Friday, July 04, 2014

"No one said it was gonna be easy."

Hi,

How's things? Hopefully not too taxing. I am, like a lot of IT folk, on LinkedIn. Or, more accurately, my male ID certainly is. My, wouldn't having a single social media presence that combined what really went on, be both a) incredibly boring and b) a surprise to some people. :-)

Truthbook: Today Richard spent the afternoon looking for a new job, while thinking about the new nail polish he saw in Boots. Then went he home, read to the kids, had tea and cut the grass. #Rock&Roll 

Moving on..... :-)

As you well know, social media has lots of memes, and LinkedIn is no different. Well, other than they can be a bit corporate doublespeak. Lifehacker - which is an excellent site, IMO - is better in that regard, but I'll get to the point now.

I got a link commenting on a book by Bronnie Ware; The Top Five Regrets of the Dying. I've not read it yet and if I did, no doubt I'll have to read it away from the kids and keep a hanky ready. Hell, I welled up reading about someone who purchased a poor family's snacks, because their card was declined.


So, according to the article, and hopefully the book, the top five are:

  1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
  2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
  3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
  4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
  5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

I'm sitting here now, just looking at those and memories flash around my head, as things come to me. But before I dive in, does any of the above apply to you? I'm not going to roll out the 'be all you can be' because my Brit cynicism won't let me :-)

That said, I did hear something on a HR course about 'bring your whole self to work'. I guess that's have the courage to not mask who you are and be able to be human. That's not to say you should fall apart at your desk, but if you are upset or struggling, do ask for help. There are some nice people in the world and if there isn't someone like that in your team, why don't you do it and do something good.

One: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.

I think I'm getting there with that, although I am still 'in' at work and to my family. I guess it's tricky in that while this is my life, my decisions will have repercussions on their lives and all things considered, I think I do pretty well, juggling work, being a dad, a husband and occasionally fancy. Most of the time, I don't mind. I guess it's like the old joke: It only worries me, when it worries me :-)

Two: I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.

For all my complaints about work, which I'll spare you, my employer (and certainly immediate manager) are very good. I can rush off if there's trouble at home, the Ever Lovely Mrs J can't make a school pick up, I get to do the school run and I have the option to work from home now and again. I think... my work life balance is fairly good. I just have to learn to not let some of it bother me. Mainly, what I feel to be ill thought out decisions which affect how I do my job. But, isn't that true of all employers? :-)

Three: I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.

Friends have said I don't have issues expressing myself, it's getting me to stop that's the hard part. :-) Glibness aside, I'm not an open book and there are things I don't talk about. Things or dreams I have. I remember a school talk wit a careers officer - yes, sometimes my memory does work - and the chap said "Some people have a dream job that they'll not tell anyone and it will remain that, just a dream."

When he said that, the teenage me thought 'Drag'. Which may be a bit nuts (no pun intended) because I don't do drag. I guess it was a combination of performance, stand-up, dressing up and simple escape. I've never gone down that route, I've always left it to the professionals :-)

Four: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.

I keep in touch with some of my friends from Uni. We bump into each other, although with most of us having families, it's tricky and you really have to make the time. Some of them have moved to other countries and much as we malign the evils of Social Media, it serves a purpose.... other than reaming our data and pumping ads at us :-)

I try and keep in touch with friends from Thursdays, although that can be harder. Email makes things easier, as does Social Media, but still, people drop off the radar and try as you might, they disappear, coming back (or not), when they feel they can. Reminds me of that song lyric: no one said it was gonna be easy. :-)

Five: I wish that I had let myself be happier.

Happier? I try to follow the advice of CBT and other mind tricks I've read, heard or been told. I do try and think about what I have, what things have gone well. Even if they are little things like, I had a really good lunch, or I helped someone do something. It may only be something small, but I think it's better to look at the day and find something good about it. If I look hard enough, I can find other bits of sunshine and that keeps the darkness away. Always looking at the negative? I've done that and it's not a journey I'd recommend. It saps your joy, wears you out and what do you get at the end of it? Well, other than some happy tablets (which don't actually make you happy, I should add), no, it just p*sses you off.

So, yeah, reasons to be cheerful, as a certain Mr Dury once sang.... and with that, I'm out of here as the Jones Massive are off on a long weekend. It's Wee Man's birthday soon and it's his last few weeks a primary. Big school soon and he's looking forward to it, bless him.

Take care,
Lynn x

[ Today's lyric and I've not done one of these for a while:  I Want You by The Inspiral Carpets ]

4 comments:

  1. Well, okay...

    One: I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    I suppose. At least I can see how things might have been different if I'd been more courageous at age 20. But my issues with courage aren't to do with what others expect of me, quite the reverse really.

    Two: I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
    More, I wish I'd worked harder. I'm so lazy and there are all sorts of things I could have done but haven't – at least not yet.

    Three: I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
    Feelings about what exactly?! :/

    Four: I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
    So important you mentioned it twice? ;) Well, no, people come and go, and there's no one I miss enough for that. And Facebook keeps me in contact with people I'd miss if it wasn't there. FB is good for that at least.

    Five: I wish that I had let myself be happier.
    I don't even know what this one means :/

    So... Regrets, I've had a few, But then again, too few to mention. Except that those few can be quite substantial: the "what if..." sort of regrets. Except that "what if" isn't really worth thinking about, unless it's going to mean making changes while you still can.

    Jen :)

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  2. Ta for the call on the double pasting. A little too over generous with CTRL V :-)

    I think that without the full context of the answers, the five items may have lost some of their oomph.

    That said, two: some people don't pause to see what they've got. Achievements, personal or business; love, or even material things, because they are always looking to the next thing.

    Three: this could be speaking your mind, or being able to speak your mind *and* have the ability - or option, even choice - to follow where it takes you.

    Five: some people can't stop pushing themselves, or can't - again - cannot see what they have to be happy about. Perhaps people had made the choice of work or duty, over personal happiness.

    I'm tempted to read the book and see what people really had to say.

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  3. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
    I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
    I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
    I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
    I wish that I had let myself be happier.

    Wow, scary list...

    Do I live a life true to me. I'm not sure. I certainly try, but then I also try not to upset others too much. That can be very taxing at times, and means that it's not always me you see - but a sanitised version that will be as invisibile as possible.

    I work hard, but try not to do it outside of the office to much. I used to work far too hard, but I am improving!

    Yes, yes and yes again. I don't do this until I'm at the point of exploding, at which point you can't express your feelings without people claiming you are just too emotional. Which just gets you even more angry as it is a way of ignoring your feelings completely.

    Friends from my childhood year, no - I left that place behind for a reason, growing up was painful in a way I can't express. Sure, I get curious, but the fact that they have been left behind is not something that I regret in any way. Friends from the past 15 years? Yes, I wish I kept in touch more often.

    Let myself be happier? I wish I had been happier, but do I wish that I had let myself be happier? Tough one.

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  4. Thanks for sharing, Stace. It is a bit of a scary list and maybe, with a bit of thought, it might not be.

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