Friday, April 19, 2013

"A life to call our own,
That is ours alone,
Is as hard as hell to come by these days."

Hi,

The Past

The other day, over on 'Straightbook' a friend request popped into my inbox. It was from an old school mate. Now, I've probably used up my quotient of ironic quote-marks. If I had any more, I guess they'd be around the word mate. ;-) I was a little thrown by this and me being me, I was in a bit of a spot over to accept or not.

Seems silly now I look back. Not so much the outing that happened back then, but more me taking the time to consider accepting. I guess I was thinking forgive & forget but at the same time, I was worried that if I did, would he have another pop at outing me again?

Sure, once bitten and all that.

I think - no, actually, let's go with know - that some of my non-trans friends, a) wouldn't be really surprised and given the reaction my social circle has against articles from the Daily Heil...

(Ed: to overseas readers, it's a stereotypical right wing tabloid that frequently prints alarmist and homo/transphobic articles. It is in no way bears any resemblance to any real newspaper :-P ).

.... wouldn't be too bothered. Hell, a few of them already know and it's a total non-issue. Which, I think, shows how cool some folk are and that we've come on a long way.

But as I've said before, there's more than just me living at Chez Jones. There's the Ever Lovely Mrs J, Wee Man, Little Miss and the Hound. I'm not sure the Hound would be too bothered about the gossip.... being a dog and all, but the others may well be affected and there are times when I try to take my gung-ho, eff-you,  take-me-as-I-am hat off (bet you didn't you could get one of those on Amazon! ;-) ) and think about how they fit within this mess we call life.

So, I asked the Ever Lovely Mrs J on her thoughts (she said she'd just ignore him as he's not part of my life) and then I asked some Facebook friends. Okay, not on my Richard account, I should add. That would be a be self-fulfilling really wouldn't it. :-)

Various answers came back and all of them interesting. For me, the themes were could he be trusted, why now (after all this time) and how did I feel about the contact?

I'd like to think that someone might be a bit more sensitive, but then that's a weakness of mine. I do look for the best in people - even..... even when it might not be there. You'd think that someone who projects such a sceptical (even cynical?) nature in his working life, would be a bit more discerning in his private life? Ah well.

So, no. I doubt the trust element and lastly, the feelings? Mild concern, disinterest and also an overall feeling of why? It's not like we've not bumped digital shoulders through mutual friends before. With those thoughts in mind, I clicked ignore and put the past a little further behind me.

I guess you could dwell on what happened and be angry about it. Really, it was so long ago and I really cannot be bothered to work up an emotion either way. Best just let it go. I think I've learned a little from what happened and now, I can leave it all behind. I'm pretty sure it would be a waste of neurons picking over what I could have done differently and really, in the long run, would I be here as I am now, with my lovely wife, cute kids and good friends, if it hadn't have happened? There's a thought.

Our Different Journey

On a more interesting note, Amanda and Jonathan were both kind enough to put a few words together for the Our Different Journey project. You can read their journeys here.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: The Devil You Know by Jesus Jones ]

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