Monday, January 22, 2007

'See the animal in his cage that you built / Are you sure what side you're on?'

Hey kids...

How's it going? Jaysus, what a week... I'm glad that's over and it's the weekend. Woo-hoo! Not only that but it's Transpocalypse too. Sadly, I won't be going this year (family commitments), but you never know do you. To those of you going, have a good time and stay safe!

Winter's passed, spring and fall

What is it with us humans and anniversaries? On Thursday, 27th January 2006 I pulled up outside a community centre in Arnold. I grabbed my rucksack off the back seat and headed inside. I was met by a nice lady who welcomed me to the group and told me where I could get changed. Thirty or fourty minutes later I'd packed my male stuff into the bag and I was all dolled up: It was Lynn's first time to Notts Chams. I wasn't the only newbie there that night: Maddie and Rachel came along too (hi girls!).

So a year has passed and a lot has changed. I'm a regular visitor and as the opening bars to the Cheers' theme state: "where everybody knows your name", it's cool to belong. Okay, so they don't shout 'Norm!' at me when I come in, but as Tracey said the other night, it's a lot like family. So, I guess it's my turn to be nice to the girls brave enough to push themselves and make the journey.

What's in a name?

Here's a question for you: does your female name have a passing resemblance to your male name? Mary / Martin, Christine / Chris, Tonya / Tony, etc. I'm curious because there's a few girls I know where that is the case. Is this the exception rather than the norm?

Suits you... sir

Earlier in the week I had a meeting in Derby. One of those fancy meetings where you have to dress nice and play nice for the customers. Normally I don't wear a suit to work - shirt, tie and troos are okay - so it was a nice change to dress a bit fancier than usual. Maybe not as fancy as Thursday nights, but a break from the norm is good.

Rather than head back to the office straightaway, I had a quick wander around the shops. I had missed lunch, so a quick stroll for an hour around the town centre was very pleasant. It cleared the cobwebs away and I was somewhat amused because normally when I go to Derby, I'm en femme but today it was bloke mode. There were a couple of sales on but nothing really caught my eye.

Out on Thursday

The traffic gods were smiling when I set off to Nuthall and I was early for me. I was hoping to get there before 8pm because we were having visitors. A few folk from Nottingham City Council were attending to discuss the new Gender Equality laws that are coming in. They wanted some feedback from the TG community - that'd be us I guess - on how they could improve both as an employer and as a service to Jo(e) Public. Various ideas were put forward and I found it very interesting to hear the differing points of view. It was not a 'moan-fest' by any means, there were some positive comments as well as some darker stories. I hope that they (Nicky and John) got something out of it and maybe they'll be back again. At least if we can communicate our wishes to the powers that be, maybe they'll listen and things will be easier for the next generation.

Certainly there is an element of fear from some of Joe Public. Just what do we get up to when we meet up? Kinky sex rites, Wickerman stuff? No, I'm afraid it's much more shocking than that. We sit around, talk and drink tea - kinda like a really butch WI [shrug] but don't let that put you off! :-) It's all about the company really.... and the insanity of a quiz night.

Talking of company, Maddie also came to visit and it was great to catch up. Maybe we should start that Tranny book club eh Maddie? :-) I hope you come on along next time!!

I also bought some new batteries for my camera, but when I got home - they were flat. Still, never mind eh. For a bit of a change, I forsook the skirt and heels option, and went for something a bit 80s. Leggings, knee boots and a blue long wrap cardigan with white t-shirt underneath. It was a nice change although I think I'll leave the footless tights to younger girls.

Comedy Moment

Okay, vanity / curiosity finally got the better of me and I put my fizzog through MyHeritage.com's celeb look-a-like gadget. So, the scores on the doors are:

Shirley Manson - 78%; Ashton Kutcher - 72%; Barbara Striesland - 72%; Raven Symone - 70% and Rene Russo - 68%.

Okay, so I'm some strange hybrid of a goth, toyboy, gay icon, R&B totty and a foxy movie star. After 3.. 'With your cherry lips....' :-)

Friday, January 19, 2007

"And before we talk of repentance / Try walking in my shoes"

Say kids,

Another week shoots by. Almost time to rip another page off the calendar. Time flies huh?

Dancing.. with tears in my eyes

Possibly Midge Ure had been singing about dancing in heels, but I guess we'll never know. I must confess I'm a bit of a dance junkie. I love it. There's nothing quite like losing yourself in the moment and shaking your thang. I don't understand folk who say "I don't dance". Yeah, well, neither do I really. It's more like a organised riot of limbs, but really you've nothing to fear except ridicule and mild injury.

Flippancy aside, dancing is a wonderful pastime and I find myself daydreaming about dancing / singing when listening to music. Sometimes the daydream is has me in bloke mode (rock numbers mainly), but once Love Machine hits the playlist and it's disco lights and the full en femme insanity. But, hey, it's my headspace and it beats thinking about work.

This week on Roses there was a post asking for t-folk to audition for the Kit Kat Dolls. From what I gather, this is a tranny girl band (Ed: a t-girl band?) although the poster wanted girls who could sing, dance and who didn't look they'd come out of a panto. Now, there are some convincing t-girls out there but getting all three is going to be interesting. I mean, if X-factor has taught us anything, it's that attractive singers who can bust a move are few and far between. Still, a girl can dream..... :-)

Fine Malt Lyrics

Yeah, it's a bit of a quote-fest this week around huh? Well, those of you with an eye for lyrics, will have noticed that I've been at it (fnarr) for a while. Interestingly, Chrisie tags her lyrics as quotes which I guess is fair. Me, I don't bother because I don't always do it and often, I can't remeber who the artist was.

Anyhoo, I was in the car the other day when a track came on I hadn't heard in a while came on. I've said (posted?) this before but it surprises me how a song can cut through the general noise in your head and defib your emotions (sorry about the mixed metaphor there). Sometimes it's happy party songs, sometimes darker numbers. Green Day's Boulevard of Broken Dreams often makes me pause to listen to it. But, I think the greatest impact is when you have a song contains a lyric that really means something to you. The Winner Takes It All hits the mark as does Jim's Theme but both for very different reasons. In the former its the pain in the voice - especially at the end and the latter, it's the content:
And I want to tell you who I am
Can you help me be a man
They can't break me
As long as I know who I am
So there I am, stuck in rush hour traffic singing my lungs out with tears running down my checks. [shrug] Soft bastard eh? :-)

Out again

Next week is Notts Chams and I'm looking forward to going out again. It'll be nice to catch up with friends (old and new). Plus, I hear there'll be line dancing. Now, I don't *do* organised dances (except maybe the Timewarp) so it's going to be entertaining. I've got my outfit planned...and no, it's not Dixie Chicks before you ask.  :-)

[ UPDATE ] Someone was kind enough to let me know (see comments - BTW, is that you Sandi?) that it's not line dancing next week: it's an Auz theme instead. Should be fun!

Wikis

While having a quite pootle around Roses' Forum I noticed a new button the tab bar: wiki.

Wikipedia - love it or hate it - has certainly made its mark on the Internet.

I'm afraid I have posted some bits in the Roses Wiki already (the 'faking it' section about body shape), although the nice thing us, if folk don't agree they can update the content. There's a wealth of information in the forums (Angels & Roses) but the fact that the forums are so frequently updated, it can be hard to find the gems in there. I'm hopeful that the wiki will grow to be a useful resource.

[ Update ]

Blog Make-over

The move to the latest version of Blogger seems to have gone okay. I've had a bit of a tidy-up on the old template and added a new logo. I hope it's readable enough. In case you are curious, the silhouette font is subeve.

Friday, January 12, 2007

"The TV life is working all right"

Hi everyone,

How's it going? All piglets fed and ready to fly? Good, good. Fly my porcine beauties, fly, fly and be free!

While you where sleeping.

I don't know about you, but Christmas completely threw my sleep patterns. Late nights, late mornings then early nights because of an early start. In an ideal world, it would be late nights and late mornings! Sadly my employer doesn't see it like that, but hey, you can't have it all can you? :-) So - and at the risk of sounding like Jesse's Diary - this week I have mostly been trying to get to bed earlier than previous. So far, so good.

The sleeping plan was going well until Thursday. Thursday was a night out with the NottsChams girls and you know how it is, you get chatting to folk and before you know it, it's gone 11. Still, good fun none-the-less. Daphne hosted a quiz which was done in her usual irrevrant style and did well to cope with the silly answers provided and the catcalls. Top marks, gold star for you dear. Sandi asked for some volunteers for other things to do on a night. Looks like I may be doing a music quiz. Here's your starter for ten! :-)

Good for the Soul

I've been name-checked (or is that blog-checked or tagged?) twice this week. It's nice to receive compliments isn't it? Doubly so when it is from your fellow bloggers. Becky's summary made me laugh - as did Chrissie's comments (she her blog links). Older sister indeed [lol]! Thanks girls! Maddie - welcome to the blogosphere. Get posting baby! :-)

Why the blog title Yet Another T-Girl Blog? I guess it's because blogs are so commonplace and when I started up, they seemed The Next Big Thing. I wasn't sure what I'd be writing about, only that I wanted to write something. So I picked something tongue-in-cheek and went with it. The perceptive amongst you will have noticed its similarity to a few computer applications.

Does my bum look big in this?

I popped into town earlier in the week thinking I'd have a look at those Curves Up knickers Ann Summers are selling. Yes, they are a gadget, but men love gadgets! But sadly, they'd sold out (boo!) But the very nice lady behind the counter said she'd pick some up from the Derby store and I could have those (yay!). So, I'm now a proud owner of a pair of knickers with their own bum. This reminds me that I must get my camera repaired so I can do a before and after. This is yet another t-girl blog after all and it would be rude to buck the trend. :-)

The Big Question: Why?

Why? Why indeed. What makes a young boy pick up a pair of his mum's tights from the laundry room and go and try them on. Perhaps watching Belles or Cupid Stunt (classic!) is to blame. Because - and let's face it - television is the director in our lives isn't it? Oh, it isn't? Ah, okay, well a less flippant answer then. Chances are this'll take a bit of time, so you might want to get a cup of tea or something. :-)

Why? I used to ask this a lot when I was young. Why am I not 'normal'? But then football, drinking beer until I was ill, stiff upper lip and macho posturing were never my thing. The local junior school was a tough place. :-) But seriously, who I am to judge? All I can say is that they are not for me. So, instead it was a secret life with me fighting the 'urge' to just let go and accept. Be a man, be straight, I would think. So, if there are teenage t-girls reading this, and if you want a grain of truth from an older bird; heed the words of Primal Scream: don't fight it, feel it. (Primal Scream? Nah? Ask your Dad...or Google). Just accept. Accept that you have talents that other men do not. Okay, so you have a slight wider wardrobe that Joe Public, good. Most of them dress like chavs anyway. :-) It won't be easy, but is it worth it.

I think we all know that life is too short; too short for you to deny and fight yourself for the sake of a fictional normality. I wonder if that's why it takes a while for trannys to start coming out in their late 20s / early 30s. Perhaps it's the loss of friends or parents that makes you realise that you have a finite time here. As the saying goes: it's better to regret something you have done, that something you haven't. How true. Another way of looking at it is that it is our genetic programming (to go back to an earlier post). Maybe we fight it during out teens - with the occasional and joyous lapse - but as we get older, we become our genetics more and more. How many times have you caught yourself saying: "I'm becoming my parents?" If it *is* genetic, maybe that is why it is so bloody hard to stop.

So, three paragraphs later and I still haven't answered the question. If only I was paid by the word eh? So, why do I do it? [Ed: stay focused, Lynn. Stay on target! Uh-oh, we're loosing her, she's going into a Star Wars daydream.] Why? Because it's fun. Because it is who I am. I'm not him/her, I'm me. I have male and female aspects to who I am. Wearing a dress doesn't make you female and to be honest, that isn't the point of being a tranny. It's about looking good and feeling good. It's about the social, the going out, feeling the wind on your face and the sound of your shoes on the pavement, having a laugh with the 'girls'....or maybe that's just me. For you it could be none of those things. What I will say is this: it is just about being you: accept and relax. Breath in, breath out.

It has taken me a long time to get here and it hasn't been without the help of others. I've said it before and I'll say it again, those that make a difference, the folk who organise the socials, run web pages, forums or who blog / invade MySpace or who walk down the high street en femme - you push the envelope and society learns that we exist..... and maybe, just maybe, some of us will come in from the cold and join in the fun.

No Going Back

Fool that I am, I've switched to the new version of Blogger. Fingers crossed eh?

Saturday, January 06, 2007

Gift wrapped kittycats.....

Well, this paragraph on Becky's blog has made my week! Isn't it nice when something cool like this happens. Thanks, Becky.
"Last but not least I'm enjoying YATGB by Lynn Jones. The acronym stands for "Yet Another T-Girl Blog", but Lynn is really selling herself short, she writes well and thoughtfully. Although she doesn't seem to work in IT or own a motorbike, so I'm not sure why she's a tranny."
Why am I a tranny? Well, the short answer is because boy clothes are just too damned dull. I'll give you a longer answer next time. Oh, I bet you can't wait can you? :-)

Friday, January 05, 2007

'The way that we talk, The way that we walk, It's there in our thoughts'

Hey again folks,

How's life treating you? Back to work huh? Yeah, it sucks after such a good Christmas holiday. Taking extra time off at Xmas has been really nice. It was great to have those extra days off between Xmas and New Years. Yeah, sure you don't actually do a lot of work during that time, but let's be honest, wouldn't you rather be snoozing in bed or tucked up on the sofa eating chocs and watching a DVD? Still, back to the grind. However, there are the Sales to think about! :-)

Radio Thoughts

If you pop over to Becky's blog you can have a listen to her radio interview. No, not a podcast, an actual interview with the BBC. Impressive in itself, but it's the content that makes it stand out. Certainly it is one of the better explanations of trannydom to the masses.

It does, however, kick off a couple of thoughts in my head. Firstly, for tranny folk there's this whole want to be seen, not be seen thing going on. It is hard to put into words, but for me at least, you kind of what to be 'out there': either in the real world (going out en femme), socialising (support groups, clubbing) or being on-line (blogs, forums, Flickr, homepages, etc). However, while you want to be seen by other t-folk, there's this insane irony that you (the guy underneath perhaps?) doesn't want to be seen. Perhaps it is more that you want your t-side (no, not a place oop North) to be visible, but you want your oridinary bloke life to remain closed off. Ahhh... the strange world of the tranny eh?

Oddly, if I go out dressed (translation for non-tranny folk = going out in the real world dressed as a female) I don't want to be noticed. What I do want is to just get to my desintation and enjoy life. Realistically, I *know* that I'll be spotted for what I am, or to use the lingo; 'read', but that bothers me less and less. Don't get me wrong, going out is still rather exciting. I wonder how much of that is risk? Is it the risk of being spotted that we enjoy. Certainly, George Michael's behaviour rings a feel bells here. But at the end of the day, I can really only comment on my own internal nuttiness. If anyone would like to chip in, please do!

Fiction

I was doing some computer backups the other day (sad I know) and I found some of my old TG fiction. Back in the day I used to enjoy writing these. I even uploaded one and a few people were kind enough to say some nice things about it too. Writing for yourself is one thing, but a pat on the back is very nice (Ed: egotist!). It's weird, but I guess now that reality has overtaken fiction, I haven't bothered to write anything for... well... years. Maybe it's because I do get to go out and I can now talk to other tranny folk that I don't need the fiction outlet any more. There was also this nagging doubt that if I ever wrote proper fiction (which I still toy with occasionally) somehow people would put the two together - the style being ropey prose, over use or cliches and no spelling checking (wink) - and they'd link my private life to my...ummm... tranny-life. Course, writing this blog has kinda blown that option! :-)

If you read any type of fiction a lot, themes do repeat and in many ways they do become cliched. I'm not disrespecting *all* of the TG fiction that's out there but like every genre - and to paraphrase Sturgeon's Law - that's because 90% of everything is crud.

Recycling Memes

A little while ago a certain IT news site ran an article asking if any blogger was capable of indipendant thought. Once you get past the 'cheeky b*stards' knee-jerk reaction there is a grain of truth of that. If you visit certain people blogs you (natch) pick up on what they're talking about. I'll be honest and say that moreoften I'm put off blogging about something that someone else has written about. Hell, they've already written about it and frequently, anything I add will simple be opinion rather than fact.

But... this week - and as you can see - things are a little different in that both Becky's radio piece got me thinking and, if I'm honest, Jo's blog article on captioned images, made me question certain things I've accepted as truths. Truths about being a tranny or just things about myself.

Going back to the bloggers-recycle statement earlier, how true is this? To look at things from another point of view; do we slate *all* of the media because it promotes discussion in the pub? Nah. What amuses me, is that sometimes the Press really get things wrong. Now, this'll sound a little crazy, but sometimes it almost reads as if they press do have it in for someone. What throws me is that the people I talk to (friends, workmates, etc) just don't have the same opinion at all. So what is going on here? Are the people that shape conversation so removed from what is really going on? There's an interesting thought. The concept that modern day life is in many ways influenced by a press who clearly do not have their finger on the pulse of modern life. I wonder what that'll do to the history books.

And finally...

Not that I'm knocking the media at all. You Brass Eye wannabes. :-) Welcome back Jo.

Monday, January 01, 2007

That was the year that was.

Ahhh... New Year's has been and gone. Happy new year everyone. I hope that 2007 is good for you. I wonder what trials and tribulations it will bring?

2006 was an interesting year. New houses and new jobs for most people I know, people
emigrating and (as this is a tgirl blog), I started going out to the support group in January. Has it only been 11 months? It seems like longer. There are parts of 2006 that have been hard, but on the whole, life has been good to me and my family. I know of a few people who've had it a lot harder than I have. For this, I am very grateful.

Going out has (understandably) caused friction on occasion. Equally, it has also brought me peace with myself and a new circle of friends. Perhaps it is true what psychologists say in the media: if you don't look after yourself, how can you look after anyone else? It's a hard truth that sometimes you need to put yourself in front of others. I don't like that, but if it means I can be all of me some of the time, I am not repressing. Sure, I have my moments of self doubt (see previous post), but on the whole, there is more good news than bad. Fingers crossed that 2007 is a good year.

At the risk of sounding like someone at an 'awards do', I'd like to say a big thank you to the people who take the time to organise the socials, forums and web sites (blogs too!) that we girls go to. They are a welcome respite.

Thanks for reading.
Lynn
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