Friday, August 28, 2009

"No more poison killing my emotion"

Hey all,

How's it going? Well, it's pretty much the Bank Holiday Weekend in the UK. Those extra few days off make all the difference.

Talking of days off (Ed: seamless link, Lynn ) I had some time off this week to help look after the kids. The Ever Lovely Mrs Jones was away on business, so it was up to yours truly to play house-husband for a bit. To honest, I really enjoyed it. No computers, no mobile telephones; just me, Wee Man and Little Miss (when she wasn't at nursery) having some quality time together. We had some good days out together, he got to play with his toys and we even managed a bit of tidying up. The local charity shops certainly did very well that day.

One night, Wee Man was having a sleep-over, so it was just me and Little Miss. Once she was safely tucked up in her cot - she is only 'ickle' still, well, not that ickle, but still a toddler bless her little pink socks - there was time to plan a few outfits and exercise my tranny powers. Make hay while the sun shines and all that :-)

Although I wasn't hitting the town - so to speak - it was nice to be able to take the time putting looks together and trying different make-up techniques and what not. I do need to have a chuck out because there's a lot of clothes I just don't wear or are perhaps a little too snug in the wrong places. I guess I'm hanging on to them either due to the memories attached or because they are more occasional wear - long black dress, etc. Maybe when I get a quite night to myself, I'll go through my wardrobe and try to be ruthless. I might have been a bit late to bed that night :-D

Earlier in the week I'd stopped off at an out of the way beautician and had my nails shaped. It was something I'd thought about for a while and I finally found the time - and the courage - to walk in and get it done. Once I'd got over the initial fear factor, it was very relaxing and I'd recommend having it done if you can. Not too pricey either, but then it was just a shape and buff, no polish or plastic talons applied.

Thursday rolled around quickly and as Granny had kindly agreed to a spot of baby sitting, I was off to Chams for a night out with the 'girls' :) It was a social do as we had nothing big planned but it was a packed night. I had a great time just chatting and catching up with old & new friends.

Alison had asked in the group's forum about places to get help with make-up. Not just applying it, but finding out about the right foundation, shades, styles, etc. It is a bit tricky and while there are plenty of videos on-line, nothing beats talking face to face, or trying the products directly. Personally, I don't mind visiting, but some folk are a little more reserved (Ed: she means they don't have a brass neck). So, I thought I'd drop a Boots an email on the subject.

I mean, we - the TG community - put a fair bit of money towards Boots, so I was curious to see what they might come back with. I got a reply back from Customer Services and a few names to talk to at our local branch. While I did have a chat with the Branch Manager (a very helpful lady), I haven't managed to get hold of the Beauty Team leader as yet. But with a little luck, we may get a visit. I asked the good people at chams - trannys and real girls (natals? :D ) - for a show of hands and just about everyone said yes. Hopefully 14 people or so should be enough.

Well, that's me done. I hope the week's been kind to you and the weekend goes well too.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Remedy by Little Boots ]

Friday, August 21, 2009

"Cheer up you old b*gg*r,
c'mon give us a grin!"

Hi folks,

Or should that be 'hi friends?' Crikey. What a week that was eh? Storm in a C cup :-)

(Ed: Oo, a smiley, is she on the mend?)

All flippancy aside: I'd like to thank you all for your kind messages and advice; those sent through the blog, via email or by PM. They really did mean a lot and helped move me from the dark cloud I'd been sat under. Sometimes I guess you gotta clear the air... no, not like that... and get it all off your chest.

I had a good old ponder about what the underlying issue may be, but I still can't put my finger on it. Still, I took your suggestions at face value: I had a good long chat with the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones (surely the sage of the Jones family); tried getting a few early nights and kept an eye on what I'd been eating. I've switched to eating more healthily and tried to stay away from cake and biccies (yummy tho they are) as I wonder if the mid afternoon sugar crash wasn't helping.

All things considered: I feel pretty good at the mo. Maybe Tuesday was just lots of little things that built up and up and then... BOOM.

I also took some shoes back (although I may have worn them to Chams. Shhh :P) and got a refund. Much as I loved them, they were perilously high and while I don't mind suffering for a bit of glamour; there's a bit of foot pain and then there's beating your tootsies with an iron bar. Still, that's propped up the old funds.... and I may have seen some others. Time will tell if the Shopping Fairy waves her magic wand so I find them in my size.

I've also booked a bit of time off to get away from work. Some of that will be with the kids, but I don't mind. When you've no deadlines and just the fabby blue skies to run under, it all starts to feel more worthwhile.

So, there you go. Nothing particular exciting or a deep insight into the tranny-mindset, but you can't have it all can you? :-)

Take care... and thanks again.
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Always Look on the Bright Side of Life by Monty Python ]

Monday, August 17, 2009

Heartland

Hi,

Those of you with a nervous disposition or who have no truck with.... personal sh**.... look away now.

Still reading?

Can't say you weren't warned.

Last chance....

There's a rush of thoughts pulsing in my head right now; a flock of black shadowy creatures that swirl around. Mad fluttering with yours truly, The Queen of Drama, at the epicentre.

At the mo, I'm just not with it. As I type I am both simmering with anger and on the edge of tears. Trouble has been brewing for a few days; no, weeks if I'm honest, and each time I've pushed it aside hoping a good day at work, some family fun or even...

( Now my fingers hang over the keyboard because my heart swills with the acid of guilt. )

.... dressing up will help dispel the bad thoughts.

But none of it does. I wake up feeling tired or, or... just numb. If not numb, then angry. I don't know where the f**k I'm going any more. Work bores me; I just can't seem to engage. The kid's get on my wick and I have zero patience. It's not them, they're not badly behaved, but I blow up and then feel bad at making them feel bad. The anger has nowhere to go. It spits and bubbles inside and corrodes the vessel it's in.

I had such a good time at Chameleons I fear that I'll end up 'full time'. But the little voice of optimism that exists says: no, it's not that. That time is time outside of the normal world. It's a stressless place, who wouldn't want that? I want that to be true. I can't be full time and be a husband or a dad. That's not how it works and in my heart, I know it's all just fantasy. Just a f***ing stupid pipe dream. A man in drag. A bloke piling on the slap and a wig in order to flick a switch in his head.

Sometimes, I hate being this way. These are the times when I wonder about cures. But that's BS too. There's no such thing. I can no more 'go straight' than I can fly. Hmmm... flight. No, the analogy works: you start off free and unencumbered, but after a while you find out it's not flying, but an uncontrolled descent. What was once a step off into clear skies is in fact a crash back to reality.

I want to cry out, to break things. To punch the walls. Something to get the rage out of me, but I don't. I sit and I fold in on myself, lost in my own emotions.

Heh, and I thought it was going so well too. F**k.

Now my finger hovers over the Publish Post button. Do you deserve this dear reader? To wade through a sh**storm of my own making? Is this the point of a tranny blog: the warts and all of it. The good, the bad and the f*** ugly?

I don't know. I just want to feel okay.

See you Friday.
Lynn
x

Wednesday, August 12, 2009

"Sugar and spice and everything nice,
wasn't made for only girls."

Hey all,

I hope things are going well your end. It's been a right f***ing slog over here on Planet Jones: the start of the week was just a right mare (Ed: mare as in nightmare. Not it was a horse. :P). Although, looking on the bright side, the week's jollymetre - the official UK device that measures happiness - plotted a graph like a wedge of cheese. Starting off thin and getting better each day... which was nice :)

Monday and Tuesday were complete non-starters: very much the thin end of the proverbial wedge. Do you have those days where you just don't get anything done? That you get get stuck between tasks and you can't start anything new as you won't have the time to finish it off. Bah humbug in spades. :-(

Wednesday was a bit better and Thursday I had a meeting in town. The meeting went well and lots of stuff got signed off and we made real progress. It was good to get out of the office - if only to break from the routine. I had lunch out... and bought some new shoes too. Well, I needed a bit of retail therapy after the first three days! :)

Thursday night I was at Chams early as Little Miss was stopping off at Grannys (which is the right side of town for the Centre). Other than the karate crew - who have the place before us - there was no-one about. Being early, I headed upstairs to get changed rather than transgress on the folk who'd booked the place beforehand.

Now, I had planned a rather summer-esq outfit of wide legged white trousers, a new top (well, new to me) and wedges. But... after the purchase of my new shoes, that kinda got replaced by killer heels, skinny jeans and my bustier top. I also tried my new slap - Clinque - which I bought a few weeks ago and used a make-up brush (rather than my fingers) to put it on. Close up, I thought the brush really made a difference to the finish.

With the early start, it felt like I'd been there most of the night and as I didn't have my watch with me, the evening seemed to last for ages (but in a good way). We had a bring and buy sale to help top up the funds - I'd brought a t-shirt, some earrings and a vest top. Despite making some room in my cupboard, I bought a lovely green top (suitably fitted on the bust) but empire line so it skimmed in the right places. Thank you MyShape for the ideas of what to wear.

We also had a visit from Last Orders. Not a punk act or a comedy gig, but two people (Polo and Steph) who informed us about the recommended limits for alcohol and ensuring you stay safe. What they had to say was very interesting: certainly to hear the change in society's attitudes to drunkenness and also the need some people have to get wasted on a night.

Steph had on a lovely blue dress and - jokingly I think - was on the look out for other size 8 shoes. I was surprised she was an 8, but then a lot of the women folk I know seem to be a 7 or 8 these days. My feet wear paying the price for being in stilettos and Steph had some gorge black leather heels with a hidden platform in them. Compared to my glamour queens, they were like comfy slippers. Oh well, something for next time maybe! :-)

The evening went well. We had a few new faces and it was cool to see a few of the newer recruits back again for another visit. Friday went by in a blur and I had a good long chat with our new neighbours - they seem really nice.

Before I sign off, have any of you seen Undercover Dads (or the adverts) on CBBC? It's a kids show and - as I'll explain in a mo - it kinda weirds me out a bit... even if I really liked the demin jacket, long skirt and Uggs combination :-)


Anywho, the gig is that Dad - with some help of prosthetics and the BBC make-up department - has to pretend to be MegaNanny. The latter is a cover story to get Dad to appear as a woman and then do a series of challenges with the family. The more he gets right, the more prizes the kids will get - not that they know this. 'Course, if he's sussed out, there's a penalty to the whole she-bang.

I caught the trailer while Wee Man was watching CBBC - oh that's Children's BBC for those of you outside the UK (YouTube clip here). It's been pitched as a kinda Mrs Doubtfire-esq show and I really wonder how they got this one through. Hell, I'm all for a bit of pushing social boundaries, but I find this a bit much. BTW, if you're interested, there's a few re-runs available via iPlayer.

Anyway, that's me done for a while. I hope the weekend's good to you! :)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: King for a Day by Green Day ]

Friday, August 07, 2009

"When I get mad,
when I get p*ssed..."

Hi,

This week's been a bit all over the shop. Parts of it have seemed to drag as if someone was holding back the second hand, while paradoxically, certain bits have zipped by in the blink of the proverbial.

Blogging-wise I like to have something in mind by Thursday at the latest. I know that Friday's are generally pretty busy and while some nights I can fly by the seat of my pants, I find with the passing entries, that I like to put a bit of thought into them. Anyone who says otherwise gets a Paddington Bear Hard Stare :) Crikey, the nostalgia's flying thick and fast this time around eh? A bit of Roland Rat and now Paddington Bear. Holy yesteryear of talking mammals, Batman :)

So, stuck of something to write about - well, that's not true. I was thinking about the shower of sh** that's on at the multiplex: the CGIfest that is the summer-time movie. I'm sure there must be some good flicks out, but for the life of me, I've not seen one that appeals to me yet. Maybe my old rule of thumb of 'only go to the cinema between September and May' seems about right. But no, my heart wasn't in that.

In search of a moment of inner-calm, I do what I do when I get tense... no, not dressing up... I bake. No, really. I bake cookies or cupcakes. I find the whole she-bang very relaxing. It's good to concentrate on an activity and have something to show for it at the end. Double plus good if it's edible. :)

Now, one could argue that I like cooking because I'm chasing my feminine skills, which personally, I think is complete tosh. I just happen to like baking. Hell, I like making things anyway: paper models with the kids, Lego with Wee Man and what have you. Baking, I think, is just an extension of that.

While I can throw a few raw ingredients in a bowl, I won't profess to being a good cook. I think there's a big difference between a batch of biscuits and a Sunday roast. Honestly, I don't know how Mrs Jones manages it. There just seems to be too much on the go for a big dinner! Simple stuff - say no more than 4 or 5 ingredients I can cope with, but a few more than that and it's all too much for my simple brain :) Still, meat, 2 veg + sauce and that's 90% of British cuisine covered. The other 10% has something to do with custard and/or cakes. :)

I could never understand the mentality of some of my old mates who didn't know how to boil an egg or make anything more complicated than beans on toast. Not to say that beans on toast aren't a rather nice dish, I just wouldn't want them for every bloomin' meal. I'd probably burn a hole in the Ozone layer after the second day :(

Where am I going with all of this? Actually, now I've come this far, I really don't have a clue. :) I suppose if there is a point to this, it's the strange reasoning that cooking (or baking by extension) is essentially woman's work. I don't agree. Cooking is about being able to feed yourself and others. While I fancy the idea of being able to fix my own car, there's another part of my that's far happier producing scrummy cakes for an afternoon tea. Plus, car work, you get so dirty.... and it wrecks your nails :P

Lastly - and in an effort to stop this being solely one sided - baking, yay or nay? If yay, any favourite dishes you'd care to share? If nay, why not?

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Sh*tlist by L7 ]