Friday, October 10, 2014

Go forth and be fabulous

Hi,

It has been a week of highs and lows this time around. The good news is that I had a very good night out at Chameleons. Unusually for me, I was ready fairly quickly and by luck or fortune, I felt okay about my outfit, rather than being plagued by self-doubt and second guessing.

We had a number of new visitors to the group, as well as some returning folk. One visitor would I guess be FTM - female to male, for those not down with the gibberish - if we're going to play the label game. His female friend had come along for moral support and it was so good to see many of the group, rally round and offer support and to listen.

Much of what J had to say about feeling wrong (my words, not his), struggling with depression (as have many others in our group), even jealousy over people who are in the gender he prefers, not being able to be true.... all of these points rang bells for me and I could see as people talked, that they had similar stories. I guess, we might be on different paths, but we're all on a very similar journey. All you can do is be there, listen and offer help if it's wanted.

Now, in the handful of years I've been answering the group's email, I think I can only recall about four emails from FTM folk, and the bulk of our membership is MTF (male to female). Three such emails have been this year alone, so I wonder if we're seeing a change in society around this? I am hoping so, because I think it would be great to see the group's support capability extend and stay relevant.

Conversation with J's friend, who's name I didn't catch, sadly, was interesting too. I think what non-trans people have to say about how it might feel to be like us, and how they feel society is, is pertinent and often promotes polite discussion. Comments about what is normal? to their story of how they came to be involved.

___

I was going to mention work and how it's become a.... bun fight, and that's probably the politest way to describe it.  [ delete delete delete ].  I am finding it very hard at the moment to remain positive and it's really upsetting me. I'm trying to book a chat with the big boss (who is very rational and approachable) to see what can be done. I really don't need this type of stress, but enough about this sh**, there are nicer things to think about.

___

While out on Thursday, a trans friend - I'll spare her blushes - and I had a chat about what she'd been up to. These infrequent visits are accompanied by tales of this, that and the other: life sped up in some ways. Part of the chat, she said she checked this blog from time to time (waves) and asked why I blogged. Well, there is a question..... :-)

Much of this blog is very mundane because life is like that. It's slow, mostly quiet and there are thankfully, only occasional pips of drama to remind you of luck and accident. Hopefully, more of the good luck, than the other. I write about the everyday, well everyday-ish, because I don't feel it would be accurate to only blog about super-exciting things all the time. Mind you, given how I live, there wouldn't be a weekly post if I did that. :-)

Another aspect is that by writing, I can explore my thoughts and.... now this will sounds nuts..... sort of have a conversation. Get my thoughts out there. That begs the question, if I'm only doing that for me: why make this blog public? Why not keep a diary?

I think a deeper truth is that this is one of those public-private things. Yes, this is a blog and yes it's public, but it's so buried in the noise of the Interwebs, that it just goes under the radar. Silly really, because if there's one thing true about the Internet, other than there's a site for every fetish, there's not really any such thing as privacy. :-)

There is also the aspects that I can ask you guys for advice, or I can write about a topic and you give it without me asking. That, I do like. I guess it comes back to my comment above about non-trans people at the group: I get to hear your story, what you think and feel. Sometimes you have a lot to say, sometimes you don't and that's fine.

Lastly, before I came out and I was struggling with who I was (and perhaps, even what I was), I read a number of other blogs. Becky's World, Jo Angel, etc. Blogs that have since quietly slipped away for whatever reason. They may have gone, but for me, their positive message that it's okay to be trans, stuck with me. I've said this here and at Chams: if I can do this trans stuff anyone can.  There's no special secret: you just need to believe in yourself. Now, go forth and be fabulous!

L. xxx






13 comments:

  1. I really wish there was a good support group around here that I could have gone to. I think it's great that you have that group so that you can all support each other (shame the commute is a little far!)

    As for work, I have just started emergency coaching as my work has me on the point of tears frequently at the moment. Not so much an issue with my boss as general negativity that I just cannot cope with (any problem is someone elses responsibility and any improvement is crap - without coming up with a less crap option!). Good luck with the conversation with your boss!

    I started my blog partly because of this one (what did you unleash on the world!!!). Reading the experiences of others helped, knowing that you are not alone, and that you are not going nuts is something that really helps. And with the lack of a physical support group people commenting (and friendships made across long distances) really help.

    Anyway, enjoy your weekend with the family!
    Stace

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    1. Yes, the commute would be a bit of a faff, wouldn't it. :-) I really don't know what I'd do without the group. Life would be much more difficult, I think, so I'll count my lucky stars.

      Sorry to hear about the work situation. That sounds rather bad, if I may say so.

      You started writing because of this? Larks, there's a surprise and not something I expected to read. Reading what other people get up to - maybe I'm just nosey? :-) - is interesting and I guess, blogs can be a strange hybrid of a round robin / interactive open letter. Talking, or writing, can be helpful tho.

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  2. The other advantage of a blog over a journal is that it can be reassuring to know others are listening (or reading I suppose) even if they dont comment. Part of why I don;t blog anymore is because I have a nice network of friends on places like Facebook who I can vent to.

    I do miss the Trannisphere though. Even if I never really felt like I belonged properly. But I met some cool people, and I kept in touch with the ones I connected with as people rather than through a shared interest. That's probably why I never had much interest in my local support group.

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    1. Yes, there is that. I think there's also a sort of.... 'anti-echo chamber' thing about a blog. Sure, some folk may agree with you, but not always, and while I don't always agree, hearing a second, or third, point of view always interests me. Well, unless you a Ukipper ;-)

      Was there ever a trannisphere? Maybe with a strong social network, you don't need a group.... which sounds very nice. All variety tho, eh?

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    2. The Trannisphere was a very loose collection of T*Bloggers centred around people like Becky, Siobhan, and Miss K. We even had a couple of meet-ups - Transpocalype 1 and 2.

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    3. How did the meet-ups go and where were they, if you don't mind me asking? I did meet Becky and Jo at the Angels' 10th Birthday party.... a number of years ago.

      Siobhan's blog seemed to go first, then Becky's and I lost track of Miss K's activities, sadly. All good things come to an end I suppose! :-)

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    4. I didn;t go to the first one. But the second was in Liverpool and I did a write up all the way back here - http://pandoracaitiff.blogspot.co.uk/2007/01/transpocalypse-written-with-benefit-of.html

      Looking back it was a so-so Chinese meal in a restaurant that kept us waiting forever, and was clearly embarrassed of us (so why not serve us quicker and het rid of us?) The table was clearly split between those who ordered several courses and bottles of wine, and those of us counting our pennies.

      The clubs afterwards were pretty crap. Soulless, overcrowded and with crap music played ridiculously loudly.

      But it was an experience :)

      And yeah. Truly the end of an era

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    5. I think I remember reading that! :-) An experience indeed.

      It's funny, to me at least, that from the outside, these events can see far off and far out. Yet, when you actually get out, it's not magical; it's just a good night out. Clubs..... tricky to get the music that everyone likes. :-) "Have you got any Electro Hippies?" :-P

      Bad times about the restaurant. That's a poor do IMO. You're paying customers, what's the big deal? Well, unless you walked in naked, in which case I'd avoid any sizzling dishes, just in case :-) For what it's worth, the local Chinese restaurant favoured by some of the Chams massive, is very welcoming. I can't say I've had the pleasure, so something to put on the list one day.

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  3. Hi Lynn!
    It’s been some time since I’ve thrown some banter in your direction, I apologise - nothing personal.
    [Ed| she’s just been lazy that’s all!]
    No I haven’t! I’ve been busy putting the finishing touches to my blog layout. And yes! it’s you who made me do it! I will follow Stace in giving you the fault. Someone has to take the blame why not you!
    You complain that people are disappearing from the “Trannisphere” as Pandora puts it and that’s what comes of it!
    You may not talk about Trans-related stuff all the time and that’s perfectly ok. I miss old blighty and you are my Alistair Cook. ;-)
    [Ed| you have just shown you age there]
    Yes I know...
    Abigale

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    1. It's not quite Letter from America, is it? More, Minor Missives from the Midlands :-) Still, keeps me busy, I suppose.

      People come and go, with blogging. I guess we don't really know what really goes on in a person's life, do we? Real Life (tm) keeps us busy and there are times when a good sit down and a cup of tea, have more attraction than the white glare of the monitor.... But, maybe, I too am showing my age ;-)

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    2. Oh what I would do for a nice cuppa! I can understand why the Queen on her galivants around the world use to cart around home grown water for her royal brew up. I do miss it. Also fish and chips with proper batter ( the Germans think your crazy if you put vinegar on them), HP sauce, bangers and mash, bubble and squeak, spotted dick - dam! I'll have to raid the larder now....
      nightly night...

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    3. Are you feeling a tad peckish, Abigale? :-)

      Mmm. A chip butty with a liberal application of butter (for extra lard!), vinegar and then a dash of salad cream. Yum!

      HP Sauce FTW! A liberally to beans on toast, or (better still, IMO), a good glug of Lea & Perrins!

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    4. Alllll that was hard Lynn, right below the belt! Now my stomach is rummbling so hard I can' t hear myself think. Got to throw something at the Monitor get ready to duck, now where was that last can of mushy peas..

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