Friday, August 26, 2011

"Back and forth through my mind,
Behind a cigarette..."

Hi,

Funny how a day at work and a long lunch can sort you out - even if I did get soaked in the rain! Note to self: while an umbrella keeps the elements away, canvas trainers are not water resistant. :-) Maybe the downpour washed away my previous bad mood? Possibly, there's certainly a strange love of iffy weather within the British psyche. Maybe I should have gone with "I'm only happy when it rains." :-) Anyhoo, earlier I was feeling rather angry, or to be more accurate, disappointed/cross with myself. Stupid really, but then did when emotions make any sense?

I think the above came from a number of sources. Work - such that it is - plays a large part in most people's lives and when it doesn't go so well, so frustration arises. No doubt that'll clear in the medium term, but it's not a good place to be when you're stood near the proverbial fan and you can see the brown stuff being tipped towards it. :-) To be fair it's not the people at work, but a certain project I'm working on. The system is not fit for purpose and the further I go into it, so the worse it seems to be. I suppose it's the modern day equivalent of emptying the midden. ;-) At least the work the team's doing is going well. I just hope the vendor can get its sh** together before we have to either a) release it, or b) ditch it for something else.

The other part of it, is what happened at Chameleons. Again, this is not to do with the good folk there. Indeed, I had a great time catching up with friends. We held a small Bring & Buy sale to help top up the funds. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones was kind enough to put a few items into the collection and they disappeared rather quickly. As I laid said items out, I did find myself thinking, oh so-and-so may like this. Luckily, most items went: t-shirts, a few fancy tops and a set of boots too. All went well, despite a slight eye make-up malfunction as I got ready. On another note, I seem to be struggling to find a decent pair of leggings, ones that remain snug around the ankles. If you know of any, please let me know! So it was one with the skinny jeans once again. Still, a fancy top gifted by Mrs J and funky nail polish added some colour.

Two new people joined us for the first time too. I'll spare their names as an accidental outing wouldn't be right. The two in question where... partners? Trans person + mrs, although they weren't married. I could have said boyfriend & girlfriend, but that always make me think the party in question is about sixteen. :-) Semantics aside, they were lovely and I hope they felt welcome. They weren't from far away, so with luck, they may be back. Always good to see couples come along.

So why the moaning and despondency? :-) Well, a number of the girls had decided to go into Nottingham for a drink and I was asked along (which was nice - thanks girls!). I've had this internal debate about visiting town before and while I really wanted to go, another part of me questioned the personal risk and I didn't want to snub friends staying behind. Firstly, I'd said to the Ever Lovely Mrs J that I wouldn't go into town. It's just a bit too close to home and really, you only need to be spotted once and that's it: you're well and truly out. I do know one of my (straight) mates was out on on the pop the other night. Wouldn't that make for an interesting conversation in the tea room? :-) Now, I'm getting to the point where I just don't give a sh** about the latter, but it's not all about me is it. There's Mrs J's feelings and, if the gossip really rattled around, what would be the effect to Wee Man or Little Miss? Some children can be cruel, so I'd rather not supply any schoolyard ne'er-do-wells with ammo. Much as it may frustrate me (Ed: there's that word again), sometimes playing it safe may be for the best long term. Hmmm, maybe we're back to what the psychologist said a few months ago: you're smoothing things over. There's a thought. :-)

Then there's the whole practicalities of it: where would I get changed afterwards? Kate was kind enough to offer the use of her pad to de-princess and while that was a lovely gesture, if I did drag (Ed: heh) her to town, we'd both have to leave at the same time. Ignoring that, I also felt a certain amount of guilt at leaving the rest of the Chams massive to tidy up the Centre, so in the end, I decided against it.

Ah, decisions, decisions eh? Clearly, it shouldn't be a big thing and if I look at the feelings in the cold light of day, really, is it that important? What would I have got out from going for a drink in town? By staying at Chams I did pretty much what I'd do anyway; talk, socialise and stay safe. There will be other times, possibly not so local, so fingers crossed!

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Seven Nation Army by The White Stripes ]

8 comments:

  1. Hmm I think you made the right decision re nottingham Lynn. We must have a day out sometime soon, maybe shopping.

    Stop that smoothing over and step away from the polyfiller ms Jones. ;o)

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  2. As much as I hoped you would have popped out with us Thursday, your reasons for not doing are sound and utterly understandable.

    I was reprimanded by my good lady for what she deems as 'recklessness' for popping into a local petrol station on the way home too. hmmm, big ooops. A timely reminder for me to also keep the home front happy.

    As you say though, perhaps somewhere further afield may be a good idea? Take care, Maddy x

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  3. I can see why you did what you did. I can also see why it bothered you so much. Whether or not it seemed that way in the cold light of day :)

    As for work, having to put up with the cr*p that vendors can put you though is probably one of the worst things in IT. You get stressed to the hilt, and people complain constantly when things go wrong. And with all of that, there is very little that you can do about it! I hope that you managed to get it sorted soon...

    Stace

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  4. Sophie: Thanks, mrs. I wasn't an easy decision, but possibly the better one. A little too much at stake I think.

    Polyfiller? Well, it's one way to deal with beard shadow :-)

    Or should that be :-D===

    Maddy: The Facebook snaps show you having a good time and you look very at ease.

    I guess it's easy to keep 'pushing the boat out' and I know I'm guilty of that one too. Sorry to hear you got called on it. I hope Mrs Maddy is okay now.

    Further afield would be good. Maybe Derby or Leicester one time? There must be somewhere else that's t-friendly in the East Mids! :-D

    "We're trannies, son... and we 'aven't 'ad any lunch" :-D

    Stace: The joy of 20/20 hindsight and all that :-)

    With luck, the IT stuff will get sorted soon-ish. The system won't run as it is now...

    (heh: Carry On Computing - Oh matron! :-P)

    ... so something's got to give. I don't think we can work around it either. It's a stability issue and I'm pretty sure you know what that means.

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  5. Lynn,

    We did miss you not being there with us. I dont believe you would be spotted in town let alone recognised.

    I said to Maddy while out that it wouldve been perfect if you could have made it out with us.
    I think that you should maybe take a moment to think about your happiness, you are such a good person, a nice person who should be happy not constantly living your life through the expectations of others.

    Im not saying you should be out and proud etc but i think you should treat yourself to the odd outing in the safety of friends and selectively chosen pubs to avoid the chance of bumping into friends/colleagues.

    I guess the only way you could get changed would be to do the old 'reverse-car-change' routine somewhere quiet?

    How about you come into derby with me on the 12th sept? Im going to a nice pub called the Crown and then maybe onto some other places if i can be bothered.

    xoxox

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  6. Sam: Thanks for the kind words, mrs.

    I guess the wig + clothes ensemble makes it harder for us to be spotted, but at the same time, a 6ft bloke is not going to blend in easily. Funny, it doesn't usually bother me.

    The 'car change' routine could be done. I live far enough in the sticks to know of quiet places. Mind you, getting rid of eyeliner in the pitch black may be interesting :-)

    Derby sounds like a go-er. I'll check the family calendar and let you know one way or another!

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  7. You could get some makeup facial wipes, i use these all the time on planes for taking off my makeup. They work really well.
    And 6ft trannies only stand out when they are with 5ft real girls. When out with a whole bunch of tall girls you dont stand out!
    Besides, who cares anyway if someone said anything bad, There is safety and support in numbers.

    Next time, im dragging you with me! :)

    xxoxoxoxx

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  8. Sam: Face wipes and Take the Day Off - for the win! ;-)

    Thanks for the kind offer about Derby, sadly, I'm busy with work that week (boo hiss!), so that's a no. Thursday should be okay with a bit of luck.

    I hope your trip goes okay!!

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