Thursday, December 31, 2009

"I looked him right in the eye and said 'goodbye'."

Hi folks,

Once again, Old Father Time will soon be hanging up his scythe and going through one more regeneration as he does so. It doesn't seem long since it was the year 2000 and all the fun & games that went along with that. I wonder if he ever fancies a turn as Young Miss Time? If so, he'll probably have to have to do the same work but take a pay cut. Hmm... that does read a bit bitter doesn't it? But if I put a smilie on there, people may get the wrong idea and think I'm taking the p*ss.

Bugger.

Let's move on eh? :)

Wow. 10 years. It's a cliche but they seem to have gone by so quickly. Speaking - or rather writing - personally, so much has changed. Back at the end of 99, there was just me and the Ever Lovely Mrs Jones. Now there's an extra two people under our roof. Both Wee Man and Little Miss have come on - I'm fighting the urge to use the well loved line of leaps & bounds - but they really have. It's been a joy to watch them take their first steps, learn to talk and just approach life with a sense of joy. Sure, there's been tears before bedtime and the odd dose of shouting: but in the main, I manage to behave :D

House-wise, we're still in the same home as before, although there's been a far bit of alteration done to these old bricks. A new roof, two extensions and it's looking like the kitchen and bathroom are ready to be renovated too. We've swapped the bedrooms around and so far so good. Part of this is I can't abide the hassle of moving and we seem pretty settled with the school and position for both of our jobs.

From a trans point of view, I think things have changed massively. Back in 2000, yes, I was 'out' to Mrs Jones, but I only ever got dressed up when she wasn't in. I didn't go out. Looking back, I think I was coping... no, make that mostly coping, but.... this part of my life was far from sorted. On the plus side, I had a job which gave me the luxury of flexible working hours and many mornings, I'd be in late following an early morning session of dressing up. It helped, but something was missing. Sure, I was on-line, but really on the fringes. I didn't join any forums until 2004 and I started blogging in 2005.

Talking of 'on-line' the rise of broadband, web 2.0 and to an extent - wireless - has changed my life. I spend a large proportion of my own time on the Internet: social sites, email and forums. Indeed, I think other than kids, having 'always on' Internet access has been one of the biggest changes to how I live my life. Mrs Jones and I watch a lot less TV, indeed, she has her own laptop and will often be doing something else while the Idiot Lantern burbles in the background. :) If we miss something, there's always iPlayer, although the proliferation of digital TV, chances are they'll be a repeat later in the week.

Just the other day, the family were snuggled up on the sofa flicking though the (digital) photos of Christmas. In the previous decade, we would have had to post a film off and wait while the postman delivered the results. Now: it's just click and view. You're no longer limited by 24 or 48 images and can just keep going. Did trannys rejoice when digital cameras took off? :) Then there's cameras in mobiles: how much has the news been affected by eye witness footage? Technology eh? It almost moves as quickly as fashion. :P

Talking of fashion, big boots + skinny jeans/leggings are still on the go. Is the Ugg boot the look of the noughties? Since the recession, fashion - at least to my untrained eye - seems to have slowed down a little. Before the downturn, there seemed to be a push on high-speed micro-trends. And now? I get this vibe that there's more mixing and matching going on. Perhaps that's why the skinny jean / leggings thing has kept on as long as it has. Personally, I find a fair bit of fun in that: making up a new look with older items. Sure, I like new clothes - and who doesn't? - but you've got to watch the pennies and when you get stuck on the wheel of new-new-new, I think there's a risk you don't take time to enjoy what you have.

Going back to the trans stuff, I went through all the usual hoops: lurking on forums, reading & (occasionally) writing pulp tranny fiction, knickers under suit, being worried when I shopped for clothes and dreaming - yes, literally day dreaming - of the idea of going out or socialising with others like me. Pretty run of the mill stuff. I won't dis that behaviour because some people are either working through the same sh** I have or are happy like that. I won't look down on it and all I can say is that it wasn't enough for me. I still felt disconnected, dressing up 'part of the way' didn't really help. I wasn't 100% sure what I wanted, but I knew where I was wasn't where I wanted to be.

The very start of this blog (back in 2005) hints at some of the inner processes that were going on as I stepped out for the first time. Man, that feels a long time ago. I remember the fear I felt in waiting to ask Mrs Jones if it would be okay. Yes, it was a case of asking, because there are two of us in this relationship - okay, sometimes it feels like three :) - and I didn't want to go behind her back again (Ed: she'd done that once before and... major guilt trip). I wanted to be honest and I hoped for two things: one, she'd say okay (Ed: like duh) and two, that when I went out, it would be what I wanted. I got both, lucky b*tch that I am. :) I'm (still) married, with two nippers and I have some good (trans) friends to boot. There's been the odd kick to the happy sacks by the Fates, but in the main, life is good.

Sorry if this has been a bit one sided, but this is a blog :) Yet Another Tranny Girl Blog at that. Cliches and stereotypes exist for a reason - even if we don't want to admit that they're a little too close for comfort. :) So to wind this up, I hope that whatever journey you are on, you get to travel safely and arrive in style. Good luck to each of you for the new year.

Take care
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Down In It by Nine Inch Nails ]

5 comments:

  1. Dear old Lynn - thanks for the longer view. You seem to have very well managed a transition that is important to me just now, the whole issue of "normalizing" the tranny stuff, putting it a bit more in the background and a little less at the front of the mind.

    You give me hope. And more than a few chuckles along the way.

    Many thanks, and a very happy new year to you and your Joneses.

    Petra

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  2. Petra: Thanks, Petra. It's not an easy path - and I don't say that to big myself up. I say it more that I've only got here with the help from Mrs Jones and that of friends: those at Chameleons and, like yourself, the on-liners :)

    To take a line from a great film - man, I just live for quotes don't I? :) - 'hope is a good thing'. That is part of why I blog: hoping (!) that others may draw some positive from all of this. Hell, if little old me can do it, so can you.

    Happy New Year!

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  3. Happy new year Lynn. I hope it brings you and family continuing joy and prosperity.
    Sophie. :o)

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  4. Happy New Year Lynn. The noughties have certainly flown by. For me it has been a decade of huge discovery. And it seems fitting that as we enter the Tweenies I am embarking on the action part. Full-Time this year, yay. Love the blog as always x x x

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  5. Sophie: And to you as well me dear! :)

    Emma: Thanks for the kind words and yes, those years have gone by so fast.

    Good luck with the full time, BTW! You need a new car so you can visit us again. :)

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