Friday, May 01, 2015

Travel in hope

Hi,

This is a somewhat late post. The week has been fairly busy and if I'm honest, my brain is a bit fried from use. Lots of meetings and planning events, but, for me, that's better than the old stuff. Yes, I'm well out of my comfort zone, but I guess, it's good to try new things. At least, that's what I keep telling myself.

I've also moved to a new office. Quite a distance from the old one, so I'm in with some new folk and I've been made to feel welcome - which is nice. The office is also much more of a male/female mix, which I prefer. The last one, I think there was just one lady, on her own. There is also, air con, which the rest of the building so needs. Cold, I can wrap up for. Heat, just makes me go 'meh' and I switch off :-)

Thinking about comfort zones, I wonder how much being trans has helped me move? I mean, not so much the 'I need to prove myself'. Moreover, if I wanted to get out, either of the closet, to a support group, or elsewhere; there's no one to do it for you. You just have to plan a bit, take a deep breath and push yourself.

I'm not saying I'm go getting. I'm really quite laid back. I guess what I am saying, is that if you want to be more 'out there', from a trans perspective; you have to push yourself. Yes, it's scary and yes, it will be tricky in places. Think of it as a struggle up a steep hill. There will be false summits and maybe you'll go the wrong way sometimes. Maybe you'll meet people walking and they will take other paths. Thing is, once you get so far, you'll be able to look back and, just maybe, see how far you've come.

Enjoy the view. It's better to travel in hope, than to arrive :-)

Lynn
X

2 comments:

  1. Was wanting to reply to this for a week, but been a little scared.... I've had to push myself..... :-D

    I'm in full agreement. Out of the other crazy (sometimes dangerous) things I do in my life, getting out, presenting and engaging with people as a woman is the scariest thing I've ever done. And it still scares me.

    My councillor said that I'm naturally very good at assessing risk. Which when I thought about it is very true. When there are physical clues (like running downhill on difficult terrain), it is obvious. But it is only fairly recently when being out as Tanya, I've realised I'm doing the same risk assessments with non-physical (or non-visual) clues.

    I have now taken these skills from my times as Tanya to deal with awkward customers or 'flappy', stressful managers at work. I can now deal with them; as putting myself into an uncertain situation that would have scared me away before, now has a reference point.

    Enjoy the journey, Lynn!! x

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  2. I suppose looking back, at the various events that are part of the trans journey, there is some assessment of the risk. Do I come out? Do I go out? What'll happen if I go to the till wanting to but these heels?

    At what point does evaluating the risk, turn into inaction through fear, I wonder.

    Good to know that you're finding a use for that spider sense in civilian life too.

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