It's another long weekend and that's put an extra spring in my step. A very welcome addition to the happiness after last night's visit to Chameleons. It had been a little too long. I had felt that all too familiar 'drop' - more on that later, and unreasonable bouts of occasional snappiness. The latter isn't acceptable and I felt bad afterwards. All Jack and no Jill, does not a happy camper make.
No, 'The Drop' as I've started to call it, starts with the ticking of the proverbial clock. The realisation that it's been too long, since you got to express all of you.
There is, the feeling of a pull, or a catch. Like a string or thread, picked at, in an old carpet, or a jumper. Things unravel, if you're not careful and you can find yourself filling the void with much Internet based window shopping, or an occasional and then more regular retail therapy. Alternatively, and if you have the energy, they can be kept at bay with distractions: TV, books, writing, exercise.... but the clock doesn't stop.
Tick tock.... Tick tock...
What is harder to displace, is the feeling of... well, loss. A woman walks by and a little part of you, regrets. That's The Drop. Regret that you are as you are currently. To be only one form, when every now and again, there's a need to be the other side of the coin. Again, to not be just one half of yourself, but having the freedom to express.
It is not easy, but you don't react. You breath. You move on. Time will pass and time will be yours once again.
Talking of new folk, I had a good long chat with a new lady, and her partner, plus Nicole, around the perils of self tan. Clearly, I got off lightly back when I could be bothered :-) Instead, I'll stick to being pale and mildly interesting.
The old forum has truly given up the ghost and I've got a temporary one sorted out. It's fancier than the last one and I'm beginning to wonder, that once we get the group's funds fully sorted, if now is the time to think about a hosted solution. That way, we'd have a web site, domain name and forum all of our own. That, and backups, which, as any IT wiz will tell you, are only important, if your data is. :-)
In other news, there's been a few emails from students wanting to talk to us, around 'what it is to be trans' and that type of thing. Sue's post is well worth a read and echoes some of my sentiments. On a related note, a professional care service and a company have been in touch, asking for Q&A chats about how to support trans employees. Perhaps, things are looking up, regardless of the idiocy around bathroom use across the pond. :-P
Take care and, if you're in the UK, I hope have a lovely long weekend,