Monday, April 23, 2007

"Anger is an energy."

Yesterday I felt rage. All day I could feel it building, simmering underneath the social veneer like an animal pacing against the bars of a cage. I don't like to be angry, it's not good for me. You say things you don't really mean and everyone gets hurt. I like calm; you can think things through rather than blurting out the first thing that roars from your subconscious.

It wasn't anything anyone had said to me, nor something I had or hadn't done. Just a combination of little events that when coupled together built into something less than pleasant. No, actually that's not really true. If I'm honest, I was angry because I couldn't help H. She was ill and she's had a hard run of it of late. I wanted things to go her way; wanted her to be well, not clapped out knackered and run down. But you can't will someone well can you? God knows I wanted that for my (late) sister, but that's not how the world works is it. Boy, am I not just a little ray of sunshine or what? :-)

I am now back to being calm. Calmed by the knowledge that H is going to be alright and that her condition will improve.

5 comments:

  1. Very cryptic, but sounds like good news in the end.

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  2. It was very good news and I'm sorry if it was a bit cryptic. Really, I should have written the post when the Muse was with me, not waiting until the wee hours. :)

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  3. "It was very good news"

    Good, I love happy endings. :)

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  4. I am so completely in tune with that narrative that it is scary. It seems to happen to me far more often than is good for me (or those around me).
    As for the feeling of helplessness when someone is ill, I really hate that too.

    Glad to hear H is on the mend though.

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  5. Thanks for your kind words, girls. Things are back on track.

    Sadly, I forget the source, but an author/comic wrote that the British are actually the most war-like race on the planet. He went on to say that it is only manners and strict social customs that keeps British society in check. Inwardly we seethe and boil, but provided we all play along (i.e.: queue nicely) we are the paragons of civility.

    Of Course, like a good lie, a good gag has a grain of truth in it. :)

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