Sunday, January 27, 2008

IRQ

I have a favour to ask of you. One from you good people out there. The ones who are listening right now. It's not for me. It's for a friend. All I ask is this simple thing: think of a woman in a hippy skirt and wish her well. That's all you need to do. No money, no voting, no direct action: just a kind thought. Someone out there (no names) needs a little luck to come her way.

Now normally, I'm among the cynics and my top lip would be heading upwards in cod Billy Idol kinda way. Not today though, not today. Y'see jaded b/tch that I am, I would like to believe, I really would. But enough about me.....

There'll also be no clues towards the young lady in question. I do not do this from the tiresome I-know-but-cannot-say BS, but for her privacy. To those who do know, I hope you'll honour that.

Lynn
x

Friday, January 25, 2008

"Gold's just around the corner..."

Hiya,

Draw back the curtains, take 'No Alarms'* off repeat and stick on a smile. The telly programme title is correct: five minutes in heels is heaven. A night out with the girls (well, you know what I mean), a good chat and the spiritual high of passing old things on have worked wonders on my mental state. The balance has been restored and I feel calm and relaxed. There was even a spot of dancing which added to the whole evening.

[ * By strange coincidence I was walking through Leicester the other week and the shopping centre's in-house music system was playing Radiohead's No Alarms. It's a great track (IMO) although not one that would make me thing of rampant consumerism. ]

Rather stupidly I'd forgotten to pack my make-up wipes, but luckily Beth came to my rescue and let me kadge a few off her. Phew! I didn't fancy driving home with my face on! (Ed: If only I could get this face...off :) ).

The other night I caught a programme on George Michael's life. One thing he said jumped out at me and it was this: How can you be proud of your sexuality if it's never brought you any joy? It's an interesting thought, although one shouldn't be looking to pop stars or their lyrics for deep philosophical insights into the human condition. :-) Irony aside, is this another factor in the lack of TG outage? (If that's a word!). In your early years - okay, well, my early years, I don't really know what goes on in your heads - I struggled coming to terms with it. We all know the key parts of the loop: guilt, indulgence, secrecy, repeat. Well, for me, it's not like that any more. Sure, I get narky if I don't get to dress up, but now the only guilt I feel is if I upset my lovely wife... and to be honest, that happens less and less (bless).

To any partners reading this who have recently found out about their hubby: let him do it. He'll be calmer/saner/chipper and while you may hate the idea of him doing it: what would you rather have? A miserable 'straight' husband or one who indulged once in a while? Course, if he's been bottling it for years, there will be a honeymoon period where he'll go off the rails, but it will calm down. Honest. :)

Coming back to the point would you feel proud enough not to care if anyone found out? I don't mean proud as in the chest-beating alpha sh*te, but no longer feeling belittled by the way you are. I wonder - as Emma posted in her blog - if TG folk will follow gay people into the mainstream or will we always skulk in the background. Ahh, the future.... who can really say eh?

On that wistful note, take care. See you next time.... perhaps. :-)
Lynn
x

PS: I wonder what 'Angry of Tunbridge Wells' made of last week's Torchwood with all that kissing? :-)

[ Lyric: Fool's Gold by The Stone Roses ]

Friday, January 18, 2008

And if you look at your reflection,
is it all you wanted to be?

Hi there,

I think I'm going to have to start keeping a notepad for blogging ideas. Today I had a couple of thoughts about what to write about, but the journey home and the minutiae of office work has let those flighty thoughts flutter back to the Muse. Bugger.

So what's been going on? Not exactly rock & roll (unless Chuck Berry helps you), but we've had a massive chuck out at home. Early spring cleaning. The house looks better for it as like most folk, we tend to accumulate 'stuff'. Clothes you don't wear, books / CDs / DVDs you don't like anymore and 'stuff'. I don't know about you, but I'm terrible. It's not that I can't bear to throw anything away, it's more that I can't bear to throw anything that a) isn't broken or b) could be useful in the event of the collapse of civilised society.

Luckily, some bright spark invented charity shops* and Freecycle - so a couple of trips in the car later, we can now see the hall carpet and walls. Prior to that it was beginning to look like that warehouse at the end of Raider of the Lost Ark. What I like about Freecycle is that people will come to your house/work can take things away. No postage, no faffing about and they're happy to take said item off your hands. It's free and it works, what's not to like? :-D

( * if you spread your deliveries about a bit you can check out if there are any cool clothes :) )

Now some folk frown at buying second hand, but I disagree. If the item is in good nick (Ed: she's talking about clothes... again) and is stylish / fashionable, then why not? Given last summer's tents with a neck hole in them, there was a rise the reports of 'vintage shopping'. I suppose posh folk have vintage clothes, middle class have charity shop gear and the working classes just don't give a sh** :)

So why today's lyric? Well, I don't know if this is a growing trend, but I pick out a line from a song when I feel a connection. Sometimes I'll be listening to music at work and a tune, or rather a lyric, will job my memory. Luckily I don't need the telephone very much, so it's headphones on, browser up and work-work-work.

Today I was washing my hands and I caught sight of my reflection.... for a split second my mind's eye flashed out my 'tranny image'. There...ummm... 'she' was to my left with exactly the same expression as I was giving the mirror - confusion. Very, very strange. Luckily the tranny me didn't tell me to kill anyone and was gone in an instant. So, it's one of three things:

1) I'm a loon.
2) It was just a daydream.
3) I'm not really Lynn, but the ugly sister to Nicky/Jessica from Heroes.

I think I need to get out more. :)

[ Lyric: Nine Inch Nails - Right Where It Belongs ]

Friday, January 11, 2008

"It's the only thing that slowly stops the ache..."

Hey there,

How's tricks?

Stops the ache? It's a bit of a dramatic title for a blog post, but some days...? Ack, I don't know :) I'm feeling pretty chuffed at the mo and I think it's to do with going out. No, not going down the pub or taking a wander around the shops - but 'out' out. It's been a while since I've been to visit the Ladies at NottsChams. It is over a month - may be even six weeks - since I've dressed (what with family and work commitments). Anyhoo, it's going to be a bit longer before I get 'meh skit on' (as some may say), but... and this is the thing I cannot explain, just going out (even in Bob mode) to Chams the other night did me the world of good.

I'll be honest with you and say I was beginning to feel the pressure a little. You know, that tightness in your head. The one that feels a bit like a miniature thunderstorm building up. It ebbs and flows but it never goes away. There's only one thing that'll truly switch if off. Makes me sound like an addict doesn't it? :-)

If I think about it logically (Ed: Analysis Spock!) it makes no sense... well other than I get to socialise with people who know who am I and it doesn't bother them. Are we back to a sense of belonging? I don't know. If anyone does, answers on a postcard to the usual inbox. :)

We also had a visitor - well a number of visitors at Chams the other night. A few new faces (Beth, Rachel and Sophie (??)) as well as a young lady from a nearby university. She was studying a media course she came along to ask a few questions; research to make a programme for her degree. It won't be for broadcast, so no risk from cameras and I hope she got something out of the evening. She was genuinely interested and I got to have a quick word with her. I'd love to be a fly-on-the-wall when she gives the presentation. I wonder how she'll look back at the evening in years to come? Who can say eh?

Funny but having someone come along who has no vested interest - not TG nor a partner - it is kinda hard to explain why we do what we do. I guess we've come full circle eh? We're back to the need to do it. For me, and I can only speak of my own feelings, it is the requirement for balance. I need to have time to be both blokey and... ummm... not so blokey. :) I hesitate to say girlie because that makes me sound about 12.

Pop

Now the media fluff of Christmas specials has faded away, we're into a new season of programmes. BBC4 are currently running a series on pop music. I've caught the odd episode and from what I've seen there's been some good and some bad. The other night had one on the what makes a good pop song. It was more than a collection of talking heads giving their 'top five hits'. Instead we had both musical, lyrical and analysis of the performance.

I really enjoy music and my tastes are... mixed shall we say. Maybe it's the failed poet (!!) in me, but lyrics are my thing. Sometimes a segment of a song will just jump out at you - if lyrics can jump that is - and while I don't think we'll find the meaning of life in the Top 40, there are little gems: the odd verse or phrase that seems to speak to you.

Take care
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric.... man, I'm started to repeat. :-) Duality by Slipknot. Who says thrashers can't be poetic? :)]

Friday, January 04, 2008

"They say the next big thing is here..."

Hey there,

Have you recovered from Christmas and the New Year's celebrations yet? :) So what's been going on; other than a return to work that is? Still work. It pays for the nice things in life doesn't it.

The turning of the year somehow reminds me of that new exercise book feeling I'd get at school. You know, the tired but well loved book would be completed and would be assigned to history. The new one's first page was pristine: clean and empty for your scrawling. Did you take special care on this first page? Funny, but I did although that resolve never lasted to the third page.

Unusually, school is on my mind at the moment. The Xmas holidays are over and term starts once again. In our house, our little boy will be starting full time this coming week. I really feel for him and I wonder who is the more nervous: the parents or the child? He seems keen and full of excitement for a new environment.

The parents? Well, I didn't mind primary per say, but in the main I wasn't keen. As to secondary, well, I feel little point in dwelling in the past - particularly on a time I found less than enjoyable. I didn't have it bad - not like some kids did. Whatever happens, I hope Wee Man is happy in what he decides to do.... unless it's football. I really can't stand sport. ;-) But what about you, did you enjoy school or was it a means to an end?

ps: After last week's talk about no resolutions: I have now started to try and cut down on the amount of chocolate I'm putting away. It's that or a whole new wardrobe! Mind you, I wonder if I've left it too late for the sales. Still: "diet hard with a vengeance." :-)

[ Today's lyric: The Propellerheads ft. Shirley Bassey with History Repeating ]