so easily. Then I have to really think hard - something I'm not so good at - and force an idea out, on to the virtual page.

So other than a small slip of paper to jot down my thoughts, there's also the where and the when of it. Again, if the mood strikes me and I have the time, I'll start up Notepad or maybe Yahoo Notes to jot down some ideas. Subject to making a gap, I may flesh the ideas out. Oddly, I don't tend to open the Blogger interface until I'm ready to upload something that's most of the way there. Sure, there's a little tinkering that goes on before hand, but if I'm lucky, I have something ready for Friday night.

That's the what and the where out of the way. I guess the 8.34 million euro question is the why? Partly because I like the process of writing: trying to tease my thoughts in to some coherent order and pick through what's going on in my life (Ed: she's making that last bit up, I'm sure). The other part of it is that here I can pretty much rattle on about anything I like. In Bob World - oh and that's Bob as in him and not bob as in "that's a lot of bob" (Ed: to overseas' readers, bob = sh**) - there are conversations that I just don't have.

Today for example, someone asked what I'd got up to the other day and the truth of the matter is that I'd popped out for a spot of shopping with a (trans) friend. I saw the most gorge dress (sadly too small and rather expensive, but hey, a t-girl can dream right?) and had a lovely long chin wag + lunch with Sam..... but [sigh], that's not the sort of talk I can have with work mates or folk I'm not out to. Hence this blog. It's a place where I can talk about the trans stuff, hell, any stuff. If I'm lucky and the post interests you good people out there, you comment and it sparks more conversation.

I may have mentioned this before, but I have my own personal deadline of Friday evenings. Sure, as I've just said, I do rattle off the odd post (like now) prior to that. Yet, perhaps a third of the time, I'll be typing away frantically after the kids are in bed, trying to finish a post off (like now). I guess part of it is getting my head around what's happened in the week, maybe even getting something of my chest and having the proverbial air clear for the weekend.

Looking back, Friday evenings had a certain magic to them: a level of promise of what might be. You had no school to worry about and indeed, in my adult life, it's been a long time since I've had to work a weekend. Going back a bit, I have worked shifts and I hated doing so. Again, we come back to the magical charm of Friday night / Saturday morning. Knowing you had to get up and haul on the shirt + tie one more time... Yeah, well, on the upside; I don't have to worry about that anymore.

I've mentioned time a couple of... times?... and if there's some hobby I want to do, something else has to give. There just aren't enough minutes in the day - or an evening in my case - to watch TV, read, blog, email, Facebook, etc. Perhaps there's a certain irony that with all the new television channels we have, I now watch less than I did when we had only four. There are some good shows on, but now I look at the reviews, shrug and just don't bother. Viewer apathy eh?

Anyways, that's enough chat from me for another week. Enjoy yourselves (not like that! :-P ) and stay safe!

Lynn
x

PS; I've updated the Resource panel at the bottom right of the screen. There are now more links to research into trans behavior and some help guides from the National Health Service.

[ Today's lyric: Last Friday Night (TGIF) by Katy Perry... which I guess doesn't mean Transgender Information Force. ;-) ]

"And the fellow's blue and gray, or sometimes pink and green, just check it out on Halloween!"

2011-10-28T21:00:00.000+01:00

Hi,

Crikey, Friday already! Despite a brief panic over household funds (well, mainly by me!) within the Jones household, all has been well this week. It seems we may need to tighten our collective belts as food and fuel prices continue to rise like a politician's schoomze fund. Without wanting to sound like a big head, our combined incoming isn't bad, so for those who are less that flush, things must really be starting to bite. On the upside, we don't get paid in Euros. ;-)

It was the Chameleons Halloween party last night and rather good it was too. We had a Chinese meal and Sandi & Tracey did a top job of making the place look very nice. Rather than the usual row of tables, we had pumpkin lanterns*, tablecloths and fancy lights for the disco. Yes, I did bend a few ears with my choice of music, but I did try to keep it fairly mellow and it's not like I didn't offer other folks the option. ;-)

( * BTW, the lanterns were kindly donated to Wee Man and Little Miss. They spent the evening turning all the lights off in the house and having their own ghost hunt. All very cute! ).

The only snag for Thursday was the new early evening tenants. The rooms the group has booked are outs from 7.30 and there's a Karate Group who use the gym facilities until just before 8. They're a cool bunch and we get on just fine. However, another group - who shall remain nameless - have booked the Centre's hall up until 7.15. Fine by us and really, none of our business... unless said group are a) overrunning and b) making transphobic mutterings. They overran into our last meeting and we gave them the benefit of the doubt. Sometimes stuff does lag and five minutes: is it worth getting into a flap about? Anyways, this week, they were taking the liberty as it wasn't until nearly 7.45 that they left and when the did, it was in a defensive huddle as if they'd be set upon by murderous trannys. :-) I've had a word with the Centre's organiser - a lovely lady - and she's going to explain the rules over booking. It was good to hear that we're - and I quote - "part of the furniture" and that we're no trouble. Hell, we tidy up, pay on time and there's never any funny business. Trans folk eh? How bloody dare they :-D

On to better news; the evening went well and it was good to see a few new folk coming back for another visit. Debbie mentioned that a member of her family was a dab hand with a camera, so that's something to consider for another evening. A group portrait would be good and much as the one on the main site is a top job, it's been there a while and an update would help the main site. The only snag is a decent background, so I guess I'll be hunting for either a loan backdrop or another big sheet! :-) I said a brief hello to Vanessa (who came dressed this time around) and then another hello to another Vanessa who came for her first visit.

As it was a party night, I decided to rev the make-up up a notch: sparkly eye make-up and fluttery lashes. Certainly not a daytime look, but it was Halloween. :-) This evening's outfit was the purple dress that I thought I'd fixed last week. It seems that while my needlecraft isn't too off the mark (Ed: you big Mary), I did miss two small gaps in the seem. It being a bodycon stylee, yes, they did show on occasion. Oh bugger! :-) Still, I wasn't the only one with dress issues: Maddy had bought the wrong sized tights, so I gifted her with my emergency pair of opaques. In return she passed along some shoes and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones liked those. We had a good old chat about this, that and the other which was great. As I mentioned above, we were late getting downstairs because of the other group overrunning. Again, I wonder if being less-that-typical makes you a bit more sensitive to other folks' concerns? So we held back coming downstairs until they'd cleared out. No biggie, but a bit of a pain as I'd hoped to help Sandi & Tracey set up.

The evening went well and despite no Alison (away on business, according to Jenny), I caught up with other friends. Sophie was sporting a very nice necklace (Ed: not just a new necklace, she had a dress on too! :-P ) that she'd been sent for her birthday, Sam gave an update on how things were going with her Dad (see here and good luck Mrs!) and it was nice to catch up with Rebbecca. A irregular regular as she once described herself. Val was doing her best to capture the evening on camera, although the cheeky so-and-so papped me eating (Ed: never a pretty sight at the best of times!).

Raffle done - I won a handbag charm and two boxes of false nails (something to re-try I think) - and pots & plates tidied away, there was just enough time for a quick photo before we all drifted off to our collective homes. Well, apart from the Dirty Stop Outs who hit the tiles until the small hours. I hope you had a good time out girls! :-)

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Dr Stein by Helloween. An 80s power metal track that's now a funky jazz number. Yeah, baby :-) ]

"No new tale to tell, Twenty-six years on my way to hell"

2011-10-21T20:46:00.001+01:00

Hiya,

Note to self for the next post: delay on having the weekend G & T until after you're written this weeks musings :-)

Last night the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones was out with friends, so yours truly was holding the fort. Bath time and bedtime stories done, it was time to sit back and amuse myself. I suppose in years gone by, the first thing I would have done is give the kids an hour to be properly asleep and then it would be Lynn time. These days, I just don't bother and I guess that's down to the fact that I know that at least twice a month, I've got an appointment with my alternative wardrobe. I've heard from some that twice a month would not be enough and while there are times when I feel the pull of the Dark Side, pretty much 90% of the time I'm cool with it.

So with time on my hands I decided to catch up on a TV show I'd been meaning to watch. Now, I don't know about you, but if I'm not careful and I'm feeling a bit restless, my hands will reach for the chocolate box. Good for the soul, but not so much the waistline! Instead, I thought I best sort out my dress for the next meeting. It wasn't a trying on session, more a sewing session. Honestly, I'm so manly, sometimes it hurts ;-)

I think it was last year I bought a rather nice purple dress from Very. The only issue with it is the stitching wasn't very good and if it hadn't been for a careful application of a safety pin, I would have needed something else to wear. Anyhoo, I'm planning on wearing that again for the upcoming Chameleons Halloween do. So it was out with the needle and thread to sort out the two holes. After that, I realised I had a t-shirt (a bloke one should you be curious) that also needed a little fixing. I guess I was a little over zealous when it came to cutting out the label.

Where does this stuff come from? Oh and I don't mean the above gibberish. ;-) More the creative / fixy type skills. I'm really very bad at DIY, but ask me to fix Wee Man's school trousers (or convert to summer shorts) or put together a fancy dress costume and I'm as happy as Wendy... sorry... Larry. :-) Maybe it's a trans thing, but there are less useful skills to have I suppose :-)

I think it was Thursday that was Spirit Day. Not so much drinking in the streets nor getting in touch with your soulful side, but more support of young LGBT folk. I spotted the event while looking at the It Gets Better site. Sadly, I let the side down because while I may have a few funky colours in one wardrobe, my bloke stuff is more traditional. Okay, I did have a shirt in purple, but I was in jeans that day and it didn't feel quite right. Oh the vanity! ;-)

While looking at the site, I had a quick look at a few of the videos that folk had uploaded. One of them was a young gay chap coming out to his dad. I really felt for him because it can't have been easy for him. Perhaps that's why the T gets pushed together with the LGB: at some point we feel the need to come out and perhaps there's safety in numbers. Perhaps there's a touch of irony, in that being a tranny, for most of the time, outwardly, I'm that stereotypical closeted bloke with a family, dog and 2.4 kids. As an aside, just this week a (trans) friend came out to her Dad and it did not go as well as she'd hoped. If she decides to blog about it, I'll link to it from here, but it's not my news to share.

So after I watched the video - which I felt positive about - and then I spotted some of the replies. One of them was from a Christian gent and curious to his point of view, I clicked it. Sadly, it was not the accepting vibe that my sister, a vicar (yes, really) gives out, but the stereotyped bigot pushing the "you're going to burn in Hell" message instead. Now I know you shouldn't really talk about religion because it's a deeply personal matter, but the negativity shown by that man really wound me up. As a person - and religion aside - I just don't think it is right to go around telling people who are struggling with coming to terms with who they are, that they're 'wrong' and are 'going to be punished'. I think it's just cruel and if you did want to bring people into a faith community, how is that going to encourage them? Ahhh, there I go again with my liberal sensibilities. :-)

I had thought about making an It Gets Better video myself. My main worry is that I'd be outing myself and while I'm not so bothered, what keeps me in check is my thoughts for the family. I really don't want to give bullies any easy ammunition so my kids are picked on simple because of who I am. That said, I feel it would be beneficial. Yes, I really found it difficult coming to terms with being trans during my teenager years. But I got through it and yes, as the slogan says, it does get better.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Wish by Nine Inch Nails. I wonder if that'll go down well at the Halloween party? :-) ]

"I got a reason for the devil inside you know"

2011-10-14T20:08:00.001+01:00

Hi,

How's things with you? After last week's not-much-is-going-on post, events have picked up a little. Home-life and family is going well, which is not to be underrated. Parents Evening will be upon us soon and if I can get an early pass from work, I'd like to pop along and see Wee Man's work on show.

Trans-wise, I saw some very nice shoe boots while out shopping with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. At twenty quid, I couldn't really say no, so armed with the takings from my piggy bank, off I went. Luckily, said shop - or rather supermarket - had clothes for him & her as well as changing rooms. So it was a repeat of the tried and trusted routine of going along early and taking bloke clothes to the changing room.

Funny, but the purchase of the new boots made me wonder about a new outfit. Not so much buying one, but one coming together in my head. I had wondered about teaming a shirt under one of those higher necked 60s shift dresses I've been seeing. While surfing the t'interweb, I saw that Dorothy Perkins had a sale on and - yay! - said item was reduced. We'll skip over the fact that my pink dress (see here) was reduced (Pants!). Anyway, a quick visit to the shop and quick look through the rails was fruitless. I had a quick chat with one of the assistants and she said that the dress in question had been incredibly popular. Despite the somewhat high fashion cut of the neckline (i.e.: it'll date quickly), said dress has been selling like the proverbial. Still, it meant I saved a few quid. I did see a cute mini-skirt, but I skipped on that, mainly because I've got two I've not worn yet.

Talking of fashion and popular, Sandi mentioned that Gok Wan's new range for Sainsbury's (yes, another supermarket), looks very nice. I've had a look on-line and the items do look good. Some nice styles and if Gok's true to his word on flattering styles, there should be something for everyone.... even six foot blokes. :-) Anyhoo, I'm reserving judgement as I've yet to see the clothes in the real world. Much as I like a bargain, I'm a wee bit fussy when it comes to the feel of a garment, but from what Sandi said, the Gok stuff sounded pretty good. Something to check out next time eh? (Ed: apologies for the unintentional pun).

I guess that leads us on to Chams. What a busy night! Over the last few weeks there's been a few emails to the group from new folk wanting to come along. These messages are reasonably frequent and I treat each enquiry as best I can. I guess it's that time of year as last night, we had four visitors come for their first time: Amy, Vanessa, Pattie and D. You do your best to sit folk down, have a chat with them and ply them with a drink to sooth their nerves. By drink, I mean tea or coffee, the gin bottle is sadly missing :-)

I find it a bit tricky because while you don't want anyone to feel ignored, equally, you don't want to be in anyones' face, forcing conversation on them. I was glad to see the group welcome the visitors and in particular Tracey, Sandi & Alison taking the time to include them.

One thing I will add, is that through conversations with one of the new folk, it made me realise how easy I have it. By that I mean, coming out and the bumps along the road have been pretty mild compared to the journey of others. Don't get me wrong, upsetting Mrs Jones (over ten years ago) was not pleasant and something I felt truly awful for. Sure, I got outted back at home (blimey, twenty years!), but I never faced the intimidation or outright abuse that some people had to live with. So, you do your best to alay people's fears and try to help them. Even if it's just simple things such as trying to break down that old Devil that it's wrong in some way. Sure, it's a bit different to the norm, but it could be a lost worse.

Maybe that's why I try to help out at the group - at least in little ways. I'd hate to see the group go under because of the friends I've made there and also that it can - and I say this very seriously - that to some, it's a truly a lifeline. The necessity to drop the pretense cannot be underrated - and I don't mean the dressing up, although that's very welcome. Just to be able to share with people like you, is - certainly for me - incredible. I doubt I'd have got to a state of self-acceptance without the help and support of Chameleons. So, I found it a sad to hear that a local group has recently shut up shop. I'm not familiar with the full ins and outs of it, but it sounds like internal politics may have caused it. Shame, but there you go.

I got to catch up with folk: Sophie was back from her travels. There was no sign of Maddy or Gayna, so I'm guessing the were out on the tiles (dirty stop outs :-D ). Maddy's friend from down south, Tanya, popped in as she's visiting Oop North. Talking of travels, Sam, Tracey and Kate headed in to town for a night out. As it was on my doorstep, I politely declined. Willpower? There's a change! :-) I had hoped to have a chat with Kate as she doesn't always come along, but with all the social butterfly routine, I didn't get chance. I did talk to Nicole a bit more and she's coming up to being at the group for a year. How quickly time goes eh?

After a night of witty banter and yummy cakes, it was time for the obligatory photos. D (Mrs Patty) let slip she had some photography experience, so she soon put us amatuers to rights :-) Outfit-wise, after investing in some 150 denier opaques (Ed: at what point does high denier start to become equal to tog value?), it was on with the skirt I didn't wear last time around. Having toned up a little, my blue M&S top fitted better and I was pretty happy with the whole ensemble.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Ruff Justice [sic] by Pop Will Eat Itself ]

"'til it's over and then, it's nice and quiet"

2011-10-07T20:21:00.003+01:00

Hey all,

Autumn seems to have arrived in the UK. I'll spare you the in depth weather report, but I will say this, I'm glad the Chams Massive went out last Thursday rather than yesterday! It really threw it down last night and today's been rather windy. Sure, cooler is better than too warm, but as Maddy commented over on Facebook, you don't really want to be chasing your hair down the street. :-)

So it's been pretty quiet of late and there are times when that's not such a bad thing. Work too has settled down and the Big Project is both on hold and just about back on track. The pause to stop and consider where we are is very welcome. It's allowed us to evaluate what's really important and delay / remove what's not. Sometimes I wonder if more activities at work would benefit from that step back approach. But, hey, what would I know? :-)

Although it is only October, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and I have started our Xmas shopping. Yes, it is very early, but we're trying to spread the cost and avoid too much of a long slog around town. We've bought a few things for the kids and little bits for our extended family too. Maybe this year, I'll start the wrapping up earlier rather than leaving it until the last minute.

With home life and work staying laid back, I've had a little more time on my hands than I'm used to. I've been able to catch up with my reading (Kindles rock!) and catch up with things I'd do if when I had a spare five minutes. One of them was start to add tags to my blog posts. It's something I'd thought of doing sometime ago, but like I said, there's other stuff that's more important. The main reason for doing it was to see which items popped out in the tag cloud. Chameleons features quite heavily, which I guess is to be expected. It is one of the main constants in this wee blog.

So... umm... that's pretty much it this time around. I hope things are good in your neck of the woods.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Oh So Quiet by Bjork ]

"Wow! (Shout out loud), At the gay bar"

2011-09-30T20:27:00.004+01:00

Hiya,

As I type it is unseasonably warm. Talk about a late summer! I've blogged about my enjoyment of the autumn months once before and much as the clear blue skies are nice, it is too hot for me. By the time it cools down, it's pitch black. Still, the weather is at least calm, so no puddles to splash through or wind to blow your syrup in umpteen directions.

Last time around, I mentioned the possiblity of a night out. It has been ages since I've been out and about, so I was really looking forward to it. Luckily for little old me (Ed: yes, the diet is still working), the Fates smiled and all went well.

After dropping Little Miss off at Granny's, I made my way to the usual Chameleons haunt and - sssh, now! - after checking the upstairs room was free, quickly got changed. By now tempreatures had started to drop, so I decided to stay with the planned outfit (see snaps later on). I did a quick check to make sure nothing had been left behind and headed back to the car.

Half an hour down the motorway and I was making my way through Leicester. Now, I don't have the world's best sense of direction. I guess I missed out on that one - maybe in return for baking or accessorising. :-) I had logged a few NCP car parks into my smartphone and that helped me find some place to park up. The only issue, it was on the edges of the ring road and I needed to be in the centre of town. Oops.

Now, I really only know a little about Leicester city centre and that's mainly from a walking point of view. Given the time between me rolling up and meeting with the girls, I had half an hour to get to the pub. I took a deep breath, checked my paper map and headed off into the night. There were a few folk around and I tried to avoid any really busy places or pubs with folk yelling outside of them. If I was clocked, no-one said anything which suits me just fine.

I reached Dover Street and the pub, Dover Castle. I was about to ring to see if anyone was about and I spotted Maddy. Heading on it, the warmth of the evening hit me, so it was time for a quick hello and to get a suitably cold drink in. Who was there? Emma W, Sam, Mrs Sam (token foxy partner*), Jenny, Bobbi, Gayna, Emma and Julia. [ * Hopefully that comment won't get me into trouble! :-P ]

The bar itself was very nice and the music enjoyable, but not too loud so you couldn't talk. It wasn't long before my proverbial toe was tapping and I was wryly amused that my music collection had more in common with this venue than the rock set I used to hang with. I guess some of us are just destinued to walk another line :-D Just opposite the bar was the theatre and a car park that I should have used, oh well! I did catch a couple of theater punters looking - nay, gawking - in the window. I'm afraid I couldn't help myself but wave and smile at them. That soon put a stop to it! :-)

Nine o'clock rolled around and I sent Kate a TXT to see if she was on her way. Sadly, she wasn't as she'd been caught up at work. Off we went to the venue, Las Iguanas and took our seats. The staff were really good to us and we didn't have any trouble. Just after the starters, I got the camera out (mais oui!) and after hamfisting a shot out, the waiter was kind enough to offer to take a proper piccy. The food was good, the company excellent and time flew by just chatting and laughing.

As 11pm rolled in, I knew I had to start making it back. I paid my dues, said my goodbyes and after thanking the waiter, headed off into the night. Thing was, when I got to the door, there were loads of people in the street. Suddenly, town had got very busy and the only way through was to just do it. I suppose it's best not to be foolhardy and I felt a little nervous at the night crowd. Again, everyone was cool and I was ignored. My feet were hurting by the time I got back to the car and I was glad of the air-con when I set off. Feeling rather chuffed with myself that I'd managed to find my way there and back, I then upped my game by getting completely lost on the way out of Leicester. :-) After the sav-nat got me back on track, all that remained was to get changed (hello, layby) before getting home just after midnight to the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones.

All in all, a truly cracking night. Thanks to Gayna for organising the event and to everyone who popped along.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Gay Bar by Electric Six ]

"I itch my skin jump up and say, 'Lady, I know why your thoughts turned grey'"

2011-09-23T20:45:00.001+01:00

Hello dear reader,

How's things with you? Hopefully, all is well and if not, soon will be. Today I'm in a rather jubilant mood and that, perhaps like a fine meal, is something to be savored. I was going to make a gag about events conspiring with me, but I couldn't quite get it to work. Ho hum! :-)

So why the all round pleasantness? Well, since you asked (!), a few things have built up to boost the good vibes and lay low the not so good ones (although the latter have been but minor bumps, rather than the proverbial face kick. Yay for progress!). To start with, it was my birthday a little while ago and other than some nice gifts, I had a lovely time with our little family and the more extended Jones Massive. Yes, cake, candles, cards: the whole shebang. I do, however, now draw ever closer to the big Four Oh, but I hear from friends that the view on the otherside isn't so bad. :-) We may come back to that vibe later on.

The Big Project at work seems to be on hold, so there's a welcome relief. It's rather nice to just sit back and let things ride for a while. That gap in my schedule has meant I could catch up on other things: you know, that ever growing list of stuff you'll do when you get a mo. On a further positive note, the changes to the core network have fixed a number of persistent faults and the end users are reporting good things. Again, small victories that I'm thankful for. Oh, no news on the job front as the closing date hasn't gone yet.

Thursday was Chameleons, so off I went with outfits packed. After much deliberation, I had eventually narrowed the plan down to two looks. By sheer fluke, I arrived quite early and as the downstairs room had a keep fit session in full swing, I went upstairs to get changed. I had planned on going for a top, leggings, mini kilt and boots; but on looking in the mirror, something about it didn't feel quite right. Why not? Well, firstly, much as I don't mind above the knee skirts, mid thigh makes me a little nervous. I suppose I don't want to appear tarty and I'm conscious of mutton dressed as lamb . I clearly remember reading a newspaper article - the one that mentioned Leicester Chameleons and 'the TopShop girls'. I know that's probably a little silly, given that some of my dresses are shorter than I've just described, but I never said this blog would make sense. :-) It's finding that fine line for your personal style that's neither too staid/frumpy/dull versus teenage tartbag. From what I've read in women's magazines, the same dilemma goes on :-)

Personal doubts aside, the other element to it was that we were having visitors and.... now this is a bit bonkers.... at work, it's jeans + old t-shirt because of what I do. While I probably should wear a tie and shirt, I just can't be bothered. Yet, come Thursday night, I'm stood pondering the merits of one outfit over another. Too young, too safe or too funky? :-) Funky won out as it felt right to me (see photo) and once suited femmed up (Ed: did you mean that ironically, right Lynn? :-P), I was off downstairs to sort out the tables and get set up (although Mrs A had done a rather good job already).

[ Update: Stana from Femulate posted a link to something very similar here. ]

The visitors arrived and bless them, they'd brought along a fair amount of stock: Neece from Strut Your Style and Richard and Jay of Venezia Designs. With hellos said coffees served, they cracked on with laying out the items. Cue four long tressle tables of shoes, bling jewellry and wigs. Talking of hellos, the visitors in question were two gents and a lady. Gentle handshakes ensued and then as the chap took my hand firmly, I did drop back into Comedy Bob mode and utter "Hi there," in rather butch manner. Not that I camp it up as Lynn, but I try not to growl my way through a conversation. Still, we all saw the funny side and sometimes you need to laugh at yourself.

The Chams folk chatted amongst ourselves until at someting to nine, we pulled up chairs for a chat. All in all, I think the evening went pretty well. I'm always slightly on edge for visitors that I've drawn in. Yes, they did contact me, but at the same time, I like to see both sides getting something out of it and I think a few sales were made to make the trip worth while.

Next week, there's the chance to visit Leicester for a curry with the girls. I'm really looking forward to that as the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones is okay with me going. Just a case of sorting out someplace to park when I arrive. I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, so apologies if I have, but going out is complicated. Not the actually process of getting ready et al.... well, that's not true, I take long than Mrs J to 'get fab', so I do not stand there tapping my watch as she puts her lippy on. :-) No, the complication is the emotional build up towards it. As I said to Alison, it [going out] feels so normal. It's not an adrenaline rush despite my initial nerves when I used to step out to Chams all those years ago. I don't say that as a brag either, it's just so... so normal. Just a night out with friends, except this time, I guess the bonus is I don't have to hide who I am. Maybe that's the attraction.

Anyway, look after yourselves!

Take care,
Lynn
x

PS: Good luck on the trip, Soph and get well soon Maddy!

[ Today's lyric: Hollywood by Marina and The Diamonds ]

"I'll escape if I try hard enough, Till King of the Jungle calls my bluff"

2011-09-16T21:52:00.002+01:00

Hi,

How's things? It seems the autumn weather is slowly starting to make itself known. There's a little edge of the morning or lunchtime walk: do I or don't I take the brolly with me? Plus, those warm mornings are gradually slipping away, not that you came here for a weather forecast ;-)

Funny, even as a kid I found September as a bit of a turning point. It seemed to mark the change between the school holidays and the summer itself. It was - and indeed still is for me - a case that there's something different in the air. Perhaps it's just a change in the temperature, but I feel there's more to it than that. Personally, I like autumn... and I don't just mean the fashions and run up to Xmas - much as that is rather fab. No, it's that it's cooler, but not too cold and it's not yet the bleakness of winter. To me, autumn is full of promise and excitement. There's Halloween, Bonfire Night, Xmas Parties, etc. There are walks to be had, and nuts & wild fruits to collect if you're that way inclined. The idea of good food that's freely available really appeals to me for some reason! Apples, chestnuts, blackberries, etc. That reminds me, I did snaffle a bag full of sloes the other day. They've gone into a bottle of gin, which is blending nicely in the dark under the sink. I won't be knocking it back though, it's a present for my folks.

From a tranny point of view, I prefer the autumn fashions too. Winter you seem to be trying to keep warm, as no matter what you wear, the icy wind finds a way to cut in. Spring? It's that awkward too cold/too hot/too windy mish-mash of a season. Oh, and you can never buy a coat because summer bikinis are in the shops :-). So back to dear old autuym: there's the whole boots, thick tights, pretty skirt and nice scarf routine. You also don't have to worry about the heat or exposing your pasty whites to the sun. The only thing to watch out for are the gusts of wind. Luckily, it's never been so windy I've felt my wig will fly off. :-)

In other news, I finally got my finger out over employment matters. Firstly, I've spotted a new job that I like the look of. Secondly, I thought I'd give writing another go and this time I've sent a piece in to an Internet trans magazine. I guess it remains to be seen how the latter goes, but I'll keep you posted. As to the job, well, there's the whole CV sorting and interview process to go through yet. I won't hear about that until much later in the month. I've also got concerns about the impact moving job will have. Not just the social worries about leaving my workmates behind, but also how switching to another firm could impact my family life. Luckily, my current employer is very family friendly, so dropping the nippers at school isn't an issue. I hope it'll be the same attitude at the other place too.

Why the move? I seem to be in the same department, in the same role and at the same grade as I was when I started. The only thing that's really changed is the technology and we've got a few new faces in the team. Other than that, it's all pretty much more of the same. I've tried for promotion a few times and I've applyed for internal training courses, but I guess I'm not making the grade. I think the last opportunity was about four months ago and having failed at that; that makes three strikes now. Despite my 'ever hopeful' attitude, I think it may well be the time to start thinking of moving on. It's not like I am desperate to leave, but as the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones points out, best to start looking before you get fed up, as you never know what you might find. So, I saw this job on-line and thought, why not? I've sent off my details and we'll see what the Fates have in mind!

After chatting with the firm in question, I did wonder about the interview. A little part of me wondered what it would be like to go to an interview in Lynn mode. It was more a joke thought than anything serious and then I wondered, what if that was really the case? I'm sure there are some people who do have to make the decision and how much scarier must that be? Then again, if you're facing strangers, is that easier than facing people you've worked with for years as Bob? There is a thought and I doubt it's a situation that'll come up.... well, not unless I bump into some workmates (past or present) while at Chams or otherwise. :-D

In other news, there's a Do down in Leicester later in the month and after checking with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones, it looks like this Cinders shall go to the ball. I'll probably be late mind you, but then punctuality has never been one of my strong points. :-) Oh, and while there was no Chameleons this week, I did have an email from a beautician who'd like to pop along. She also mentioned that some friends who run a jewellery business may come too. Fingers crossed it'll be worth it.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Mowgli's Road by Marina and the Diamonds ]

"I don't like Mondays"

2011-09-09T21:01:00.002+01:00

Hi folks!

Imagine if you will, a large wedge of cheese. The thin end was my mood on Monday and the much wider, fatter, tastier end, Friday. I don't know why or how my brain thinks in strange analogies, but it does. Luckily, today's is wude.

So as Sir Bob once crooned about disliking the whole Monday she-bang (Ed: that's not a dodgy web site, BTW :-P), so to was I feeling less than chipper. I think it may have been a combination of knowing I had a full week of work ahead, feeling a bit miffed with the diet and also the worry that the anti-dog (Black Dog) tablets were not longer cutting the proverbial mustard. Hmm, another food reference. Perhaps there's a trend to this? :-) Anyway, I kept my head down and plodded through the week. Plenty of walking, talking and keeping busy distracted me from darker thoughts and after a while, the mood passed and all was well in downtown Jonesville.

I think what helped is that I did have Chameleons to look forward to. Now, I don't know about the rest of you, but I do find I look forward to looking.... well, if I'm honest, pretty. I don't mean I will actually be pretty, nor I am fishing for compliments, but I do like to make an effort from a trans point of view. It's just a case that my bloke wardrobe, despite a liberal dash of vibrant t-shirts and tops; well, it just doesn't have... the pizazz or glamour I like every now and again.

So, new dress packed ready - oh, and my apologies, in the confusion of last week's blog I think I posted a piccy of said item in blue. It's pink. Yeah, I'm a stereotype, so sue me. ;-) Anyhoo! Dress and back-up wrap dress packed along with a batch of multi-coloured tights, I headed off to Chams. In the end, with the hem being where it was and the tights clashing more than helping, it was on with boots and some black opaques. Still, it felt good to be out of bloke clothes and feeling a little more like balanced (despite the heel height). I think I've managed to get the hang of a smokey eye look, no doubt just in time for it to fall out of fashion! :-D

The diet? Well, much as I'm missing the tasty treats, the regular exercise is giving me more energy and the new approach to mealtimes is proving to be very tasty. Luckily, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones is a rather good cook. Since we started, I've managed to shift 10lbs and I could feel the benefit last night.

Once downstairs I caught up with the usual mix of new folk and friends. I did try to circulate a little, social butterfly that I am and the evening did fly by. It wasn't long before it was time to think about packing away and get the camera out. A few friends headed off into town and while I had said to myself I should think about going, it just didn't come to pass. How odd is that? Perhaps it was all the concerns from last time, plus the late hour and fact that the car was running of fumes, that it didn't come to pass. Funny thing was, as I said my goodbyes to those who did drift off, I found myself not feeling down about it, but happy in the night I'd had.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: I don't like Mondays by the Boom Town Rats ]

"I graduated from the Universty of Life and the school of hard knocks, sir"

2011-09-02T21:46:00.004+01:00

Hi,

September already huh? How time flies. I've picked the last of the blackberries in the garden and the apple trees are looking good. I must resist the urge to make a giant pie, though. That would undo all the good work with the diet. (Ed: Don't think of yummy, yummy chocolate!) The latter - the diet that is, not the choccy - is going okay and the additional walking means I'm feeling a lot fitter too. I've lost a few pounds, but mainly I seem to have toned up in certain areas. Still, better that than no progress at all.

I also decided on a spot of shopping as I'd seen a couple of nice dresses on Dorothy Perkins' web site. I dropped by after work and after the old shopping-basket-with-jeans-on-top-and-two-dresses-underneath trick, in I went. The first dress wasn't me, but I loved the fit of the blue circle dress (also here). I've no idea what that means in style, but I know what I like! Plus, it wasn't too expensive... hmm, where have I heard that line before? :-) So I bought it. It has been *ages* since I bought any new clothes. I also saw some gorge shoes, but I managed to control myself.

A little earlier in the summer holidays, I was taking Wee Man to a summer activity camp hosted by a local school. Don't worry, I'm not cruel enough to send him to summer school! This was much more a case of fun & games plus kid care. Oh the joys of working parents eh? :-) Anyhoo, that particular week just happened to coincide with the exam results day; so cue a large influx of teenagers to collect said pieces of paper.

As I wandered back to the car, I noticed a number of happy smiley faces, as well as a few less than pleased expressions. I can't really remember what happened with my GCSE results, but I do remember my A levels. Traipsing in to collect the slip of paper and the worry that if I'd really blown it, I'd be stuck in my hometown. Really, that was the only reason I'd applied to go to university - to get out. I hadn't expected to do that well and I guess I met my expectations :-) The funny thing is, at what stage do your exams start to influence your future? Is it as you make your choices or when the results are out?

By odd coincidence there was a radio programme on social mobility and what some of the key differences where, between children from well-to-do, and less-well-to-do families. Now, I won't play that card. I came from a middle class family and we didn't really go without. Sure, we weren't rolling in it, but Mum & Dad did their best. I think the reasons for my own academic shortcomings were down to being lazy and disinterested. "No homework tonight, class. Just revision." Cool, I'll catch up on my reading... and then go to the pub! :-) Talking of reading, that was one of the items listed in the radio programme; the effect of reading regularly to your nippers and also encouraging them to read too.

Sure, I suppose could talk about the difficulty growing up (the whole trans thing), but really, other kids went through far worse and they still did well. Really, I only did A levels because I didn't fancy going to the local college and I think that was more the Devil You Know than risk a new environment. Fear eh? Looking back, perhaps college would have been a better choice. I'm more vocational than academic. Lessons learned eh? :-) Still, I got out of my hometown (which was a major goal of mine) and while I didn't do well at uni, it did mean I had to get myself together: sort out a place to live, pay the bills and, later on, get a job.

Long term, things have worked out very well. I don't say that as a smug mare, nor falsely positive, but more a case of enjoying where I am. Maybe I would have arrived at a more well paid job sooner if I'd done well, who can really say? I suppose it's a bit like those Choose Your Own Adventure books that existed when I was a kid (Ed: ...in the park... jumpers as goalposts... :-P ) you make your choices and make the best of it. If you story is similar or very different, I'd love to hear it.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: England by Carter, The Unstoppable Sex Machine ]

"Back and forth through my mind, Behind a cigarette..."

2011-08-26T22:03:00.000+01:00

Hi,

Funny how a day at work and a long lunch can sort you out - even if I did get soaked in the rain! Note to self: while an umbrella keeps the elements away, canvas trainers are not water resistant. :-) Maybe the downpour washed away my previous bad mood? Possibly, there's certainly a strange love of iffy weather within the British psyche. Maybe I should have gone with "I'm only happy when it rains." :-) Anyhoo, earlier I was feeling rather angry, or to be more accurate, disappointed/cross with myself. Stupid really, but then did when emotions make any sense?

I think the above came from a number of sources. Work - such that it is - plays a large part in most people's lives and when it doesn't go so well, so frustration arises. No doubt that'll clear in the medium term, but it's not a good place to be when you're stood near the proverbial fan and you can see the brown stuff being tipped towards it. :-) To be fair it's not the people at work, but a certain project I'm working on. The system is not fit for purpose and the further I go into it, so the worse it seems to be. I suppose it's the modern day equivalent of emptying the midden. ;-) At least the work the team's doing is going well. I just hope the vendor can get its sh** together before we have to either a) release it, or b) ditch it for something else.

The other part of it, is what happened at Chameleons. Again, this is not to do with the good folk there. Indeed, I had a great time catching up with friends. We held a small Bring & Buy sale to help top up the funds. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones was kind enough to put a few items into the collection and they disappeared rather quickly. As I laid said items out, I did find myself thinking, oh so-and-so may like this. Luckily, most items went: t-shirts, a few fancy tops and a set of boots too. All went well, despite a slight eye make-up malfunction as I got ready. On another note, I seem to be struggling to find a decent pair of leggings, ones that remain snug around the ankles. If you know of any, please let me know! So it was one with the skinny jeans once again. Still, a fancy top gifted by Mrs J and funky nail polish added some colour.

Two new people joined us for the first time too. I'll spare their names as an accidental outing wouldn't be right. The two in question where... partners? A tranny + mrs, although they weren't married. I could have said boyfriend & girlfriend, but that always make me think the party in question is about sixteen. :-) Semantics aside, they were lovely and I hope they felt welcome. They weren't from far away, so with luck, they may be back. Always good to see couples come along.

So why the moaning and despondency? :-) Well, a number of the girls had decided to go into Nottingham for a drink and I was asked along (which was nice - thanks girls!). I've had this internal debate about visiting town before and while I really wanted to go, another part of me questioned the personal risk and I didn't want to snub friends staying behind. Firstly, I'd said to the Ever Lovely Mrs J that I wouldn't go into town. It's just a bit too close to home and really, you only need to be spotted once and that's it: you're well and truly out. I do know one of my (straight) mates was out on on the pop the other night. Wouldn't that make for an interesting conversation in the tea room? :-) Now, I'm getting to the point where I just don't give a sh** about the latter, but it's not all about me is it. There's Mrs J's feelings and, if the gossip really rattled around, what would be the effect to Wee Man or Little Miss? Some children can be cruel, so I'd rather not supply any schoolyard ne'er-do-wells with ammo. Much as it may frustrate me (Ed: there's that word again), sometimes playing it safe may be for the best long term. Hmmm, maybe we're back to what the psychologist said a few months ago: you're smoothing things over. There's a thought. :-)

Then there's the whole practicalities of it: where would I get changed afterwards? Kate was kind enough to offer the use of her pad to de-princess and while that was a lovely gesture, if I did drag (Ed: heh) her to town, we'd both have to leave at the same time. Ignoring that, I also felt a certain amount of guilt at leaving the rest of the Chams massive to tidy up the Centre, so in the end, I decided against it.

Ah, decisions, decisions eh? Clearly, it shouldn't be a big thing and if I look at the feelings in the cold light of day, really, is it that important? What would I have got out from going for a drink in town? By staying at Chams I did pretty much what I'd do anyway; talk, socialise and stay safe. There will be other times, possibly not so local, so fingers crossed!

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes ]

"Cyborgs - cybernetic organisms...."

2011-08-19T22:09:00.000+01:00

Hi,

How's tricks? All good I hope. The Jones Massive are currently away on a jolly. Not so much a jet setting adventure to shores and locales far from home, just a quiet little cottage away from it all. It's been a good holiday and one different from what we'd normally do. This time around, we've been doing more walking and ourdoorsy stuff. I think it's a good thing to break up the typical holiday choices and go for something a little different. This time around, it's very rustic and I'm really enjoying the open air, just getting out and feeling the sun on my face, etc. The dog seems to be enjoying the walks, although you never can tell with some pets can you? :-)

Although there's a television and WiFi in the property, I can't say we've done much viewing. Instead, we've been reading quite a bit. I wonder if it's the break from work that means you are less rushed? Rather than being flat out from work, you can afford to have a laid back evening meal, read to the nippers and then dive into a good book yourself. I use the word figuratively as I bought a Kindle the other month.

The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones has had one for a while, mainly because she reads a lot of books and given the portability of it, it seemed like a suitable gift. Anyway, it has taken longer for yours truly to invest. I find it a pleasure to read and the fact that I can get to older books instantly, very useful. With the WiFi connection, there's the chance to get the next installment of your favourite series too.

I am, again, somewhat in awe of how technology moves on. Digital books, smartphones that set up a mini-hotspot for you - hence this post, and other goodies. Just last week, Wee Man was talking to a school mate who'd gone abroad for his holiday. There they were chatting away via Skype, each one talking about whatever young kids chat about.... loudly. ;-) I know these aren't particularly new technologies, but to me at least, it is the jump from gadget to everyday that makes me stop and wonder at what's going on.

On another note, and one that's a wee bit trans orientated - I've been reading a fair bit of science fiction while away. I'll spare you the titles or a plot summary, but jump straight to it: a number of books feature characters who've been modified in some way. Either through injury, through necessity to survive or in some cases, just because they liked it. The old tranny powers tingle a bit (Ed: no, not in a kinky way! Honestly...) when I read these and think what would it be like to live in that time with that technology?

If biotechnology was that good, would you switch? Would you shape change? Be midway between sexes or maybe just stay as you are? I suppose the other angle to it, is how society might have changed to keep up with such alterations.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Mindphaser by Front Line Assembly ]

"Panic on the streets of London, Panic on the streets of Birmingham."

2011-08-12T20:24:00.001+01:00

Hi there,

How's things? For those of you in the UK, I hope that you've not been caught in any of the fallout from the looting. Yes, I did saying looting; IMO it's not a protest when you're taking goods from shops or setting fire to buildings.... while people are in them. Compared to London and other major cities, Nottingham wasn't too badly affected. Yes, there was a fire bomb attack on a police station - note that it was a small community office, which no doubt made it seem like an easy target. Luckily, no-one was hurt and arrests were made. I honestly don't know what the attackers were thinking.

Perhaps like a lot of people, I wonder how sections of our society have arrived at a world view where they feel they are able to do such vile deeds. No doubt, various proverbial fingers will be pointed - upbring, celeb culture, lack of role models, single mothers, government cuts, compensation culture, an inflated sense of entitlement - but really, will that do any good? Is there something now endemic within the British psyche and if there is, how do we get rid of it? My fears - other than it could happen again, is the other side of the coin: the crackdown against it. It wasn't so long ago I read a magazine article from a civil rights campaigner who was warning about we Brits selling our rights away over the terrorist threat. Yet, here we are, post-unrest and there's talk about new laws to shut down social media and messaging systems. I can't say I'm overly impressed with the idea of the latter. It seems too heavy handed and as I work in IT, locking a system off isn't easy.

Ponder, ponder, ponder...

Despite all of the above, generally speaking, I tend to shy away from commenting on events in the wide world. I suppose my feeling is there are enough people who write about said history / events and anything I add is pretty much going to be through my own personal bias. I should add that there's nothing wrong with the latter, after all, isn't that part of the point of the Internet; that you can talk about pretty much anything? Maybe there's another element to it, one that I keep this little ol' blog just about trans stuff and yours truly. A shallow monument to my ego? Possibly ;-) That or an interactive record of what goes on for tranny folk here and there. With most things, the truth lies somewhere between.

Chams

It being the second Thursday in the month, it was time for a visit to Nottingham Chameleons. Luckily, the weather had cooled somewhat and in fact, I saw a number of office ladies in thick tights and boots in certain cases. Not having to worry about the heat too much, I opted for jeans, heels and a suitable top. Me being me, I did pack two pairs of jeans - one set of dark blue skinnies, the other a pair of white straight legged ones. Top-wise, I wasn't 100% decided, so in went a few and I put two pairs of shoes in as well.

While I could decide on the skinnies, I couldn't quite decide on a top. Having got their early and done my slap first, it meant that as other folk arrived (Pat, Gaynor and Alison), they had use of the large mirror if they wanted it. I had a brief malfunction in the nail varnish department. I had bought what I'd hoped to be a toffee coloured polish, but once on - and as Alison said - it wasn't really me. Funny how some shades look really good on some folk, but on another, they're no good.

The evening itself was more subdued than the party atmosphere from last time. To be honest, I like the fact that the group doesn't revolve around having to have loud music and a theme every week. It let me catch up with friends after all. Emma and Sam decided to pop by, so it was good to catch up with both of them. Sophie had brought cakes along, although with yours truly being on a diet - and one that's working (yay!) - willpower did manage to win out and I only had two choccie biccies. The diet? Well, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones said she wanted to tone up a little, so dutiful husband that I am, I've tried to fit in with the new approach to mealtimes and dog walking duties. To be honest, I feel much healthier, fitter and - shallow mare than I am - my clothes fit much better.... both sets. ;-)

In other Chams news, there's plans for a Bring & Buy next time and Pat's been trying to line up a visit from a local underwear retailer. That's likely to be October and the vendor has said he'll knock a few quid off the Internet prices, because we won't need postage on them.

The night wound down to a close and after the obligatory tranny photo shoot, all was tidied away with pots washed and lights switched off. All that remained was a quick (!) change upstairs and to wait for the caretaker to lock up. All in all, a cracking night out.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Panic by The Smiths ]

"And my feet dont fit in your sensible shoes"

2011-08-05T19:54:00.000+01:00

Hi folks,

Midweek I attended a corporate seminar on something that seemed important at the time (Ed: Oh how you sing those praises, Lynn! :-P), which was a welcome distraction from the usual working day. Given the change of venue, many folk were in corporate mode and I did note a few interesting fashion choices. I really don't mean that in a catty way, but as the word is.

Some ladyfolk had opted for the summer dress and flats/gladiator sandals look. Yet, conversely, it seems we can't quite shake off the requirement for a spot of power-dressing. The fitted sheath dress, killer heels and the working day make-up. Not too much of the latter, just a touch to enhance, rather that distract. When done well, I think it's a great look and iconic in some cases. The catch is, I think, when it doesn't quite gel with the environment. Either too harsh or, as per last week, too warm: black opaques when the sun is shining so nicely?

Most of us reading this old blog will have no doubt spent some time in heels. If you haven't, a) you're missing out and b) why are you reading this? ;-) I guess my question is how certain ladies manage heels all day. I have some high heels that are very comfy - as such things go - but some (like The Ever Lovely Mrs J's knee boots) are only okay for up to four hours.... after that, argh. :-)

The funny thing about ladies' corporate-wear is that I do find it's a look I like. Not so much the more mundane skirt plus jacket, but the sharper edge of fitted dresses et al. Maybe because it's somewhat of a shift, at least compared to my usual dressed down approach to work. Is it that despite the wider wardrobe of El Tranny, we're still men at heart (or in the head?), so we aim for the more conservative colours of the corporate world? I'd say that was true for me, but as time has passed, so I've tried to experiment with different colours, patterns and styles.

I'm not saying I always get it right, but I think it's good to push yourself a little and keep trying new things. Well, within reason. The lurex hot pants and whale nets I shall leave to the twenty-something popsterettes.... and for the girl bands, something similar ;-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: You Freak Me Out by Girls Aloud ]

"I miss the catch if they throw me the ball"

2011-07-29T20:27:00.001+01:00

Hi,

A night out with friends was just what I needed to rechage the proverbial batteries. It was, of course, time for a party at Chams. In days of yore, it would have been Cream on the Green, but with the ever present risk of the British Monsoon, plus the descending horde of bluebottles (Ed: Flies? Chavs of the insect world!), we decided not to risk it.

I arrived early as per and put a few tables out before heading upstairs to get changed. I had the laptop with me, a track list planned and an outfit. It was almost as if I was sorted. Talking of which, the Black Dog remains on his (or her?) summer holidays and the anti-miserablist tables have been reduced too. Seriously - and as Mr Dury once sang - reasons to be cheerful. Where was I? Oh, rambling as per no doubt! ;-) Equipment and tranny gear present... Well, despite a slight hiccup, where I almost set off without packing probably the most important bit of cross-dressing kit, a wig.

When we have a do, sometimes we opt for a take away meal and I reckon the local Chinese resturant closes early after we've fixed their profits for one night. This time, we opted for a fuddle. Basically, that's a meal where everyone brings a few dishes or items along. Plates of sarnies, nibbles, cake (mmmm!) and healthy things too.

Talking of healthy, I've actually started a diet. A proper, watch what you eat diet. Despite crash dieting as a teenager, I've pretty much avoided doing the latter and concentrated on walking and being careful. It seems that a rather good holiday and a growing list of bad dietary habits during the evening, has put curves in place.... unfortunately, not the right place. So, it's either a whole new his & hers wardrobe, or cutting back. Cutting back it is then. So far, so good, although it is early days. One of the upsides is I'm eating more fruit & veg, and I feel better for it. Less bloated and the smaller portions mean I take my time to enjoy what I do have. Fingers crossed, eh?

Anyway, back to the party, Sandi had brought along the new disco lights. The mini-speakers I donated last time, managed to punch out enough noise when hooked up. I stumbled on a free program called Mixxx and that was participially helpful. It makes good - to my untrained ear - queuing/mixing system. Just put your MP3s in he queue, click auto-DJ and let it take the strain in shifting seamlessly between songs.

Outfit-wise, it was the Dotty P's dress and as a change, some purple footless tights. It being a party, I though I'd try some false lashes again. Well, in for a penny eh? As there was only me up their, I did my slap first as that would let the others have free reign of the mirror as I got changed. All seemed to go well on the make-up front and I managed a few 'work in progress' photos. I'm not sure what I'll do with those as yet, but we'll see. Why do it? Following the various trans / make-over videos on YouTube (Ed: not those ones!) I was curious how I'd look going from Bob to Lynn mode. I guess we'll see... or rather, you won't ;-)

Look sorted, it was time to catch up with friends and generally mill about. I got to talk with Emma, who I hadn't seen in ages. Then it was social butterfly mode to sort out a raffle draw, make a few announcements and generally have an all round good time.

Oh, we played Rounders too. Yes, in heels (except me - I brought spare gladiator sandals just in case!). If there were prizes to be had, top marks to Maddy for being able to run in very high heels and Sophie for not sinking in hers. Despite being an all round numpty at sport, I did manage to hit the ball the once. Yay for tubby Dads in drag :-) Silly stuff and good fun too.

That's me done for another post. I hope you have a good week.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: That's Not My Name by The Ting Tings ]

"Life in a Northern town..."

2011-07-22T21:09:00.002+01:00

Hello again dear reader,

I hope all is well with you and yours. Time for another post in the old blog! The week's been a little busier than usual, mainly due to the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones being away for a while. So, yeah, I was house husband for a bit. While it was a little difficult in places - clearly I'm not quite as with it as my ego would suggest - it was very rewarding. I mean the main thing is the chance to spend a decent amount of time with the kids. There was a fair bit of dog walking, some baking, a bit of Plasticine monster mash (don't ask) and we were sorted. Anyways, the ELMJ is now back safe and sound, so maybe things will quieten down. Oh wait, no; the school's have broken up, so Wee Man will be lording it up with a number of weeks of free-time. Ahh, school holidays, they seemed to go on forever. (Ed: caution 'jumpers as goal posts' moment could be approaching :-P ).

By chance, I happened to be looking through the telly's EPG and I caught a show on BBC3 called Jamie: Drag Queen at 16 (it'll be on iPlayer if you're quick and there's some clips on YouTube). Okay, while I think there is a difference between drag folk and trans folk, we do walk a similar path. From outside eyes, there's seems considerably more fabulous than our rather more high street look. Personally, I find it tricky to get the balance between wanting to look good, but not wanting to look too trans or too fabulous. Maybe that's the real difference and while I might be able to sync along to a Girls Aloud track with the best of them, I think I lack the 'attitood' to really be a performer. Perhaps more accurately, a good performer. :-) Oh, and a jaw that can be used to clear snow from the roads doesn't help either, but let's move on. ;-)

But back to the TV show in question. As the programme rolled on, I couldn't help but feel for Jamie. Not to feel sorry, but feel for him as a person. He's young, wants to be true to himself and although he was okay with being openly gay, that last step on the glittery staircase in f*** me pumps seemed a little too much. Yet - bless 'im - he did it all in spades and what brought a smile to my face, was that a) his friends were with him, and b) when push came to shove with the School saying it going to the prom in drag wasn't fully appropriate, so the rest of the year seemed to rally to support him too. Was there an element of teenage 'sticking it to the Man' in that? Perhaps, but then with social conformity and other such pressures, I found it very cool to see the School back down and just let him be. To stick your neck out at that age; the midst of your teenage years when you are tagged by your actions, seemed - to me at least - incredibly brave.

Sure, being a simple tranny, I'm highly likely to fall on his side. It must have taken a lot of guts to come completely out and be completely out there. I think it's one thing to post a few snaps and turn up to a trans social group once in a while. Not that I mean to belittle that and I'm chuffed with having those chances. I certainly wouldn't have made new friends quite so easily. I think that another key difference is that I, and maybe a few other tranny folk out there, get to go back to our day jobs as Regular Blokes.

But ignoring that angle, a young lad who is at ease with himself rather than being messed up by it all. What's not to like? Maybe it is as the slogan says: It Gets Better.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Life in a Northern Town by Dream Academy ]

"We're pretty, a-pretty vacant...And we don't care"

2011-07-15T20:25:00.001+01:00

Howdy all,

I think it was around Tuesday, possibly mid to late afternoon, that I found myself thinking about wanting to feel pretty again. To our non-tranny reader(s), that may sound a bit odd, but then I've never found the whole trans thing to make any particular sense. ;-) So after a good six weeks or so, the Tranny Force returned. Not with a bang, but the gentle nudge of be nice to stretch those legs and make an effort, no?

Despite being unable to shift the holiday induced spare tire, or so it felt, I packed a bag - with just the one outfit mind (Ed: another first?) - and headed off to Chameleons. Despite a little issue in the nail varnish department, I think I managed to get everything on the right way around and I hadn't lost the ability to walk in heels. I guess it is like riding a bike, only a bit more hip movement is involved :-P

I got to catch up with the Unusual Suspects and there was the post-Sparkle discussion. Sophie's comments about the hotel room being larger than her friend's house tickled me. As did her tale of falling up the split level stairs. I don't know why, but my brain painted it in a sort of glamorously dressed Mrs Doyle doing a comedy tumble (Ed: for you overseas readers, Google Father Ted and then check YouTube).

We also had a visit from a few new folk. One group where mother & son - I shall keep their names on the QT. We talked about this and that. People mingled and I hope they both got something out of the evening. Other than meeting them - which is interesting in itself - it reminded a few of us what it was like when we were a lot younger. I don't know about you, but while I'd have loved to have met and talked with people like me, I also think I would have probably freaked out and not made it through the door. Hell, it wasn't until my late 20s that I think I got over the worry about being a tranny. Add a few more years on the clock and I'd say it took until my mid 30s to be totally okay with it. I doubt I'm unique on that front and if it was similar for you, or equally not so much, you know where the comment box is. :-)

The next meeting will be the Summer Party and yours truly will be supplying a few tunes via the laptop. I'm not sure what I'll be picking yet and although I did find some freeware DJ software, I've yet to really get my head around it. Part of me would like to put together some type of mix for the evening.... however, there's a larger part that's happier to sit about and not have to go over another learning curve. :-D

In all the laid back attitude to getting ready, I forgot to pack my camera, so I will be relying on the generosity of others to oblige a snap (thanks to Sophie and Val!). Hopefully I didn't crack the lens. At the end of the evening, a few of the group headed off to a local pub (trans friendly) outside of town. I was tempted to go along, however, heading home in Lynn Mode isn't always the best idea when Wee Man might wake up wanting to spend a penny. Really, I've no idea how to bluff that one by him. ;-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Pretty Vacant by The Sex Pistols ]

"Summertime, And the livin' is easy"

2011-07-08T22:12:00.001+01:00

Hey all,

Hmmm.... Where to start with this one? Well.... I guess it's a bit tricky to write about tranny stuff when ... umm... you're not actually doing any trannying. :-) So it goes!

This coming Thursday is Chameleons and I think I will try to make the effort to go in Lynn-mode. I'm not making any promises mind you. If goes all summery and hot, I shall forsake the glad rags for want of a bit of cooler attire. Let's hope I can still remember how to walk in my heels. :-)

I believe it's Sparkle this weekend and with the 'meh' vibe towards all things dressing up, I can't say I'm overly fussed. Perhaps that's a good job because a) the weather seems to be performing mini-monsoons; and b) it's also midway through the Jones family birthday season (not mine should you ask). That does make it rather frantic on occasion. That said, all the effort of wrapping presents, making cakes (Ed: yes, eat your heart out Jane Asher! :-P ) and visiting is worth it for the smile on the other person's face.

When the sky wasn't doing an impression of a power-shower, the Jones family have been out and about making the best of it. We had a long walk - not so easy on Little Miss's legs as she's pre-school; a family picnic and a day out in a local country park. Really, I can't say that I had a particular fave per say. Each day out was special in its own way. Just being able to wander through the countryside and take in the glorious views was worth it.

Oh, that reminds me. Since the holiday, the Black Dog has been marked by its absence. Now that is something to be thankful for. There, and I said I didn't have any news. ;-) I've got an appointment with the quack - sorry, the doctor - to review the happy tablets and with a bit of luck, I shall be out of the darkness and back into the light. I do feel a lot better, not happy, but just... me. Relaxed, unworried and without that pressing weight that depression seems to bring. I can't say I'm sorry to see the back of that. :-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Summertime by George Gershwin... and a few others ]

"And every kid on the whole damn street, Was gonna make it big and not be beat."

2011-07-01T20:58:00.000+01:00

Hiya,

There are days when ideas for a post, or perhaps even just something to talk about, come thick and fast. The thing is though, it's not so much the raw generation of ideas.... well, actually, that's not 100% true and I dare say that if you're like me, you look out of the window, sigh to yourself and wonder how you're going to fill the white space of the input form. Okay, moving on from that, if I do have something to discuss, it's how to start it. Sometimes I get hung up on just saying hello, whereas other times - like now - a stream of consciousness bursts forward to fill the t'interwebs with fluff live and direct from the back of my head. :-)

So - and as was said on a popular comedy show - what's occurring? Wee Man's birthday is later in the month, so the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and I have been carefully stashing presents in the house. TBH, he's a good lad and doesn't (yet) go looking through the cupboards. "Whose are these heels, Daddy?" :-) I guess there's just the wrapping and a suitable birthday cake to sort out now. It was also his sports day and bless him, like his ma + pa, he's a thinker, not a runner. It might not do his self-esteem much good coming last, but at the same time, you do what you can as a parent to praise and encourage in the areas where your kids do excel. Wee Man's is imagination and provided he's focused correctly, off he goes. It's quite thrilling to be involved.

Talking of families, I have over the past few months been making more use of Facebook. Me along with seemingly everyone else on the planet. :-) One thing that has happened - well, other than me making and sticking to a personal promise to quit on games that suck time away - is the extent of the social network. I don't say this as a brag, moreover as an observation. It's like a little web that grows out from friends that you find. I found an old school friend on there and slowly, friends from my childhood slipped back into my social circle.

Really, the above is the reason for today's post. Not from a trans PoV, but that these old friends, I've not seen in 20 years plus. The last mental picture I have of them would be when I was secondary school or earlier (11ish?). Now, of course, these people are grown up, some with families of their own. What amuses me, and not in a nasty way, is how like our parents we become in looks and actions.

Sometimes that's a good thing, but there is the odd person - by that I mean a parent - who's behavior is less that ideal. My own childhood was good - very good compared to some folks' and that's down to my folks doing the best they could. Yet I know of now-grown-up kids whose behaviour mimics the negative cycle of their own parents. Don't take this as a smug-as-sh** post, I think it's more a pondering over why they're doing what they're doing and how much sway do you have over your genetic programming/fate?

Answers on a post-card to the usual address.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: The Kids Aren't Alright by The Offspring ]

"Can we all slow down and enjoy right now, Guarantee we'll be feelin' alright."

2011-06-24T19:33:00.001+01:00

Hi everyone (including Coconut-Men, Moon-heads and P.)

I guess you can say I'm very much back in the saddle... and much as it's well worn and familiar, there's a significant reticence in wanting to do so. I think the best I can say is I was at work physically. :-)

How was the holiday? Glad you asked. :-) Oh, and thanks for the well wishes BTW. Two fantastic weeks somewhere in the Med with no mobile telephones, computers or work. Just me, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and both nippers. Wee Man's swimming has come on so much. It was a joy to see him swimming out into the sea (Ed: and making it back). Little Miss, well, she's as brave as ever. Once she had her water wings on, she was jumping in with reckless abandon too. Mrs J was feeling fitter and looking cool with all the dog walking she's been doing of late. If not leaping into the pool, we were on the beach building sand castles or paddling in the sea. We all slept well when we got back to the villa.

Those two weeks shot by. I remember landing and getting unpacked. Not long after that it was a Tuesday. I think I must have nodded off and then it seemed to be Friday and then.... only a day or two to go before we flew back. I guess it's that old adage about time flies when you're having fun.

One thing that struck my as I dozed in the warm sun, it wasn't so much the travel, but that we'd left the clock behind. Sure, we still go up at a reasonable hour and yes, there were approximate times for lunch and tea. But really, we'd escaped the rush. There was no treadmill and for me at least, I think that was the best thing about the holiday. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't say I have a tough life, far from it in many ways, but I think we can all get a little tired of being against the clock. That feeling of almost constant rush to be somewhere or having completed something. Is this a modern thing or has it always been like this? Answers on a postcard to the usual place.

Having got back and managed to somehow feign interest through a week of work, it was time for a visit to the Chameleons massive and to catch up with friends. Thing is, and maybe it's the weather / time of year, but the old T force seems to have slipped of late. Funny really. All those early years of panicking over trying to give up and then one day, you just shrug and don't bother. I think it's about six weeks since I last dressed up and honestly, I'm not sure I'm missing it at the mo. Maybe the Force will kick in as it's three weeks until the next meeting. If it does, so be it. I'm feeling a lot more settled and I think I'm ready to reduce the tablets too. All in all, good news all round. The only thing to worry about is, will my tan last until then? ;-) Oh the vanity! :-P

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Pricetag by Jessie J. ]

Gone fishing!

2011-06-03T21:07:00.000+01:00

Hi,

If I've got the Blogger Scheduler working, this should appear around 9ish. Where am I? Oh, with the rest of the Jones massive somewhere else. It's our summer holiday, so no lengthy post from me this time or for the next two Fridays either.

Come to think of it, if my parents - who are dog/house sitting - break our WiFi, there may not be a post next time either! ;-)

I hope the next few weeks are good to you and enjoy the weather!

Lynn
x

"You may ask yourself, 'Well, how did I get here?'"

2011-05-27T21:08:00.000+01:00

Hey folks,

I am glad it's the weekend - and a long weekend at that. Let's hear it for bank holidays. :-) If there's one word that could sum up this week, it would be: frantic (Ed: "like Harrison Ford I'm frantic"? ;-P ). One of those weeks were the work levels increase steady and surely until you've got more plates spinning than... umm.. someone who spins a lot of plates for a living. Still, it could be worse, I could be bored and that's awful ;-)

So work is building up (again), although I did get some feedback on the job I didn't get. A few things to think about. Perhaps ironically, improving my communication skills. It seems I've got the necessary bits and bobs on paper, but I need to make it more obvious to those not in the know. Well, lessons learned eh?

I think it was Tuesday when I was driving to work and I caught an interview on Radio 4: The Choice. It was with a chap who was a gypsy and he also happened to be gay. He was saying that at the time of his youth - 70s or 80s I think - it wasn't the done thing and he felt he had no choice but to leave. It's probably on Listen Again if you fancy your chances on a rewind and you can make your own mind up on the story.

I found Mr Walsh's story very interesting, moving and a little sad at the same time. Sad in that he felt he'd never fit in and his only choice was to leave. Not just leaving his family, which is one thing, but to leave his whole way of life and move into a culture that he - by his own admission - said he knew next to nothing about. I won't say that my own upbring was anything like his. I had a quiet, middle class upbringing via two lovely parents who were rather liberal (at least compared to some of my friends' parents).

As the interview ended and I drew up to park the car, I began to wonder how many big or little choices we make that push us down a particular route. There are - obviously - those large decisions such as changing jobs, moving house, starting a relationship or having kids. But there are also those little ones, like changing your route to work (and being early/late), the random happenstance of meeting an old friend because you decided to go into a particular shop.

I guess part of the thing with choices is living with those decisions and as the famous lyric points out - regrets, I've had a few - and I've wondered, if you could go back and change a choice: what impact would it have on your life and if you changed one thing, would it drive you to change another? There's a Twilight Zone episode in the making. ;-)

It was time for Chameleons this week and with all that was going on with work, I wasn't quite in the frame of mind to go along. I had packed a bag and while I wasn't 100% happy with my choices, I had 2 - 3 outfits sort of planned. Yet, as Thursday dragged by, I couldn't quite get the enthusiasm to get all dolled up. Instead, I went in Bob Mode. You know what? I'm glad I did. I had a really good night just chatting and laughing with friends. In some ways, it was better in that I didn't have the faff of having to ensure all my make-up was off, nor having get changed at the end of the night.

Funny, I suppose, all those thoughts of the past where you can't find the time to dress and when it's handed on a plate, you shrug and move on. Trannys, eh? You just can't please them :-)

Stay safe,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Once in a Lifetime by Talking Heads ]

"There's a better life and you dream about it, don't you"

2011-05-20T19:55:00.000+01:00

Hi,

I think it was around Tuesday that I drove by a lorry and the large advert on the side, kick started my brain. Sadly, whatever witty and erudite post I had planned, fell foul to memory failure and a busy week. Ho hum. I suppose that's a bit like the dog ate my homework. I do find the lapses of memory frustrating and no doubt that's one of the reasons humanity invented writing. :-)

Not much on the trans front his week, so if that's your main reason for visiting, move along as there's nothing to see here. ;-) Other stuff, health and family are fine. Work is not so good, or more accurately, work was okay. There I was bumbling through another week and soon the day of the interview was upon me. Notes memorised, shoes shined and suit suitably suity, off I went. Only, I didn't get it.

I know that there are some jobs you are just not ready for and I also know that there are other folk out there more talented that yours truly. However, when it's an internal gig and you know that the application date has been put back to encourage more applications, you start to hope you're in with a chance. Or at least I did.

So, yeah, I didn't get it and yes, I am cross about it. I've downgraded the mentalist status from very cross to just cross on account of the large Pimms perched to my right. I have lined up a feedback interview, so I guess we'll see where I fell flat or otherwise. Thing is, this is the fourth time I've missed the mark and I begin to wonder it's time I moved on.

Still, all those thoughts aside, it is the weekend, the sun is shining and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones is cooking a delicious smelling tea for us both to enjoy. Time to put away concerns about organised faffing and concentrate on the important things: family, friends and food.

Chin, chin!

Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Nine to Five by Dolly Parton ]

"It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)"

2011-05-13T21:06:00.002+01:00

Hi everyone out there in t'interweb land,

Argh, brain freeze. :-) Where to start? Well, it's been a pretty good week, all things considered. The weather's been good, the nippers have kept out of trouble, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones hasn't been over-worked and apart from a slight issue with the hound, all is good. Oh, and it'll be about a week or so, since I reduced the anti-miserabalist tablets and dare I say (Ed: Dare! Dare!) that so far so good. All in all, it's been rather quiet and relaxing. So there's not really a lot to report! ;-)

Given that I'd not been shopping for sometime, I decided to invest in some rather nice leopard print peep-toe heels. A bargain at under 30 quid, so I sent off for them. Sadly, it was one of those small eights, which I guess is a way of saying, it's a 7.5 but we'll flog it as an eight. :-( Back they went, although it did prompt me to go through my cupboard and see what I'd got in there.

Thursday meant a night out with the (t)girls as it was Chameleons once again. The numbers have been doing rather well of late, so doing okay with the rent of the centre. It's also good to see everyone chatting and having a relaxed time of it. For want of something to do, we had a bring and buy sale. I know I had a few items in my closet that I wasn't going to wear any more: a couple of skirts, a few tops, some boots.

Talking of boots, a certain lady - who shall remain nameless - brought along her new laptop and ran a quick picture show of all the boots she owned. Not so much in an ooo-look-at-me way, but more, I-think-my-shopping-has-taken-over way. :-) One hundred and seventy pairs....give or take a few.

Talking of technology, I'm still slightly in awe of what we seem to be capable of and just how quickly things just become the norm. I mean, I've been working from home for most of this week and with the use of Skype and other such gadgets, it's pretty much like being in the office.... only quieter and I get more done. Not that it's bad where I work, far from it, but there are times when you really need to get your head down and crack on with writing or catching up with certain emails. I've also switched to using Chrome as an experiment. Browser-wise, I'm not really fussed over the big three (IE, Firefox or Chrome) - just so long as there's an ad-blocker function. I suppose if I really knew my stuff, I'd block it at the router, but I'm lazy and after a day battling with servers and whatnot, I'm very much in user-mode: I'm happy to switch off and just use the technology. :-)

Where were we? Oh, yes, bring & buy. A few items went and that helped top up the funds a little more. Judging by the finances and what Sandi had to say, we should be sorted for a party this coming July. It'll be free entrance to regular attendees, which I think is rather nice. What didn't go, will go to a local charity shop, so really, everyone gets something.... sort of.

Outfit-wise, I tried for a summery look and a break from leggings + long top. Not that there's anything wrong with that, but I try not to get stuck wearing the same thing. The heels are bright pink and while I love the kitsch colour of them, they're okay provided you don't spend time putting out chairs, tables, bring & buy or making the tea. Perhaps gladiators would have been a better choice. Oh the vanity!

One last thing, according to the Internet, it may well be the end of the world by the end of the month. I hope not, I've just paid the remainder of the family holiday. ;-)

Take care,
Lynn

( Today's lyric: "It's The End Of The World As We Know It (And I Feel Fine)" by R.E.M ).

"Would you have liked a present too?"

2011-05-06T22:44:00.000+01:00

Hey all,

It's a well worn phrase around this here blog, but this week really has gone by in a flash. I *think* I can remember Tuesday starting and suddenly, it's Friday night. I'm sure it won't be long in that I'll blink and Wee Man will be visiting with his grandchildren. :-)

It was the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones' birthday just the other day and that, of course, meant shopping for pressies. Funny, but I do tend to worry a little when shopping for others. Yes, I do buy my nearest & dearest a fair bit, but it's not a scatter gun approach. There is a method to the proverbial madness: keep an eye on what they're using, listening out for wishes or spotting where their eye lingers in shops. Sometimes I even remember to write it down. ;-)

In some ways it's interesting- at least to me - in seeing the evolution of shopping and present buying. I don't mean early ones lacked thumbs, more than when we earned less, birthdays and Christmas could be tricky. You did have to think carefully over which gift you wanted to give. Shops or brands that would have been sought are either passed by, or are simply not there. I guess that as our collective wages have increased, so has the choice available to us. Perhaps it is the level of luxury that's been raised.

Do material goods make us happy? Sometimes, yes. Not so much the love of sparkly items, or 'no expense spared', but the fact that you've made an effort. Equally, shopping within a budget is more fun because you have to be creative. You simply can't throw money at the problem and when you do fall on the perfect gift, it's all the more satisfying.

On that materialistic note, I hope the weekend is kind to you.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Happy Birthday by Altered Images... and if that's not a suitable title for a tranny shop, I don't know what is ;-) ]

"Nice day for a... white wedding."

2011-04-29T21:34:00.000+01:00

Hello dear reader,

Unlike last week, I have managed to remember what day I usually post on. :-) With all these holidays, my internal clock is a little all over the place, but it's been so nice to have the time off. Easter, then Bank Holidays, a day off and today (of course), the big event itself.

Don't worry, I won't go into in-depth sofa-eye-view of Kate & Wills' wedding. The media reporting got on my wick a bit and if I'm really honest, sort of put me off a little. Still, sat on the sofa with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones, we watched the church service together. Kate's dress was lovely and I wish them well. Talk about media spotlight. Still, take away all the pomp and ceremony, what you have at the end of it are two people who love each other and want to be together.

Mrs J and I did have a cackle at some of the hats and outfits sported by certain individuals. I guess we come back to that old adage of money can't buy you taste. Me-ow. ;-) On the upside, Samantha Cameron looked effortlessly stylish, Posh Spice looked very good and Camilla did her usual trick of looking respectable.

Am I big fan of the Royal Family? Well, I don't think I'd be lining up at early o'clock to catch a glimpse of a gloved hand, but I'd rather have them here than not. To me, there's something very British about having them around.

On to other news, I went to the Doctor's the other day, as it was time for a check-up on the old anti-miserabalist tablets. :-) Despite the dip t'other week, it has been pretty positive from February. Yes, I've felt the touch of Pinker Forces - a bit like the Tranny Force, but not in a nice way - but I'm hopeful it's just the old Black Dog pulling my strings. When I'm cool, I'm fine. Really. I'm reducing the tablets down to 20mg, so I guess we'll see what happens over the next few months.

That leads us on to a night out at Chameleons and usually for me (!!), I could not decide to wear. I have got a wardrobe full of clothes, yet I couldn't quite put my finger on what to outfit to go with. I think the shift in the weather from sunny, to cold, to sunny once again was throwing me. At least, that's my excuse and I'm sticking to it. :-) In the end, I packed a wrap dress, black leggings, pleated kilt-style skirt, cardy, four pairs of tights (including royal blue), white jeans and a purple top.

Luckily, I arrived early at Chameleons, so I had enough time to try a few things on. The tops didn't quite go with the skirt and it felt too sunny for darker colours. In the end, I went with the white jeans and heeled sandals (see piccie). I did forget my necklace, but I'm always a little worried that I'm overdoing the accessories. I guess this time, I was under-doing it, but hey-ho.

I had a really good chat with friends and by the end of the evening, I'd laughed so much my face hurt a little. I blame Sophie and Maddy for that. Oh, and Sam for being ambushed by an inanimate chair, but that's a story for another day. I passed (gifted?) Alison my magnetic earrings. Thing is, I never wear them because my wig covers my ears and she wears her hair back. A few people stopped to say hi and ask if I was okay and that was touching. That's one of the really good things about Chameleons, we do look out for each other.

Righto, that's me done for another week. Look after yourselves and I hope the weather stays good for you.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: White Wedding by Billy Idol ]

"Dark clouds drift away to reveal, the sunshine"

2011-04-21T19:17:00.003+01:00

Hi,

Straight off the bat, I'd like to thank those of you who were kind enough to get in touch last week offering advice or simply the question "are you okay?". I'm a lot better than I was last week. Phew eh? :-) Not to make light of it, although that is very much my way of coping with sh**, is to mock it. The previous week was not a good one and as I look back it at now - with the benefit of 20/20 hindsight - the return of the Black Dog was only temporary. Of course, when you're down in the murk, you can't really see a way out of it. Perhaps some type of torch would be in order. :-)

No doubt the above episode was brought home by the Client from Hell and - unusually for me - working too hard. All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.... Mind you, at least I didn't go postal and run around with an axe. Bright sides eh? :-D Client dealt with the project signed off, that's the last I shall be hearing from that Gingerbread House (and The Witch) for some time.

So what's been going on? Well... not a lot other than good stuff. The dark mood continued into Saturday morning, but playing with the kids in the park, ignoring the work telephone/email and not trying to do anything much, seemed to work well. The proverbial clouds rolled back and lo, the glorious spring sunshine beamed down at me. Chuck in a few early nights, some pleasantly long walks with the dog and I'm feeling much happier. Reasons to be cheerful eh?

Even the Tranny Force appears to be returning slowly. Not in a bad way, I hasten to add. I mean, in darker times - and I know others have said this too me - you can get a touch of Female Envy. That annoying little voice that squeaks why not me? when you see a fab outfit or a girl turned out rather nicely. Now, it's more a case of she looks good and I'm happy for her. Do you get this at all?

It's also the start of the Easter holidays and with a few carefully placed days off, that's extended the break rather well. Partly due to the Royal Wedding. The thing with the latter is I can't really get any excitement up for it. It's two people I don't know tying the knot. Good luck to both of them, but... no, I don't think I'll be watching. Cheers for the day off though. :-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Dark Clouds by Space ]

"Bridges I've been dreaming, are going down, They're changing my future."

2011-04-15T21:36:00.000+01:00

Hey all,

Today, I wanted to write something positive. To be the bearer of good news or a good gag. Neither are in abundance right now and this annoys me. What I want is to be rid of the darkness that tumbles within my head. It robs me of interest and joy; a fug through which I see the world. Disconnected. I have an appointment to see the quack - sorry, doctor - later this month and I think we were going to talk about coming off the happy tablets. Thing is..... I don't think I'm ready for that. Not yet.

Whatever's lurking in my psyche, it hasn't gone away. Sure, the treatment has helped - hell, I'm still here - but I'm *still* not back to how I was. I had tantalising glimpse of normality a few months ago and those perfectly average times were just what I needed. Not the carefree embrace of happiness, but the regular ebb and flow of average days, some good days and the odd bad day. How things are supposed to be. Just two weeks before my appointment. Let's see what the next few bring eh? :-)

Yet there is, hope. I'd don't have to paste on a smile for the Chams massive. I don't have to lie about feeling okay or battling through it, pushing myself through work to hide from what's going chemically wrong inside. I can be honest with friends there, talk openly and from that, enjoy the simple things: company, laughter, good times. Oddly, a despite previous posts about worrying about not dressing up enough, when I got chance this time around, I just wasn't in the mood. Trannys eh? You just can't please them :-) On the upside, there was no messing around dealing with make-up or worrying about getting my nail varnish off.

So that's it for this time around. Sorry, it's not a happy-go-lucky post, but so it goes. Rough with the smooth.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Crush by Pendulum ]

"Incase of upheaval, fundamental movement below, What's really going on I want to know, But yo, we don't show on the outside, so slide."

2011-04-08T21:34:00.000+01:00

Howdy y'all

As I type, I'm somewhat full of a rather nice tea. That's the second nosh-out in as many days. Not that I'm complaining, I should add. While it might not be so good for the waistline, it most certainly is good for the soul. For the first time in a while, myself and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones were without the nippers. Wee Man was at a sleep over and Little Miss was at Granny's. So what to do? Well, probably what most middle class farties do: to the gastropub! :-) Glib comments aside, we both had a lovely meal together. I was great not to have to rush back and just relax in each other's company. It's not something we do a lot and I think when you get the chance, it makes it extra special.

Highs and lows at work. Mostly nothing but good news - which is nice. The only proverbial fly in the ointment is one rather stroppy customer. I still find stroppy adults a bit of a conundrum. Sure, there are times when someone really does tick you off, but to keep going off on one? I start to wonder if they need timing out. Yes, I do get annoyed at stuff, but I try not to get into a person's face about it. I know when someone does it to me, it doesn't make me want to go that extra mile, normally I think 'what a numpty' (Ed: or something ruder, but let's move on). Why do folk like that think that by chucking their toys out of the pram, that they'll get their own way? People eh? :-)

Lastly, and on a trans front. I've been mulling over a few thoughts of late. Don't worry, nothing scary. There was a recent radio programme - Radio 4 I think - which featured a discussion about the subconscious and how the 'me' part of the conscious mind seemed to float on top of it. I rather enjoyed the thought (no pun intended) of a raft of personalty atop this complex sea of mental machinery. Ahh, I've got distracted again. Where was I? Oh aye, the point of all this is I wondered what cogs turn within my own head. Which bits drive my behaviour and how much control do I really have of them? Do they control me or are there a few levers I can throw to tip the balance in another direction?

So why mention the above? I had of late been looking at summer fashions. Hell, I'm a tranny and I like pretty outfits. Sometimes you just gotta accept and roll with it. ;-) But this time.... this time around, it wasn't so much that's nice, how much is it. Oh, nevermind, but more I can't wear that. Clothes that look best with bare legs or shorter sleeves that won't work with Wookie feet or fully carpetted armpits. To be honest, it got a bit much. I do know that that's all a bit superficial. I think can work out a wardrobe that doesn't require a trip to the House of Wax, because I managed it over the last two summers.

I think the trouble is this. I'm getting... tired isn't perhaps the word... frustrated is closer. I'm feeling frustrated that how I look on the outside, is not quite right with how I feel on the inside. That doesn't mean I want to transition or want implants. What I think it is, is I want to be a bit more in between. I don't know what's changed in the last few years, but perhaps some new cogs are a-turning and they're driving a new agenda.

That moves us on to the heady subject of the truth of free will and no, I won't be going into that. :-) So my question is this: how much control do you really have and if you win, what do you lose? Ahh, and we are back to the compromise comment from the therapy sessions last year. Perhaps my real question would be what price personal happiness over others? There's a difficult one to answer.

Anyway, the sun is shining. The trees and flowers are in bloom and according to the weather folk, it'll be good all weekend. Best get out and enjoy it.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Salve Mea by Faithless. ]

"Come take a trip with me, to Future World"

2011-04-01T20:48:00.002+01:00

Hiya,

I had jotted some notes down on a bit of paper for today's post. Thing is, I got busy at work. Friday afternoon is not the time for meetings. Actually, is any time a good time for a meeting? ;-) I find that trying stuff just for the craic works best on a Friday. That bit of technical wizardry you've put off and now the office is quiet, you can get your head around the problem. Anyhoo, after a bit of thinking outside the box, the development systems can now do few more things can it could before. Yay for results.

Seems I'm not the only one who's been bashing the scripting rocks together either. Blogger have released a new gadget that alters the way you can view a blog. You'll need a fairly modern browser - whatever that means - and the link is here. I've also added just under the slogan generator on the right hand side of the screen. Hence the alternative viewing options test.

What else? Well... not a lot really. It's been very quiet at the mo. Pretty much a case of going through the usual routine of sleep, rush, school run, work, lunch time walk, work, home, kids, sleep, repeat until Saturday. Don't get me wrong, there have been good things throughout that loop. Just little things like making a really nice tea, having a laugh with the family or, and as tonight, coming home to a very scrummy tea. That was served by a rather glamorous Mrs Jones. She's had her hair done and very nice it looks too.

Other than hamming the keyboard at Blogger, there's the odd occasion where I do a spot of writhing. I tend to drift off and daydream ideas. When I'm organised, I remember to make notes on these and some of them end up as short stories. Don't worry, I won't be inflicting any on you here. So why am I mentioning it? Well, much as that's been a bit of a hobby, I decided to tidy one up - with the help of the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones - and send one off to a competition. Do I expect to win? No, but it would be nice. :-)

Most of it is science fiction or a dark twist on modern times. While none of them have a specific trans theme in them, there is a vibe in there for it. Certain with the far future ones, where biotechnology can pretty much do anything; appearance is fluid. Is is wish fulfilment? No, I don't think it is. Often the shift in appearance for some characters - sometimes to something others would consider freakish or monstrous - is just background. For them it is normal. Hmmm, where have I felt that before? :-) Come to think of it, if biotechnology was that good now, how far would people go? I guess that's part of the reason I write, to explore those feelings.

Talking of nice things, I saw a very nice pair of wedges and some chunky heels sandals while out and about the other week. I think I may pop by the store again and see if the interest is still there.

Oh, it's Mother's Day in the UK this Sunday. Cards and flowers, girls! ;-)

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Future World by Helloween. ]

"My need is such I pretend too much"

2011-03-25T21:22:00.002Z

Hiya,

It's been a bit of an iffy week this time around. A little lacking in the sleep department, a touch too much going on at work and stuff just adding up. I think that lack of sleep didn't really help and I was beginning to feel like I was slipping back into bad old habits. Luckily.... a self-enforced early night set the clock back a little. To use some project management mumbo-jumbo: lessons learned? Go to be early when it all starts piling up.

So what's been going off? Well, the event with Boots visiting seemed to go well. The staff turned up with crates of stock and covered five large tables with products. The Chams massive chatted and asked about this, that and the other. I bought a few items, one for me and some for the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones.... including the rather nice freebie Bonus Set. I caught up with friends old and new which is always nice. I managed to hand over the pair of boots that had been languishing in my car to Kate. She seemed pleased which is always nice to see. Plus, I got to reset the tranny clock that ticks in my head. Mrs Alison - no real names - asked if I'd paint her nails. I was a little suprised by the request, but obligied none-the-less. Hopefully the resulting paint job wasn't too cack handed. :-)

As to last week's mention of a salon team visiting, I got back to the lady in question and said 'Thanks, but no.' It didn't feel right and have thought about it - and talked it over with the group - the more it feels like it was the right thing to do. Too much of a sales pitch perhaps.

I am.... despite rest, somewhat tired. Not physically, but mentally. I've alluded to the idea of social masks before. As time moves on I'm finding it harder and harder to keep mine in place and bottle it all away. I find myself holding back on conversation and events. I know that certain subjects will cause distress and now, I just keep quiet. Anything for an easy life eh? But at what price? I wonder where it is all going. Will I keep the peace to hang on to what I have now, or will it blow up for it all to come crashing down? To be honest, neither has appeal right now. Maybe with careful planning there will be some middle ground. You can hope, right? But then if the safety line is cut, where will it all end?

Freedom, possibly, but at what price and for who and ultimately, why?

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: The Great Pretender by Queen ]

"In a rush hour of another day"

2011-03-18T21:29:00.000Z

Hi,

At the time of writing - well to be more accurate, at the time of thinking about writing, I'm sat here looking at the Blogger window sifting through the rush of the last week. It's been busy, but not in a bad way. That busy you get when lots of stuff gets done. Loose ends get tied off, projects come to fruition and, if you're lucky, what you've done makes a little bit of difference to someone.

That's pretty much is this week. I've been flat out at work and enjoying it. Not that lose yourself in work stress-out that goes on. Moreover, getting stuck in because I'm enjoying it. Unless I have to, I don't work outside of work hours. Hey, I don't get overtime, so really, is there any point? But this time around, part of the project was intellectual challenge and the software is something I like using. I guess it's a bit like putting together a fine sculpture or a jigsaw. Your start with the raw materials, get those sorted and build up from the basics. Do a few test runs and slowly add to the work until it's ready. Hmmm, come to think of it, it sounds more like baking.... or Lego.... but hey ho. :-)

So other than the work thing, there's been a few events in the pipeline for Chameleons. Firstly, there's the visit from Boots this coming Thursday. We've got Number 7, Clinque and a few folk from fragrance coming along. Rather than it being a make-over session - which we had last time - this event will be three.... I guess you could say mini-shops... where we'll be able to quiz the staff on ideas and products. There'll be stock for available to buy and we're getting 10% off too. That's due to kick off at 8.30pm, so I've got to get my skates on to be ready for 8.15 when the ladies are turning up. Fingers crossed it'll go well.

In other news, I had an email from a local beauticians asking if they could come along too. I got the whiff of a sales pitch in the email and a telephone conversation confirmed it. Internet services, premium products, gentle sale, jumpers as goal posts, etc. Hmmm, maybe not the last one, but all the same, I'm not convinced that the group will get much out of it and really, if they're not, why tie up an evening with it. Maybe I'm being overly sceptical, but I'm not getting a good vibe from it.

Do you ever get that? When you're doing something and the old Han Solo danger-sense kicks in. Something's not quite right, but you can't put your finger on it.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: The Loving Kind by Girls Aloud ]

"Reasons to be cheerful."

2011-03-11T21:29:00.000Z

Hi,

How's it going? Here on Planet Jones it's been a bit mixed. Well, mixed up perhaps. A strange sort of drift through good things and not so good stuff, all with that old devil, tiredness.

Let's get the good stuff going because - and let's face it - that's the things that keep it all worth while. I'm feeling a lot better than I did at the start of the week. I think a good long kip and a night out with the girls (okay, t-girls) has helped. That and getting on top (Ed: oo-er!) of a work project that's been bugging me for a while. With Little Miss stopping with Granny, it meant I didn't have to get up quite so early and that extra 30 minutes dozing was very welcome.

I'm not sure if I'd been overdoing it, or if it was a case of a few night's interrupted sleep, but I was beginning to feel the numbing embrace of the black dog. Don't worry, I won't be reached for the noose or shotgun just yet. ;-) I did start to feel that I was circling around it and much as it pulled at me, I didn't want to go back down that route. Extra walks, keeping busy with work or writing seemed to help. Sure, I found myself snapping at the kids (not good) and Mrs Jones noticed a downturn too.

In fact, she got a bit narked by it and much as I tried to try and explain - about depression - it's not easy, even for a paid per word gobsh**e like me, to get the right words. What I was trying to say is I don't want to be down and I don't like being down. I would much rather be bumbling along in my own little world like I used to. But... with any illness - because that's how I see it - you don't get that luxury. If you break your leg, it doesn't matter how much of a 'brave face' you put on it, it's just busted until it's healed. Still, we talked and that helped. That's the minor bump of negativity out of the way, because if I look back at where I was and where I am now, it's a long way out of that void.

So. Other good stuff? Thursday was, mais oui, time to collect the gear and make my way to Chameleons. This time, some funky tights and flat boots for a bit of a change. Unusually for us, we didn't have anything big on: no party, drive-by make-overs or such-like. Just a good old fashioned sit down and a chat. A few new people came along and the group did their best to say hi and make them feel at home. Rebecca popped in later on and later on, we had a chat about improving the ambiance of the place. Don't get me wrong, the Community Centre is a good venue and while the group give a warm welcome, I guess the larger hall can look a bit barren. To be honest, it's partly my fault as in the winter months, our numbers are up, so I put the chairs out in the big hall. That's not quite as cosy as the bar area - not that we can drink in there, but hey, so it goes.I got to catch up with friends and generally take it easy. What's not to like? :-)

Boots will be visiting next time - which reminds me, I must check they've got all they need - and, we've had another company approach us about a visit. This time it's a local beauty salon. I'm not 100% sure we're the right target audience, but I guess we'll see what they have to offer and a trans-friendly shop isn't to be sniffed at.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Reasons to be Cheerful by Ian Dury and the Blockheads.... or Faithless and "Reasons (Saturday Night)" ]

"Safely back where you belong, And see how our love has grown"

2011-03-04T18:38:00.002Z

Hey all,

Good week? Mine's not been bad thanks. This time around - and at the risk of sounding like a cod reference to Jesse's Diets - this week I have mostly been a single parent. Now, don't panic I don't mean that in a I-ticked-Mrs-J-off-and-now-she's-left-me kinda way. That would be bad. No, moreover that the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones was called away on business. A whole week without her. :-( Understandably, the kids and I have missed her, so the weekend can't come quickly enough as she's back on Saturday. Somehow the house is still standing and none of us have starved. I guess that's one advantage to the old Tranny genes; I may not be able to double park or explain the offside rule, but caring and catering come fairly easily :-D

It was rather odd being house husband once again. Sure, I had some help from Granny Jones at the start of the week, yet during the night, there was just me, Wee Man and Little Miss. The place was very quiet once they'd gone off to sleep. For a while, my sister was on her own and I really don't know how she did it all. I suppose in the old days (Ed: all of eight years ago) I would have been opening the dressing up stash every night. This time, not really. Sure, I did try a few items on, but that was mainly to see what had been languishing at the bottom of the wardrobe and what fitted / didn't fit. The shelves and hangers are a little less packed now. My loss, charity's gain. :-) Thing is, you can't keep everything and really, if I've not worn it for a good few months, it's time to let go and move on.

I met up with a friend for a spot on lunch and a walk around the shops too. Other than a good chat and a tasty lunch, no fashion purchases where made. I hadn't gone out with anything that I wanted in mind and at the mo, I've got enough clothes to be going on with. Maybe the chill winter breeze is keeping the idea of floaty summer fabrics at bay, yet at the same time, I'm not seeing a lot I'd like to part cash for. The shoes - other than a few wedges - where variations on last summer's cut out styles. On the upside, there was no rushing around and I didn't buy anymore black shoes. A first for me. What about you, is there an item, shop or style that you keep on buying?

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: You're Not Alone by Olive ]

"Sleep is not my friend"

2011-02-25T18:50:00.000Z

Hi,

If there was one underlying thread this week, I guess it would be tiredness. I don't think it's a lack of sleep per say, moreover, the lack of the right type of sleep. I never said I wasn't a fussy so-and-so. :-) While my cat powers allow me to sleep pretty much anytime and anywhere, I guess a full night's sleep without the audio terrorism by snoring's causing would be helpful. :-) Maybe I should be going to bed earlier, but there is only so much time in the evening and I guess I'm guilty of burning the proverbial candle late into the midnight oil.... or something like that ;-)

So, Chams this week and a party night at that. I have been looking at getting the group a small stereo, but the prices were a little steep for what we wanted. In the end, I borrowed some PC speakers and they seemed to do the job nicely. It'll save Sandi from having to lug her rather nice home stereo system to and from the venue. Borrowed speakers, so no cost to the group and small enough to be stashed away at the end of the night. Not that I was really up for dancing the night away. That was nothing to do with being a bit bunged up with cold, but more from the plate full of tasty Chinese food I had.

Image-wise I'd gone for the pink summer dress I got last year (maybe the year before?) and a black cardy to keep the chills out. Not that should have really, it was rather warm given a February. Normally it would be a case of black opaques, but I thought I'd risk layering up and going sheer as way of a change. Being a party, I'd risked the false eyelashes, but I think they'd seen better days. The wig was a bit of a talking point, but not in a bad way. I think with anyone changing their image such, people notice - especially women and trannys - and polite comment was passed. Gayna suggested it was a touch Mary Portas (LOL) - oh to have her wardrobe budget. :-)

The turnout was good and we had a number of new folk pop along: three in all I reckon. Some from just down the road and others much further afield. While making a coffee, Rebecca was saying how she heard how different things were in the 50s/60s. Apparently there was a shop somewhere in Hyson Green (an inner city district of Nottingham) that was trans-friendly. By word of mouth / letters (yes, pre-Internet wiz kids!), there would be a monthly meeting where trans folk would travel from miles around to get there. I guess - and given that being gay was a criminal offence back then in the UK - I bet everything was very hush-hush. How things have changed, trans folk can walk down the high street (well, pretty much), there's Sparkle, nightclubs and Joe Public - give or take the odd twit - isn't bothered. Hell, we're almost acceptable.... almost ;-)

Not sure if this'll make a regular appearance, but the iGoogle app on Spanish decided to share the following with me. Useful for trips aboard shopping perchance? :-) That reminds me, I lent Maddie a belt to go with her fabby dress... and the minx has run off with it! Trannys eh? ;-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's Lyric: Shampain* by Marina & The Diamonds.... and yes, I'm aware of the mispelling ;-) Oh and do Google for the video if you want. It's rather good IMO ]

"You gotta fight, for your right, to party"

2011-02-18T20:46:00.003Z

Hiya,

It doesn't seem long since I was last here, typing away into the Blogger interface. Well, actually, that's not strictly true. Some afternoons have dragged by slower than a double dose of classroom based dullness. No matter how dry work may get, there is still the option to walk off (mostly), so that makes it unlike double maths on a Friday afternoon.

Sleep has been a little hard to come by this week. I have a very minor cold, but as the evil so-and-so has lodged itself at the back of my throat, I am now able to snore for England. That makes is less than conducive for a good night's kip for me, or the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. Luckily, we have a guest room, so I've been in self-enforced exile to ensure we both try and get a good night's sleep. It'll pass in time. :-)

On a night that sleep wouldn't come readily, I flicked through a number of old blog posts and later on, some old photos. Funny how some events slip your mind and trying to truly remember what went on back then, isn't always easy. I also had a look at some old snaps too. Old tranny photos that is. It's funny to see how the wig styles I've had have changed and also see the subtle changes of aging too. I've uploaded a jumble of them to Flickr. One of the biggest changes is the shift in scenery. In the early snaps, they are taken in and around the various places we've lived. In the later ones, they're at Chameleons or on the rare times I'm out and about. History eh?

In other more serious news, but certainly less personal: the whole of the Middle East seems to be on the edge of change. I won't go into the full politics of it all, but the deeds of one man - Mohamed Bouazizi - seem to have been a catalyst. I guess I'm always hopeful that oppressive regimes will fall without bloodshed and a government the people want, will be formed. I know realistically that that doesn't always happen, but hey, I can dream right?

To get back on track, it's not political revolution I wanted to talk about. It is the effect one person can have. I mean, sometimes you look at an issue in society or the world and it seems like you are looking at a huge brick wall. One that reaches up into the clouds. You stand at the foot of it and you cannot look around, nor see a way through. Yet... there are those who are not intimated by that. They act and sometimes - maybe even somehow - history moves with them. So what about you? Have you stood up for a cause, or done anything that made a difference?

On a slightly related note, I read with some interest, a post by a mum on Roses Forum. She'd recently found out her 11 year old lad has been wearing various items of lady-gear (underwear, tights, shoes, etc) and - bless her - she signed up to the forum for advice. How cool is that? I know it's early days, but as one poster commented, it could be a lot of emotional weight for a young lad to carry. Having a parent who is willing to listen and even help - if that's what he wants. I think that's great news and I hope the boy in question find it easier without the emotional nay-saying we seem to go through.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Fight for Your Right by the Beastie Boys ]

"Keith's gotta big bouffant on, We all got wigs, so let's go!"

2011-02-11T21:53:00.000Z

Hi there,

A fistful of ideas about what to write about today and here I am, thinking how to break the white space and just get going. Oh, that seems to have worked. I think it helps - at least, makes it easier to write, if in someway, I'm having a chat with someone. Okay, sure, it's a bit one sided right now (Ed: no comment), but it's not IRC is it, it's a blog. :-)

Right! To business! What's been going on? Well, it was the anniversary of meeting The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones this week. Nearly twenty years now. Good grief and yes, she did say: You get less for murder. :-) To be fair, she did wait until I handed over a wrapped present. Best to keep your nearest & dearest in the manner to which they are accustomed! Thing is, I think as a youth, I didn't get the planning right - young love rarely does I suppose - so our anniversary isn't far from Valentines Day. Still, it does mean you can double up on gifts and get something flash. Not that I love shopping... oh wait. :-)

Thursday was Chams time and having made a few telephone calls last week, I was hopeful that Trends Wigs from Sheffield would grace us with their presence. As I was upstairs troweling over the cracks, I noticed two gents bringing boxes and some wig stands too. That'd be a yes then. Luckily, I'd arrived early and put some tables out. Bobby arrived and we had a quick chat with I put the finishing touches to the outfit for the evening (snap to follow).

After that, downstairs to have a chat and catch up with friends. Sarah had brought along the two page spread from a Leicester paper. It was the article about Leicester Chameleons. No relation other than we're trannys :-) I know that some folk haven't been happy about the piece, but really I thought it was positive and well written. Certainly not a 'freak show' or exploitative in any way.

The wig stock (Ed: is that a festival?) was nicely displayed and one or two items did catch my eye. As I caught up with Alison and Sam, Pat was first up to try a few. I don't know if there's an art or a science to picking wigs, whatever it is, I know I don't have it. Pat seemed to go for the try as much as you can option. Which I think is as good a system as you can hope for! Anyway, after trying on a few, she settled on a rather nice pale number.

Then, it was my turn in the hot seat. I'd spotted two I liked the look of. The first, a light treacle colour. The second, more your darker brown. The first seemed okay, so I tried the second. Not so good - a bit school ma'am, as Sandy described it. Now, I don't know about you, but decision making isn't one of my strong points. I always worry that I'll jump in without thinking it through... so, while the Trends men where busy with the next punter, I tried the mirror, checked my cash levels and generally stalled. I was most of the way there in buying it and the positive comments from friends sealed the deal. Thing is, and maybe it's my Scot's ascentory, why pay full price? ;-) A quick spot of polite bargaining saved me 10% and I got a trim thrown in too.

A trim? With a wig? Well, one of the chaps was a dab hand with the scissors and yes, the wig did need a little bit of shaping. It was a rather odd experience. I mean, in bloke mode I have a grade 2 with the trimmer. I've done the long hair thing (back in my 20s) and with having a bike in my 30s, I just got into the habit of keeping it very short. So there I was, sat looking into a mirror, a tea-towel around my neck to catch the (synthetic) hair, while I had my 'hair' combed, pinned and styled. I may go to the barbers, I've not a hair cut in over ten years, so it made it quite a strange but enjoyable experience. I did find myself looking by the chap cutting it and wondering what I'd look like. I can only assume that women have a similar level of fear when they're having a re-style. At least as a tranny, you can always swap back. There's no undo with scissors :-)

By the end of the night a number of the group where sporting new dos, so I think it was worth Trends coming along. I do feel a bit guilty when vendors visit and no-one buys anything. Still, with some sellers, that's down to stock and price. As Trends packed up, we wished them well and it was out with the photo sheet for some larking about. Well, you've just got to haven't you? ;-)

Afterwards, it was back upstairs to get changed and put all the glamour back in the bag for another time. While I was up their I did talk to a new lady - sadly I didn't get her name. She was saying it wasn't her first time at the group, but she'd not been very often. We got chatting a little and she was kind enough to say she did a little bit of a double take over my appearance. Now, I don't want it to sound like I'm blowing my trumpet here and I think I have to be careful how I say this (Ed: deep breath, Lynn). I don't want to rubbish the lady's kind words but at the same time, I can't make the break in my own head when I look in the mirror / photos. Equally, I don't want to fish for complements. Really, I guess all you can do is smile and say thanks, anything else I guess, would be rude.

Complements and the British eh? Will we ever learn? :-) On that note, look after yourselves.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Wig by The B-52s ]

"Now it’s the same room but everything’s different"

2011-02-04T21:27:00.001Z

Hi,

Blustery days - a la Winnie the Pooh - are here again. The clouds zip through the sky as if on some type of stop motion playback. Below, it's a bit more sedate - even if somewhat windy :-) How's things with you? Ticking along nicely I hope.

This year - at least in the UK - it'll be time for another census. How things have changed at Jones Towers in the last ten years. Before there was two of us and pets, now there are four of us and no pets. Come to think of it a few weeks, it'll be the anniversary of me dating the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. Happy days!

I guess we're a traditional household, 2 kids, both parents work, there's two cars: pretty middle of the road and middle class too. We're not working class, not with what I or the Every Lovely Mrs Jones does for a living. Not sure why folk get on their high horse about being 'down the the people' by faking there working class roots.

Maybe it's because the middle classes are deemed to be the Great Beast in the media. All those Yummy Mummies and their Chelsea tractors, children dropped off at private school, the second home abroad or in the Home Counties. Funny thing is, maybe we're further down the social food chain - we're still lucky tho! - but, I don't know anyone like that. Maybe the stereotype does exist, but if it does, I've yet to have the pleasure (!).

So how have things changed in the last ten years? Clearly, Mrs J and I are older - now both closer to 40 than I think we're ready for. Still, time creeps up on you like that. Previously we were a couple, now we're a family. It's not always been easy at times, but that is life for you. Thing is, I had doubts about my abilities as a parent, even as a dad. Luckily, the kids don't arrive in teenager tearaway mode and you've got lots of small steps. Time to get your head around it.

Do I make a good dad? That I can't answer, you'd have to ask my nippers that. Plus, they may be biased as do they have any other frame of reference but their own? I'd like to think I try. Sure, I can be narky and lose my rag when pushed, but then show me a parent who doesn't get those emotions :-) I like to be involved and help out. Sure, work is important, but I get more out of family life. It's a bit odd to be pretty much the only dad in the playground or for sports day.

Does being t-something interfere with it? I'd say yes and no. On the upside, I think it opens you open to being a bit more middle of the road, at least, from a gender point of view. Less stiff upper lip and 'be tough', instead, more cuddles and talking it through. Personally, I doubt I'll be taking my lad (or Little Miss) down to the footy ground, but you can't have it all. My dad never did - he wasn't interested either - and it never affected me :-)

So have things changed a lot for you over the last decade? Maybe it's more of the same and you're settled in what you are up to.

Anyways, have a nice weekend.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Weather With You by Crowded House ]

"No Time, Never Got a Thing to Wear"

2011-01-28T21:29:00.004Z

Hi,

While we're not out of winter just yet, the lighter mornings are enjoyable. A touch bracing perhaps, but it's light, yay! Lots of folk seems to be enjoying the brighter evenings, but personally, I like it dark around 6ish. I dunno, for me at least, there's something a little bit magical about the night. Sure, summer's fun, but dark night holds something else that a warm summer evening doesn't. Still, that's one of the good things about living in a temperate climate, we have seasons. Okay, a lot of rain, but seasons none-the-less. :-)

It was Chams the other night and although we had nothing special planned it turned out to be a packed evening. A few new faces popped along - which is always good - and despite slashing my finger open, carrying a chair of all things, all went well. (Ed: how Rock & Roll is that? :-P)

I got there early and put the chairs out as per. It only takes a few minutes and it means no-one else has to do it. After that, upstairs to get changed. This time around was I was in the mood for feeling a bit more glam than usual. Plus, I had my presents from the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones to try out. A eye & cheeks palette from Clinique and a spiffy new bracelet. Not sure if you'll get a photo of said look as in all the confusion, I clean forgot my camera. Luckily Sophie and Val were on hand to save the day. Thanks ladies! :-) Seems the pattern on my tights has fallen victim to the flash. Perhaps a bit more Photoshopping is in order :-)

The other day I was lucky enough to get a five quid voucher from Boots, so that made a new nail varnish - summer pink! - a bargain. That was a rather nice pastel colour and I've noticed that Coke are giving away a free nail varnish (from Nails Inc) too. I don't drink it, but I know Mrs J does, so perhaps something for each of us eh? :-)

Maddy and Bobby gave me the rundown on the trip to Pink Punters. Sounds like they had a really good time and it was cool to hear they enjoyed it. There was talk about going up to Leeds later next month. That's not too far for me, so I'm considering going. Somehow a group of us ended up in the kitchen talking complete comedy nonsense. Conversations about man gifts ("mifts?") for Xmas and computer games from yesteryear (Amstrad CPC anyone? No? Ask you dad :-D ) I don't think I'll be risking looking for 'trannytube' on the interwebs though. :-)

Come the end of the evening it was time to pack away and get changed. As we did so, Maddy or maybe me - I'm not 100% sure - observed that were else would you see a group of chaps removing their make-up and stood about in their smalls? Oddly, I feel completely at ease with the Chams massive. I can't say what it is, as normally I'm a bit shy over anyone seeing me in my smalls. Hell, it's not like I've got some Adonis physique to show off, in fact, the more clothes on the better! :-D But jokes aside, there is level of friendship and perhaps understanding that's missing from other relationships. Maybe it's a 'no secrets' gig. Friends here know me as Richard / Lynn and it's a complete non-issue. All good and things to be grateful for eh?

Give or take a few days, it my sixth year of going to Chams (see here and try not to laugh at tranny lyric cliche number 4 :-D ). Not that maths is one of my strong points. :-) Bar that first meeting, we've been at the current venue for all of that time. Lots of people have walked through those doors. Some have stayed, many have passed through, but what's cool is a number have gone on to become friends. If you're reading this and you're not out and about, if you do get the chance to visit a social group, please do take the chance. You never know what the future might hold.
Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Got the Time by Anthrax ]

"Do you remember the good old days,Before the ghost town?"

2011-01-21T19:03:00.004Z

Hey,

I trust all is well with you and yours, yes? It's been a bit of a quiet week so far. Well, work has been busier than usual, but then I guess that is everyone getting away from the Christmas holiday feelings and getting back into the swing of it. Well, it is nearly February :-)

Home-wise, everyone is well and truly on the mend. There is that old line "so long 'as you've got yer 'elf (health)". Like a lot of well worn and well loved phrases, it's true. After a dose of a bad cold, it's good to be able to get up in the morning and feel ready to face the world. Okay, that's not strictly true, I've never been a morning person. :-) At least, not for getting up - I'm fine to party away until the wee hours!

I did manage to pick up a few bargains in the week. Not for me - as way of a change - more for my sister and other ladies in my family. I stumbled upon some bargains during a lunchtime shopping trip, so I snapped those up and stashed them away for birthdays later this year.

This week saw the a new series fronted by Mary Portas about the quality of service given to us by the high street. Now, there are some horror stories, that's true, but there are also some angels out there. The local branches of Boots are very good (IMO), as are Debenhams and John Lewis too. Oh and the irony of someone slipping on a wig and changing their make-up to not be spotted wasn't lost on me either ;-)

Nottingham's Primark is as bad as it was shown on the TV - it's a bit like a cross between a tube station, an in-action tumble drier and a jumble sale. Provided you can find what you want, good luck finding someone to take your money. I don't tend to buy from Primark because of the queues. There are times, at least off-peak, when you can do it and it's a bit like walking through a giant wardrobe. There's so much stuff - mostly everywhere - but few shoppers and even fewer staff.

But what about the trans-side of this? Do you find you get better or worse service if you go out dressed? What about shopping for items in guy mode ? I do get some glib comments - even if I'm buying items for the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones - but I guess you give as good as you get (in a polite way) and it's fine.

Oh, having mentioned Boots and service, bless them, the make-up team have got back to me and we're now on for a Bit of a Do on 24th March. All I need to do now is pick up on Pat's work with Trends (wigs!) and see what else we can fill the evenings with.

In other news, Bobby (from Chams), shared a link in the group's forum. Seems the Leicester Chameleons have been interviewed by their local paper. It's an interesting read and - if I may say so - well written too.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Ghost Town by The Specials ]

"Get up, come on get down with the sickness"

2011-01-14T19:39:00.000Z

Hi,

How's things? Seems I've been at home more than I've been at work week. Mind you, is that really a bad thing? :-) Little Miss wasn't 100%, so I was house husband / caring dad for a few days. It was rather nice, even if she's now spread the love. Ah well. :-)

That probably explains why I went to Chams in bloke mode. Funny, I had been looking forward to going and I'd had a few thoughts on outfits. Yet, when push came to shove, I'd sort of lost interest. That's one the great things about going out regularly; the fact that I know there will be other times. Besides, I've got some more leave to take before the end of January, so maybe I'll get some glamour time later on? It was - somewhat obviously - the first meeting of the year, so it was good to catch up with friends and find out what Santa had brought them.

Thursday was rather busy for the group. We had been due to have a visit from a Body Shop rep, but she fell ill. I guess there must be something going round :-) It was also Tracey's birthday, so I made sure I got a cake in. We also had a new member turn up - Sally - so hopefully we'll be seeing her again.

In other news, I guess it's fairly obvious that I've updated the site's look and feel. I think the old template had been on for a good few years, so with an eye for a bit of out-with-the-old, a few CSS tweaks later and this is the result. One of the cool things about the new system is that you can have static pages. I've started to put bits on there that are sort of permanent. The obligatory 'about page', but also contact stuff and information for new readers. I like the idea of these fixed pages; chunks of information that aren't really post suitable, because they should hang around. Then again, I've been wrong before LOL.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Down with the Sickness by Disturbed ]

"Pack up your troubles, Get your old grin back."

2011-01-07T21:23:00.000Z

Howdy,

Back on to the grindstone eh? Ahh, that first week back at work. While it was good to catch with workmates, I can't say I relished the early mornings. Well, I say early, but to me, any time before 10am I class as early. Too much of a night owl I guess. Hopefully your return to work - maybe it was earlier? - hasn't been too fraught.

I think I'm getting back into the swing of things. The collection of Xmas choccies is slowly disappearing, clearly that's not helping the extra curves (Ed: she means fat) I seem to have developed. If my backside gets any bigger, I won't need the padding at this rate ;-) Sadly, the weight seems to go on my stomach all too easily, so it's back to a brisk lunchtime walk and trying not to eat everything in sight. :-) Oh the vanity eh?

The holiday break was just what me and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones needed. Both of us are fully rested up and it was great to spend so much time with the kids. Okay, I did think when's Nursery open again? just the once, but that was more as we were running out of things to do. I think the kids were happy playing with their toys (or baking in the case of Little Miss), but they do need a bit of run-around-time. Time outside to blow the proverbial cobwebs away and get them to burn some off that energy they seem to have.

Next week will be a meeting at Chams (yay) and rather oddly, it seems like an age since I was last there. I've given Boots a call with some meeting dates, so hopefully something will be happening about a make-over evening at the end or the start of next month. Fingers crossed eh? The first one - if I can say this - went down rather well and was enjoyed by the tranny massive and the Boots staff.

Maddy was talking about a trip to Pinks and while I fancy it, my social calendar is pretty packed for weekend stuff, so I that's sadly a no. I'm meeting some on-line friends - you know the sort, people you've known for years over telephone/t'internet, but not met in the flesh. How weird is that? Anyways, we're having a meal somewhere in the midlands... seeing as it's, umm, in the middle :-) Hopefully that'll go well. Some of them know about my extended wardrobe already. Not that I'll be going in glam mode. I think that might be a bit much LOL. Besides, I don't want to put them off their food. :-)

So how about you folks out there? I know I've had on-line friends slip into the real world (mentioning no names). You had that too or do you keep on-line and real world separate? What about trans and straight friends? Mix and match or twinset & pearls? Actually, did that last line make any sense at all?! Best stop now. :-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Pack Up by Eliza Doolittle ]

"I'll rip it up to shreds and let it go."

2010-12-31T21:01:00.000Z

Hi,

How was Christmas? I hope it went well and if you were with family, that it wasn't too much of a trauma. :-) Things went well here and the planning over early Xmas shopping - not to mention the speedy wrapping - all paid off. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones did rather well, by her own admission, not mine. Wee Man was all made up over the amount of Lego he got and Little Miss? She was happy playing with her toys too. Throw grandparents into the mix and a good meal and really, I think we did pretty well.

On the present front, Mrs J surprised me with some early gifts. "You'll have to open these on Xmas Eve." They turned out to be some rather nice - and non-male - gifts: a pretty bracelet, some Clinique Take the Day Off and a eye/cheek set too. All very pretty. Wow. I was pleased as punch with those. Honestly, and maybe this sounds overly dramatic, but I'd always hoped that one day, I'd get such gifts at Christmas. Don't get me wrong, I'm grateful of items I receive.... but these? They are more special to me as I think it shows that Mrs J is okay with this side of me. And yes, I did spoil her rotten in the present presentation. But then, what are wifeys for, if you can't spoil them once in a while? :-)

Funny how dates fall eh? My last blog post was Christmas Eve and here we are a week later, on New Year's Eve too. Well, subject to when you're reading this! :-) 2010 has been a bit of an odd one. A few ups. Certainly some rather unpleasant downs - speaking personally. Yet, looking back, it's not all bad news. Sure there are government cuts, but both Mrs J and I are still employed. The kids are doing well and our parents - considering their age - are also ticking along.

It is, of course, the end of a decade too. I won't go into a huge long list of what's kicked off. I'm sure you had your own personal histories that mean more to you than what I'll prattle out. ;-) I'll leave the media to pick over the bones of the last ten years and, to be fair, they'll make a better job of it than me. :-)

if I look back at the start of the decade, I was nearly 30 and only a few years married. Skip forward ten years and now we're a family. I don't mean this as a crowing exercise, more a case of feeling how lucky I am. I hesitate to use the word 'blessed' because you know me and religion. :-) Unlike that closeted guy I once was, I'm able to be open with those close to me. I get to go out - in Lynn mode - and just enjoy life. I've had the good fortune to go clubbing or go on social evenings. Events I'd dreamed about when I was young and really, I thought would never happen. I suppose it may sound shallow if you look at the idea of living for one social event to the next, but it's not that. It's a balance: I enjoy guy stuff too (just not sport or cars) and the tranny stuff is the other side of the coin. It's a chance to express all sides of me, rather than having to lock a portion of me away and keep it hidden. I think most of us know that's a right pain. :-)

I've got a great bunch of friends from Chameleons and there's you guys here in the blogosphere too. It all helps and it all makes it worthwhile. I find purpose through it and while it's been tough on occasion, pushing on - rather than giving up - has paid out massively. Sure, there have been some dark times, but we all have to walk through the sh** once in a while. So long as you learn from those events, are they always a bad thing?

To close, good luck to you all for the future and take care!

Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: When I Grow Up by Garbage ]

"If only for today, I am unafraid..."

2010-12-24T20:26:00.000Z

Hi folks,

Only a few more hours until the big day eh? Excited yet? Panicking over those last minute gifts or reading up on tomorrow's massive cook-a-thon? That was 'cook' by the way and nothing rude, but lets move on eh? :-)I'd like to wish you all a Merry Christmas and I hope that 2011 is kind to your and yours. If Christmas isn't your bag - socially or religiously - then happy holidays if nothing else :-)

The presents are all wrapped and stashed. The TARDIS like fridge freezer is packed with goodies, ready to be baked & primped as the hordes descend tomorrow. I've had a large G & T (Ed: hic), so it's time to finish off a quick blog post and then put my feet up for the rest of the evening. Despite the huge amount of wrapping done recently, we are now 100% sorted for tomorrow. I hope the kids like their presents - I think that's the main drive behind Christmas. Making it special for those dear to your: the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones, Wee Man and Little Miss. LM is tucked up in bed and she's still a bit wee to get the hang of what it all means. Wee Man on the other hand, he's been a bit up & down over it, I guess it's hard to wait so long for something as exciting as Christmas. I hope he's not disappointed.

Talking of Xmas gifts (Ed: ooh, seamless link there Lynn :-) ), I was out with Mrs J and visiting friends the other week. It was a couples do at a local restaurant and while most of the men folk sported jumpers and shirts, the fair sex wowed with knitted dresses or more fitted numbers. Mrs J had gone with skinnies and the gifted boots (thanks Sophie!), so she looked particularly fab - and yes, I did tell her. Anyways, talk got around to Christmas shopping and keeping in mind this was only last week, the majority of the men-folk had yet to buy anything. "Well, I don't really like shopping..." Well, yeah, maybes, but suck it in and get busy! This is Christmas and not trawling the shops/Internet doesn't send out the right message. Funnily enough, I'd finished *ages* ago and when I recounted this tale, so had Maddy and a few others. As Mrs J said: Give me a considerate tranny any day. At least my gifts are on time and on trend. Bless her! :-)

Sticking with the tranny theme, last night was rather good - to use a typical bit of Brit understatement. It was the last meeting of 2010 and considering how close it was to Christmas Eve and a liberal sprinkling of snow, we had a very good turn out. I got their early - a little too early it seemed - and I had to ring the caretaker to pop along and open up. I didn't have to wait long and once inside, I set up. The heating had been off, so it was a bit nippy. Furniture and lights sorted, it was off upstairs to get fabulous. I'd brought along two dresses - something old, something new - as well as two sets of shoes & a pair of boots. Well, best hedge your bets. I was pleased with the new dress (see piccy) and decided to go with the higher shoes. I wasn't sure about my ability to dance in them, but hey, in for a penny eh? Maddy and Alison turned up - the latter looking rather glam in a black outfit + boots and pink tight. Maddy said she wasn't going to come along - due to other commitments - so it was a nice treat to see her (thanks for the card BTW!).

Back downstairs, folk started drifting in. I handed over a small pressie to Sandi & Tracey (for all their hard work and help during the year), said hello to a few friends. I did remember to bring the boots along for Kate, but it seemed in the rush later on, she forgot to take them home (oh well!). I bumped into Sophie, who was rocking a rather nice long black number and cute furry coat. Sandi had brought the music system along and me the laptop, so a few tunes were queued up and we had time for a spot of dancing. I was surprised that my heels were easy enough to dance in, maybe it's a tranny thing - you get a head for heights? ;-)

Towards the close of the evening, we had the obligatory photo shoot and as ever, just a bit of larking about. Kate had said she had trouble relaxing for a photo and smiling. Well, if there's one thing we can do at Chams, is act the fool(s). Not sure you'll be hearing the advice of 'say cheese motherf***er' in Photography Monthly, but it did the trick and a (natural) smile was there for the snapping. Click. Sorted. :-)

Chocolates and biccies snaffled, thank yous and goodbyes said, it was off to brave the cold of the night and back to our respective homes. All in all, a lovely way to end a year of meetings on.

Take care & happy holidays!
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Take My Breath Away by Berlin ]

"It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas..."

2010-12-17T21:01:00.000Z

Festive greets! :-)

I hope all is well with you and yours. All sorted on the shopping front? Personally, I'm done. The Jones Massive have pulled together - no, not like that - and the present cupboard is fuller than Jordan's bra. Present-wise, there's lots of stuff for the nippers and quite a lot for Mrs J too. I guess I like to spoil all of them and it's only money right? It's just the wrapping to get out of the way and I'm not really looking forward to that. :-) Still, on with a few choice tunes and just get stuck in.

I had the good fortune to visit a friend during the week and in addition to lots of laughter and plenty of cake snaffling, there was a wee bit of item exchange. I offered Sophie a long black dress. I think that was gorge, but I just don't fit into it. Mainly as it's a 12 and I'm not. :-) I wasn't really a swap event, but Sophie was kind enough to offer me a rather nice pair of leather boots. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones took an interest in the latter and I think I've lost those to a more needy home LOL. Still, it's good to share isn't it? :-) Then again, maybe I should have wrapped them up. Doh! :-D

For a wheeze I had a look on the eBay Outlet and a rather nice dress caught my eye from Very. I've never ordered anything from them, but I really liked the look of it and at only 20 notes, I couldn't say no. That's tapped into the PayPal funds a little, but hey, it's Christmas and a girl's got to have something to wear right? :-D I've just tried it on and while it's rather body-con, it's a nice little purply pink number. Tis the season to be gorgeous..... and also thankful. Funny, coming out from under the cloud, I can see and enjoy the good things in life. I don't mean the material goods, although don't get me wrong, I do like my creature comforts. No, it's family and the fun/love they bring. Sure, it's hard work sometimes, but I think it's really worth it. Funny, there are two blokes in my social circle who are going through divorces right now and it's taking their toll on them (understandably so). That makes me count my lucky stars and hold on to them.

Next week will be the last meeting of Chams until the New Year. Larks, 2011. How quickly that seems to have rolled around eh? There'll be a spot of dancing and perhaps some fish & chips to keep the cold at bay. No sure what music I'll be inflicting on the group, but something will come to mind no doubt.

I've also got the week off because of the way my work holiday has fallen this year. Wee Man's school will be closed now, so I'll have him climbing the walls as the excitement builds towards the big day. Hopefully, all will go to plan and maybe we'll manage to catch a film or maybe play in the snow if the weather turns. Hell, I've managed to source a new sledge, so fingers crossed for just enough of the white stuff to cover the local hills.... but not enough to shut the roads. We've got a number of folk coming round for dinner. :-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: It's beginning to look a lot like Christmas by Meredith Wilson ]

"So looking for answers if only one, Turn my back the urge has gone."

2010-12-10T21:01:00.000Z

Hey folks,

I look at the white space of the input form and lots of ideas flit around my head. Trouble is, holding on to one long enough to get it out and on to paper. :-) The snow seems on the way out as the weather just about returns to normal. Not more icy windscreens and life-in-your-hands walks along the pavement. Well, at least until the next big snowfall :-)

This week was shorter - work-wise - than usual because I had a few days off. One to look after Wee Man as he wasn't 100% bless him. He - and then us (natch) - got hit by the heavy cold that's doing the rounds at the mo. Still, it was only a 2 - 3 day thing and he's over it now. The day after that, off for some Christmas shopping to make sure I've got enough for the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. I think I'm just about there on that front. I also managed to grab Maddy some bangles from Outfit. A bargain at only a fiver. Sadly, they were not the silvery ones I said I'd get, but they seemed to go down well enough. A collection of various patterns/colours to mix & match with an outfit.

I had an interesting email come in the other week. Something from Parentchannel.tv asking to look at what they are up to and then to hold off until the big launch of National Dad Week (this week in fact). I guess it was fairly automated, but I wouldn't say it was spam. Apart from that being rude, it's also inaccurate. I've had a look at the site and it seems all about advice (in a good way). The campaign is about getting Dad's involved with looking after the nippers. There's that old chestnut about trannys being who they are because of a distant father. Not sure I buy that. Personally, my money is on how your brain is formed in the womb. I think I posted about that much earlier. Anyways! I don't know if it's a personal thing or a tranny thing, but I do like time with the kids. Funny, anecdotally, or to put it another way "with no scientific basis at all" (LOL), I hear from trans friends that somehow they seem to get this role. Sometimes as the dad, or other times as comedy uncle who is good for a laugh. What truth there is in any of that, I wouldn't like to say, but if you've got a view on that, I'd love to hear it. Anyway, the site has some interesting videos on there and it's not like they give you a manual when it comes to bringing up nippers. ;-)

In other news, it was time for Chameleons once again. This time though, I didn't take any of my fancy outfits. Oh and before you reach for the back button, I didn't go in the nuddy either. That would be far too scary. :-) No, I think it was a combination of being busy (shops, kid care, groceries) and having shaken off a cold, that I found myself thinking: Meh. I went along anyway - certainly to catch up with friends and to help set up. I thought long and hard about outfits, but no, the pull just wasn't there. To be honest, it was rather nice not having to hurry home to get a close shave, bung the bags in the car and go through the motions of all on / all off at the start/end of the night. Instead, I sat around and had a good long natter with friends until it was time to pack up. The evening was pretty quite, but a better word might be intimate. Just a group of friends clustered around, enjoying mince pies (yum!), good conversation and lots of banter.

I did take my camera along - as Sophie was sporting her new boots - to do the honours, but those snaps won't be on here. That wouldn't be fair really. That reminds me, we had a new girl come along (Ruth) and it was her first time out. Hopefully we didn't weird her out too much and I'll post on the forum about passing the snap along. Photos done and everything packaged away, I waited for Alison to get changed before dropping her off. She'd chanced taking the bus and as it's not too far out of my way, it would be rude not to offer a lift.

All good really! Oh, one last thing - as Colombo might say - I'm off to see the quack this Monday and I guess it'll be interesting to see what he has to say about the pill situation. Just the other day, Mrs Jones was saying that I was back to my old self. I must say, it's a good place to be and the big drive to dressing lots and lots has faded away as I've mellowed. Fingers crossed it stays like this.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: The Island, Part One by Pendulum ]

"Oh the weather outside is frightful...."

2010-12-03T20:15:00.001Z

Hi,

Funny, I can't think of that song lyric without thinking of Die Hard. Guess it's an age thing. :-) How's things with you out there in blogland? All good I trust.

For those of you outside of the UK, we've had quite a large amount of snow. Despite Hollywood showing a British Christmas as flowing sea of pure white drifts, the truth - as per - is somewhat different. Mostly November/December is dark, cold and mostly rainy. Except for this last week anyways :-) This time around the snow has been pretty heavy and it's been unusually cold too. Certainly a lot colder than a more typical November.

Speaking personally, I think we got off pretty likely hear in the East Midlands - maybe its the power stations? ;-). Sure the drive was snowed out, but we're not far from the main road and as I live near a large village, Wee Man's school remained open. Little Miss got just the one day away from Nursery, but that was no biggie. I've not taken them sledging yet and given that it's been dark when we've got home, we've yet to make a snowman either. Talking of family, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones was around and about near my workplace, so we met up and had lunch together. One of those rare treats. Much as I love the kids, sometimes it's nice just to be a couple for a little while. Talk, laugh and enjoy good food and good company. It certainly made my day.

While a few folk in the office have been shivering in coats, I find that my tranny powers aren't all bad news. Certainly, an amount of fashion flexibility mean you're not fussed about the whole "I can't wear that" mentality. So, on with a good pair of leggings or thick tights beneath your jeans to keep your legs warm. I knew those extra footless tights would come in useful. :-) Mind you, I did find myself putting the better quality ones to one side. After all, you wouldn't want to snag a pair of your best ones would you? :-D

I bought some snow boots earlier in the year - for that trip aboard in March - and now I'm getting the use out of them. Sure, I may look a wee bit too metrosexual in them, but knickers to that. My feet are warm and dry, that's the main thing. Probably a lot more so than the young lady I saw walking through the snow in heeled boots! I don't know if that's brave, dumb or just plain stubborn. :-)

One of the stranger things I've notice about the old snow boots is the noise they make as I walk. They remind me of more glamourous footwear. They're not like my work shoes or trainers, so on some odd subconscious level, I find myself adjusting my walk. Not so much the tranny stereotype of throwing in a wiggle, but more a slow down in pace and less striding or mooching. I do know heels alter how you walk and lets face it, when you're dressed up, you don't want to be stomping around the room. It just seems kinda wrong. I suppose it's a fine line between that comedy mincing about and graceful movement. :-)

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Let it snow by Cahn & Styne ]

"And you will be so happy to know, I've come alone, it's over."

2010-11-26T21:07:00.001Z

Hi,

I'm a bit stumped on how to start this post. Not through any requirement to put out a massively important message, I guess it's just breaking in the white space. Did you ever get that feeling when you got a new exercise book at school? That first sheet was somehow sacred because it was unmarked and full of what might be. Then again, I may just be being a bit of a mentalist. ;-)

Anyway, let's start with some good news shall we? As way of a change ;-) Whatever synergy it was that's sent the old Black Dog on holiday has kept working its mojo. I've felt... well, just kinda normal over the last few weeks. Okay, as normal as I'll ever be (LOL) but you get my drift. It feels good, nay, very good, to just be myself once again. To be able to be enthused about life and if I am sad, to know that it's not forever. No more bouts of stooping under what felt like the weight of the world.

Sure, I get tired and things nark me on occasion, but they are fleeting moments in the long view. A good kip settles one, discussion or joking resolves the other. I no longer feel like I'm hanging on trying to avoid slipping down the slope. Neither am I parked up in a lay by staring into space, lost to the world, or obsessing on why dressing up could cure my ills. I didn't, I think it was an attempt at distraction - not that it helped. Still, whoever said humans made sense? All of that seems far away and in an unreal sense, a bit like it happened to someone else. I'm struggling to reconnect with that depth of sadness... not that I want to go there again. :-)

But, enough about me, what else has been going on? We had the Chameleons Christmas party on Thursday. Having had a buffet last month, we went for the option of having a Chinese meal to make the catering easier. Given that we were flush on funds, subs were waived and it was just a case of popping a few quid in to cover the food. I was lucky to get their early and put out the tables and chairs. It's not a lot, but it's one less thing for someone else to have to do. Besides, a little exercise helps doesn't it? After that, off upstairs to get changed. Funny, I've managed to resist buying a new dress this Xmas. There are a few I like the look of. I mean, Maddy had a fab number on that was a fitted, asymmetric little black number with this season's lace sleeves. But then I thought when would I wear that again? :-)

I packed just the two outfits, a red number from yesteryear - okay, the early 90s - and a purple dress I got at the Bring & Buy. The purple one didn't quite work, although I love the colour. So it was on with the body-con red dress. I saw a very similar number in New Look while out Christmas shopping for the Ever Lovely Mrs J. Why re-spend when you can re-wear? :-) Top off with my trusty slightly Gothic black lace cardy and I was good to go. Oh and I struck tranny gold with some bangles from Evans. Okay, highstreet chic, but they went on over my man hands... and after I caught Maddy wanting to try then, I did let her borrow a few. Hey, it was Xmas. ;-)

Oh talking of Maddy, I did pass her a sequined number I had from 3 years ago. It didn't quite fit right on me, but Maddy's shape is different to mine and she was rather chuffed with it. No point hanging on to stuff you don't use. I was hoping to bump into Kate and hand over some boots (not from Sophie - I'm coveting those LOL). But no show on that regard. I offered Alison my purple dress because I've tried it a few times, but it's never felt right. I've got to make a bit of room in my wardrobe! :-)

Make-up wise the look was a bit stronger and I dabbled with a bit of black eyeshadow (Urban Decay) via an Avon eye brush I bought last time. That and... oh, how dragtastic... false eyelashes. I thought I'd give them a whirl because it was party night. Dare I say, there were fairly easy to put on. I probably helped that I had a good pair of tweezers and some good glue. The cheaper glue took ages to dry, whereas this stuff was just the right level of stickiness in a few seconds. A couple of blinks later - and an audience (why?!) - I was fluttering away. I'd gone for a more natural shape and it did make a difference to my look.

Downstairs, Sandy, Tracey and Rebecca had decked out the hall with table clothes and tea lights. There was a Christmas tree and sparkly disco lights too. Folk mingled and there was lots of chance to catch up with friends. Tina had a new wig on and for a mo, I didn't recognise her. I had that nagging doubt that I knew her. Funny how hairstyle changes a person's appearance so radically. The Chinese food when down a treat and afterwards we had the raffle. Muggings here volunteered to pick the tickets out, although we had a slight problem with the wrong tickets in the bag. Adds to the fun I guess. A quick tidy up and it was time to crank up the laptop. I'd found an audio lead that plugged into the group's stereo, so it was soon tunes a-go-go. Nothing too Christmasy, some disco stuff, some kitsch, some heavy and some old school stuff.

I think we had about half and hour or so of dancing, then it was time to rush upstairs and get cleaned up. Maddy was kind enough to take a snap of me - on the stairs as way of a change - and then it was goodbye to everyone until next time. What a cracking night.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Landed by Ben Folds ]

"Still looking for answers if only one, Turn my back the urge has gone."

2010-11-19T20:23:00.000Z

Hey all,

I remember Monday fairly well. The journey to school, packing bags, wading through work emails. After that, everything seems like a bit of a blur. Not a drunken or robotic loss of memory, just... well, this big rush and then I found out it was Thursday. I like my time at work to go quickly, but maybe not quite so quickly! :-)

Funny, but as a kid, you'd be sat in your least favourite lesson - Maths, no French... no, most of them if I'm honest - and how the time dragged. A whole 40 minutes of being sat at a desk. But now? Forty minutes is just a good kip or a ride home if the traffic's bad. I wonder what it'll be like when I get to 60? Will I shut my eyes after reading the paper - or iBrick / eInk / stone tablet - only to find it's time for the Antiques Roadshow? Bah, iPods. I never liked them back then either! ;-)

What's been happening on Planet Jones then? Well, I do seem to be going into housewife mode at the moment. Yesterday I was beavering away in the kitchen... well, not so much gnawing through a tree to build a dam... but baking. I did say I liked baking and as it's Children in Need this weekend, Wee Man needed some suitable themed cakes / biccies to take to school to sell on. A quick mix with the necessary ingredients and one bag of brightly coloured sweets later, I was done. Tired, but done. It was worth it for his big grin the next day. Oh, and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and I had to test them. Strictly for quality control purposes I must add ;-) The Big Night is going off as I type, so I hope (if you're UK based) that you've put a few pennies or pounds in the collection boxes here and there.

I picked up another batch of anti-miserablist tablets from the doctor's today. Not that I've been back in the dumps. Wherever the Black Dog has run off to, he (or she) seems to have stayed from my door and I can't say that's a bad thing. I did have a touch of gender jealously this morning - if that's a term. I was sat waiting in the waiting room and I saw an old friend. She was dressed very nicely and for a mo, a little voice inside peeped: "Why not me?". I know the answer to that. The answer is, you can, but not with all the things you enjoy now. Priorities. Truth is, I don't have it so bad. Not when it comes down to it. Sometimes a little more femme time - if that's not an appalling use of the English language - would be nice, but equally, I kinda like being a bloke. It's certainly a lot quicker to get ready in chap mode.

I tell you what though - and on a clothes related note - I had to dress smartly for a do at my parent's place the other week. Shirt and tie. Okay, not exactly high end formality, but how it rankled. I really didn't like wearing it. Funny, for years I'd worn a shirt and tie to work - okay, not just a shirt and tie - you can get arrested for that ;-) But over the past year or two, I've stuck with jeans and various casual tops. Wait? tops? I mean t-shirt. Sorry I forgot men don't wear 'tops' - that's a tranny thing again. Doh. :-) Where I work, we don't see the public very much and perhaps when the Black Dog turned up... I kinda gave up really. I just ditched the plastic corporate image and stayed casual. Are corporates plastic? No, I meant I was.

So the do was done and I got changed before going home. As we drove back, I did wonder why I had disliked the style so much. It seems a funny thing to get your knickers in a twist over. Still, it was short lived and no great shakes. In other news, I've had a TXT from the Avon lady trying to organise our deliveries and I think, we're just about sorted for the Xmas Do at Chams next week. Well, I say sorted. I've still got to decide what I'm wearing. Trannys eh? :-)

Hope things are going well for you. Whatever you're up to!

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: The Island, Part I by Pendulum ]

"You can check it all out, it's the weapon of choice"

2010-11-12T20:26:00.002Z

Hey all,

Nothing but good news this week... as way of a change ;-) No distant bark of the black dog. Maybe it's been blown away by the recent gales? You can but hope eh?

With a smile from Lady Luck and a few TXTs, I got the meeting agreed with the Avon Ladies. I had a slight wardrobe brain fail on the Wednesday and so I did my usual of packing two outfits. This time, the kilt-style skirts, new top, leggings, spare tights, two sets of boots and some skinnies just in case. Maybe that was a tad overkill, even for me, but despite trying to lay the items on the bed and decide, my mind was a bit all over the place.

So, heavy bag in had, I dropped Little Miss off at Granny's and made my way to Chameleons. I was very early to arrive, so I got the book out and headed upstairs to get changed. One of the good things about turning up early is if the room's free, you can set up. Sadly it wasn't, so I was upstairs and the extra half an hour gave me time to try mixing the outfit up a little. Funny, last time the plan of skirt + tights + boots hadn't worked, yet on the night all was good. Strange that. Do you find your opinion of an outfit changes when you get close to going out?

How the professionals do it.

Fully changed, I headed downstairs to find some of the others had turned up. Tracey and Sandi were about - if somewhat knackered after a very busy day. The evening rolled on and I caught up with Pat, Maddy and Alison too. No sign of Sophie (get well soon Mrs!) Then, as arranged, the Avon reps turned up. All three of them - I'll spare their names - and we had a good natter and Maddy had her make-up redone. Talk about tools of the trade: check out those bad boys! :-)

As they got the camera out for some photos for the Avon magazine, I nipped out to make more tea for them. Guess I'm not quite ready to see my mug in a magazine just yet. ;-) I've got some snaps of that, but they won't go on here unless she's cool with that. The make-up lady did a really good job on Maddy's eyes. Perhaps I should have paid more attention to the process, but I was talking with Sandi and Tracy.

We got talking about various things and conversation turned to the fight - is that the right word? - against depression. I found what both Sandi and Tracy had to say very interesting. Sandi: because she went through the mill as being Tracy's wife, and Tracy: as she went through trans issues and depression too. Bottling it doesn't seem to be the answer (obvious in hindsight), but equally, the BASEjump launch into transition isn't right for everyone either. Some yes, but everyone? Hmmm. Like I said last time, I'd be happy to flip between each role because I know I wouldn't make a passable woman. Honestly, that doesn't bother me and Tracy's comments were along the same lines.

Sam turned up later on and it wasn't long before we got out the famous Chams photo backdrop, or to use its technical name: the sheet. :-) There was much larking about and photos taken. I had a really good laugh. Again, just utter silliness and other such japery. After that, time to get changed and give Alison a lift back home. I thought it would be a bit mean to make her get the bus given the weather and the time.

All good stuff.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Weapon of Choice by Fat Boy Slim ]

"If you only knew what the future holds, After a hurricane comes a rainbow..."

2010-11-05T21:38:00.001Z

Hi folks,

How's things? All good I trust. In my neck of the woods? Okay now, but the start of the week... well, I think I had to prepare a spare bed for the Black Dog. Irksome so-and-so, he'd moved in over the weekend. Why I've not idea, maybe trans stuff or maybe just a slump in the old brain chemistry. I wish I knew. :-) Still, plenty of work and some good laughs with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and that sent him packing.

I've just got in - hence the later than usual post - from a very nice meal with Mrs J. Not so good for the waistline, but certainly very good for the soul. While we ate and talked - not at the same time I add, this wasn't McBurgerFC ;-) - there was the crackle and whizz of fireworks outside. All rather good to be honest. Oh... and while we talked about Christmas presents, it seems I may be lucky enough to get some trans things this time around: maybe jewellery or some new eye make-up. That I do consider a real treat. It's something we'd talked about once or twice, but it never happened. Guess we'll see what Santa brings, but it really made my night.

In other news, some of you may have noticed the It Gets Better Project that's been running on YouTube in the States. For those of you who've not heard of it, there's a series of videos from LGBT folk to LGBT youth... with the statement of the project It Gets Better. At least, it was LGBT folk imparting that while life sucked here and there as a teenager, it did improve. I think it's cool to see a number of non-LGBT folk getting in on the act. I hope that it'll drive acceptance onwards and kids who aren't the same as everyone else - no matter what or who they are - can feel good about themselves.

I think it'll be a while before I pluck up the courage to get all dolled up and film anything. I'd like to, but at the same time, I want to get over whatever is rattling unseen in my own head.... otherwise, I'd feel like I wasn't being 100% honest. To contradict that, it does get better. I'm not alone and 99.9% of the time, I'm cool with being trans-something-or-other. I've got a wonderful family and good friends too. 'Straight' friends and trans friends. My social circle includes lots of different people and for me, that works just fine. Certainly a world away from what I worried about as a teenager.

So, on that jolly note, I'll see you in a week. Look after yourselves.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Firework by Katy Perry... which - bless her - Mrs Brand dedicated to the IGB project. ]

"Somewhere on a Monday morning, In the rush hour of another day..."

2010-10-29T20:34:00.000+01:00

Hi,

As way of a change this post is live and direct. Actually, no, that's not true is it. What if you are reading this a week later? :-) Okay, what I mean is that I've not been working on this one, adding bits and bobs as the week rolls along. I suppose that may be in part because I've had Monday and Friday off this week. It's half-term, so me and Wee Man have been amusing ourselves with this, that and the other. That's a lot of words when really I could have said: this post is unplanned ;-)

Tuesday saw my last session with the counselor. I think it went well, although I still feel that I've yet to hit upon the answer. Hell, I think I've yet to hit what the issue is, let alone the answer! :-) But, looking on the bright side of it all, talking about matters - sometimes in lead pipe honesty - has helped. As I said to Ali - sorry, Alison - t'other night, being able to talk things over with someone who doesn't have any emotional link to what's going on is rather helpful.

As I posted a few week's ago, I've had my meds upped to 30mg. I guess they must be floating through my system well enough because I've not had any more dips recently. Instead, I've pretty much had typical days. Some fun, some boring, some average, some tiring - really, a return to how things were and for that, I guess you've got to be thankful.

Did I learn anything from the introspection and intellectual scrutiny? I think so, yes. There were not any hard or fast truths: more a collection of observations and possibly things that I've avoided. Some on purpose, some accidentally. Whichever category you want to bump them into, they included making sure I wasn't ignoring the couple relationship between The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones and myself (hence today's lyric) and also, had I done the come out journey on my own? For the latter, I don't think it was on my own - I had help from friends (real world and on-line), but Mrs J was on the fringes of that. I'm not going to say that's a good or a bad thing, it's just the way things are. It can be tough to balance your time between your kids, your work, your family and your relationship. There are but so many hours in the day, but I guess you make time for what you need to. Of the people I know, I don't think anyone has some magic ratio for keeping all those plates spinning. On a closing note for that, it being the last appointment - and big softie that I am - I had brought along a small box of choccies as a thank you.

I got my bag packed ready for Thursday and with a pair of boots and some heels, it was rather full. I wouldn't mind, but I only had two outfits in there. Both dresses - the brown wrap one and the skater dress - plus some tights and leggings. I could not make my mind up, so I cover the odds and see what takes my fancy when I get there.

I arrived earlier than usual and I bumped into one of the Avon Ladies who rents a meeting room every now and again. She asked if I knew anyone from the Chameleon Group and I said that I was & that we'd met last time. I suppose with the whole en drab look and lack of wig + heels + lippy, I did look rather different. :-) Somehow, I do take a bit of reassurance from that. Maybe close friends would spot us in the street (so to speak) and while most of us aren't going to pass, do we look different enough from our male image? There's a thought. Anyway, we got chatting and we swapped a few ideas about them running an evening with us. Something I'll come back to later. The downstairs hall was still busy, so I headed upstairs to get changed.

Everything went to plan, although having treated myself to some false eyelashes - well, it was a party night, so why not? - I was a bit miffed to find that the set I bought didn't have any glue with them. Bah, humbug! Still, the Boots nail varnish I got for a quid worked a treat. Even if I did forget my base coat. Outfit all done - the skater dress and funky tights - I headed downstairs to help set up. A lot of folk had already arrived and two of the trestle tables were groaning under the load. I added to that with a half dozen bottles of soft drinks and then the laptop for some tunes later on.

On the way back in, I bumped into a lady called Christine and her wifey. It was a first time for them at the group, so I lead them in, sat them down with some other new-ish couples and made them a brew to be getting on with. It's a fine line, you sort of want folk to feel welcome, but at the same time, you don't want to be all over them in case they want a bit of quiet time and/or to circulate themselves. Nicole also came along for the first time (fab dress) and Katy returned after her last visit (killer heels, BTW). Sophie was full of cold (bless her!) but had soldiered in to ensure the biscuit supply was truly in effect.

Midway through one of the Avon Reps popped in and handed over a catalogue and some suggested dates. That lead to me giving an impromptu public announcement asking folk over what they wanted to do about the Christmas Do, Avon and Boots coming. A few suggestions were made and we've agreed to have Avon around first, move the Xmas Do to the end of November and try to have the Boots event at the end of January. I've already made a few phone calls, but nothing's come back as yet. Fingers crossed though eh?

The night rolled on and we nibbled, chatted and drank the night away..... at least the drivers amongst us didn't drink. The raffle did rather well and that put the group's funds up nicely. Later on it was time to cut the cake - Val, myself and Jane - before having a bit of a boogie. Me being me, and it's usually me who instigates the disco-noise - I'd brought along some new tracks. Some I found easy to dance to: Hummingbird Heartbeat by Katy Perry and Crush by Pendulum. I'm not so sure the last one when down well with the older contingent, but hey, you can't have it all. :-) I did take my camera, but in all the goings on, I didn't get any snaps off. I know Sandi and Val were doing the rounds, so maybe you'll see some later on.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's Lyric: The Loving Kind by Girls Aloud ]

"I was breaking out of my own skin,Choking upon release,I'm in no state, to judge you..."

2010-10-22T21:16:00.002+01:00

Hi folks,

Winter seems to have arrived. Frozen windscreens, leaves turning brown and a rush to get the kids into their coats before we go. All the apples have gone from the trees in our garden. Many have been boxed or given away. We had a bumper crop this year. Stuff to be thankful for eh? Then today, a bright dose of late sunshine to melt the cobwebs away.

Tuesday

Therapy time again. We seem to have fixed it all to the trans railroad and off we go along it. I've been keeping a track of my moods, just a series of dots in Notepad. Any day that's more than a 5, I think of that as being typical; normal even. It's been helpful. Being able to look back and see a small pattern and one that's slowly rising upwards. Sure, I'm not fully out of the woods, but I can see the hedgerows and open fields. At least I'm out of the darkness and there's no distant bark of wolves. Okay... that's enough with that metaphor ;-)

So what have we discussed? Initially, turmoil within my family - not my as in Mrs J and the nippers - but Jones Senior. Then the birth of Little Miss and how it affected me. To be honest, the birth was fine - no complications for her or Mrs J. Little Miss is by no means a screamer (not like my friend had). Lastly, the trans stuff and perhaps most accurately, my body image. Not that I need to have bits amended - let's keep it clean ;-) - but certainly appearance plays a part of it.

Sure, many days I sport a day or two's stubble because I'm in such a rush and I'm just not bothered about a bit of beard hair day to day. Yet, arm-wise and leg-wise, there are days when it does bother me. It is those areas that seem out of kilter, even when I can't see them as they're under a top or shirt. I had a chat with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones about this. I picked a time when neither of us seemed uptight or where tired and hoped we could talk about this without it getting into an argument. We kept it civil and while I won't be sporting smooth pins, we didn't have a bust up over it. That was the Monday and the following day I talked it over. The councillor suggested that the depression maybe down to the fact that I'm as 'out' as I can be and if I wanted to push things further, it would need to be done with Mrs J and not alone. Given the finite nature of the appointments, I think next week will be the last one.

I've talked again to Mrs J about all of this and she says she's not keen on the idea of couples counselling. Even if we went at different times - because, what about the kids? - she said she wasn't sure what value it would add. She also said, how much to you trust these judgements? A little part of me (Ed: no, not that bit) wonders if the trans stuff has flared up because I'm upset, rather than it being the cause of the upset. There's a difficult call to make. As I waited for the bus back, I caught sight of water running down the gutter (hence the snap). If there's a blockage, the downhill flow doesn't stop - it just backs up, the pressure building up and up until something gives. Maybe that was the problem. Just a build up of lots of small things?

The interviews, if you want to call them that, have been effectively three periods of an hour. Can you really say what's troubling a person in that time span? I think... I think she has a point, yet so does the councillor. I guess it's a case of that old adage: three sides to every story: yours, mine and the truth. Where all of this fits in those categories I couldn't say.

Oh and talking of categories, I was asked *that* question. Not by Mrs J, but by the counsellor.

Do you want to transition?

I said, no as for the most part, I like being a guy. I guess, just a very metro one ;-)

She then said, Mrs J's not here, what do you really mean?

I was a little thrown by that and then I smiled. My answer was this: if there was just me on my own and I thought work would be cool about it - I would probably flip flop between appearances as the mood took me. One day him, one day her or maybe a row of each depending on my mood. I don't fancy going full time. She accepted that answer and we moved on.

I'm just too lazy and I know I'll always look like a bloke in a dress. Okay, on a good day, I may be lucky enough to look well groomed / turned out, but with my height, shoulders and jaw - I'd be fooling no-one but myself..... but really, that doesn't bother me. I accept how I look and I'm cool with that. For me, it's not about fooling people or being mistaken, it's just about feeling right and cross dressing helps me feel that way. There are times when I need to feel well dressed as a guy and other times, well dressed as a woman. I never said it would make any sense though :-)

I think that there's also a danger in that when you concentrate on what is wrong, you can't always see what is good. You dwell on what you don't have. I'm seeing the doctor on Friday (or will have by the time you read this), so we'll see what happens about the pill dose. I may be feeling slightly more level as my dose went up about two weeks ago.

Wednesday

I also went shopping for the first time in ages. The new Autumn/Winter fashions are out, but really, I'd look at them and think meh. Nothing has really grabbed my attention and I've heard the same story from a few (genetic) ladies too. All much of a muchness they say. Too much beige and the same old story with heels and the air hostess/MadMen fitted dresses aren't really my thing. Sure, I've seen the ankle boots and cable cardies people are sporting, but they don't hold my attention enough to want to buy any.

Disillusioned with the web, I decided on a spot of a bit of real world retail therapy and as I wandered through the store, I did clap eyes on a cute top and two rather nice panelled skirts. One was dark denim and the other more kilt like. I tried them on in and both fit - which was nice. I did try a jumper dress, but I wasn't sure about the V neck - it gave a rather odd fit across my shoulders.

The Ever Lovely Mrs J and I had another chat about the trans stuff. Again, a level conversation where we talked about it and neither of us go uptight. I know I find it a bit troublesome: embarrassing sometimes, but so it goes. We talked about why Mrs J wasn't involved and I said it was totally up to her. I mean, why should she be? If I may pry, how many of you are out to your partners and of those, has she seen you and what happened?

Other News

After a chat with my GP, I've got another batch of pills to keep me on the straight (!) and narrow. He asked about the counselling process and we talked briefly about that. He said that the aim of the chemical treatment was to take your mind off the depression and give you room to think about what may be wrong. Watch this space I guess.

This coming Thursday is a party at Chams. We've had a number of birthdays and we like to have a shindig when we can. This time around we're forsaking the Chinese food and going for a fuddle. I think I've mentioned this word before; it's when everyone brings a few dishes with them. I've got a list that needs posting on the forum.

Also, I've had a provisional date come back from Boots. It should be good, the last one was excellent and it was enjoyed by Boots and the Chams massive. The only snag is that it's the same night at the Xmas Party. But, that may not be a bad thing. We may be able to have Boots do something between 8 and 9.30, then do the Xmas food and dance later on. Boots have said that this time they'll try to bring products (with 10% off - woo!) to buy on the night. I know that was a problem as some people wanted items on the night. Brand wise, we're talking No 7, Clinique, Estee Lauder (hopefully), Lancombe and possibly some folk from perfumes too. Sounds like a go-er and fingers crossed people will be amenable to it.

Lastly, I've just noticed this little blog is now five years old. How time flies eh? I wonder what the next five will bring? There's a thought ;-)

Righto. That's me done for a rather long entry. I hope the weekend is kind to you.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Crush by Pendulum. ]

"You're in and you're out, You're up and you're down."

2010-10-15T21:12:00.002+01:00

Hi peeps,

Before we dive into this week's wittering, I think I should take the time to say thanks. A number of you commented, PM'd or emailed me over last week's troubles and I found that deeply touching. You didn't have to and for you doing so, I'm grateful. Thank you.

Tuesday

Laptops, they're a bit Martini aren't they? Not so much shaken not stirred, although today's appointment did turn over a few stones... Where was I? Oh yes, tortured analogies. :-) Any time, any place, anywhere. All you need is a WiFi signal and you're good to go. Well, okay, a full battery helps too. ;-) So here I am, holed up in a quiet room, sarnies to the left of me, laptop to the right. Hmmm... this is rapidly turning into some type of song isn't it. (Ed: concentrate, dear, concentrate).

How did today go? I talked... a lot... as per. That poor lady, having to sit through that eh? :-) At least it's for a reason and it's part of her job. I wonder what it's like on the other side of the fence? Sat, listening; picking out the details from the roll of chit chat and explanations. Hmmm, something to think about another time I guess.

It's funny, from the initial appointment - although perhaps 'review' would have been a better choice - I felt that we were going to talk about unresolved grief. Something I alluded to in a previous post. But, the more we talk, the more light is thrown on my life. Through the questions asked, it seems that we come back time and time again to the trans elements of it. Not so much how I struggle with it, dare I say I am happy being a tranny. I think the problem may be that I'm not a happy tranny. Does that make sense?

In some way, I find it helpful. To stay on the sunny side of the street, I feel I can talk fully and openly about this. I guess it's a more... clinical? Is that the word I'm looking for? No, not clinical. It's more analytic. Dear, this is becoming a stream of consciousness isn't it. :-)

So, it's more from an analytic point of view on the whole situation. The history, the narrative, the internal workings and my relationships with people. The summary of our conversation seems to have moved on from the idea of smoothing things over, in that I seem to be masking. There's so much I don't talk about: emotions, the trans life and my feelings. Not because I want to smooth stuff over, but maybe because I don't want to share it with folk. Why do I say trans life? Well, much as I don't split myself up between Richard and Lynn (Ed: oops, real name alert!), I do keep the two social worlds very much apart.

Hey, I find that somewhat ironic because here on this blog I do not that. [pause] No, that's not true is it. There's stuff I don't mention on here. Certain elements of going out, how the kids are doing. Pants, I've just proved it! Whoops. :-)

The counsellor in question is very good and she was honest enough to say that the trans stuff is very new to her. Sure, she's aware of it, but not to the depth of someone who lives within that culture. It's going to be an interesting journey for both of us. To be honest, I've asked if it would be helpful if someone from Chameleons, maybe even me, answered a few questions on the subject. Not that I'm an expert, moreover, just a peak into what goes on with the social circle and what type of issues trans folk may experience.

As to the masking idea, I guess that feels a bit easier to talk about with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. I mean last time, it didn't go that well did it. I suppose you could construe the idea of 'smoothing' as I'm holding back because of you. Again, maybe the truth is deeper than that. Maybe I'm holding back because I fear what the truth will bring. There is something to ponder.

Talking of pondering, I have to decide what to wear for Thursday. :-)

Friday

Last night was just what the Doctor ordered. How do I feel? A lot better than I did over the last few days that's for sure. Maybe some quality tranny time was all that was needed. Makes me wonder if there's a pattern beginning to form.

I'm not normally this camp.
It's usually far worse ;-)

Anyways, I got their early and got the tables and chairs ready. The place had been locked up, but thankfully I had a copy of the codes to open the doors. After that, it was nip upstairs to get changed. As per, I had my outfit and backup outfit :-) With that careful planning, the jeggings stayed in the bag and I went with my funky leggings. They're not shiny nor matte and feel good, so on they went. I decided on a long pink top and as I wanted a bit more coverage, I had a long pale blue wrap top too. I had to let Maddy in as someone had shut the door downstairs. As I finished getting ready, I had a good long chat with her and Alison about this, that and the other.

Downstairs, Sam had turned up and although the evening started off quietly, we all got nattering and had a good laugh. Not all of it was quite so politically correct as it probably should be, but hey, we're a minority right? :-) Sam and Maddy spilled the beans on the exploits of PP. Sophie was kind enough to bring a few boxes of cakes - bless you mrs! We also talked about the pain of laser - something I'd like to sort out when I get on top of the money situation. Maybe not face, but certainly chest as that's pretty patchy to be honest and I really wouldn't miss that. I guess I'm lucky in that my beard is a bit here nor there. As to chest hair, an epliator takes care of it, but on a bad day, I still get a bit of razor rash or the odd spot and that kinda ruins the look. Trannys, we're such vain creatures aren't we. :-)

Talking of vanity, there was the obligatory fashion shoot - or turkey shoot - depending on your point of view. I'll forward those around. Val has started to take snaps of people during the evening and they're very natural shots. It was also her birthday the other day - so many happy returns if you're reading this. Val!

As Tracey wasn't about, I counted up the money and put it away until next time. I locked up and that was that. Meeting up with everyone and a bit of Lynn-time has really helped. Friday passed without any visit from the Black Dog - perhaps its off burying a shoe some place? - and for that I was grateful. My memory seemed to be a little more on track and while I didn't do a huge amount at work - so it goes - I was in a much better news. The Ever Lovely Mrs J is out tonight, so I've got time to go through the photos that people took and pass those around on email. All good stuff really.

On that contented note, take care and I'll see you next week.

Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Hot and Cold by Kate Perry ]

"Owner of a lonely heart Much better than a, Owner of a broken heart."

2010-10-08T20:16:00.000+01:00

Howdy,

How's tricks?

This time around the post is, to coin a well loved phrase, a game of two halves. Well, not so much on the game front. That would imply some type of playing about or.... actually, I don't know, but something less than serious. :-)

Earlier

As I write it's Tuesday afternoon and I've just come back from my first counselling session. It was a positive experience and we talked about a number of issues. How do I feel right now? A little calmer than when I left. Back then, I left... well, not upset, but like I had been shaken up internally. As if there was a swirling wind within me; something pushing at the metaphorical bars trying to get out, but it couldn't. So, I sat and ate my lunch in the autumn sun as I waited for the bus. Eyes now safely behind dark glasses and the anonymity of the street to let me think. I gazed out of the window on the way back, trying to ignore the people I could see and make sense of what was going on internally. Like other t-folk this week, I seem to be feeling jealous of the female form. I hope it's just a side effect of being down. The alternative scares me too much.

Matthew Johnstone's I Had a Black Dog

Some of the things we spoke about, well, they're deeply personal and I won't reveal them on here. Not that I don't trust you guys not to take it seriously, but not everything is about me - there's family stuff too and I try to keep the Jones Massive out of the limelight. What I can do is talk about in vague terms. We talked about work, home-life, relationships and - of course - the T word. The councillor, was insightful and lead me down a number of paths through conversation. She said that she has to try and not make a snap judgement, but probe around the subjects and find out a general picture of what may be wrong. Talking of pictures, the image to the right is by Matthew Johnstone. He wrote/drew a couple of books and that's from I had a Black Dog. He has a blog and it makes for very interesting reading. Hopefully he won't mind me using one of his excellent illustrations.

Last time, the lady in question had said that it may be undisclosed grief. I guess mentally I'd prepared myself to talk about that... yet, instead, I found my barriers falling down and being completely open. I told myself that I needed to be open, open so that I could get everything in the open. No secrets, no lies. It's not something I do very often and I found it tough. I know the young lady does this as a job (and well I might add), but opening your heart to a complete stranger: I found that tough. Hell, we talked about some things that I don't tell anyone: not even the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones.

After about 35 minutes or so, the councillor said that she had a feeling towards a pattern appearing. That was that I smooth things over. In order to keep stuff going - work, socially and personally - I disconnect and compromise to keep the peace. Yes, it gets the job done, but there is a price. The price is this: I don't always get to be me. She said that maybe in the last year or so, maybe I smoothed things over so much... that... that I forgot to be me. "Will the real Slim Shady please stand up? Looks like we're going to have a problem here." :-)

Ironic in a way I suppose. At work I can be immensely forthright - double barrel blunt on many an occasion. Yet socially and at home, the opposite can be true. Maybe I feel that work, it's not personal so in the giant swing of things, it doesn't matter? I don't know, I'm not a professional headologist ;-)

Where do we go from here? Well, another session: same Bat Time, same Bat Channel. It's left me with a number of questions and a lot of think about. One of them is how much am I holding back on the trans front. We talked about body image at one point and that I don't shave my legs. Most of the time it doesn't bother me, I can work round it (two pairs of tights or leggings and I'm good), yet... Yet, there's something else that lurks along with those thoughts. They don't look how I feel. I don't consider myself female, I never have. I'm somewhere in the middle: mentally, bits of both as I've blogged about in the past. But being hairy, I've never liked it. It just.... it just doesn't feel right.

Coming back to smoothing things over, Mrs J isn't happy about smooth pins. It upsets her a great deal. I guess the question is this: what price freedom? How much do I push for me to feel right at the expense of others? Can you have your cake and eat it?

Decisions, decisions eh? :-)

Later

Sometimes, things just don't work out. I'm not going to the Big Night Out. I am up and down like a yo-yo today. This morning, parked up in a layby sobbing away, I was worried that I'd wrecked things between me and Mrs J. I dried my eyes, pulled a brave face from somewhere and went to work. How very British. ;-) Things are better than they were, but I still seem to be slipping back into the dark mire. I wish it would just f*** off, I really do.

Still, it's the weekend (for us at least) and that means no work to do, time with the family and maybe a trip to town for a spot of shopping. All stuff to look forward to.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric Owner of a Lonely Heart by Yes ]

"When it comes to men like you, I know the score, I've heard it all before."

2010-10-01T19:45:00.003+01:00

Hello again,

The 1st of October rolls into view and - depending on your time zone and when you're reading this - will mostly be over I guess. The rain is doing its best to give the hedgerows and wildlife a good soaking before the sharper winds blow in. Autumn is truly here and it makes a sharp change to the bright sunshine and good weather I enjoyed with a friend on Thursday.

An email arrived from an old blog friend who happened to be in the area. We got talking - as trans folk seem to be able to do in spades - and plans were made: appointments set, brollies packed, sarnies bought and much was said. All in all, I had a very good time and it made a welcome change from the usual lunchtime route and topics of conversations with co-workers. They're a good bunch - don't get me wrong - but there are times when you'd like to talk about fashion et al, and that's not the done thing. Actually, that's not true, it can be, just don't expect to get the same level of advice or experience ;-)

Headwise, I've felt pretty good this week. I had another dip around Tuesday, but I'm - or more accurately, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones - noticed a pattern. It seems to be midweek that my mood seems to begin to spiral down. Maybe it's the level of pace, burning the candle a both ends or a push from the I-don't-like-Mondays vibe from the start of the week. Who can say? You just get your head down, plough on and tell yourself it's just a bump and all will be fine. So far so good. Talking of which, I'll be seeing the Counselling folk next week. I think that'll be interesting.

Oh and it's the Big Night Out next Friday (8th October) down in Milton Keynes. It's going to be a bit of a run / late night out, but I'm looking forward to seeing friends and enjoying a dance too. You know me, I do like to plan my outfits. As is traditional, I've got it down to two choices. My only dilemma at the mo is what shoes to take. I'm thinking either my heeled sandals or stick with tradition, and go in my dancing shoes. Either work - outfit-wise - but I did put on some Faithless to test drive my ability to move in them. Oddly the sandals seemed okay for dancing in despite their height. Dear oh dear, road testing shoes at home to your own disco. Call the copssss.... :-)

In other news, I was in the barbers t'other week with both nippers. Wee Man's hair was getting a bit spiky, I was the wrong side of bushy and Little Miss? Well, a long fringe (or bangs as I think our American cousins say) might suit Lady GaGa, but on my daughter, it was becoming a health hazard. Not that she looks where she's running at the best of times. Kids eh? ;-) Anyway, the place is run by two young mums and they're a) very good hairdressers, b) very good with the kids and c) pleasantly chatty. One of them had on a new pair of knee boots, I made a passing comment about said items being very nice and she said she'd had them ages. Then, cue a story about one of the customers oggling her in them. "Sorry," I said. "Say that again. He was perving at you?"

Now, don't get me wrong, I enjoy the view - shall we say - or the the female form as much as the next guy. Hell, I might go so far to add that I appreciate it when a woman rocks a look or outfit. But... I do draw the line at staring or oggling. That to me is rude... and... why do some men feel the need to say something gauche. One gent - I use the word loosely - had said: "Oh I love mums to be - they look dead sexy". Ugh. Keep your comments to yourself! We don't want to know! I suppose at this point in the conversation I should say: Men eh? Tsk. But that may be a bit camp.

Men eh? Tsk :-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Ladykiller by Lush ]

"I'll escape if I try hard enough, Till King of the Jungle calls my bluff."

2010-09-24T20:55:00.001+01:00

Hiya,

This week's post comes from the top of a proverbial hill. The view's rather good and the weather's holding out: neither chilly nor too hot. Through some low cloud I can see, well, mostly. Some of the sky is dark and scary, but most seems a bit misty with bolts of blue if you look long enough. If I concentrate, I can see the path ahead. Sure, it's a bit patchy or rocky in places and there's a few forks here and there where the way's not so clear. But, I'm on the level - no longer slogging to get up the slope and I seem to be the dank of closely packed trees. If I stop and look, I can see that it's not just me that's been walking along here. Sometimes there are other sets of footprint, people who've helped me keep going. All stuff to be thankful for eh? :-) Talking of thanks, cheers to those of you who emailed or commented wishing me a happy birthday. It was very much appreciated.

So, dodgy fictional references aside, what else has been going on? Well, I saw the doctor this week and we had a chat about the ups and downs of the last few months. He reiterated that it would be a slow progress out of that routine, but I guess I'm just impatient. I think after a month or so - I think it's that long - I would expect things to have settled down more. Anyway, that aside, I'm up from 20mg to a slightly higher dose of 30mg a day. That started on Tuesday so I guess it's too early to tell, but Mrs J has said I seem calmer and less withdrawn.

It was time for Chams this week and I had my usual indecision over what to wear. I mean, Monday, it was lovely and sunny: so something floaty and leggings? Then Tuesday it was rather cold and I started thinking about boots & skinny jeans. So, I did what I normally do and I packed two outfits: a skirt, two tops, a dress and some jeggings. I also took in a pair of shoes I'd promised Alison (they are a touch too large for me) and then boots + heels for me.

Bag sorted out, I made my way up to Chameleons. I arrived early to set out the tables, but that was a non-starter because someone had locked the bar area. Well, I say bar, but there's no pumps or optics. So much for the idea of a tranny bar maid eh? ;-)

I decided to leave it and see if anyone else had the door codes. Pat was the next person in and then Alison. Unusually I stuck with my first choice of outfit - skirt, top, heels - and headed downstairs after doing my nails. Tracey and Sandy where back in as they'd come back off holiday. The tykes sprung a surprise on me by buying my a present for my birthday! That was an unexpected surprise (thanks you two!). The card was a lovely touch and very apt.

The evening rolled on and became quite busy. We had some new visitors, a lovely couple from Lincolnshire way (Ed: for our American readers, that's a trip of about an hour), and I tried to make them feel welcome, rather than them be left sat on their own in a corner. I think that's one of the best things about the group: it is friendly without being in your face and you can get involved as much as you do or don't want to. Plus we have a number of regulars, so there's not the problem of feeling like a stranger each week.

I had a chat with Tracey about her & Sandi's holiday and also over upcoming events. With it being darker nights, we get more visitors, so we also do more as a group. Sure, the summer is nice, but with the warm weather and the light evenings, membership turnout is generally lower. As there's a gap in the meeting schedule, Tracey's thinking of a meal out soon. There's two parties on the cards and I finally got my act together over calling Boots. They now have a list of dates from us and the Beauty Manager is sorting out when we could have another visit. No dice on the call from Avon at the mo, but we'll see I guess.

With regards to the party, we decided to have a change from the Chinese take-away option and go for a buffet. This'll mean a few folk bringing items in. I didn't hear the word until I moved to Notts, but locals say a 'fuddle'. Rather than have Sandy take the strain, I tottered around with a list and took the names of volunteers with what they were planning to bring. I bring my lappy along too, so we should be sorted for a few tunes.

Tanya's hen/stag do - well, perhaps 'sten' would be better as it's an en femme outing and abouting. We joked about a 'hag night' but that sounds a bit rude and would totally set the wrong tone. Then there's the risk of it all going a little too Macbeth. When shall we three meet again!? :-) I hope she has a good one. I'm busy with family stuff Saturday, but I'm sorted for the Big Night Out in October. Just a case of swapping mobile numbers with the necessary parties and making sure I turn up in the right place. I guess the only question with that is: what to wear? ;-)

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Mowgli's Road by Marina & The Diamonds ]

"If the days they seem to fall through you, Well, just let them go..."

2010-09-17T20:09:00.000+01:00

Hello,

How's things with you out there in the wide, wide world of sports? All good I trust. Compared to last week's rather large post, this one will be a bit shorter. Well, I say that, let's see if I get a special delivery from The Muse ;-)

The start of the week was not so good. No bad news or anything, but again, another drop in the old brain chemistry. Not the complete drop and inability to function level of badness, but not that pleasant either. From what I could tell, there was nothing bothering me per say, I guess it was just one of those things. Still, you ride it out: keep busy, do things with the kids, get your head down. My mood got gradually better, although maybe that's due to it being the end of the week and not long from now, I'll be a year older. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones commented that I'd slipped back to my less-than-happy self and we talked a bit about it. In a good way I should add. I'm seeing the doctor this Monday for a check-up appointment and I also got a letter from work about the Counselling Team confirming some dates in October. It might be a bit of a wait, but there are other folk in the queue and considering I'm not having to pay for this, I won't complain. It's just a statement of fact.

So, another year older? Well, it's better than the alternative, LOL :-) There's nothing planned and I'm fine with that. Much as I like a party - see previous Chams party nights - there are times when I prefer a low key event. With a spot of luck, the Jones Massive will invade a local restaurant and provided we behave ourselves, we may even be allowed back another day :-) I think birthdays are a bit odd as you get older - and hell - I wouldn't consider myself 'old'. It's just a number right? Does anyone feel old at all? I have a few very minor aches and pains - and I stress the word minor - but other than that, I don't feel that much different to being 28. Turning 30 was fine, I found 25 more of a shock. The big 40 isn't that far away and the closer I get, actually... I don't know. Maybe that will be more of a surprise? I guess I'll see.

Wee Man is back at school and he's doing well. Funny, there's something about the September weather than always reminds me of school. It's that odd change between the seasons. Some days it's very warm and very summery, other days - and it's usually early morning - you get a taste of the chill to come. I'm enjoying the cooler weather and as the nights begin to get darker and the weather cooler, so fashions are shifting as the season turns. I've yet to see anything I really like, but time will tell on trends and maybe the Fashion Fairy will sprinkle me with a little magic dust. A girl's got to have something cool for the next BNO in October.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: The Universal by Blur ]

"If it's not like the movies, That's how it should be..."

2010-09-10T20:40:00.000+01:00

Hi,

A week of highs and lows this time around. Funny, I suppose after my oh-so quiet post of last time. Maybe a case of be careful of what you wish for? :-)

Tuesday, well, that was a bit of a black day if I'm honest. But don't worry, it did improve! It wasn't that anything went wrong or that anyone was hurt, that particular day. Instead, I guess I just slipped a little in the wrong direction. Maybe the chemical thrusters failed and I drifted towards the black hole far closer than I'd liked. I'm not talking about feeling a bit down, moreover the flat out lay on the bed - or in my case - sit in the car - just almost completely out of it. I guess that's my recovery room - parking up in the middle of nowhere; just the sound of the wind and nothing else. It's weird, I sit here typing this and it feels like another time completely. My mood is so much better now I'm at the end of the week. People eh? What a mess ;-)

So why the upturn? Despite Tuesday's blip, things started to get better Wednesday as I tried to do something about it - the depression, that is. Don't worry, not in a scary way. :-) One of my worries about the idea of drug treatment for depression is this: what if this is just a sticking plaster? What if there's an underlying issue which will still be here when I've stopped taking the happy pills? I really don't want to go through all this and not be well at the end. My work offers a free counselling service, so after a bit of hand wringing of should I shouldn't I?, I dropped them an email and got myself an appointment: Wednesday.

While I was waiting in the... um... waiting room, there was a book called Living with the Black Dog, or something like that. It was a picture book guide to helping look after someone who had depression. I flicked through it as I waited. So much of it was uncannily accurate that I found it very upsetting. I suppose I was probably that way out, but looking for a bright side in all of it, the cartoons shown made so much sense. Knowing that the tiredness and disinterest are just part of the condition and that they will go away one day helped. The other thing that jumped out at me was the idea of a White Dog Book. This was something were you keep a list of the good things that happen. Funny, I guess I'm doing that already with this blog. :-) In that, you write about all the good things in your life. It's not a panacea, but I can see how reflecting on the good things in your life (health, family, friends, steady job and a fabby wardrobe) might help every now and again.

I got to the end of the book as my appointment was called. That lasted and hour and it was more an evaluation of how future appointments might go. The person I saw asked me questions about when the depression started (birth of my daughter), how I felt - even the really bad parts which I didn't want to think back to. She asked what it felt like and I said it was like slipping down a table towards the edge. Whatever falling off the edge means in the real world, I don't know. Truth is, I don't want to get to the point where I'm that close and I don't want to stare over into whatever void lurks at the end. I want to go the other way, back towards being my old self. We talked about my relationship with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones (which is very good), my dressing up (how did I feel when out with the 'girls'), school memories and early family life. As that panned out I mentioned my late sister, which happened in the noughties. I mentioned how that really threw the family and she asked me if I had any questions (which I won't bore you with).

Throughout the session I kept finding myself trying to avoid prattling on and then apologising for doing so. She said that I was very harsh on myself - did I notice that? To be honest, I hadn't. I guess I've always been critical and maybe I need to go easy on being so self-critical. Oh, her thoughts on the depression: possibly unresolved grief/mourning over my sister which is coming out as I look after my daughter, Little Miss. I was very close to my sister, W. I think we were quite alike in many ways and although it is nearly 10 years since her death, I still miss her. Just writing that, I can feel the prickle of tears and the cliched lump in my throat. I don't say that as a pull for sympathy - it's just a statement of fact. With those details in hand, I've got to sort some paperwork out for a regular appointment and we'll see where that takes me.

Thursday saw another Chameleons meeting and it was a jolly good laugh. I got to catch up with friends, although there seemed to have been a double booking of the venue. Usually we have run of the place after 8pm as the Karate Kids kick out (Ed: no pun intended), but this time there were people in the kitchen and the front meeting room. Turned out they were from Avon and as I put the tables out, I heard one of the ladies take someone to the side and say "please don't be alarmed if you see a few trannys walking about...".I would have liked to have heard the whole conversation, but tab hanging is rather rude and I was putting out the tables at the time (in bob mode I add).

Pat rolled up (yay!) despite her PMing me earlier saying a family do was in the offing, somehow it was on then off, then on and then finally off. After finishing the setting up, I headed upstairs to get changed - meeting Gayna, Alison and Maddy along the way. Outfit wise, the Fashion Fates had smiled and I was happy with what I'd packed. We had a bit of a minor comedy moment, as when most of us where half way changed, there was a knock at the door. I said come in, thinking it was some of the unusual suspects, but it was a chap looking for the Avon meeting! Ooops! :-) "Downstairs, mate. First door on the right." Funny, I suppose a more evil response would have been: "Take a seat and we'll sort your make-up out in a mo." >;-) But we're not that cruel. Make-up? Oh, a tried the new Max Factor smokey eyes pen. It's a light colour on one end and a darker one at the other. The pale shade blends nicely and I left mine rather subtle. At least, I hope so. :-)

Outfit done and fully ready, I headed downstairs to find Jayne and Sam had come to visit. It had been a while since we'd met up, so it was great to find out what Sam had been up to. She also brought along some clothes for the group to go through... and yes, I did snaffle the boots for a small fee. The money went into the group's kitty as every little bit helps the funds stay flush. The boots were very comfy - perhaps due to the platform - so they went into my bag and a small donation appeared in the group's money pot. Sophie dropped in and we had a new visitor, who Gayna made feel welcome (well done that lady!). We had a couple of jokes about me being in charge, which I'd like to add I'm not :-) You won't get me roped in that easily! :-D That and Maddy's Jamaican/ Ali G Postman Pat impression which has to be heard to be believed. Ever laugh so much your face hurt? It was just like that.

Maddy had brought along a memory stick as I'd promised her I'd bring in a laptop to swap photos. I had a few hi-res ones of her from the last six months. Funny, I can't believe that she's only been coming along for six months or so. Funny how you get close to people and expect them to be around. :-) Maybe that's just me being a nutter tho ;-) Photos swapped I did have a look through some of my older ones. There was one of me looking very young - well, 10 years ago - and some scary ones where I'd not done too well with the right hair or outfit. Still, it's a learning curve and I think it takes time to find your feet (Ed: try the end of your legs), or perhaps, more accurately, find your own style or look. I have on/off days, but on the whole I'm pretty happy with my wardrobe. Maybe it's a mood thing.

As the Avon ladies where wandering off, I bumped into one of them and asked if they'd like to come and do some demos and bring some stock with them. They seemed up for it, but they didn't half give me the hard sell over becoming a rep. That got a resounding no and then we had the cheek of: what about your wife? No, she works full time too, so thanks, but no thanks. We'll see if anything comes of that, but I'm conscious that I still have Boots to contact. They did such a good time last time that I'd love to see them come back again.

After all that excitement, we had a rather lengthy photo shoot and Gayna had brought along a rather fancy camera. V professional. Lots of people lined up for shots, so my FlickR stream will be usually busy. Great to see everyone having a good time. A handbag full of win!

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Not like the Movies by Katy Perry ]

"No alarms and no surprises please."

2010-09-03T21:31:00.000+01:00

Hiya,

Today's post will be a little bit all over the place. Sorry about that. :-) I don't have any topic for discussion, no news to break and really.... I don't feel I have much to say. I would like to stress that this isn't a 'poor me' post, more a I-haven't-planned-anything post ;-) Things are fine here, I guess I'm just tired, but I'm looking forward to the weekend (a big family visit).

What's been going on? Well, truth be told: not a lot. Certainly nothing particular transtastic or earth-shattering insights into the trans mindset. Ho hum :-) Earlier in the week (to use a popular phrase of mine) I was at home working. This was a way of saving my holiday, getting a load of tasks out the way and having time to keep an eye on Wee Man. It is almost the end of the summer holidays and I think he did very well keeping himself entertained while I shuffled the mouse around and bashed at the keyboard.

While I did get a fair few things out of the way - including a few telephone conversations I needed to have with customers - Wee Man was my only human contact that day until late evening. To be honest, I don't think I'd like to work from home all the time. Much as our office can be noisy, I think I'd miss the company of my work mates. No wonder new mums have so many coffee mornings! :-)

Anyway, that's me done for this time around.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: No Alarms by Radiohead ]

"In Number 69 there lives a transvestite, He's a man by day, but he's a woman at night."

2010-08-27T19:32:00.000+01:00

Hi,

The week gone has been a bit unusual. For a start, the house has been only half full as both the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones (Ed: TELMJ?) and Wee Man haven't been in. The latter was visiting his cousins and, as I write, still is, while *ahem* TELMJ is making her way back from a week long course somewhere down south. That's left me holding the toddler, so to speak. That's been nice, lots of father/daughter time: plenty of cuddles, a few books, an occasional snack and the odd tantrum. Her, not me, as way of a change :-) I think we are coming out of the Terrible Twos, so Little Miss's language has really come on. I've really missed Mrs J and Wee Man though. The place really isn't the same without them, but both will be back soon.

I suppose you'd be thinking that I'd be dressed up to the nines every night and snapping away with the camera. Well, in all, honesty, that only happened once and I didn't bother with the camera either. I spent some time getting an outfit together for Thursday (more on that later) and that's about it. Instead I read a few books, ignored the telly and caught with friends (emails, telephone calls, etc). I did paint my toenails on the Monday - that light blue colour I'm rather partial too - and it was nice to leave them painted all week. It's the little things sometimes :-) I suppose that might sound a bit odd to non-trans folk, but getting up in the morning and seeing a pretty colour on your tootsies, puts a little spring in your step for the day.

So Thursday? Well, it didn't come to pass. Often Little Miss goes to her Granny's on a Thursday night. That saves us travel during the Friday rush hour and I get an early start at Chams. Really, what's not to like? I had packed my outfit and, truth by told, I was looking forward to driving home in Lynn mode (like I used to). However, Granny wasn't well and clearly dropping the bundle of energy that is my daughter would not be right. (Ed: the good news is Gran's on the mend.) So, LM stayed home with daddy. Previously I would have been gutted/narked/stroppy about not being able to go out. Not so much this time, which makes for a pleasant change. Instead, I shrugged it off and dropped Sophie an email: fancy a brew, mrs? Okay, I may have put a bit more in it than that, but you get the gist :-) So while the Chams massive where doing their thing at the Centre, she and I were chatting about this, that and the other with plenty of tea and cake to fuel us on into the night. I'd like to add that that was in Bob Mode and again, not having to go through the faff of getting changed at the end actually added to the evening. It's funny in that when I started going out - from a tranny point of view - I was quite guarded about my real name, job and where I lived. Now, okay, I don't go shouting it from the rooftops, but I feel more relaxed about it at least with people who've gone from acquaintance to becoming friends.

I did buy far too much cake, so some of that went to Nursery as a thank you for squeezing Little Miss in at the last minute. The staff were made up by the unexpected surprise and having come out from the gloom - at least for the last 4 days - it made my day seeing the smiles on their faces. Again, little things eh?

Talking of cakes and all things nice, comment was made about keeping trim. I know I do watch what I eat and try to get a bit of exercise. So it goes for a few (male) friends but also a number who don't. I wonder if being trans, you watch your weight more because female fashion is orientated towards the lither end of the scale. I do find it a bit annoying that many shops will stop stocking items above a UK 14 or UK 16. Seems a bit daft when the population seems to be getting taller and bigger. :-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Neighbourhood by Spaced ]

"You can fight the sleep but not the dream"

2010-08-20T21:10:00.001+01:00

Hi everyone,

This evening I'm unusually tired and for that reason, and hopefully that alone, I'm a little out of it at the mo. With luck, a good night's kip will set me right. But, it is Friday and Friday night is blogging night. I suppose in some odd way, I have my own personal deadline and if I break it, I wonder if I'll get out of the habit of regular writing. Well, lets see where this week's stream of consciousness takes us then eh? :-)

Health - or perhaps more accurately, head-wise - I've been pretty good. I think the malaise over the last day or so is just tiredness. Nothing to panic about and really, would panicking help? Probably not :-) I was going to write a post this afternoon, but instead I ended up finishing off a short story. Considering this is YATGB, I suppose you'd expect it to be all very standard trans stuff. Magic wands, genie in a bottle, a cursed pair of killer heels. But honestly, not a sniff of any of that. In fact, I don't think I've written any tranny style fiction for years. I'm not dissing it, I'm just not.... writing it. Maybe now I've got release (and the love from the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones), it's not something I feel I need. Go figure.

Talking of writing (Ed: another seamless link m'dear) I got a note through the contact form. It was from Circus magazine - sorry Circus Bookazine. Seems they've been trawling the interwebs and looking for blog articles and ideas to put in it. I'm not crowing here, I'm sure a lot of other people have had one of these too. I did a bit of research and it seemed on the level. I suppose you put feelers out and see who replies and take it from there. In terms of little old me submitting something, I'm not sure where I'd come into it. I mean, this is a fashion edition and... please note I'm not fishing for compliments here... I'd describe my fashion sense as pure high street, certainly not cutting edge. Ah well, I'll re-re-read the email and see if I can think of anything.

In other news, and following the theme of springing from one meme to the next, I had an unexpected email from a friend I hadn't seen in a while. I'll spare her blushes unless she cares to out herself. Anyhoo, I ended up driving through the driving rain through Nottingham to meet up at her house for a chat and nibbles. I think I might have done a lot of the chatting - and for that I'm sorry - but it was a fab visit with good company. If you're curious, no I didn't go en femme - although the offer was made - and if anything, and perhaps ironically, that added to the evening. I mean, I didn't have to go through that whole fab to drab routine that a lot of us dread. Instead, a cheery wave goodbye and off into the night again. Fantastic stuff to be honest.

This week has also been the release of the A Level results. I find the whole thing very muddled and rather complicated. On one hand, you've got the media: no, that's not fair - let's go with certain portions of the media baying about how exams have got easier, fall of standards, blah blah blah. On the other, education folk saying the opposite. Perhaps, and as ever, the truth lies somewhere between those statements.

One thing that does worry me though, is the chances for kids to go to uuniversity. I did go, although it was poly back in those days and no, I didn't pass. I didn't do so well and I quit to get a job. Now on the radio, I heard one young lad saying he was going to forgo uuniversity and go for the work experience angle instead. A good idea I guess, although I do know that some employers are very keen on you having a degree. Sure, some should require it, but when it's any degree, how relevant is that? How do you weigh up an applicant with lots of... life skills?... versus someone who's been in the classroom. Tough choices.

How about you good people? Did you go or not go? If you did, has it helped and if you didn't, do you think that's held you back?

Oh and it's Chams next week. Yay! Here's to a good weekend!

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Weather with You by Crowded House ]

PS: To those of who you who I owe and email to, I'm sorry and I am working on it. Honest!

"This is my church, This is where I heal my hurt."

2010-08-13T20:36:00.000+01:00

Hiya,

It doesn't seem long since I was here a few days ago, typing stuff away into the blogger input form. I suppose the rush of time - or to use the technical term: 'whoosh' - goes that much quicker when you have time off. I've had most of this week away to look after Wee Man. He is, of course, on summer holiday and there are only so many summer camps a lad can go to. So it was time for some father/son time. Building Lego, walks in the countryside, a trip to the local park, video games and a few choice films. All in all I had a great time and I hope he did too. The English Monsoon arrived towards the end and there was a total downpour t'other day. Luckily Wee Man and I were still in the car at that point. When the path started to look more like a stream than river it was next to, we headed for home. Apart from that, all went well. :-)

In other news, I bought a new mobile phone - or smart phone, as they're called these days. I may work in IT, but when it comes to home gadgets, I'm a bit behind the curve. I guess that's a combination of being careful with my money and not always trusting what a vendor says about a product. After the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones's mobile carked it and to be fair, it was five years old, we both ended up with new handsets. Monthly contracts - which I'm fine with - and the unit runs that new fangled Android thingy. Sure, I've read about what this OS can do, but I was surprised just how feature rich the system was. It really is like having a tiny laptop with you. But gadget aside, I find the best bit is that it's easier to keep in touch with people. What about you? Have you *ahem* invested, or aren't you bothered? Part of me is amazed and what it can do, while another part looks to the future and wonders what'll replace it. Technology eh? ;-)

Thursday was Chams time again. I started to pack a few things on the Wednesday but I could not get my head around a look. In the end I packed two pairs of shoes and three outfits. I was late setting off on Thursday and when I got there, my head was still all over the place. Do you get that? You take a few favourite items and yet you look on them unable to put together something that feels right? Anyways, what I'd got - which I normally like - just didn't click. Maybe it was because the tops were both too fitted? I'm still not sure, but so it goes some days. It was a case of on again, off again, on again, off again. After asking for a second opinion, I settled on the A line mini and a pink top. Indecision, coupled with a late arrival, meant I was late coming down and two friends popped up to make sure I was okay (thanks girls!). That was touching and it was nice to have a chat away from the hubbub of the main group. When I finally got myself ready, I headed downstairs and somehow ended up in the kitchen chatting. Maybe it's like parties?

Again, time flew by - talk about last time's meal out from those who went (it went well), some comedy stories - and then half ten was soon upon me. There was time for a quick photo session and Sandi was good enough to get us all together for a group shot. In other news, I've started to fish out the contact details for Boots and Sandi mentioned that we may be getting a visit from a jewellery seller next time around. Sounds good!

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: God is a DJ by Faithless ]

"No more stillness, more sunlight, Everything's gonna be alright"

2010-08-06T20:30:00.000+01:00

Hey folks,

How's things with you? Shall I get the good news out of the way? That's not to belittle it. The week before last - if I've got my dates right - was my last dip. For the last week or so, I've felt... normal. I don't feel under a cloud, just the normal (re: minor) ups and downs you get as part of living. I must say, it's very welcome. Yay indeed.

On Thursday gone, a number of the Chams folks headed off to Derby for a meal out. I've not had the gossip on what went on, but I'm hopefuly it all went well (update: according to the forum, yes). The reason I didn't go is that as the kids were with their grandparents (Wee Man, mine; Little Miss, Mrs J's) so we had an evening of freedom. The Ever Lovely Mrs J glammed up and off we headed for a very nice meal. I'm still feeling a bit stuffed now. :-)

Channel 4 are running a series called 'Our Drug War' and it's about the effects of recreational drugs and British society. I find that type of thing fascinating, which may seem a bit odd as I'm not actually interested in taking them. Is it a case of forbidden fruit? I'm not sure. One element that surprised me was the shift towards mass production and that once one 'legal high' is banned, another crops up almost instantly to replace it. I suppose I expected to hear the standard line of 'Substance A must be banned' from those featured in the programme, yet conversely, it was the opposite.

A leading charity was saying that people will continue to take recreational drugs regardless of their legality. They also had a retired policeman asking why we continued on the path of zero tolerance towards users. I'm not going to argue the case that we should drop all laws and let folk take what they want, nor the opposite. If our drug laws are antiquated, would giving them an overhaul help and how would it affect our society now?

I think it was about a year or so ago... hold on, let's try Google. Nope, it was 2005. Blimey, how time flies. Where was I? Oh yes, the BBC ran a programme called If... Each programme started with a basic statement and then rolled forward on drama, rather than scientific fact (Ed: it being a work of fiction and all, Lynn). Anyhow they did one called If... drugs were legal and from a drama point of view, I found it quite interesting, but again, even if various substances were legal, I don't think I'd like to fell wiped out in the morning. I mean, the pills I'm on now (for depression) mean I can't drink, but when I could, I rarely got drunk because it made me feel so lously the next day. The BBC's website for the programme is still up. I might have a wander through that later on. But what about you dear reader? Not that I mean to pry, but I am curious. There's always the anonymous option if you wish.

One last thing, this week The Times ran a theme in their Eureka magazine - it's a science thing in case you've not seen it. Anyway, this week was all about sex, and of course, sexuality. Lots of very interesting articles, including research about genetic and being intersex. One thing that struck me as I read it, I like women, but I also dress as one (on occasion). I have a few feminine characteristics (no good with maps, poor spacial awareness), so where does that put me? Where does being CD/TS/TV (pick your lable) fit into any of this?

On that note, toodle pip and I hope the week's good to you.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Stronger by The Sugababes ]

"Not with a bang but a whimper."

2010-07-30T21:55:00.000+01:00

Hey,

There. I've cracked the ice. The empty white background that's the backdrop of the Blogger window. Now I feel galvanised into action, the breakage freeing my mind to actually do something. Something. Anything. For a bloke who can talk until the cows come home, there are times when words don't come so easily. That's why the quote: almost high brow compared to my usual pop-scene. :-P Is that how blogs end, they slow up and eventually stop? Anyways, for the last ten minutes, I've sat; staring into space or studying the fact that my keyboard could do with a clean. So it goes sometimes. I so didn't want this to be another post about darkness or shadows (Ed: any other band references you could fall over?) because it p*sses me off.... and I don't want it to rule my life.

< deep breath >

Let's talk about nicer things eh? It's late summer and already there's fruit to be picked from the hedgerows and garden. The apples on the tree are looking good and my local bramble patch up the hill is coming along nicely. There's also a spot not too far from work and I have been known to take in a plastic box and go blackberrying in my lunch hour. I don't know about you, but I find picking fruit very relaxing. I wonder if it's down to the fact that you have to concentrate on it rather than on anything else. Stop paying attention and you find a thorn in your finger, or your jeans caught on a bramble... so you focus on the task in hand.

Once the box is full, I head back and it's not long before it's time to go home. The berries freeze well and provided I remember to pack the apples properly, there's a chance for apple pie - or better still, apple crumble - well into the later parts of autumn. Food-wise - and, being an earth sign - I enjoy creature comforts and I think there's a special treat in being able to have such a wonderful summer pudding in the depths of winter (and without the air miles). What about you guys out there, any particular pudding favourites?

In other news, the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones is after some new shoes (as she's got a work thing soon) and therefore we'll be visiting town for a spot of shopping. Little Miss is with us, so no doubt she'll be raiding the stands and picking the most glamorous shoes she can find. I don't know where she gets that from. ;-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Longtime by EMF which samples - quotes? - T. S. Eliot's The Hollow Men.]

"Jump back and forth, And feel like you were there yourself, Work it out..."

2010-07-23T22:06:00.000+01:00

Hey all,

There are times when I feel I've got plenty I want to say, but I'm not quite sure how to start. Maybe it's procrastination, or that the thoughts flutter around my head so quickly, I can't quite decide which one I should try and grasp first. Okay... deep breath and focus :-)

This week's been good. I've been for a check up and despite the dip from last time, the mood sine wave - as the doctor said - seems to be settling to something all the more typical. Less dips, which I think can only be a good thing. Let's hope the tablets keep things on the straight and narrow. The drop in the the searing summer heat may also have helped a little. Sure, it's still been lovely and sunny, but not that baking heat we had earlier in the month. In other small joys, I fell upon a lovely bright blue nail varnish from Rimmel. Little things eh? ;-)

Thursday saw the Chameleons Summer Party in full swing. Lots of folk turned up and there was plenty of good company, tunes and food. We opted to repeat the idea of having a big Chinese meal and, again, it went really well (Props to Tracey & Sandi for the organisation!). Sophie, Tracey and Alison gave us the goss on what happened at Sparkle. I found that very interesting: what they go up to, visits, the event itself, a few choice sights, etc. I did manage to find a cable to hook my laptop up to the stereo system, so the music kept on coming. For some reason though, perhaps it was the late summer evening or me feeling tired, I just didn't feel like a dance. Still, I think the others may have preferred the room being quieter :-) There will be other times to cut some rug. While the photo backdrop didn't make an appearance, as we were rushed for time, there was time to grab a few shots of the Chams Crew.

Later as I got changed, one of the girls - and I shall spare her name - came in very upset. I think that there are times when you - and I mean 'I' in this context - need to shut up, put your own issues aside and just be there for other people. I mean, my friends at Chams have been there for me when I've found life hard going, so it's only right and proper that I do the same. Besides, the lady in question is a good friend of mine and seeing someone that upset really hits you in the heart.

I think this is the one bit of being a tranny that I dislike: that it can upset other people, particular the ones closest to us; our partners (Ed: Wives & Girlfriends sounds too Footballers' Wives). There are times when what I do (tranny-wise) upsets the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. I think she does her very best to be understanding, but hell, I don't understand it fully! Even thought I've felt like this for as long as I can remember. Nowadays, I'm mostly alright about it. Why mostly? Because sometimes I overindulge and that causes upset.

There are cliches (or tropes?) that we go though. The talk about a magic tablet that would make you 'normal'. Although, I think that being a tranny is natural, we're just slightly different from your stereotyped bloke portrayed in popular culture. Besides, normal is a relative term I think ;-) The other one is, and I think this is before you come out to your partner: what if she (or he even) says you have to choose between dressing up or them.

Honestly, I don't think you can chose. Being a tranny, it goes right through who you are. It's not just about the clothes or your appearance. It changes your behaviour on a fundamental level. Can you stop being who you are? Honestly, and hand on heart time: no, no I don't think you can stop that. Maybe you could bottle it all up and stop dressing, but I think the feelings will be with you... always ;-) Now where have I heard that before? :-D I know a few people who've gone cold turkey, to coin another phrase, but it rarely ends well. It certainly didn't work for me, but maybe it'll be different for you. Thing is though, is being a tranny a bit like the opening line from Satan by Orbital: Well son, the funny thing about regret is... Is it better to be yourself and ride out the good & the bad with those you love (Ed: slings, arrows, outrageous fortune, etc) or to live as others think you should, only dabbling here & there... or maybe not at all? Answers on a postcard to the usual address.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Dare by The Gorillaz ]

"One life with one dream on repeat. I'll escape if I try hard enough,"

2010-07-16T20:34:00.000+01:00

Hi,

How's things with you? Stuff here is... is better than it was. The earlier part of the week was not so good. Oh arse. I was hoping not to write about this type of stuff because it's all rather negative isn't it. Rough with the smooth I suppose. :-)

I think that's the difficulty with a blog. Okay, they say 'write about what you know', or in my case, perhaps what's going on on Planet Jones. I guess the down side of that is that when it gets rather personal and heavy going, it doesn't really make for fun reading. But equally, life isn't all smiles and happy stuff. Some days things don't go so well and you just have to make the best of it. Plus, there are only so many times you can say "there, there, there" without it sounding like you're stuck in a loop - ditto from this side of the screen :-) I don't want to write about being upset or unhappy.... Really, I just want to get back to feeling normal.
So, taking about feeling normal, there have been some good points to the week. Firstly, the mad panic project at work wasn't a mad panic. No-one "crossed the streams" so we're all good. Any IT work that doesn't involve a full restore and hoping the back-up tapes hold out is a win in my book. ;-) Wee Man did well on his School Report and he had a great time at his birthday party a few weeks ago. Little Miss, I can't believe how much she's grown up. She's on her way to being 3 and both her - and her brother - are a delight to take to the park. I think it's the reckless joy they seem to have. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones is hanging on in there, she's been there for me and I don't know what I'd do without her. The weather's also taken turn to a more traditional British summer - as in, it's raining. So good for the plants, water supply and it's no longer baking hot. Good stuff.

For those of you who went to Sparkle, I hope you had a good time and I've been reading the posts about it here and there. Did I miss going? Yes and no. 'No' because if it was important enough to me, I'd push and make the effort to go. But, being a Dad, I like my weekends with my family and being away for the whole weekend would be too much. I guess I'm a cake-and-eat-it kinda guy. :-) Besides, that weekend felt far too hot to be glamorous. :-) So a nice to have, but I guess if you don't know, you don't miss out on it.

While not quite in the same as the Sparkle event, there's the Summer Party next week at Chams. I'm looking forward to that and with a bit of luck, the weather will remain cool and it'll be a good one. Stuff to look forward to eh?

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Mowgli's Road by Marina and The Diamonds ]