The other day, as queued to get into the car park, a lady about my age got out, to request a ticket. This was during the day, and near work, so she was in business mode. Smart skirt, sensible heels, nude tights and a good coat. I don't know why I'm faffing around saying this next bit, but she looked great. I dunno, maybe commenting on random stranger's outfits, still doesn't sit well with me. Go figure.
But, her outfit, isn't main point, as it where, just the warm up. In the back of my mind, a little voice whispered: you'll never manage that.
I drove on and let that thought drift through my head. My gut reaction - and I say this as someone who feels with their stomach - was that dropping sensation. You may have had similar. It starts in your shoulders, as if someone is pulling a string from behind your sternum. That, or there's a drip of cold in your tummy. It varies.
Yes, I thought. It is highly unlikely, that I will manage to look as she does. But, as the car rolled along into the car park, I decided to take another tack. Sure, I could listen to that nay saying thought, or I could look at what I do have.
Having hairy legs is something I don't like. But, it's my compromise with the Ever Lovely Mrs J. I manage to work around the issue, most of the time, but, and on rare occasions, it does rankle a little. What, I thought to myself, would it be like if I did? Could I cope with the cost? The price, if you will, of ploughing that furrow and knowing the effect it would have on my relationship. As to wishing it were another way, if I could wish for something, smooth pins and the acceptance there of, would probably not be in the top five. Really, why waste the neurons on this?
Letting the green eyed monster hiss a little, I thought back to a book the Ever Lovely Mrs J, had suggested. The Happiness Trap if you're curious. I'd only midway through it and one of the mental exercises has helped. The idea is two fold: when you get a negative thought, or your subconscious starts prattling on with a bad narrative, try one of these. Firstly, append the thought with Oh, I'm having a thought about blah again.
So, in my case. Oh, I'm having that thought about why I have hairy legs. It took me back from the worry and the, frankly, sadness, and took it more to the abstract. It made the thought less real, less harsh, if you will. Instead, I could look at it more objectively and think about things I did have. A great family, a pretty good job (all things considered) and I don't do bad on the trans front either. Certainly a lot more than I'd ever imagined. Again, reasons to be cheerful, part six. :-)
The other idea, so says the book, is to repeat the thought, to a random tune. Say, He's a Jolly Good Fellow, or Happy Birthday. That does work and makes most negative things sound very silly.
Trick is: to block out the noise and keep the signal. Which thoughts are chiding but have our best interests at heart? Maybe that comes with practise.
This Thursday I was reasonably quick off the mark and at the Centre at a reasonable time. We had a visit from TrendCo, who'd brought along some wigs to demo and plenty of catalogues. They'd also come along with a make-up artist, to could answer a few questions. I certainly learned something about lipstick and the discussions around wigs, were useful too.
I did take a few snaps of Fyona, who was trying a new do. It's one thing looking in a mirror, but a photo is different. It was something I stumbled on, when I went for a wig fitting. Different looks, shapes and cuts, come thick and fast, and - if you're anything like old Muddle Brain here - it's easy to lose track. Still, with a quick selfie, you can build up a catalogue of what you like. Plus, if you're not sure, you can at least ask friends for their view. That all important second opinion can be reassuring and save you buying in haste.
She wasn't the only person trying something new, so I think the event went well. Some further good news is that Trend-co said that if we had enough orders - say, four or five - they'd pop over with them, one meeting. That may help people. I mean, trying on a wig, it just doesn't work (IMHO) if you do it in bloke mode. You need your face on and to be dressed right. Otherwise, and as I quipped to the Trend-co staff, you look like a bad tribute to Def Leppard. One younger lady didn't get it, but the two my age did. "Okay, think Nickleback, then" and she chuckled. Damn those aging pop culture references eh? :-)
|Faking it with 'nude'|
opaques under sheers
Funny, in that I'd packed a nice dress and yet, I found myself wanting something a bit more office / day time. Mind you, given the temperature that night, I don't think bare arms were a good idea.
Diane had had her hair straightened - and very nice it looked too! - and she was kind enough to say she'd been happy with the snaps, and (limited) posing advice, I'd offered last time. Every little helps, I hope. So, come the end of the evening, we repeated the same routine. Val was on hand to provide help in shots of Yours Truly.
Not a bad way to lead towards the weekend and I hope you'll have (or have had) a good one.