Friday, September 25, 2009

"The kids are grown up but their lives are worn"

Hey folks,

Larks, unusually for me I've left today's blog entry to the last minute. In the last few months I've been writing ahead of myself during the week (if that makes sense), so I've got something ready for Friday night. This week? Well, I've just been up to this & that and with a lack of anything to get off my chest, ummm, it's a bit quiet :-) Still, quiet is good neh? The old cliche about 'interesting times' aside, quiet can't be over-rated some days.

A little slow time can be good. It gives you space to catch up with things you've been meaning to do. It also lets you look back and take stock of where you are. Not that I'm overly-analytical. :-)

This week was Chameleons again and after pondering what outfit to wear, I settled on a simple white fitted shirt and that pink skirt (from the photo shoot). I'd taken along my skinnies and a hippy style top in case it didn't work out. I bumped into Alison while I was sorting out my nails. I'd picked up a matte grey shade (supposedly all the rage) but I'm not 100% sure on that. Maybe that'll make it's way on to the next bring & buy sale we have. While chatting I offered to do Alison's nails: I'm not sure why, just a spur of the moment thing.

Once downstairs I said hello and I'd brought some herbal tea bags along. I've been off caffeine for a while (Ed: is it possible to be on caffeine?) and it was a nice change to have a large cup of tea, rather than my usual glass of water. Talking of drinks leads me to food, I've been out walking most lunch times and that extra inch around my middle seems to have departed for the winter months. Phew! Just in time for the big party at Chams next time too. Hurray! :-)

There was also a new face along that night. A young lady called Nicola and I had a good long chat with her. She'd come from a town just up the road and like most folk who walk through the door, was (understandably) nervous. Lots of folk are, I know I had the shakes as I drew up all those years ago. Crikey, it's been.... hold on while I use my fingers... I think nearly 5 years.

On another note - and as you may have read in other trans blogs, The Sun ran another story about a young trans child. Young as in pre-teens. Needless to say, it wasn't in a hugely positive light, but one bit did jump out at me. It's this:
But James Caspian, who counsels people on gender issues, said: “People
should not be surprised that a child so young has these feelings. What is more
of a surprise is that the child has been able to express them openly and that
because of changes in society those around the child have been so
supportive.”

It's the last part that... what?... Okay I'll say it: gives me hope for the kids who feel like this. Hell, I'm just a tranny and for 99% of the time, I'm happy as a guy. I know there are some of us in the trans community who are not: for them, full time is the only option because that's how they feel inside. I can say that as a teenager, and probably for a small proportion of my early 20s, I struggled with coming to terms over who I was. Yet I had the luxury of being okay over being a chap. Sure, I wasn't keen on the whole massive jaw and hairy pins situation, but you can't have it all can you. :-)

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: The Kids Aren't Alright by The Offspring ]

Friday, September 18, 2009

"Time is a distance that you can't retrack by miles..."

Hi everyone,


Good week so far? I hope so. It's not been a bad one at my end. By the time you read this, I'll be on my way to being another year older. Crikey. The Big Four Oh is closer than the slightly smaller Three Oh, but it's better than the alternative! :-) Besides, I hear life begins at 40, so I've a few years to try and find out what that means. Well, unless any of you know in which case that'd save me some legwork. :-)

Birthdays, they're a funny old things. I like the quiet ones. Just me, the kids and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. Like my Dad said about Christmas, it's not so much the presents - although don't get me wrong, a gift is lovely to give or receive - it's as much about the company and having a good time together.


With regards to age, I look in the mirror and I've noticed the gradual drift of time. A little less hair on top of my head; a few more wrinkles around the eyes. But it doesn't matter, not really. Make-up's wonderful stuff and I keep my hair very short these days. I had it long, down to my waist, when I was in my 20s, but I grew tired of looking after it and so it had to go. I don't miss it though. Funny, because in my youth I was dead against getting it cut short. Funny how we change eh? It felt so important at the time, but now, I don't think about it. In fact, the last time I wore a long wig, I had a
dress with a low cut back. The feeling of it against my skin took me way back. Memories eh? :)

Talking of memories, the other day I found an old USB pen and I found a stash of old photos on it. They were all tranny related - of yours truly - and, no, I won't be sharing these ones. Some are from when I started dressing up (well, in my 20s, not as a kid). I won't profess to being a stylish Fashionista, but I'd like to think my dress sense has come on a little since I started. On the other hand, though, maybe I should share the snaps because it shows that we all gotta start someplace. Passing? Heh. Dream on! :-)


Deciding what to wear, that's one of my main struggles. I look in the magazines, what other women are wearing or what's in shop windows. I even look at those 'style sites' - MyShape.com, Hi Fashion or Carolyn Franklyn's blog (Ed: The Clothes Show anyone?) - for ideas. Not just ideas for what to wear, but ideas for what - I hope - will suit me. I mean last week, I posted about the miniskirt. I know women my age - late 30s - do wear them (with opaques, natch) and they can look good. I suppose my worry is that I don't want to look silly. Funny, though, it's not just me, otherwise there wouldn't be any make-over and style sites would there? :-)

To be honest with you, my age...? It's just a number. Physically, I still feel the same inside -albeit a bit slower - as I did in my 20s. In my head, sure I have the odd dip (don't we all?) but I feel a lot more comfortable in myself. Funny, as a teenager the idea of being in my 30s was daunting - terrifying almost. Would I be on my own or married? Would I have any kids? Would I be employed? Hell, at one point: would I be male? But I'm all of those now... or still in one case... and you know what: life's good.

On that happy note, I wish you a pleasant weekend.

Take care
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Don't Call Me Baby by Voice of the Beehive ]

Friday, September 11, 2009

"Are you ready boots? Start walkin'!"

Hi folks,

Not sure where to start with this entry. A lot seems to have gone on recently and it's all been a bit of a whirl. Thankfully, in a pleasant fairgroundy wheee-ooooh kinda way. That's far better than the hanging on for dear life as the 'copter takes off in an action film stylee. :)

Remember

Other than the tranny stuff, this week - in fact today - is of course September 11th. There have been a number of programmes on this week, but honestly, I didn't want to watch them. Our family wasn't affected directly by those awful events, but I do remember feeling.... what? I guess a state of shock at the time. I can't imagine what it must have been like for the families and really, I don't want to know. To that end, I didn't watch the programmes. Those type of things just leave me in tears. To a certain extent, I feel a bit of a fraud writing about this because I nor any of the people close to me were not (thankfully) involved.

What happened was.... well, words fail me here. [sigh] What happened was so very wrong. I can only hope that we do not forget. I look back and the bulk of my emotion for that time is sadness. Yet, in that pool, there's also a quiet undercurrent of anger; anger at the people who did it and at the way the events were twisted to suit certain government's goals.

Heavy stuff. Okay, moving on from the deep water to the shallower end in the swimming pool of life. :D

Tranny Stuff

Some time last week - and my apologies if I've mentioned this already - I picked up some new shoes. Matalan if you really want to know. It's odd with Matalan, sometimes the products are bang on in terms of design and value. Then, sometimes they just don't do it for me. Still, can you go wrong with some simple suede heels? So 80s too :)

Regular readers will know I'd got some from New Look earlier in the month, but while they were what I wanted in terms of look, the comfort factor leaved a little to be desired. Replacements in hand, or more accurately, having been 'on foot', that left me with a pair to return. This week I managed a trip into town (another meeting, another day) and took those back.

Talking of New Look, they - like seemingly everyone else except muggings here - now have a twitter feed. Yes, it's about their goods (Ed: Like duh! They are a shop, Lynn). but it does let you see what's coming in and the other day they had links to Hi Fashion (a blog well worth reading!). I noticed from Hi Fashion a link to bodysuits. It doesn't seem long since they were in fashion. More cycles huh? :)

The weather's been rather good this week. Not too hot and not too cool - just right for fussy sods like yours truly. With little rain, it's been good to get out of the office and go for a long walk at lunchtime. The exercise seems to have done me good in that it's cleared the cobwebs away, made my heart work and helped shift the pot belly I was at risk of completing :) Good news all round really.

A Big Night Out

I'd been undecided over my Thursday outfit for Chameleons and the good weather was, strangely, not helping. Go with something more autumnal now the nights are drawing in, or stay with the summer vibe? In the end I thought I'd forsake my usual skinny jeans / top combo and go back to skirts. It seems funny in that I've spent most of the summer - from a trannying point of view - in trousers. So much for the stereotype of microskirts and fishnets :-)

So Thursday's look was a tie-dye skirt, biscuit coloured top and black opaques. I'd gone with my new heels (the ones with the hidden platform) which I'm really liking. I had a cardy in the bag in cast it got cold, but it didn't. To be honest, I really enjoyed the change of clothes. It broke the usual routine of skinnies + heels and it really perked up my mood.

The good news just kept coming that night as the meeting itself was very busy. We started off slowly, but more and more folk kept arriving. It was really good to see the place so busy with new (Hi Rachel & D!), not so new (Gaynor) and regulars. Hazel had brought along a quiz and it being open to interpretation, much laughter and fun was had.

We now come full circle to fashion. I've been reading that thigh high boots are back in. I've seen photo shoots in magazines and Jess has mentioned them on her blog. I'm know some of you out there rock this look, but speaking about my own image, I find them a little too much. Knee boots, hell yeah, but over the knee and I - personally - can't help but feel like I'm on my way to a panto or Rocky Horror. Damned shame 'cos it's a very funky look. Big boots and a sparkly party dress; isn't that tranny heaven? :)

Still.... there was also the remains of the Bring & Buy and in there was a leather skirt (Ed: How short?!) *and* some thigh high PVC boots. Both items seemed popular and for a laugh, I tried these on (thanks to Sandi for the snap). I could walk in the boots, but that skirt was *short*. I daren't bend down and man was it tight. I guess leather doesn't give very much. :-)

Of course, my timing was impeccable was as I collected these, two new visitors turned up: a mum and her son. Talk about how to give the wrong impression eh? Still, I don't think they were looking. Sometimes I'm just too bloomin' respectable! :P

Both were fun items, but neither were really me. The boots were patent and while I am a child of the 80s, I felt more Lilly Savage than Pretty Woman! :)

So while the skirt too was on the short side. I did - ooh, ego! - hear some nice comments, but I don't (yet?) have the confidence for a number that tight and so far up my legs. The good news is that I did lay my hands on a gorge purple dress and that I did take home. It does need a good iron tho. :) (Again, thanks to Gaynor for the photo).

Mind you, the boots did get a bit of use because I wasn't the only one to try them on. Steph had popped in and gave them a drive too. We also nipped outside for a comedy photo: taking her picture under a streetlamp. All very silly indeed and no, I won't be uploading that.

On our way back through the darkened car park, my mobile started to ring. I thought it would be the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones, but it was someone from work about a server problem. Luckily I did remember to say my male name (phew!) although being stood in a car park talking shop to a work mate *while* in all dressed up in Lynn-mode was a somewhat odd experience. Do you find yourself walking slowly around as you talk? I did and I realised I better stop or make quiet footsteps before the sound of high heels made its way down the wire :)

With regards to activities. I'm still trying to sort out a visit from Boots, although I have managed to talk to the lady in question. Tracey's looking into booking a meal (that'll be fun!) and the idea of a trip to the theatre has gone down well with the group. Personally, the meal is more my scene. Mind you, I better get on with some walking to build up an appetite.

Here's to a good weekend - whatever you're up to! :-)

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: These Boots Were Made For Walking by Nancy Sinatra ]

Friday, September 04, 2009

"If there's lessons to be learned..."

Hey good people!

This week has gone by in a shot. Mind you, having the extra long weekend certainly helped... as did a bit of extra leave tacked on the end. I've hardly been at work this week, but at home with the family instead. Good stuff.

I had originally written "Larks, this week has..." but it felt a little too Blackadder II. Still, if Hugh Laurie can go from playing The Stupid Prince to a hard edged surgeon, I guess there's hope for us all in re-invention. :-)

Here in Nottinghamshire, school is open once more and it was time to make some sarnies, pack a bag and try to find the missing school shoe. How is it kid's shoes seem to repel each other? You put them together in the hall and by Sunday night, one has mysteriously moved. Perhaps it's the same force that hides one of your socks. Domestic devilment indeed :-)

School and re-invention? Two concepts that have somehow collided in my subconscious and made their way out on to this blog. Truth be told, this is my second attempt at a Friday night post. The previous one was about a trip I had to a far away University, but it was so twee - despite being about race (never an easy subject) - that I canned in. It just didn't read right.

So school, or more accurately, university has been on my mind this week. As I made my way around the city, I noticed an increase in the number of students. People looking for houses, trying to find where the less well known parts of town are, etc.

University, or 'poly' for me (Ed: Lynn was never that academic), was - without wanting to sound too dramatic - a bit of a life saver. It enabled me to get away from my home town, meet new people, learn about life and start living on my own. Where I went, there were hardly any student hall placements, so it was out into the Big Bad World with you: bedsits, shared housing or a lodging for some folk.

I felt that in some way I'd escaped. Broken away from some of the more toxic *ahem* friends I had. Not sure someone who outs you to anyone who'd listen can be called a friend, but you live and you move on. :-)

No-one knew me at poly. I had a clean slate. No baggage of who I'd been nor judgements based on who I was. It was very liberating. I could, for what felt like the first time, just be myself. I met some interesting people over my time there. Some I've stayed good friends with. One I fell in love with and a handful of years after college, she became the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones.

Ironically with all the freedom and chance to explore myself (Ed: not like that), I didn't do that much dressing up. I'd bought a few things and while I kept my legs smooth and my hair very long, cross-dressing didn't feature that much. Indeed, as I've pointed out in previous post, I purged what little I had in an effort to 'go straight'.

Why did I do it? Looking back I can't remember. I think it must have been a few thoughts that built into something larger. Maybe part of me hoped it really was a phase and I could put it all behind me. Still, we all know how little story arc turned out don't we? :-)

So what about the students of today, how will they fare? Technology seems to be at the fingertips and we all seem so inter-connected: mobiles, social networks, tweets, blogs, etc. What about those folk under the radar: students who are trans and who are growing up. I wonder how they will get on. Will they bury it all or will the local LGBT society / Internet forums lend a hand?

Just last month I had an email from a tutor asking about trans resources for one of his students. Gabrielle (of My CD Life fame) and I have been chatting about various things and one subject that came up was 'making a difference'. Part of me wonders if there was a trans group at college, what could we - the trans community - do to help. Maybe another email is in order.

Take care
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Sweet About Me by Gabriella Cilmi. (what a voice!) ]