Friday, November 14, 2014

Judgement

Hi,

How are you all doing? After last week's blog birthday celebrations, I am quite worn out. :-) Then again, maybe it's the late night I pulled, after being out at Chameleons and then visiting the all-night supermarket to grab some supplies. When will I learn eh? :-)

Return

On the way to work, I listen to the radio - Radio 4 in the main, because I'm incredibly middle class and a bit farty. As in arty farty, rather than just full of gas, although... But self-depreciation aside, it might well be more because I don't like a lot of the music they play on the radio. Even as a yoof I didn't, but I'm drifting off topic. :-)

This month I've heard two news stories about former prisoners. Both men had completed their sentences for serious crimes. One of them had completed a life sentence for murdering policemen, the other, a convicted rapist. Now, I'm not going to go into the arguments about their guilt or in's & out's of the cases. No, my question is this - or perhaps more accurately, my initial question is: if you commit a crime and you complete your sentence (and are deemed not to be a threat to society or yourself), at what point are you deemed to have 'done your time' and you can rejoin society?

On a personal note, my (late) sister was involved in a road traffic accident many years ago. The anniversary - if you can call it that - of her death, was this month just gone. The accident didn't kill her outright, more complications during treatment much later on. That aside, the cause of her accident was one man. What should have happened, is that he should have not turned in front of her - and I'm trying to not use any loaded language, at this point. For whatever reason, he didn't and the die was cast.

I met him for the first time at the inquest. We sat about five foot apart, while the evidence was given. It was the same day I saw the Police photographs of what happened. The reports, the images, the analysis of what an awful, bloody mess the whole thing was.

What I remember, is just.... sadness. Grief, if you will, or loss. Knowing that I'd never see my sister again. But... I didn't feel angry toward him. At the end, when it was time to leave. I went up to him. My voice, in that terribly restrained, British whispered: "I'd like you to know... that I don't feel any ill will towards you. It was a terrible accident. I'm not angry with you."

That man was banned from driving. He lost his job and then his house. I'm not saying his actions aren't without repercussions - I mean, if you've got someone whose driving record isn't great, I guess you'd want to try rectify that. :-)

I think the lack of anger was because I felt that throwing the book at him, wouldn't bring her back. Maybe it's different with accidental death rather than murders or sexual crimes. Thankfully, and let's not tempt Fate, I've no experience of the latter, nor has anyone I know of.

Maybe want I meant to ask is, are there crimes for which you can never be forgiven? If a person is truly repentant and somehow rehabilitated, what then? Where do you go, how do you live? Is your sentence not the four walls of your cell, but the fear you might have, should people find you?

On a lighter note....

On a less deep note, I've been following a few more Beauty Blogs (the joy of smartphones) and trying to pick up ideas. Ideas on new products and the ever challenging how to.

One article made me chuckle this week. It was a review of a lip stain by Rimmel. Provocalips 16 hour Kiss Proof, if you're curious. Well, as the famous advert says, it does what it says on the tin: stains your lips! :-) The reviewer, bless her, tried everything she knew to shift it, but it would not come off....

...and there was me thinking a cool, ruby red, matt lip stain would be perfect for the Christmas season. Maybe not. ;-)

Chams

I was in a bit of a quandary about what to wear this time around. Torn between leggings + top, dress or office smart, I laid a number of items out on the bed, in an effort to get an outfit together. In the end - and thanks to some Facebook suggestions - I opted for office smart. Not that that stopped me packing a 'fall back' outfit, should my plans not work.

The Ever Lovely Mrs J was kind enough to let me borrow one of her rather posh skirts, but it didn't quite fit. Bah, humbug! I also thought I'd risk sheer tights as a spot of variety. Odd, considering the current fashion seems to be opaques. :-)

Anyhoo, I was okay about my final look and I did make sure I didn't re-wear my best party shoes. No, these babies are even older. I think they might be my second pair. Again, New Look, but New Look shoes are fab. A good fit and so well priced. Perhaps it's a good thing there's not a shop close to my work, That could only end up with me requiring an extra wardrobe.

Take care,
Lynn

7 comments:

  1. Hi Lynn ,sorry about your sister, I have been fortunate not to have losted any family or close friends through a traffic accident. I really don't know how I would have reacted in your place meeting the initiator of such a tragedy. At least once a week, too and from work, I am confronted by someone who risks their life on the road and wants to involve me in the melee. I take effrontery to this, and I'm certain that if I meet the person behind the wheel I would not be able to contain myself. I just hope I'll never be confronted with such a situation.

    As Ed is off somewhere, I'll get serious. Shoes!
    As I would not dare go out to the shops, I buy 100% on-line. Over the last 4 months I have ordered from New Look 12 pairs of heels and 1 pair of knee length boots, all in 9UK (43EU) some with wide fit if I can get them. I agree with you about their prices and the fit. Maybe I have gone a little too mad with the shoes but I'm trying to making up for lost time! Girl, you don't need a shop in the near, you can go on-line it's only a click away! I must say I had problems with their caged shoes and the zip at the back, but I am working on it with a large file and pain killers. The only draw back is that they deliver in thick plastic bags. I have all of Abigale's on-line orders delivered to my work address. With my last order there was only one article, their Stone Snake Check Platform Court Shoes and as I was handed the 'bag", I got a some what questionable look. I realised that one could feel the 5 inch heels (1 inch platform) through the bag! and with a little manhandling one could get a good idea of the size. As Mrs. A is known to everybody at work it would be obvious that the shoes were not for her, as she has size 3! I have put it around at work that I'm the central point for delivery of all family buys. I have no idea if this weak excuse has been excepted, no awkward questions to date. A benefit of having them sent to my work is I can try walking in them when everyone has gone home...
    One last thing, when buying lip stains as you put it. I always get panicky in that I may have over looked if it is a normal wipe off type or 24 h stay on. The last thing I want is to turn up late for work with swollen bloody pink lips, due to the frantic use of all the chemicals under the kitchen sink in trying to remove the dam stuff! My cover would then be completely blown as soon as I walked in the door!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks , Abigale. Life happens doesn't it :-)

      On-line? For somethings, yes. I guess I still like to browse and feel the products in my hands. On the upside, the companies with better ordering (IMO), let you have free delivery and returns to the store. I find that very handy.

      Some shoes designs don't seem to translate well to some sizes. I don't know why this is. There's probably a PhD in there if you can be bothered. I find a 9 in ballet pumps too big and the 8 too small. Yet, a nine in a heel is fine. Oh well!

      Delete
  2. Well damn. Some weeks, I read your posts and think, "Well, that was quite a good read, but I can't think of anything to add to it", then I read one like this, and realize there're a million things I want to say in response to it! You might get multiple (longish) comments from me on this one!

    First up, sorry to hear of your loss, as long ago as it happened. Your story reminds me of two incidents from my own life: one involving a close family member (let's call him J) who was the victim of a violent crime nearly twenty years ago now, the other involving me getting into a traffic accident, only last year. In the first instance, J and I both went to the movies one Saturday night. While we went to the same cinema multiplex, and saw the same movie, we didn't go to the same session of that film: he went to an earlier session with a couple of his friends, while I went to a slightly later one with some of mine. Anyway, my friends and I came out of the multiplex after our session was over, and what did we see? J sitting on the ground with blood streaming from his face, his friends standing nearby. Apparently at their session, there'd been some dickhead homeboy and his "gangster" buddies in the audience, who'd refused to shut up during the film. J had politely asked them to please be quiet, which they hadn't taken too kindly to. After their session of the film had ended, the aforementioned dickhead homeboy had confronted J, who'd made the mistake of turning his back on him. Said dickhead had than walloped him in the back of his head, knocking him out, and then attempted to kick his head in while his "gangster" mates (there'd apparently been eight of them, as I recall J and his friends telling me) had "bravely" held J's two friends back and stopped them from intervening. Luckily one of the two friends was a bit of a psycho himself, and said to dickhead homeboy, "Right punk, it's you and me next!" (or words to that effect), whereupon dickhead homeboy had shown himself to not be so tough after all, and fled with the rest of his posse. Anyway, to cut an already long story short, J ended up spending a few days in hospital getting a steel plate put in his head (thankfully the attack did no lasting damage), and managed to get his attacker arrested by the police some time later. Unfortunately, said attacker later confronted him at a pool hall with a bunch of scary-looking Lebanese thugs, one of whom said that, if J didn't drop the charges against his mate, he was going to find himself dead in a gutter. Thankfully, J didn't back down (although the punishment his assailant ended up getting was apparently pretty risible), and he's still alive and well, matters probably helped by the fact he's now living on the other side of the world! Regarding my feelings about the whole matter, I'd have to say this is probably the first time I've thought about it in a while, so it'd probably be safe to say that I've gotten over it (I'm sure matters would be different if J had ended up dying or suffering permanent brain damage). After his run-in with the Lebanese thugs, though, I found myself feeling instinctively hostile towards anyone of Middle Eastern appearance I saw, though these feelings thankfully soon went away.

    ReplyDelete
  3. As for the traffic accident I was involved in, this happened one Saturday afternoon when I was riding to work, and attempting to cross a notoriously busy road. I was going around a traffic island when I looked over my shoulder, and saw this car speeding up behind me. I had about a second to think, "Shit, they're not going to slow down!" and another second to shout, "Shit!" or "Fuck!" (or something else that would've made for similarly profound last words!) before the car hit me, and I found myself and my bike bouncing all over its bonnet. Funnily enough, at no time while that was happening did I actually think I was going to die*; I seem to recall being more annoyed than scared, and just wishing the car would stop so I could pick myself up, dust myself off, and see how much damage had been done to both my person and my ride. As it happened, I was fine (with probably nothing more than a few scratches and a concussion) although my bike (which was fairly new, and which, ironically enough, I'd just picked up from the bike shop after having had some minor repairs done on it) was a complete write-off (seriously, it was mangled!), and the other person's car didn't look too great either. I found it very hard to be angry with the person who'd hit me because she turned out to be a sweet old lady who simply hadn't seen me (as she later put it, it was as if I'd fallen from the sky and landed on her car), and who was understandably devastated by what had just happened. (It was actually really, really hard asking her to replace my bike, but thankfully her insurance company ended up taking care of that.) So, yeah, that was something else I managed to get over without too many problems - I don't even seem to have suffered any PTSD as a result of it. Like Abigale above, though, I tend to have little time for people who engage in dangerous behaviour while driving (people who use their mobiles while they should be concentrating on what's in front of them are a particular bugbear of mine**); if the person who'd hit me had been some idiot who'd been too busy texting to watch where they were going, I probably would've been a lot less forgiving. Seriously, I sometimes feel people like that should be hauled out of their cars and shot by the side of the road!

    *Interestingly, these and a few other "near death experiences" I've had have convinced me that, contrary to popular wisdom, there is such a thing as an atheist in a foxhole, because whenever I've found myself in imminent danger of death or serious injury, the last thing that's been on my mind has been rediscovering my childhood faith and "making my peace with God" (ie begging him not to torture me for eternity); instead, it's been something more along the lines of "How the hell do I get myself out of this?!"

    **Though not even they come close in idiocy to this guy I once saw who was driving a car, but didn't have his hands on the steering wheel because he was too busy rifling through his wallet!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Nothing wrong with long replies, I find they make for interesting reading. I like the fact that you - and a few others - have so much to say.

      You friend certainly had a rough time of it and I'm seriously impressed he toughed it out against the thugs. That takes some guts.

      As to your bike.... sometimes, there are just accidents. We all make mistakes! Glad you weren't too busted up tho.

      Delete
  4. I'm glad to hear of your good time at Chams, and, as ever, you look perfect. Glad the Ever Lovely Mrs J is supportive - that's such a bosst.

    I'm so so sorry to hear about your sister, though. I do hope you also have many fond and happy memories of her. Crime and punishment, accident and loss are, in my experience, so often so random that you can tie your brain in knots trying to rationalise what should happen, and what should not have happened. I have no answers, but I do have a hug for you. Sue x

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Thanks for the kind words, Sue. I'm a bit... here and there.... over my image at the mo. So it goes sometimes. I guess we can all be a bit like that.

      I have many happy memories of my sister and we'd had a really good holiday together (she came on a biking holiday with us and friends). My mum had said she's had a brilliant time and it was probably her first holiday away from home. Many happy thoughts about that and other things.

      Delete