Friday, March 30, 2012

"I'm the kinda girl that likes to dream a lot, dream a lot,
Lose myself, staring into my coffee cup, coffee cup."

Hi,

I'm a little all over the place as I write this. Not in a bad way, more from a completely disorganised perspective. :-) This week has gone quickly. I seemed to have blinked and now it's Friday night. Still, better that than Monday morning. Hmm, vibes of an old Dire Straights lyric in my head now. Odd, considering I'm listening to Leaving Hope by Nine Inch Nails which is delightfully mellow. But enough of the stream of consciousness, I did have a few things to say.

History, Art and Trans Folk

I have a thing about history and the passing of time. I guess it comes down to looking at what has gone before and how what is considered cutting edge now, soon drifts into old hat, to old school to olden days. Funny, maybe it's an age thing, because at school, I couldn't connect - (Ed: or didn't want to?) with the history we were taught. Strange then as I get a little bit older, I find the history a lot more interesting. Why did so-and-so castle get knocked down during the war? Why did we all think Betamax wasn't a good idea? Why didn't sci-fi authors see the Internet coming? ;-)

So the other day, I stumbled across an art project concerning trans people: T Town: Transgender Neighbours. Each page, if you like, was a small photo of the person in question and then a short interview. Each interview question was repeated to the next subject and it gave a short, potted history.

Now, while I'm a vain egocentric blogger, when I read / viewed said piece, my thoughts were not: ooo, I could write about me. Instead, I had a light bulb moment. Okay, 6W, but none-the-less, a thought occurred to me: there are a number of trans people who walk through the door of Chameleons, Invasion, etc and I don't see them again. They all have history attached to them and I wondered if some type of private art / book / site sort of thing would be a go-er. Anyways, I floated the idea on Facebook and both Alex and Maddy got back to me about it. Alex is rather handy with photography (besides other things), while Maddy is a dab hand with artistic / design (that's who draws all the Invasion banners).

Having read though the original site's questions, I boiled them down to something like this:
  • Awareness 
    When did you first feel trans? How did it make you feel? Did you embrace or run from it?
  • Adolescent coping
    How did you cope with growing up? What about puberty? How was school, or teenage life?
  • Early Life / University / College
    Having 'grown up' - at least physically, how was life? Did you fit in or fall out? Did you stay home, work away or go to Uni?
  • Career
    A short burst on what you do and how you think it has shaped you (for better or worse). Is there something you long to do?
  • Relationships
    Single, married, long term relationship, divorced, happy to be single?
  • Coming Out
    Have you? Would you? If so, how was it? If not, why not?
  • The Way Forward
    What's next for you? What are your hopes - trans, or otherwise?
  • Words of Wisdom
    Anything you'd like to pass on to someone trans?

My plan is to throw it open to you guys out there in the trannisphere and see who bites. I'll be straight with you and say I'm after interesting shots - and I don't mean interesting as in X rated. Do you have to show your face? Well, that was something we ummed and ahhed over. If you can make a shot that's clever, then no, you don't have to. Alex did mention she has access to a photo studio, so if this little idea takes off, there are other options open to us, but I'm not going to volunteer her services either ;-)

Maybe it'll come to something, maybe it won't. I guess we'll see. Maybe I should also drop the other web site a line and see if they mind. ;-)

First Thoughts

On a slightly related note, The Huffington Post are running a video project called The Moment I Knew...
That then lead me on to BornThisWay which is a blog for people to share their stories on when they realised just who they were.

In terms of little old me, I can't say I had a 'moment of clarity' as famous movie character once said. I think it was more a series of little steps until the truth was too obvious to ignore. Small things like not like rough play that the other boys did; wondering why my sister got to have long hair and boys didn't; why was it funny to see a man dressed up as a women, when to me is seemed okay? That and curiosity about tights, girls shoes and skirts - things that didn't belong in my gender's wardrobe.

I remember trying on a pair of my mum's tights and looking down at my legs. I guess I must have been about eight or so. It didn't feel wrong or weird, it felt, well, a little inappropriate given that girls my age didn't wear them. One thing I did know, it was something boys didn't do.

As I got older, so the chances to experiment got a little easier and more frequent too. Trying on lipstick, how to put a skirt on, walking in heels, etc. Puberty wasn't exactly pleasant, but then does any teenager enjoy that time? :-) I probably looked a right state, but your first steps are the hardest and there's so much to learn. Even now, I'm still learning new things. Maybe one day I'll get the hang of it. Maybe that's why fashion folk keep changing the rules: to keep us on our collective toes. :-) (Ed: that or to keep us buying the same items with a slightly different tweak from last season? :-P)

The one thing I learned, or perhaps found after those thirty odd years, is that it's okay to be this way. That gem of truth took a long time to arrive, but it was worth it.

But what about you, dear reader? Was there a sudden epiphany or a slow realisation of the truth? Did you run from it or embrace it?

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Yo Yo by Nicola Roberts ]

Friday, March 23, 2012

You took my light, you drained me down,
But that was then and this is now,
Now look at me

Hello,

How's things with you? Hopefully all rather good. It is - at least at the time of writing - the weekend and for some of us, that's two days away from work. Time for you the Jones Massive to duck the treadmill of modern life and kick back into the slow lane. With luck, there'll be a spot of lunch, a few walks in the park and if the weather stays good, maybe a bike-ride too. Yay for spring!

Cheer up, Mrs

This week saw the last of my anti-miserablist sessions, or as the NHS like to call it: CBT. The session was fairly brief, just a summary of what we'd talked about and a bit of the obligatory completion of a feedback form. Was it all worth it? Did it work? Well, I feel better than I did when I went in all those weeks ago, but I wonder in part if that's the weather (sunny days, getting out more and getting 'out' more: Invasion, etc.). That doubt aside, some of the mental exercises and discussions around negative thinking did help.

About a week ago I was strolling along with the dog through the fields and I could feel myself start to slip. That familiar cloak of cold dread slipping over my shoulders, except this time it was different. As the negative thoughts of this'll never work, this is crap 'cos you failed, you won't be able to go, etc rattled through me, there was a somewhat cheeky internal shout of knickers!

Okay, it was more a word along the lines of bullocks, but the point remains the same. ;-) The negativity was truly derailed and instead, I found myself looking at the darkness and dismissing it. No, I hadn't messed things up - stuff would sort itself out at work. I didn't fail at work, I just need to rethink things and not being able to go out? Again, not true: I hadn't asked at that point and really, when has the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones said no?

So I shrugged the proverbial cloak off, let its cloying misery evaporate in the morning sun and when I walked back that way, there wasn't a trace of it. As the late, great Mr Dury once sang: reasons to be cheerful.

Does that mean I'd give it my ringing endorsement as the one true way to go foward? No, not really. I think it's about finding something that works for you and sticking with it. What I will say is this, don't dismiss it - or another therapy - straight away, it might just be right for you.

Guest Post

A few weeks ago, Jessica Who dropped me an email asking if I'd be interested into doing a guest post for her (rather good) blog. I felt rather honored, so after putting pen to paper - proverbially speaking - I sent off a couple of paragraphs around the word Tranny and why I'm trying to wean myself off using the word. Should you be interested, the post is here, but I strong recommend you hang around a bit longer to read Jessica's other posts.

Chameleons

Thursday night meant time for Chameleons and unusually for me, I was packed and ready to go. I arrived a little later than I would do usually, only to be sort of pounced on by a lady in a car. The lady - a lady lady, not a trans lady - was the make-up rep and had come along early to set up. I helped her take a few things in from the car - bless her, she'd brought stock along - and carrying heavy loads in heels? Well, I guess most of you reading this will know that can be tricky ;-) While Miss H was setting out the stall, I provided tea and popped upstairs to get changed. Bless her, she did offer to do my make-up first, but me being me, I don't like to mix modes: I only wear slap when I'm cross dressing.

A bit later on, I'm back downstairs: Miss H in killer heels and a mini, me in jeans. Trans people eh? When did we go respectable? :-) Everyone had gathered and in lieu of a volunteer - okay, I had done my foundation + powder - I was in the hot seat, while Miss H (Ed: she wasn't a dominatrix, okay, Lynn's just shortening her name. :-P) gave a very interesting and has on talk / demo about the benefits of applying make-up a certain way.

Camping it up.
I certainly learned a few things and the look was different to what I'd usually go for. Much as I liked it, two people said they preferred the way I did my own make-up, which made me feel good. I guess it's tricky: making a woman up is one thing, making a man up like a women is slightly different. We did talk about highlighters and I'm not sure highlight around the brow bone is a good idea when you're trans. Please note I'm not saying Miss M did a bad job, no far from it, I wonder if in part people are used to seeing a person dressing / made-up a certain way and a big change is... well, quite a jump from what they are used to.

Midway through said make-over, a new girl - Emma (not this Emma) - called in. and Mrs Alison (another 'H') was kind enough to pop over, say hello and provide the obligatory welcoming cup of tea. I found out later that she'd got the bus in from town - despite it being diverted to the wrong road!. I had wondered when Emma would turn up, as she'd emailed the group the day before and again, gold star for bravery. Walking in to a busy group when you don't know anyone: is that ever easy?

With the make-up demo over, folk started to mingle, chat and survey the products. I was off to the kitchen to top up of Miss H's tea, only to find someone else waiting for me. (Ed: Nice to be popular :-P). This time it was a member of staff from a not-so-nearby prison. No, they weren't looking for one of us to go back, more that they were asking for clothing donations. Some time ago, said lady had emailing the group saying that they had a male prisoner struggling with trans issues. With no lady clothes, he wasn't in a good place mentally. Now, I'll be honest and I did ponder this a bit. Part of me was wondering what he was in for and should I help? That part got squashed as I still think people should get the opportunity to change if they want to. Would it be moral of me to judge him based on assumptions? In the end, I thought if what we pass on makes one person feel better and maybe helps them go in the right direction, isn't that a good thing? So I handed over a carrier bag of leggings, boots, some tights, bra, body shaper, a few tops, some nail varnish and a bracelet. Sadly, I'd already trimmed my wardrobe down pre-Xmas, so pickings were slim. Luckily, as said officer explained the situation, so a few people offered to pass items along too. All good stuff I hope!

After that busy spot, it was a case of catching up with folk and it was time for photos as per. A few folk disappeared to the pub, but as I was feeling tired and I had an early morning the next day, I politely declined. Bless her, Sandi mentioned that she'd sourced a proper photographic backdrop, so with a little luck - and some place to store it - the group's shots may start looking a little more professional. Alison and I had a good long chat with Miss H and helped her pack away. I also saw our psychologist friend talking away to people - another H! :-) - so, I stopped off to say hi and had a bit of a laugh.

After getting changed ready for home, I bumped into Sue - the lady who helps run the Centre - and she let me know a little more about the timing issue we'd had with another group. That sounds like it is sorted out and dare I say it, that after talking with other folk, the problem seems to be down to just one or two people - certainly not the whole group. What was lovely to hear is Sue saying the owners are 100% behind us and the other group we see at the Centre - the Karate folk - said they'd never had a problem in the seven years we've been in. They've always been really good to us and we do our best to stay out of the way when the kids are going home; just to help parents duck any awkward questions from kids really. Not that there have been any. Everyone's really cool about it.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Part of Me by Katy Perry ]

Saturday, March 17, 2012

"When I'm dancing with you,
Tomorrow doesn't matter.
Turn that music up,
'Till the windows start to shatter!"

Hiya,

I've stalled on writing this post a few times. Not really for any great shakes, more a case of procrastination. I've even changed the title four five times as I'm rummaging for the right lyric in my head. Talking of such, I had hoped to go with 'I'm down with the capital C B T', only the rapper in question didn't sing.. umm... rap that. Oh well! Nor can I re-use Lady Ga Ga's masterpiece to  clubbing as I've used that previously.

Okay. Time for a hot choccy to stimulate the old brain.....

Slurp... Ahh.

:-)

Last Friday Night...

Ack! There's a line I could have used. Oh well, I'm not changing the line again! :-) Friday night was a quality do, which explains why I'm a day late on the blogging front. I guess the youth of today would say 'epic', but I won't because I'm old enough to be said youths' Dad. ;-) I'll start with the beginning - as per the old song lyric and go from there. After bedtime reading duties, I headed on over to Sophie's to pick her up and apply the proverbial war-paint.

Ever the gracious hostess, I was offered crumpets. Stop the sniggering at the back! I said crumpets, not crumpet! :-)  I do love English as a language, it's so wonderfully bonkers. Anyways! A fine English tradition before a night out: tea and marmalade crumpets to pep one up for the night ahead. I must confess, in the enjoyment of the pikelets - no, not mini-chavs - I clean forgot to drink the tea, which I did feel bad about. On the upside, I did manage to get changed, apply make-up, do my nails and apply some false eyelashes.... to my eyelids rather than the top of my cheek or eyebrow as per previous failings :-D

Meanwhile, Sophie had put Radio 1 on and it was pumping out the usual Friday night ravery as it has done for many year. I think it was half way through 'Molly' that I heard Sophie starting to join in on what sounded like a church organ. Very surreal and comedic! Perhaps an album of covers beckons, Soph? :-)

Suitably glam, we made our way to the pub and mingled with the trans massive. It was a good turnout with some familiar faces and a smattering of new folk too. I caught up with Emma and passed on her birthday card and Crunchie.... after a Facebook post suggested this was more her think. Look, don't ask; it's Facebook and it's not exactly serious is it. ;-) I bumped into Sam + Mrs Sam (both were looking fine, if I may say that). Maddy was around and Gayna had somehow slipped the wire to join us merry few.

It was about this time I spotted a new face - well, sort of. ;-) A new member to our group and I thought: I know you, but how do I ask? Anyway, said lady smiled back and we wandered across to say hi. At this point the back of my brain was saying no f***ing way! Yes, another of my ex-co-workers obviously enjoys having the expense of running two wardrobes. So we said hi and laughed about the situation. Really, what else can you do? We must have worked together for six years or so, and no, neither of us had any inkling. Jenny - a different Jenny to last time - said that she'd seen the night out photos and thought I know that face? But where from!? A quick look through her gent's social media list and the penny dropped. Doh! ;-) That made me laugh good and proper. Hopefully Jenny'll be at the next Chams meeting, so we can chat in a quieter place than the pub.

Post drinks - well, water for me as I'd driven in - we headed off to the club. It was much busier this time, but no-one gave us any trouble. No nudging, funny looks, etc. We were just accepted: or at least that was my experience and I don't mean that as a oooh I pass brag, because a) I don't and b) I don't. :-) At one point we were all dancing away - as one does - to find a few punters had joined us and it was one of those moments were strangers come together and we all just got on with what we were there for: dancing, having a good time and raving it up. Not bad for an old mosher I suppose. ;-) Good times were had by all - there was even time for a quick photo as Maddy and I checked out the other floor. With the detail of the last group dance session fresh in my head, I began to wonder: have we - we, as in trans folk - become just part of the club-land furniture? It's a start if we have. Maybe more and more folk just don't give a hoot and that's fine by me!

As midnight rolled around, it was time to head back, get changed and go home. On the way back, the simple phrase of 'Feet ache. Ears ring. Heart soars.' came to mind. I was, however, too tired to post it during the wee hours. ;-)

Talking of good times, I had a truly excellent day looking after Little Miss and Wee Man. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones had a dinner date with some lady friends, so off she went. We three had fun in the park, yomping in the woods with the pooch and messing about on bikes later on. We were all kippered after all of that, but it was a truly fab day... and not a heel or sniffy of lippy in sight either ;-) Life's good. I even managed to catch up on some housework and sort out my washing from the night before. What's not to like?

So that's me done for this week. Next week's my final CBT session and if the mood takes me, I'll share my thoughts on that next time. Well, provided it won't be too dull.

Take care,
Lynn
x


[ Today's lyric: No Tomorrow by Orson ]

Friday, March 09, 2012

"But a girl she doesn't live by only rock 'n roll and brew"

Hello one and all,

It's been busy-busy-busy this week. The type of busy that requires three words and two hyphens for emphasis. Hell, any busier and I'd have to throw in an exclamation mark! Oh, there it is. :-)

Yeah, so work; rather frantic, but in a good way. Lots of things done, items ticked off the list and folk genuinely helped.... which is why I feel I'm there. All good stuff.

Therapy time again last Monday - and this coming Monday for that matter - and it went fairly well. We talked briefly about how I'd felt since the last meeting and I did my best to be open and honest. Basically, I felt like sh** after the last one :-) I explained that after talking about the Pink Fog - or Maddy's Magenta Mist? (tm) - the lack of discussion around it left me feeling very low. The gent in question said that CBT can be very impersonal and as such, many people feel like they're not being listened to. I've got to say that that was my feeling. The vibe I got - and I don't mean this as a slight on the counselor - was that 'cheer up and think happy thoughts = success'.... which doesn't really doesn't help with you get a smack round the noggin by the 2x4 of gender dysfunction. (Ed: for our non-Brit readers, noggin = head). Yeah, I only tend to get that when I'm feeling low, but all the same, those happy, happy thoughts are somewhat tricky to bring to the fore when you're not 100%.

But moving on, I don't think it'll be long before we reach the end of this programme and I get an uninterrupted  Monday afternoon back. I'm sure that'll please work, although again, they've been very good about it. Talking of work and help, I signed up as an policy adviser with HR. Without going into too much depth - for once ;-) - the volunteer programme exists so you can listen to people's concerns about work and help them come to a decision over how they want to move forward. I've very new at it, but sometimes, all you need is a friendly ear to listen, nod and take you seriously. Not so much sympathy on tap, more empathy and an offer to help. Nice to give something back for once.

Talking of giving back, I finally got back to Jessica - as in Jessica Who - about a guest post on her blog. She was kind enough to make the offer via email and as I've enjoyed her posts, I thought I'd put pen to paper - so to speak - and return the favour. I guess we'll see how said article fits in with her schedule.

Thursday meant it was time for Chams and despite being a little later than usual, I was still the first one there. The Zumba folk were overstaying their welcome and I'm pondering a polite note to the Centre's management to remind the keep fitters that they're supposed to be out of the building at the end of their slot. I don't mind ten mins here or there, but every week by a good twenty? Hmm....

Anyhoo, I struggled upstairs with a very large bag. What seems to be a growing trend of later is my inability to plan an outfit. I'd packed my new colour pop skinny jeans, black jeggings, skirt, two lots of shoes, a set of boots and three tops. Luckily I have just the one wig, so at least that choice was made :-) Alison arrived next, as did Maddy and we had a good chat... oh, and a tight donation as Maddy had had a blonde moment. Oops! ;-) For a change, I decided to pump up the volume on my eye make-up and went for a short-ish skirt (mini-kilt), blue top, coloured tights and boots look. The t-shirt I'd brought along was too big; yay weight loss, boo fashion fit. That's confirmed to me that on my next shopping trip I should look for some more tops... and - memo to self: not plain ones.

Pat walked in next saying we had a visitor... or even, I had a visitor. Turns out it was a lady - as in lady lady, not.. umm... trans lady? - was here to talk to the group. My plans to faff about trying to get false eyelasher and paint my nails then went out of the window. Still, less is more right? ;-) HD is writing her dissertation on therapy and all things trans, so she's keen to talk to the trans community. I bumped into Jenny - who I hadn't seen in *ages* - so that was cool. Yes, the same lady who I'd worked with for a number of years and no, neither of us suspected.

Cup of tea in hand, I caught up with Sandi and then HD; she'd had a good long chat with Sandi and Tracey, so as I'd replied to the original email, I thought it polite to stop by and see how she was getting on. In the end, I think we must have talked a good hour or two about what it is to be trans.... and as HD and Alison said, it's different for each person. Some are happy being part-timers, some go full time and some people transition.

I think we straightened the record on a few cliches, but if your sources are limited - and no, I don't pretend to talk for the whole trans community either :-) - you know what you know. One of them was that given time, most trans folk will move towards transitioning. Yes, some people will, but there are many who won't (Ed: ) and a part of me feels that suggesting there's this ramp with occasion CD folk at one end and transitioning folk at the other, is wrong. To me, that reads that if you're not full time and living the lift (tm), then in some way you're less than serious. Personally, I don't think it matters, it's not a competition, it's about personal happiness and as each person is different, who am I to say where you should start or stop at?

I found what she had to say very interesting. Certainly the stereotypical behaviours some of us do - okay, me and pictures - were discussed from another angle. The idea that people like compliments, we all want to fit in and by talking photos, we can re-live the event... and... shock! It's not just trans folk who do this. :-) I know I've spotted a similar pattern in the fashion blogs that some people write and that made me feel a little more relaxed about getting the camera out. Alison also mentioned the low interest in male clothes versus a female wardrobe. To me - and please let me know otherwise - most of my male clothes are purely functional: clean, not too tight/baggy, warm, etc. Sure, I have favourite t-shirts, but I don't deliberate even 10% as much as I do when having a girlie ni- okay, trans night out. Perhaps that's a good thing, I'd never make it to work on time. :-D

Anyhoo, HD said she'd like to come again and talk to more people. She was, bless her, very conscientiousness and didn't want to make anyone feel uncomfortable, but I feel that the group's relaxed and confident enough to deal with polite questions. Oh, and yes, we did invite HD to Invasion, but I guess we'll see on that one! :-)

With time flying by, it was time to move on to the pub with Sophie, Maddy, Tracey, Jessica and Tanya. Sam and Penny were already 'in da house'. Yes, we did have our usual bout of song mauling. Miss Watson was my partner in crime and despite some deliberation over what song to go for, we ended up  performing - I hesitate to use the word sing - to Dead Ringer for Love... although the first R may have changed to a M at one point :-P

All in all a very good night and although I was later home than I wanted to be, oddly, I wasn't very tired when I woke up and..... it's only a week until Invasion. Get in! :-)

Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Dead Ringer for Love by Meatloaf ft Cher ]

Friday, March 02, 2012

"How can I change the world if I can't even change myself?
I cannot change the way I am?
I don't know, I don't know."


Hey folks,

In my best New York accent, how ya doin'? :-) All good I trust. This week has been.... mixed, which I guess is par for the course for us.

Monday meant it was time for another appointment of CBT enlightenment..... and.... and.... Bum. I've run out of steam. :-\ I was hoping to say something positive about the experience, but you know what? I'm struggling. Things went okay, we talked about the power of emotions and the concept of 'armouring yourself' against the (Ed: slings and arrows? :-P ) day to day roll of negative thoughts. We also went through one of the off-line exercises - off-line as in: your task this week is to... - I'd brought in. I'd picked Pink Fog as my negative thought loop. For those of you not down with the trans massive, allow me to waffle on a bit. Oh, for those of you with enhanced wardrobe configurations, please stay with me as I go through what's in my head ;-)


So, Pink Fog? Nice at toddler birthday parties, camp discos and invading LGBT undead pirate invasions? Perhaps, but weak gags aside, not in this case. You've probably heard of Red Rage, well, Pink Fog is its jealous and despairing cousin. :-) To me, Pink Fog is something that envelopes you in its embrace. It's that pang of loss; a mix of regret, appreciation and sadness rolled into a cloying chill. Hell, it's something I can feel in my gut like a sudden ball of ice. Its cold embrace can strike when I walk by a clothing shop window, see a magazine shoot or, oftentimes, see well dressed women. Is it all about the clothes? Possibly, but is it more than that? Perhaps that's my true fear. To me as your common-or-garden cross-dresser, it feels like I'm swinging towards the why not me? call. Not so much oh woe is me, although I'm sure there's an element of that as with depression. :-P However, it's more the ignite-fuse-and-stand-well-back of why I am dressed like this when I want to look like her? vibe. The touchpaper's lit and after a microsecond pause, then comes the cascade of whys, a kiloton of why nots and then the mental anguish of trying to stop the thoughts.

For me, Pink Fog can strike at any time, but it seems to have one pattern: when my depression is playing up. It's that angle that gives me the hope that I can hang on to who I am and play both sides. I feel I will have to give up too much to indulge that fantasy. Yes, I did just use the word fantasy, but please note I'm talking about me here. I'm not speaking for all the trans folk out there and I do not mean for one second that anyone transitioning, living full-time or thinking of, is living in a dreamworld. I don't have the patience, the will and - when I'm honest with myself - the feeling that if I did go that way, all would be well. There's an old line about wherever you travel, you always take yourself and to an extent that's true of me too: no matter how I'm dressed, I'm still me.

How does all the above apply to Monday? Now I've waffled on for a good few minutes, I think I can answer that. Sort of.........

I think it's that after my opening up to how I feel was met with disinterest. I felt dismissed and for a moment I could feel myself dropping from my happy-go-lucky mood back into the edges of darkness. A heartbeat later and we're talking about the notion of "if you don't give in to negative feelings, you won't be depressed." Well, f*** me, if it was that simple, would I still be on medication and moaning like this nearly two years later!? :-\ So in summary, CBT and I are not best of friends at the mo. I'm really struggling to see the point of it and given conversations with three folk who've been through it, I can't help but feel the time might be better spent shopping for shoes and then taking the dog out for a long walk.

.

In other news I'm still alive and my home isn't being shelled.... unlike the good people in Syria. Perspective, Lynn, perspective. :-)

Work's been difficult, but it is at least done. Projects have dragged and vendors proved difficult to nail down to finish stuff off. On the upside, my workmates have really pulled together and given their all... and yes, I did thank them for helping so much.

Next Thursday will be Chams time and I'm looking forward to that. I've also got my pass sorted out for Invasion later this month. If either are half as good as the last time, the happy circuits will be well and truly recharged. Maddy was kind enough to post a me a picture of me out and about. Unusually for me, I'm happy with the snap and as way of a change, I'm looking happy too.

Sticking with the good news vibe, I completed a driving course today. No exam or anything, although it was compulsory after my accident. I was hoping it wouldn't be death-by-Powerpoint and it wasn't. Instead, we had a lively discussion around various topics and then headed out with an instructor. By sheer luck, there was just me and the instructor, so no doubling up was required. We managed a long lunch by the river, a good chat - family stuff, car stuff, etc - and I learned a lot. All in good, a pleasant end to the week.

Take care,
Lynn "I've gone mad with the italics" Jones
x

[ Today's lyric:  Salva Mea by Faithless ]