Monday, July 16, 2007

"Tell me the truth..."

Following comments from Rachel and Chrissy (thanks girls), I got to thinking (as one does). I don't know about the rest of the blogging gang, but I come here to write and let off steam or to talk about things I cannot talk about with others. Like the rest of you I do have a life (no, really) outside of the wardrobe mirror, but I always hold back on what I post.

You see I have this fear that one day someone reading this will put 2 and 2 together and go 'Holy gender divergence Batman, that's [blah] from work/pub/school'. I know there is a risk in posting here, anyone who really knows me will see links between my trans-life (if that is a word) and my real life. It's not to say that trans thing isn't real, but I don't tell you everything. I don't say who I live with (although there are hints), what my other hobbies are (Ed: check your profile you numpty) or where I work. Of course, not having a photo (or two) online would probably help, but I'm a tranny and that's what we do. Crazy, I know. :)

My other 'thing' - or is it fear? - is my family and friends' right to privacy. I never mention there names, not because I don't care about them (I do dearly) but because I'd like to give them some anonymity at least. I know that kinda goes against point one, because if someone can guess who I am, they may know my social circle. Still, at least damage may be limited.

So, there you go. That's why I don't tell always tell you what I get up to outside of the TG microcosm. Perhaps this blog would be a little richer if it did. To someone outside of the TG world, perhaps it would give a better view on how we live. Most of the time I bumble along though life with the same fun and games as the next person, it's just that I have this element to me (like others do) that makes me think it's fun to dress up like a woman. Heh, it may even be a little more balanced because as this blog is so TG focused it makes me look very singular and yeah, while being TG is more about just clothes (as some of us know and accept) there is a little more to me than frocks, slap and a good night out with the girls.

[ Today's lyric - The Truth by Clawfinger. Always a hit at weddings that one. :) ]

12 comments:

  1. There are 101 reasons to write a blog - mine, for instance, acts in part as a coming-out diary, in part as a place to share some things I have collected, in part to do some autobiographical writing, in part as a desperate, and apparently failing, attempt to make people like me. There are more reasons, too.

    I'm not bothered about being discovered. Well, I don't want to reveal myself to my parents but I'm absolutely confident that when they find out it won't be through the internet. So I do write about my whole life and I do tell a lot. Eg if anyone knows Stevenage they should be able to tell exactly where I live from some of my flickr photos. And I'm not bothered if they do. But then my circumstances are a lot different from yours.

    It's not compulsory or even necessary to reveal all. What you do need to do, though, is look on any limitations in a positive way. One way might be to step back a little and think of Lynn as a character - as "Lynn". That doesn't mean you have to lie or fake or exaggerate - just be a bit more conscious that you are relaying "The Adventures of Lynn". Do you see what I mean? You don't have to change what you write about - just step back a bit from it and adjust your attitude towards it. Does that make any sense? I'm sure somebody else could explain it better. I suppose it's a bit like - well, remember when you were at school: it was generally easier - and the results much more creative - if you were given a specific assignment (eg imagine you're a visitor from Mars and you are here on the first day of school - what do you see and think) than an open-ended one (write about something you did on your summer holidays or worst of all, write about anything you like!).

    I'm with you about other people's privacy. When I write about events from 15,20,25 years ago I use first names only. It seems too long ago to make connections. With people I know now I ask permission. So I've named a couple of friends because they said I could. My sisters I haven't got around to asking so they are nameless at the moment. The two men in my life over the past year don't want me to name them - so I don't. I'm not bothered about other bloggers or people who write forum posts, though, as their names are already public of course.

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  2. Ah, the eternal question. Am I revealing too much of myeslf, or more importantly if I do will someone suss who Lynne's counterpart is?

    Of course, now I may have offended you by suggesting you're two different people, or may be that's the way you like to perceive yourself?

    Am I digging a hole here? I might just jump in and through to Flickr where I'll discover Stephanie's whereabouts, having lived in Walkern and then Fisher's Green during the early eighties.

    Damn, I can just see that sleuth, hot on my trail, placing the last pieces of the jigsaw into place.

    To spoil everything, on a more serious, note I hear lots of thought echoes on the subject of involving others in our "confessions". Aren't we a nice bunch, always thinking of others feelings, with a few notable exceptions, of course. ;)

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  3. Lynn

    There is an awful lot more to you than slap, frocks and a good night out.

    Hope to see you at Chams soon, in a frock or Trousers.

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  4. You must write what you want to, that's all I can say.
    And if that's just about Lynn, then go for it; my life is certainly richer for reading it (and no I'm not being sycophantic, I learn something from every blog I read)

    As you may recall I was 'outed' at work through my blog, with the fallout still descending even today. (The iodine tablets help but they can't control the mutation...)

    And as for privacy, well there's no such thing in this day and age. Project P415 Echelon has seen to that...

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  5. We always seem to have this need for something definitive in the answers we seek. Purposes change, but the answers remain elusive. Are we truthful enough? Do we have a right to privacy? Is privacy an excuse for being less truthful?
    The answers are always momentary, and always your own.
    I often say I don't worry about what other's think. But I also have relationships that might be impacted by what I do and how people perceived me can get transfered onto those I care about. No easy answer.
    It still doesn't really stop you from writing about what you feel. You just leave out specifics like names. If the sense of you in what you write rings true, then are you not giving the real you?

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  6. You leave the blog for a few days and it's comments galore. Not that I'm complaining!

    Steph > I was with you until paragraph 3. I think I need more coffee. :) Our lives are different and what is right for you (or me) is - as you say - not right for all. Hmmm... Adventures of Lynn. Maybes. I don't get up to a lot and I do try to look on the brightside of most events - I think it would be defeatest to let bad luck grind you down.

    Rachel > You've not offended me by suggesting that. To be honest, 'Lynn' is just a name - nothing more. I'm pretty much the same in bloke mode as tranny mode (okay, less glam). I remember a conversation with Daphne about 'integration' - (s)he said after battling with things for years, the thought struck her - why bother? I'll just be me rather than put on this tough male attitude. To be honest, I agree. Why keep things apart? It's too much like hard work.

    Anon > I'm guessing that's you Sandi :) Thanks for the kind words. Hope to see you all soon!

    Chrissy > Thanks, missus! There are blogs out there that help. Not just the 'how to do lippy' kinda thing, but by folk just being so damned *normal* about it. It reminds you - well me anyhoo - that there's more to life than this.

    Emma > Last but not least! :) I think I see what you're saying. If there was just me rather than the family (not that I'd ever want it that way) I think I would say "**** it all" and just be out. I keep things quiet for the sake of my family. Why should they be odd by association just because of my hobby?

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  7. "Why keep things apart? It's too much like hard work."

    Too right. Besides, I had a mate who knew about Rachel, and two young male employees asked him if I was gay. And that's with me just being me.

    Was it that they deemed I had "effeminate" ways or what? I don't know, but I was damned if I was going to change to fit in with their perceptions of how a man should speak and behave. TBH, I was a bit surprised, but then I just thought sod it this is me. Business as usual.

    Beter quit before I go into rant mode!

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  8. All I meant was that instead of focusing on what you can't say just make a virtue of what you can write about. Because often better writing comes from working within limitations than without.

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  9. > if I was gay

    Yup. Been there too. I wonder if gay men get 'but we thought you were a tranny'? ;-D

    > limitations.

    Indeed. Indeed. Time (or the lack of) can focus the mind.

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  10. "I wonder if gay men get 'but we thought you were a tranny'? "

    You'll have to do some research and ask a few. You'll just have to get out and about in those gay bars, Lynne. Off you go. :)

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  11. > Off you go. :)

    LOL. "But officer, I was just doing research!"

    Where? At the gay bar, gay bar, gaaay bar. :-)

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