Friday, December 28, 2007

"Time it goes so fast..."

A big festive hi!

I hope you're enjoying the holiday season. The last few days have gone by in a blur of visits to friends and family punctuated by too much yummy food and the obligatory gift exchange.

Xmas

I'm not one for New Year's Resolutions; really, if it's that important, just do it (Ed: today's sage advice is sponsored by Nike). That said, I think I need to start back on doing a bit more exercise and (maybe) cut down on the mountain of chocolate we got for Xmas.

Talking of getting things for Xmas - wow, was that seamless or what? - what did you get? I got some cool things. A couple of nice ties (clearly a Dad thing), some DVDs, music, etc. Oddly I did get 2 CDs filled with the names and addresses of most of the adult UK population. Not sure what to do with those. Maybe I'll eBay them. :-) H. was very chuffed with the clothes and posh make-up I got her (one of the advantages of having a tranny husband). The jewellery seemed to go down well too. Phew! Wee Man was over the moon with his toys- luckily I managed to find one particular toy at the very last minute - well, okay 3.58 on Christmas Eve. He was over the moon. Both of their reactions made the whole shopping slog and wrapping rush well worth it.

Ker-ching?

I see that the sales are on and that certain portions of the media - or Big Media to use the supposed blogging technospeak - have been 'bigging' these up. I dunno about the Winter Sales. I mean sure I love a bargain as much as the next girl (Ed: ummm - geezer?) but given the sack-like tops that were doing the rounds earlier in the year and the metallic / sequined dresses that were 'frock du jour', won't they all date terribly? Maybe it's a tranny thing, but I like my (female) clothes fitted. I need all the help I can get in getting way from the straight up and down boxy bloke shape I have - I really don't want to mask what (artificial) curves I have. Maybe I've been brainwashed by Gok - who can say? :-)

I wonder if the fashion bubble is in danger of getting pricked? I remember reading a fashionista's column the other month about the young lady's holiday and subsequent return to the UK. She said that she missed a number of key trends. She went on to say that 'missed' as in they came and went, not she mourned their passing. How can a trend be over in a month? That's one hell of a short shelf life. Funny the difference between men's and women's fashion! The piece certainly rang a few bells, as like most folk with two wardrobes to maintain, you only have a set amount of money available. It's picking the clothes that you'll get a couple of 'wears' out of that's the trick.

2008

This'll probably be it until the New Year kicks in, so I hope you all have a good one - whatever you are up to - and that the new year is kind to you.

Lynn
x

[ Lyric: The Bangles with Manic Monday ]

Friday, December 21, 2007

"It's Christmas at ground zero"

Hiya,

All sorted for the big event then? Here at Jones Towers we're pretty much done - except the fun that is the wrapping up.  :) However I have booked off pretty much all of the festive period on leave (Ed: "which was nice"), so this year it hasn't been much of a chore. Actually I better remind myself of that when I've got sellotape stuck to my fingers and I've just snagged the last bit of paper. Honestly, how many trees - ney, forests - must we got through as a nation? Good job we have a recycling bin for all the bits and bobs.

We've put a limit on the family stuff this year. Mainly because there's so many of us and also because - and let's face it - if you don't have it by now when you're an earning adult, do you really need it? I'm pretty much sorted for socks and pants and I really don't want a jumper (unless it's that little black shrug number from M & S. Unlikely :) ).

Is there anything you'd really like for Xmas? I'll skip on the World Peace gag (doh!) although....
  • A diary that lists the appointments that you shouldn't miss (birthdays, parties) and the ones you should (tedious meetings where you offer nothing and learn nothing).
  • A sat-nav that a) actually works and b) can find you a quick route away from the traffic.
  • The perfect (i.e.: flattering) pair of black trousers (hint: not bloke ones!)
  • Lippy that only wears off when you want it to... and not on the first wine glass you drink from.
  • Supportwear that doesn't cripple you and gives you a smooth physique. (Gok are you listening?)
  • A clock that does give you an extra hour in the day.
Joking aside, there's one thing - no, two things - I'd like for Christmas. One is to have a really good time with my family and the second is for you all to have the same. Thanks to all you people who took the time to read this blog over the year(s) and a 'big yourself up' to those that made this fun by posting your views and comments. I hope you have a very merry Christmas and a good New Year!

See you in 2008!

Good luck!
Lynn

[ Lyric: Weird Al's Christmas At Ground Zero. Let's put it this way, when the Outlaws - sorry, in-laws turn up - and the Jones crew assembles.... it's interesting. In that Chinese curse kinda way. Earplugs. Check. Asprin. Check. :) ]
x

Friday, December 14, 2007

"And these few precious days I'll spend with you..."

Hi there,

As per the English custom I feel I should first comment on the weather: blimey it's freezing. No, literally, it is zero degrees at the mo. Sure, we've a way to go until the UK reaches some of the scarier lower temperatures that the US and other northern climes do... but I was glad of my thermal leggings today :-)

More tea?

But enough about the weather eh? I was going to go for the lyric "no cure for the itch" (answers on a postcard if you know the track) which normally would be the case with dark nights and wanting to dress up. It's funny - and also quite useful - that I'm not feeling that 'itch' right now.

Sure, I still look at clothes while pushing the buggy about and I did feel a slight twinge as H. got ready for a night out with the girl's earlier in the week. Still, it's nice to step away from the whole dressing up thing once in a while. I've had my fun (Xmas party) and I've been out most of the year too.  

It's good just to pop out with the girls (so to speak) for a cup of tea and a chat (complete with perhaps the youngest person to visit the group [wink]). No need to get fully dolled up and all the fun and games that involves. Sometimes it is enough just to be with like minded friends.

I do wonder if it - the going out - will get less as the kid's get older. Who can say and really, should I worry? Worrying about it isn't going to stop it happening and so far so good.

The Press

Talking of opportunities, Sandi posted a message from the media who were looking for TG folk to interview for a 'positive view' on transgenderism. Out of curiosity, I replied. Hell, it's only an email and I was interested to find out more.

You do get the odd TG focused article in magazines / the papers and some are better than others. I offered my story - such that it is - because maybe TG folk out there struggling a little may find that it's not all bad news.

It's not about fame and fortune, it's about getting a message out there that being a tranny is not always bad. Bad for the individual or their partner. Sure, there are difficult moments, but that's life. It wouldn't be 'good' if it wasn't 'bad' from time to time. Blimey, sage wisdom eh? Guess I've had too many fortune cookies this week. :)

So armchair pop wisdom aside. the gig is off. The deal says the journo is this: no photo, no story. Uh-uh. Nope. Family privacy. That's my deal... and as the Transporter says: Rule #1. Never change the deal. :-) 

Best be off, Little Miss wants a bottle.... of milk before you wags make a gag about 'gin' :-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Lyric: September Song by The Young Gods ]

Friday, December 07, 2007

"Look at you now, look at you then, see how you will be"

Howdy,

Hi everyone out there in t'interweb land. All sorted for Xmas yet? I braved the shops the other day (with assistance from Little Miss - who slept through it - bless!) and got a few more gifts for all and sundry. I was amused to hear Radiohead's No Alarms being played in one of the shopping malls. It's a great track and makes a change from the usual Xmas numbers they wheel out every year. Clearly, if you want to retire in a good Rock & Roll home, right a popular Christmas track!

With our new arrival I do find myself thinking more about the future. Or rather, the kids' future. What will the world be like when they grow up? What's the 'next big thing' after the Internet? Are we - humanity - at the height of our game (as some suggest) or can we go further? What will they be like? Sometimes I have fleeting daydreams of the kids grown up - well, in teenage dirtbag / goth-esq mode anyhoo. I also wonder if they may want kids? Who can say. I just hope we're around to find out.

"Dad! We're not goths - that sooo 19th cen!! Can I have three euros for the bus...? Please!!" :-)

From a me-me-me point of view I never imagined I'd be where I am now. Married? Possibly although I doubted anyone would want a gent with *ahem* certain a hobby. Luckily, I've been proven wrong and things are going great. Job-wise I kinda blundered into what I do professionally but I could have done a lot worse. For all the occasional moaning I may do, I quite like my job and the people I work with are a good bunch. Socially, I get out to see friends and I still have 'me time' despite family commitments. Hell, I still manage the odd trip out in tranny mode...

BTW, 'en femme'. Some folk like the term, some hate it. Do you think the French say: "la semaine dernière je suis sorti 'like a bird'"? :-) PS: blame BabelFish for the translation - my French is terrible!

Have a good weekend!

[ Lyric: The Devil You Know by Jesus Jones ]

Friday, November 30, 2007

"Can't you understand,
Oh, my little girl"

Hi folks,

How's tricks?

It's been a bit quiet on the blogging front this, my apologies for not replying to the comments some of you where kind enough to leave. I've got a good excuse tho - even better than "my dog ate my router" :-)

Earlier in the week we (the Jones crew) had a new arrival. Little Miss (no real names, it's faker than stick on nails in here) joined the world. Mum and little one are all well. Wee Man seems to be coping with the change in household activities - bless him.

Little Miss is very cute (but then I would say that) and is currently asleep on my knee. It's funny but when I look at her I wonder what the future holds. Lots of good things I hope.

Righto. I better go put a bottle on as she's getting antsy. :-)

Take care,
Lynn

[ Lyric: Depeche Mode's Enjoy the Silence ]

Friday, November 23, 2007

"We're going to dance,
and have some fun!"

Hey y'all,

Short Version

Xmas party. Good company. Good food. A bit of dancing. Obligatory photo shoot. My feet hurt. :)

Long Version

What an excellent night last night was! I arrived a bit late, but not before the do was in full swing. Handing over the party music CD, I also got to hand over a few Xmas cards. After that it was upstairs to get gorgeous (personally, I blame Boots :) ). Unusually for me I've actually got some photos of the night and thanks to Sandi for being 'Davina Bailey'.

Accordingly to Val, I was doing a very good impression of a goth in a bin liner.... which made me laugh. It was a toss up between the little red dress or the slightly more 'on trend' sequined black number I had on. It was certainly cooler than the red dress (Ed: isn't that a Sugababes lyric?) so I didn't *ahem* glow as much as last time. :)

After being fleeced for money for the raffle - in which I did rather well in avoiding having to pick any prizes - it was on to a bit of nosh (top marks to the in-house caterers!), some socialising and then a bit of a boogie. To be honest, it was pretty much a repeat of some of the tunes from last time, but they seemed to go down well enough then as now.

We had a good turn out and it was nice to meet up and say hi to Rachel (fabby dress, BTW). Famous guests eh? :) Y'know I'm still not sure what the etiquette is for meeting TG people you know. A handshake doesn't seem right - too formal? - but the continental air-kiss thingy seems a bit forward. Well, no-one slapped me so I'm guessing the latter wasn't too bad! :)

I hope that everyone else had a good a time out there as I did!

PS:

When I woke up this morning, I had a bit of back ache and my feet hurt a little. It raised a smile as I thought about how I'd ended up with the odd twinge. Perhaps not all pain is bad pain. :)

Take care and have a good weekend!
Lynn
x

[ Lyrics: Groove is in the Heart by Deee-Lite (sing it, baby!) :D ]

Wednesday, November 21, 2007

"But I couldn't wait, to party"

Hey there,

Coo, a midweek post. What could this be about? Luckily, nothing scary. Tomorrow is the Chameleons's Christmas do. Yes, I *know* we're not into December just yet, but trannys can't be choosers can they. I have my outfit planned - I even managed a quick dry run - and with a smile from Lady Luck, yes Cinders, you shall go to the ball. Bring on the poptastic MP3s and heels you can just about dance in! :)

For those about to (f)rock, we salute you!

Hope to see you there,
Lynn
x

[ Lyric: Girls Aloud's Long Hot Summer. I begin to wonder if in fact the Girls Aloud lyrics are in fact some type of belief system for tranny life. :) ]

Friday, November 16, 2007

"On they fight, for they are right, yes, but who's to say?"

Hiya,

How you keeping? Good?

Charity

For those of you outside the UK, tonight is the annual BBC charity, Children in Need. There's a lot of folk asking for money these days. For Africa, for the homeless, for the elderly. The list of people who need help seems to be endless. I don't give to all causes but I do when I have an emotional attachment to (if that makes any sense).

In my 20s I'd find the whole TV charity + entertainment thing a bit cheesy and I had little time for it. Fast forward a few years (Ed: you mean a decade and the rest) and life has given me a few curve balls. Life is precious and it seems - and if you'll forgive the cliche - the one thing you can be certain of is uncertainty. You really don't know what could happen to you the next day. Unemployment, death, homelessness, etc. It's very easy to slip from the have, to the have not.

Dark thoughts aside, I do think I'm lucky. I'm lucky to be here, to have a family, to have my heath and not to live in fear. I don't worry about where my next meal is coming from and I don't have to walk 5 miles to get water (as Tracey might say). I live in a time where my skills are actually useful, God only knows what I'd have done if computers hadn't have been invented. I have minor blips, but really, I have it easy. So, faced with a few spare bob in my pocket, I do hand it over to people who'd aren't quite a lucky as I am. It's not much, but if we all gave a little, it may help someone.

Last week there was a 2 minute silence to on Remembrance Sunday. I was driving along at the time, but I flicked off the CD and put on the radio. Somewhat ironic really, putting the radio on to listen to the silence. I found it rather haunting. None of the recent generations of Jones have been to war (we're all very engineery. Bombs, tanks, radio, WMDs, Office 2003, etc) but I do remember visiting my Gran's Dad's grave in France. All those crosses lined up. It was a warm day, a cheery blue sky, but the place had real weight to it. I won't say 'ghosts' because that wasn't the feeling... it was more that under each cross, someone had died. Some one's dad, brother or son. Funny, but that image comes to me whenever I see news items about Iraq... or when I see an advert for the military. I suppose it's easy to sit here and say 'war is bad' - but then from the other angle, what if it's your only choice. Again, we're back to luck. Maybe I'll never need to make that choice.

Outfit

On a slightly cheerier note, I popped into the newly done up Asda earlier in the week. I picked up a few bits and bobs for the Xmas Do. Hopefully I've got my outfit sorted out now. With a bit more luck - and no last minute surprises (sssh - more on that next time) - I shall go to the ball. I hope it's as good as last years.

Stay safe,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: For Whom the Bell Tolls by Metallica. ]

Friday, November 09, 2007

"We plan all kinds of fabulous things"

Hi non-specific genderforms, :)

How's you? All good I hope.

Life seems to be picking up speed at the mo. Lots of things happening at home and at work at the moment. It's making the days fly by. I'm sure Xmas will soon be upon us. I'm surprised that the year has gone so fast.

Poor Mrs Jones wasn't 100% yesterday, so loving husband that I am, I bailed on my trip out to Chams and stayed in to keep an eye on her. It's funny how the 'drive' takes you really. Some weeks you really need to get dolled up and go out with the girls. Other times, like yesterday luckily, I could take it or leave it. I'm not bored with going, far from it, indeed I try to go when I can because you never know if Something Big (tm) may come along and you have you leave all your glad-rags (and the handbags?) stashed away until next month. So, I still haven't tried that new mascara, but there's time yet eh? Some minor news is that I bought some stick-ins heel grips for my posh heels (very office-y) and now they don't slip off. A tranny has to have shoe variety y'know :)

Talking of socialising, the Chams Christmas Do isn't far away. Given the commitments to work and otherwise, we have our Xmas party a little earlier in the year. I'm not complaining, it gives you chance to make a slot in your diary and you're less likely to clash with the school play or a works outing. To those of you fairly local, do you think you may pop along? I'm hoping I'll be able to make it this year as the last one was a blast. I had a crack at designing a ticket for the group, but I've just found out we're not using them this year. Maybe I should stick to providing the music! :) Music - like comedy - is a very personal thing and while I may have a great night dancing away to 80s pop, you have to try and make sure that you cater for more than just yourself... apparently. :)

That's my personal guff out of the way. Sorry there are no deep insights into the soul this evening, but you can't have it all can you. Besides, everyone needs a night off once in a while! Perhaps it's a good thing not having to sit navel gazing and searching your soul for your raison d'être. Perhaps it means I'm content. Hell, I sure don't ponder why I love chocolate so much :) Contentment; contentment is good.

[ Lyric: Bombs by Faithless ]

Friday, November 02, 2007

"Moonlight and music and love and romance..."

Howdy y'all,

Good week? I hope so.

Customer Service

Earlier the week I returned some shoes that I'd bought from a well known high street shop (they just didn't fit right). I'd had them in the cupboard for over a month, so really they didn't have to give me my pennies back - just a credit note. Anyhoo, the young lady behind the counter and I got talking - just about complete nonsense while the supervisor rang her back. A polite manner and a smile seemed to do the trick and she was kind enough to skip on the credit note and splash the cash. That was rather handy as it went towards some new foundation from Boots. BTW, no news on the Boots 360 degree mascara, I've not had a change for a test drive yet.

Celebrations

There must be something in the air for November. Firstly, Becky and Jane got married (good luck you two lovebirds!) then I read that Penny had celebrated 25 years of marriage with her lovely wife. To paraphrase what Penny wrote, it's not possible to distill the 'story so far' down into one blog post. For H & I - hmmm, sounds like a shop (Ed: No, that's H & M you n00b) - it'll be 10 lovely years. We've laughed, we've cried but there have been many more good times than bad ones.... The TG thing didn't go down too well (it could have been worse!), but we worked through it. Here's to many more decades together!

PS: Yes, I did buy her something to mark the occasion, and yes I did deliberate of what for sometime. But, I'm a tranny, so sometimes I have a little more clue than your average Joe as to what H likes. Let's just say diamonds *are* a girl's best friend. :)

On that note of high camp, I'm outta here. Take care!

[ Lyric: Nat King Cole (although others have had a go) with Let's Face The Music And Dance ]

Friday, October 26, 2007

"Guaranteed and bonafide,
a genuine white knuckle ride"

All aboard? :)

I'll skip the usual noise about 80 mph weeks - it's getting to be passe isn't it? :) I must confess I've had just a wee bit too much whisky this evening, so I would like to apologise for any inanity that may spring forth. Blimey, tipsy and in charge of a keyboard. Oh the shame of it! (Ed: Stay with us Lynn. Don't do an Amy on us).

Donald, where's your trousers?

Thursday I was out at Chams and it was great just to meet up with the girls for a bit of a chat. No disco lights or quiz of the week this time. Just good company and a chance to be a little bit more glamours that usual. I wore my new trousers - yes, trousers (so sue me) - new heels (New Look), plain white top and my favourite long blue wrap cardy. Okay, so while I did have black trousers on, they were bootleg velvet ones. Not exactly your typical bloke trooz. It's kinda fun experimenting with different looks. Despite charging the camera and putting it on the hall table, I forgot to put it in my bag. You'll just have to take my word for it that it did all happen. :-)

Uniformity

Talking of 'looks' I was in town on Thursday and I was surprised to see another key 'uniform' amongst young women. It made me smile for a few reasons. Firstly, the look is quite late 80s - short denim skirt, boots and black opaque tights. What made me smile is that as a teenage boy I really wanted that look. Now that they've come back in, I'm not bothered. I guess I focus more on what women my age wear.

It's not like I have a whole wodge of cash to blow on clothes, but I try to avoid anything too transient. It's not like I can shell out for new clothes just because the fashionistas say so. I think it's important not be too out of fashion, but some trends can be safely ignored as they just flash by.

The Smoke

I had a bit of a trip down memory lane the other week. I was sat in traffic with the window down watching the autumn leaves tumble through the sky. The soft scent of woodsmoke floated into the window, I think someone was having an early bonfire. I've blogged (is that a word?) about memory and smells before and as with that incident, the smell took me back to my childhood. Cold nights, a warm fire, cinder toffee and sparklers. Funny how just one scent can trigger so many memories.

Xmas XS!

Sandy was saying that the Chams Christmas do may need to be re-scheduled and I'm cool with that. I think that it's important to make sure that plenty of people can come along! If you're planning on visiting us, please do keep an eye on the Chameleons web site.

[ Today's lyric is Twenty four minutes from Tulse Hill by Carter, the Unstoppable Sex Machine. ]

Wednesday, October 24, 2007

"The time has come to make your break.."

A rare midweek post today. The other day I caught this little nugget in the paper: "...more kids who are cross-dressers and who, Penn says brightly, 'are triggering a large, new tolerance movement in schools and communities'."

It's from Microtrends by Mark Penn and I am rather curious as to where he gets the information for that. Subject to time - and perhaps a burst of sudden activity - I may have a flick through Penn's book on the subject. Sadly the on-line article doesn't give any more detail on the quote. However, in addition to Rachel's comments on a previous post - which you may be able to summarise into 'tranny good news' - I think this wee phrase fits into that category nicely.

So, not only do we - TG folk that is - have a growing on-line presence which I am hopeful gives people help and courage to find themselves a little sooner, but it also looks like the next generation are just getting out there are doing it. How cool is that? Go, go TG Rangers! :-D

[ Lyric: Swing Out Sister's Breakout ]

Friday, October 19, 2007

"Does it imitate us or do we imitate it?"

Hi folks,

Winter's drawing in eh? The nights are getting dark and blimey has it been cold in the mornings. Still, truth be told, I actually prefer the autumn. To start with it's not baking hot and if you're lucky, the weather's just right for a spot of walking (or biking). If you're cold you can always warm up with a good cup of tea, coffee or hot choccy. Then there's the whole run up to Xmas thing going on... and I don't just mean the party outfits either. :-)

Last weekend I caught a programme on Channel 4's upcoming 25th birthday. To be honest, it seems like C4 has pretty much always been there. I do remember the first broadcast and it was a bit of an event (I'm from the sticks, we'd only just stopped pointing at aircraft).

Older readers - actually do I have any young readers? :) - will remember there was just 3 TV channels back then. Seems kinda crazy with the wall to wall TV that we have now. Not to mention the Internet, time shift' PVRs that some of us now have and the sheer number of DVD rental companies on the go.

But I'm drifting off-topic. C4 ran programmes that the other side (Ed: she means 'channels') wouldn't run. Saturday Night Live, The Comic Strip Presents, Coming Next, etc: lots of the new Alternative Comedy movement that seemed to burst on to our screens. Ironically, the old guard of Alternative Comedy are now the cosy 50 somethings of mainstream telly. But there you go. (NB: Beeb 2 had The Young Ones, Alexi Sayle's Stuff and a few others. However, it seemed C4 was first... but I've been wrong before).

Damn... drifted off again. I will really get to the point this time. Promise :) In my pre-teens and obviously in my early teens, my tranny genes switched on. It was about that time that C4 started to show 'Out on Tuesday'. For those of you who never caught it, it was a gay magazine programme - cunningly shown on a Tuesday - and it, at least from my sheltered middle-class rural whiteboy upbringing, reported on gay news, issues gay folk faced and also their lifestyle.

To be honest, part of the reason I watched it was in the hope that maybe they'd be something on trannys too, and once in a while there would be the odd bit here and there. As the majority of trannys are straight (Ed: shock! horror! probe...) they didn't feature that heavily in a programme for gay folk. But each time they'd be something on TG folk, I felt a little less isolated.

But it was only part of the reason, I found the whole thing rather fascinating. My schoolmate's gags about 'poofs' had never sat easily with me. I mean, really, there are more important things to worry about than if your best mate likes blokes. I wonder if the programme seemed strangely exotic: the places where far away from my sheltered rural life and perhaps it was the confidence that a lot of those folk had in who they were that I found appealing. Who can say. It was a long time ago.

What I'll close on, if I may, is that I'm thankful to C4 for showing this programme and to the people brave enough to take part. They didn't have to show it but in it's hay-day it did make a difference.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Disposable Heroes of Hiphoprsy's Television, The Drug of a Nation. ]

Friday, October 12, 2007

"I got a reason for the devil inside you know"

Hey-ya,

Hooray, it's the weekend. Blimey, it doesn't seem five minutes since I was last at this keyboard emptying my head into Blogger.

It's been a strange old week. Firstly, I've been out and about (through work, sadly not socially) which in some ways was great. I got out of the office and got to stretch my legs. The downside was there was a bit of travel involved which meant a few long days. Still, as I said, it's good to get out.

I got a spot of shopping done too. I managed to find a nice coat seeing as the nights are drawing in. I had a choice between a red double breasted number and a longer greenish more fitted number with the traditional row of buttons. I went for the latter. With a bit of luck, maybe I'll be able to throw an outfit together for a test run.

Oh, I also tried some stick on nails from Kiss (available from Boots for about 6 quid). They go on and come off quite nicely. While they do stand out - but not in a Wolverene kinda way - a quick bit of filing would help.

Headspace

Through some bad double booking on my part, I didn't manage to get to NottsChams this week (boo-hiss!). With the 'tranny want' waxing and waning, I was surprised to find myself so - what's the word? - disappointed. I think that's the closest I can get to it. It's really odd and while I wasn't really 'mad for it' (so to speak) I did feel very let down that I had to stay in.

Now, this is one of the things I find very strange about being a tranny. Some folk say that it's all about sex. To be honest with you, I struggle with this one. It's not that some parts of the TG lifestyle aren't a bit of a turn on, but I'd be lying to you if I said I - and excuse the frank language - had the horn each time I looked at skirt or put on an item of female clothing.

So why is it that I felt like I did? Surely it must go deeper than that? Is it all just about sex and I was narked because I missed my thrill? Are we, humans that is, that shallow? I'd like to think not.

Wake up Neo

Those of you with no interest in computers may wish to skip this next bit. :)

Regular readers may recall that my computer gave up the ghost the other week. Anyhoo, some new shiny bits arrived the other day and after an hour or two of reading the fine manual (RTFM!) and staring at the gubbins, I realised the reason why it wouldn't start up. I'd missed the power connectors. Doh! Once connected fully, the system leapt into life and off we go again. The new system is nice and quiet. The last one was too noisy. Seemingly a common problem for PCs these days. 

Nothing out of the ordinary so far though eh? Well, I've pretty much been a Windows user since Win 3.x (although I missed 98 and went to NT, but that's another story). Okay, I use Linux at work, but that's all headless server stuff. With the main computer only just back online, I've been using the test machine on which I'd slapped Linux on earlier. No special reason other than I wanted to see what's new and groovy with it. What's odd is that now I've put Windows on the main system and... I kinda miss Linux. It was quite easy to use and although I had a few teething problems with it, it just worked. "Which was nice" :)

Now, where did I put the partitioning software?

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyrical donor; the mighty PWEI. ]

Friday, October 05, 2007

"It's astounding, time is fleeting,
Madness takes its toll"

Howdy partners,

Good week? I hope so.

It's been another frantic week. Still, everyone's alive and we're all in good nick. I had a little windfall the other day. A vendor (no names) sent me some vouchers after I'd completed a couple of their on-line questionnaires. A couple of quids worth of vouchers to spend on the high street can't be bad. Something for Mrs Jones and something for me. Good stuff.

Apologies to those of you who like their Jones Diary in small chunks because I'm back to the Friday night braindump. Sheesh. Time: family, work and hobbies. Discuss. :)

A moment of clarity?

The other day I was out of town - again on business (shucks) - and I was wandering from another faceless city car park to the meeting. I had one of those 'moments'. I slowed my pace and just stood taking the whole scene in. It's been a while, but the bird within (no, I hadn't eaten a sparrow) surfaced and I was struck by the compulsion to come back for a day of girlie shopping. Girlie? Lady? Well, tranny shopping to be more accurate, but you get my drift. I think the push at work means I want more 'Lynn time' if that makes any sense at all. Still, inner goddess (/irony) in check, I headed off for Death by Powerpoint.

On the way back I stopped for a quick look around. While I was there I spotted that Debenhams had in Clinique's concealer for men. What's this? Make-up for men? Pssft. Men in make-up. It's not right you know. :) Intrigued, I went and tried some. Now truth be told, I did need some new concealer as my old one is running low. I tried both, the lady's and the men's version and if I'm honest, the men's one wasn't half bad. Strangely, it was considerably cheaper and the coverage was pretty good. Okay, so it's not YSL, but I was impressed. The lady behind the counter was also very helpful. Whoever's training these folk in Debenhams is doing a damned fine job with us TG customers.

Warp factor 9

Over at Jessica's blog, Jessica was saying how tired she seems to be these days. I don't know about you guys, but frequently I'm not physically tired, just mentally spent. What is it with the modern lifestyle? Why do we seem to be rushing from one activity to the next? Is it technology that's done this or have we done it to ourselves?

Just after the ice retreated, people started using typewriters. Any mistakes on those beauties and you had to repeat it or reach for the correction fluid. If you wanted copies, well, yup: another re-type if you forgot the carbon paper. At some point, some bright spark invented the photocopier and a bit later, the word processor and printers. So, if we can churn out X number of documents in faborama DTP-tastic format in such a short amount of time, how come we don't get more time off? I mean you don't even have to wait for the post do you (mind you, it is on strike); e-mail sends things in a jiffy.

I wonder how much more accelerated we'll become. I've read that people have been working on drugs (no, not like that) that'll let you carry on with very little sleep. Crikey. I wonder what that'll do to society. Best not dwell on that one. Work. It's the British disease. :)

Take care
Lynn

[ Oh yes. One more thing - as Columbo would say - today's lyric is (of course) from The Timewarp. ]

Friday, September 28, 2007

"You can dance, you can jive, having the time of your life"

Hey Cool Cats,

How's tricks?

Blimey what a storming night the party was the other night! Given that we had so many birthdays this month, the group decided on having a bit of a do (as they say locally). The theme was Blitz & Glitz - so cue 40s swing tunes and a bit of Glenn Miller.

I'd thought about getting a 40s outfit together but really I didn't have anything that was that suitable. In the end, I opted for my old (90s) red party dress, the trusted black lacy cardy (looks better than it sounds) and my dancing shoes.

Sandi & co had provided a very cool looking birthday cake - complete with pink heels. That cake, not Sandi that is. That was a fabby chocolate number and very tasty it was too. Anne-Louise & Tina had provided disco lights which helped set the party mood. Annime was kind enough to give me (and the other birthday birds) a choccy bar. This was completely unexpected and very gratefully received! I must have been 21 again (Ed: pants on fire!) because Sandy handed over a key to the cupboards. Ooo, inner circle eh? Clearly all that table stacking has paid off. I'll be hunting for biscuits later in the week. ;-)

After a bit of a chat, some snap (Ed: she means some food) and some more cake, we cranked the MP3s up and we had a bit of an 80s /90s disco. Okay, so I did have to dance on my own (Ed: bloody show off) but after a while a few ladies joined in. And before you ask, yes we did dance around the handbags for a laugh. Oh the irony. :-) It was nice to see a few new faces - both TG folk and partners.

I now sit her typing this up listening to the same tunes as last night with fond memories; people having a good time and smiles all around. Good times indeed. I have a slight twingle of back ache from dancing in heels, but it's good pain right?. :) Honestly, it's probably the most fun I've had with my clothes on for some time.

Useless bird that I am, I didn't get any photos off so we'll have to see what other folks managed to shoot. Stay tuned on the Chams forum for information. :)

[ No prizes for guessing today's lyric. :) ]

Friday, September 21, 2007

"But you're knock knock knocking again, boy"

Hiya,

How's you? Good I hope. Me? Oh, I'm good.... Glad it's the weekend that's for sure. This week has gone by in a flash. I'm pretty sure I can remember Monday and after that it's a blur of events. So, what's been going off?

To start with, I got a year older... at least physically. That was nice. :-) Jelly, ice-cream and a sing-song around a cake. All good stuff. Cards, family time and some lovely presents.

My t-powers [/irony] seem to be building back up, so I did what most tranny folk do: I went shopping. I managed to find two new pairs of fabby new heels - although I've yet to give them a road test (Ed: that'd be an interesting Top Gear). I had my eye on trying some skinny jeans, but as the fashion mantra suggests, if you were old enough to wear it the first time around: think twice. Well, I tried them on because I've seen a few ladies about town looking very cool in them. However, they're not to be for me. To start with, most places I went into didn't do a long enough leg. Those that did, well, they didn't do much to flatter my shape (such that it is). Maybe I'll try some bootlegs next time around. Talking of clothes that don't flatter - high waisted trousers are (back) in.

Besides a few things to wear I popped into Boots to pick up one of those make-up DVDs they've been giving away. There was also some nice stay-put lippy + sparkly gloss from Maybelline, so I picked up one of those too. Seeing as the DVDs were free, I picked up two spare ones in case anyone from NottsChams wants a copy.

On a slight sad note, my computer has just karked it (so this post is thanks to the very old 333 running Linux). Righto, best get the screwdriver and the backup disks out.

Take care,
Lynn

[ Lyric from Girls Aloud Sexy (No No No). Discotastic? Gloriously kitsch? Yeah! Yeah! Yeah! :-) ]

Wednesday, September 19, 2007

"Movements come and movements go"

The summer sun slips into an early bed, the chill autumn evening replacing it. With the darkness, desires and thoughts creep into the minds of men. Thoughts and wants alien to their brothers. They begin to need. To want. Stealing themselves they find the cupboard and pull back the door. The items of their obsession peak out, tantalising; promising of times away from the normal world.

Welcome, to the unreal world of the transvestite. No-one can be told what it is to be a tranny, they must experience it for themselves. :-)

[ Lyric from Rage Against the Machine's Wake Up.]

Friday, September 14, 2007

"I'm a professional cynic but my heart's not in it"

Hi peeps,

Another week rolls by eh? No blog post from last week as I was away on a jolly (and very nice it was too!). I've got a fair big of blogging to catch up on (other peoples, not mine) and I wonder what you good folk have been up to.

Despite the warm weather, the nights are now drawing in and that, of course, can only mean one thing. Okay, more than one thing, a) it'll be colder, b) they'll be more lights on and c) tranny season will soon be upon us. It also means that Autumn fruits (no, the other sort) will be ready now. Apples, blackberries, etc. Yum!!

This month's glossies are showing off the new Autumn fashions and the ladies at work have been quick to adopt some of these looks (despite the warmth of the air conditioning). Today I saw a young lady in shoes that'd make your average tranny wince. Yes, they were *that* high and very pointy (they made my feet hurt just thinking about them). Clearly, this season, it's good to be a bloke in a dress. Hems and heels are high while tights are dark and legs are long. :-)

That all said, last night was the forth (maybe even the fifth?) time in a row that I've been out to NottsChams in Bob mode. I don't know if it's a weather thing, or just that I've hit a plateau where I'm happy just to go a long for a chat. Sure, I don't get to glam it up, but that said, I can just jump in the car and go home. There's no half hour of deprincessing at the end which is kinda a good thing. 

In other news - sorry, if today's post is a bit me-me-me, it'll be my birthday next week and my lovely wifey and family have asked me what I'd like. Honestly tho.... I couldn't think of anything. Actually, that's not strictly true, perhaps I couldn't think of things I'd like *them* to buy me. :-) I really must get my finger out and go see what's in the shops. Talking of birthdays, there seems to be a gaggle of them next time at NottsChams. What it is about September birthdays and TGism? Coo, there's a worrying trend eh? :-)

Take care
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric is the Britpop-tastic Blur - is it me or is this getting more Smashie & Nicey by the week? - with Country House. Hmmm... lifesized Mousetrap. Could be a winner for the Chams' Xmas do! :-) ]

Friday, August 24, 2007

"She's got herself a universe gone quickly"

Hi peeps,

It's been warp factor 5 this week. I think we all have times like these. Times where the clock seems to tick away and you're always behind, dashing to complete a task and then zooming off to be somewhere else. I'm just glad it's a long weekend.... and fingers crossed for some good weather eh? :-)

I've been tagged by Emma over this 8 questions thingy. So, on with the facts:

  1. Shall we start with the numbers? I'm 34 (Carter USM territory )

  2. I'm a parent. For a long time I thought I wouldn't be, but it's great. Difficult, yes, sometimes, but fun.

  3. I'm a Virgo.... which makes my head rule my heart. Obviously not quite enough
    to make me discount astrology completely though. :-)

  4. I'm part English, Scots and a little bit Irish. Ironically - given my surname
    - I've no Welsh blood.

  5. I went to an all boys grammar school (boy, did I fit right in!).

  6. I used to be a role player. (2D6 Orc trannys. Treasure type C).

  7. I'm a fast typist (my first job was in a secretarial pool. Hmmm... sounds
    like some iffy tranny fiction doesn't it!)

  8. I used to have very long hair but now I have a skin head.
There you go; 8 facts all about little old me. So, who can I pass this one on to? Ummm... in alphabetical order: ChrisieJessica, Jo, Maddie, Pandora, Rachel, Samantha and (last but not least) Sandi.

I hope you have a good weekend and over to you good people!

[ Today's lyric is from Queen Madge - sorry, Madonna, and Ray of Light ]

Friday, August 17, 2007

"Praise you..."

Hi peeps,

This is my third attempt at a blog tonight. The previous two attempts I found that I had run dry of things to talk about. I could blame it on work, but that wouldn't be 100% true. Some days, you don't have anything you want to get off your chest. I guess I'm just having a tranny duvet day.

I thought I'd catch up with what other folk have been up to. I headed into Chrissy's blog (which is always good for a read) and I was.... [sighs] here words begin to fail me. I appreciate that that's a bit melodramatic, but stay with me. I tell you what, why don't you go and read what happened and if you like, come back.

No really. Off you go. This'll make more sense if you do. It's not like this is going to evaporate.

Back huh? I felt shock first but now it seems to simmering into righteous anger. I must resist the urge to rant, but, no ***k it: I f***ing despise this pack mentality thing that some people have going on. Picking on people who are different or abusing those who know or who are related to that person... It is wrong.

People like Chrissy make it easier for the rest of us. They dare to do it FULL TIME, not the occasional swish down a far away shopping centre or a dash from the car to a nightclub. I'd like to point out that it's not about labels, it's about people just have the right to be who they need to be.

Sometimes I feel like there is a war going on. A war against the stupid, the ignorant and the bigots. Of course, in a war, there are casualties. Some of us pay very dearly for fighting who we want to be. The lucky ones - people like me and perhaps even yourself - float through life and never see that conflict.

Chrissy, if you're reading this, I'm so sorry it had to be you and yours.

Lynn
x

[ No points today for guessing the title is from Fatboy Slim's track of the same name. Oddly, it's also from Camille Yarbrough's Take Yo Praise. I seem to recall that the subject of that song was Martin Luther-King (but I've been wrong before). Hmmm... Civil rights. ]

Friday, August 10, 2007

"I hear the roar of a big machine,
Two worlds and in between."

Hi,

Blimey, where did the week go? I'm pretty sure I remember Monday coming around quite quickly and then everything else is a bit of a blur. Sorry today's post is a bit of a long one. Like last month's rain, the words just kept on coming.

Talking of the weather, the summer seems to have finally arrived in the UK. This is a rather nice change from the water and floods of yestermonth. Mind you, we got off quite lightly round here compared to certain areas of the country. I was talking to a chap down in Gloucester the other day and he was still waiting for the water to be declared safe.

I nipped out to visit Chams the other night and I had a very nice time. The weather being what it was, I just wasn't in the mood for all the finery so I went in bob mode (for a change). It's kinda weird doing that because when you go dressed up, it's a bit like a disguise in a way. Last time I went I got changed back in to bloke gear before leaving and one of the new ladies thought I was the caretaker. Perhaps it was the overalls and brush I had with me, but joking aside, there is I think quite a difference between the two appearances (Ed: bloody understatement!). It's odd because when you see yourself dressed up, you can look through the clothes (so to speak) and see the person underneath. Others, on the other hand, see the full display as it where and don't always make that leap.

Sadly Nottingham Pride didn't go quite as well for the group. While we did manage to get a leaflet together, we ran short of people to man the stall. I'm not going to grumble about it because it's one thing to be out and about, but quite another to front a stall for the general public. I guess we come back to that old mantra, don't ask anyone to do something you wouldn't do yourself. Maybe the leaflet can be re-used [shrug]. Perhaps I should put it on the web site as a PDF. Some to mull over the weekend.

Tranny Handbook?

Talking of help, Becky posted a piece on her blog about young trannys asking for advice. I think it's a bit of a tough one. Advice on what exactly? Dressing up tips? Coping strategies? How to dance in heels? Hell, I'd like to know some of those secrets! :-)

Looking at the matter seriously - and this followed a conversation I had with some of the new folk at Chams the other night - where do you start looking? I mean sure there are forums and things, but they can be rather scary and not always helpful. It's easy to get lost in the crowd in there. Some places are very nice and helpful while other times if you ask a frequently asked question, you can get a rather frosty response. I'm not keen on the latter because new blood keeps a site alive and really, good manners go a long way. We were all n00bs once! :-)

I suppose if you try and look at it from 'what if I was starting out today?' then it becomes a little easier. I know as a teenager the whole tranny think really freaked me out which seems pretty much par for the course. I have the occasional up & down but in the main, I think I'm mainly okay with it.

My main issue with it all is the thought of the upset I may be causing those close to me. However, short of stopping completely - which in my heart of hearts I know is never going to happen - what else can you do? Suppressing things just makes your miserable (note to self: see last month's post) and is a pointless exercise. So, the lesser of two evils: go out, have fun and come back in a cheery mood, or deny everything and turn into a right mardy so & so. That's not really any choice is it? :)

Okay... so how about these for starters. some are from my own fevered brain, others are things people have said to me:

-------------------------------
Don't panic!

It's not as bad as you think. Yeah, it's not something your mates may do and Joe Public finds it rather amusing. Really though, is it doing anyone any harm? There are far worse things you could be doing to yourself or other people. I won't lie to you, there are times when you wish you were 'normal' but being TG is in your blood you can't escape it.

The Good...

Does that sound a bit like a curse? No, it's only bad news if you let it be. Speaking personally, I've had some truly wonderful times as a tranny. The fun of getting an outfit just right, the smile on your face when you finally workout how do your make-up without looking like Emily Howard or getting *those* shoes in the sale (and they fit!).

...The Bad...

There are times when I've jacked it all in and thrown everything out (a long, long time ago) in an effort to 'go straight'. It didn't last. I might as well have tried holding my breath. I let things get on top of me and in the end, I had to go and see someone to get my head straightened out. There's no shame in asking for help; sometimes you fall over and you need a little help getting back up. There are no bonus points for doing it all on your tod.

...And The Ugly

Try not to judge yourself against the photos you see on-line of other TG folk. Some people photograph really well, some are a dab hand at make-up and some are wizards with Photoshop. Good lighting, the right pose and the perfect shot make all the difference. If you like looking at photos, fair enough, but don't use them to mentally flog yourself. "I wish I looked that good!" Well, newsflash, chances are you unlikely to  unless you've got a couple of grand to spend on surgery or you're one of the 0.1 percent of the TG community who look *really* female. Maybe you should make the best of who you are because all the wishing in the world won't change anything.

Closure

I'm 30 something and like most TG folk out there I first became aware of who I was early on in life. So that's what? 25 years or so? That doesn't make me an expert and I don't profess to have all the answers. I can only pass on what worked for me and others. It may be very different for you because only you know what's right for you.

There is only one thing that will give you peace and that is acceptance. It won't be easy and there's no fast lane junior management track to get you there. It takes time and quite probably a few tears along the way, but one day you'll find that you just don't give a sh** about the bad things anymore. Maybe you'll find that its easier not to put a macho front and be who you are; no him/her, just a person with a touch more glamour than the next guy. Sure, you'll still have your off-days but that's part of living.

Oh, before I go, just one more thing (a la Colombo), if anyone says they have all the answers; don't believe them.  :-)

-------------------------------

So that's it. I don't know if it'll make a lot of sense to folk out there, but it kept me interested for 10 minutes while I emptied my brain. Abuse, witty remarks and/or good ideas to the usual address.

Take care

[ Today's lyric is Lucretia, My Reflection by the Sisters of Mercy ]

Friday, August 03, 2007

"In this invisible world I choose to live in..."

Howdy folks,

How's it going? I hope you're enjoying the summer weather. It's actually not raining. Yippee!

It's been an interesting week - ummm - this week. On one hand it's been foot to the floor 0 to 80 progress at the work, yet on the other hand, not a lot has happened! Still, perhaps I should be glad for the quiet times. Quiet can be good, it means there's no heartbreak or drama going on. Instead, you just get to sit back and bask in life. Best enjoy it while I can! It's the little things isn't it. Little things like the most fantastic eyeliner I saw today on a young lady in the grocers. It was very cool. Maybe I should have asked how she did it. :-)

They really are super

There's no Sky or cable in our house (honestly, we're lucky to have power some weeks ), we're down with the Freeview Posse instead. After reading all the nice things people had said about Heroes, I was glad to read that Auntie Beeb were planning on showing it. I'm enjoying the show, it fills that Whedon scripted hole in my televisual viewing. Ahhh, Firefly series II, where for art thou? I didn't get into Lost and 24 kinda passed us by too. Perhaps they just weren't fantastic - or more accurately - 'escapist' enough. Heroes on the other hand, is wonderfully escapist and let's be honest, you can see kitchen sink / crime thrillers on just about every channel. I hope the series continues as well as it started.

Where am I going with this? Glad you should ask (!!) and in an effort to be a bit more open about what I get up to - rather than just blog about the ups and downs / this month's shoes - I thought I'd tell you about my superpowers. Well, they're not really *super*, but I do find them rather useful. I've got two - lucky so & so that I am - one is the ability to fall asleep regardless of how awkward the conditions for sleeping are and the second one is the ability to confuse. Sadly, the latter power only affects me right now, but I'm working on it.

Throwing caution to the wind, what about you dear readers? Any mystical, magical powers you'd like to share with the world?

Of course, it means that I can never tell you my real identity but then that would also be breaking the second law of tranny club. The first law? Post more photos. (Were you expecting a Fight Club gag? Sorry to disappoint).

Take care!

[ Today's lyric is from Idlewild's American English. A top track... IMO. :) ]

Friday, July 27, 2007

"Dark clouds drift away to reveal
The sunshine"

Hi peeps,

How's you? All well I trust.

The dark cloud that I've been under (occasionally) has drifted away - given the weather we've been having, it's probably been drowned. :) The other day I decided to try and stick to the advice from the 20th century's greatest philosophers: "Always look on the bright side of life." So, normality and unselfish behaviour be damned, I went out to Chams. And you know what? It did me the power of good. It wasn't just the dressing up - although I'd be lying if that wasn't a part of it. No, it's the sense of belonging that going along to meet friends gives you. It's trite but I'll say it again, it is about being you. Yeah, you're a bloke in a dress, but guess what? It's not just you, there are others just like you too. You don't have to be mucho macho if you don't want to (not that I ever have been). If you want to talk about film, sports, slap or New Look's fabby new shoe collection - you can. There is no need to guard what you say. For me at least, it gives a self of completeness. There is no conversation self-censorship.

So I'm sat upstairs at the Centre putting my face on when Tracy pops in. We had a natter about this and that - mainly about denial and why that's probably made me so blooming moody these past few weeks. It was really touching and I'm grateful that she took the time out to say 'how are you?' and really mean it. I was touched. I said that there's been a rush of these programmes on body image and self esteem of late. I don't have a negative image of how I look (I don't mean that in an arrogant way, my body is me and that's that), but what I do have in common with some of these people, is the nagging voice of doom. As Tracy said, when you're a tranny, it - tranniness that is - is part of who you are. When you see a nice looking lady, you see two things: an attractive woman *and* a good outfit. You can't take the tranny style radar offline. It - like the Force - will always be with you. But, to listen to this voice of doom, as books, magazines and television tells you, is both pointless and in some ways self-destructive. You just grind yourself down with self criticism... and really? What's the point of that? :-)

So what the the night itself? The group had a repeat of last time's bring-and-buy, so I brought along some shoes I'd had lurking in the wardrobe (practically unworn) and one of my old wigs. I bought that a few years ago and while I like the look of it (a long, straight dark brown number), it just doesn't suit me. Off it went in the bag along with the other goodies. I handed that over and I noticed it disappeared rather quickly! Still, money in the kitty. We managed to raise over 40 quid or so which bumps the Xmas Party funds up nicely.

Mary (RG) had also come along with a veritable array of make-up (Ed: Any suggestions for a collection noun for make-up?). A couple of the new girls had make overs which I think they really enjoyed. As I said to Mary, it's not like you can ask your mate on how to put your lippy on. I guess a lot of it is practice and we don't get nearly as much exposure or practice as the fairer sex do. You do need to experiment and keep on at it. Anyhoo, I did shell out for some new concealer, but that was it.

I decided to wear my other wrap dress that had been hanging in the wardrobe for the last few months. I bought it last year but the front felt too low and the length wasn't quite right. Remind me why I bought it! :) Well, the front was fine once I put a cute little vest under it and the length was resolved with a quick snip with the shears, some instaweb and a spin with the iron. Just above the knee rather than mid calf which just didn't sit right.

So that's me. Sorry there's no great insight to the tranny mindset or deconstruction of the tri-gendered revolution, but you can't have it all can you.

Oh, before I go, here's an advert you're unlikely to see :-)



Take care and have a good one!

[ Today's lyric is from Space. ]

Saturday, July 21, 2007

"I said never again but here we are"

Hey hey true believers,

Unusually for me I missed my personal deadline of a Friday night post. It's silly really, but I like to empty my head of the chaff that's been floating around during the week ready for the weekend. Anyway, that wasn't going to happen (yesterday) because I just didn't get my sh** together.

My mood has been up and down these last few weeks. I can't quite put my finger on it, but the weather certainly isn't helping. Normally there are lots of things you can do - family wise that is - in the pleasant Summer months before the season turns and it's brollies and wellies for most outside activities.

Anyhoo, today I'd had enough and Wee Man and I headed out to the park in waterproofs. He's progressed to a proper bike and he rattles along the flooded paths, stabilisers throwing out more water than a packet of cheap bacon. I was well impressed and if I'm honest, it broke the black cloud I've been lumbering under.

Other than a few die-hard dog walkers, the place was empty, a complete turn-around on last week's sun packed family fun day. I must confess we both got thoroughly soaked, but it was worth it. We also found a bramble patch and with a spare poly bag from my pocket, we managed a few summer fruits for teatime. Good times indeed.

Chams will be on again this week and although there may be some friction in me going, but I wonder if it'll help me calm down a bit and get back to planet normal (Ed: oh the irony!). I missed last time's do simply because I was trying to prove to myself that I didn't need to go (en femme or bloke mode). That was complete tosh and all I achieved in not going was making myself feel miserable. Is this what it's like for normal men when they don't get to go down the pubs with their mates? Ah, but why would they be reading this when they could be down the pub? :-)

I've also been indulging in classic avoidance activity. Playing computer games, hanging out in Joe Public forums, toying with my firewall settings (geek!) and learning about SSH. Anything it seems than concentrate on work related issues or trying to get my head straight. I am, if nothing else, a dreamer and an escapist. Still, it's good to dream. It lets us escape from the world from time to time. The cold logic in my head says I should be doing something with my time, but my heart says no (Ed: Is that a Xtina lyric?). Knickers to it anyway, it's Saturday night.

Roll on Thursday and a night out with the girls.

ps: There's a new link on the blogroll panel. This is to Helena's blog, Girl from Mars. I've posted before about Helena's snaps of the capital and today I stumbled on to her blog. Well worth a read.

[ Today's lyric is from Rachel Stevens' punchy pop ditty. ]

Monday, July 16, 2007

"Tell me the truth..."

Following comments from Rachel and Chrissy (thanks girls), I got to thinking (as one does). I don't know about the rest of the blogging gang, but I come here to write and let off steam or to talk about things I cannot talk about with others. Like the rest of you I do have a life (no, really) outside of the wardrobe mirror, but I always hold back on what I post.

You see I have this fear that one day someone reading this will put 2 and 2 together and go 'Holy gender divergence Batman, that's [blah] from work/pub/school'. I know there is a risk in posting here, anyone who really knows me will see links between my trans-life (if that is a word) and my real life. It's not to say that trans thing isn't real, but I don't tell you everything. I don't say who I live with (although there are hints), what my other hobbies are (Ed: check your profile you numpty) or where I work. Of course, not having a photo (or two) online would probably help, but I'm a tranny and that's what we do. Crazy, I know. :)

My other 'thing' - or is it fear? - is my family and friends' right to privacy. I never mention there names, not because I don't care about them (I do dearly) but because I'd like to give them some anonymity at least. I know that kinda goes against point one, because if someone can guess who I am, they may know my social circle. Still, at least damage may be limited.

So, there you go. That's why I don't tell always tell you what I get up to outside of the TG microcosm. Perhaps this blog would be a little richer if it did. To someone outside of the TG world, perhaps it would give a better view on how we live. Most of the time I bumble along though life with the same fun and games as the next person, it's just that I have this element to me (like others do) that makes me think it's fun to dress up like a woman. Heh, it may even be a little more balanced because as this blog is so TG focused it makes me look very singular and yeah, while being TG is more about just clothes (as some of us know and accept) there is a little more to me than frocks, slap and a good night out with the girls.

[ Today's lyric - The Truth by Clawfinger. Always a hit at weddings that one. :) ]

Thursday, July 12, 2007

"This paint by numbers life..."

Hola muchachas,

Man, I'm running short of ways to say 'hi' for each post. Maybe I should chill out a bit and just dive in. Still, where'd be the fun in that eh?

So, w'sup? Things here are quiet with a very small 'q' at the mo. The summer has now arrived and as such my tranny powers are weak (old man). I'm a little burned out from work at the mo. I won't bore you with the in's and out's of that - they don't pay me to think about that kinda stuff outside of hours. :-)

TG wise I really don't know if I'm coming or going at the mo. I'm used to a lull in the old TG powers, but this time the lull has been a long time coming and it's left me feeling a little flat if I'm honest. I'm sure it's just a blip, a speed bump if you will in my crossdressing adventures.

Normal service will resume later on. Honest.

Friday, July 06, 2007

"Here comes the rain again"

Hey-ya :-)

Fun week? I hope so.

Today was rather interesting. Everyone at work seemed to be demob happy. Talk about your Friday feeling. I was wondering if they've been putting stimulants in the water coolers (again). It's that or someone left the tunnel open. Some weeks you limp toward Friday glad that you made it through the week. Heh. Life in the modern office eh? Today though, folk were bordering on the jubilant. Fun though :)

TG stuff is all quite at the mo as trannys seem to be the anti-bears. The Urge (tm) seems to hibernate during the summer. Summer? Well okay, we've had a *lot* of rain. Luckily, not as much as the good folk of Yorkshire et al so we're some way off filling my opaques with sand to hold back the tide. How are things in your neck of the woods?

I'm not madly keen on getting soaked (!!) but if I'm honest I'd rather be cold than too hot. We've had a couple of real scorchers (summers that is) and between you and me, it's nice not to be too hot. Summer frocks seem to come and go at work but most ladies seem to be sticking to the classic black trousers. I saw a lady in boots the other day. Mind you, it was chucking it down. No, they were not wellingtons before you ask. :)

Earlier in the week I was reminiscing about my childhood and we got on to the subject of role models. Stephanie posted an alternative take on my recollections and this is good because it stops and makes you think about a memory, or even a truth, that you consider to be fact. Given that train of thought: who in today's society or popular culture even speaks or represents the TG contingent? I think it's a tough question to answer because we're all walking our own path. Yeah, I know you wouldn't have thought they'd be so much politics about a bloke in a dress, but hey, I didn't make the rules. :) Some people say Mr Izzard does a good job. Others say Mr Grayson speaks more for them. What about authors? Does Helen Boyd (My Husband Betty) help too? There are also folks from "the scene" if you will. Bloggers or girls we know who risk their chances with the media.

[ No prizes for guessing today's blast from the past. The Eurythmics of course. ]

Saturday, June 30, 2007

"You want it to freeze but you're weak in too deep..."

Hello honkytonks :)

The other day I caught sight of a headline regarding the death of Bernard Manning. That reminded me of 70s comedy in all it's non-ironic (Ed: or what it?) occasional non-PC gags. In the 70s there where only - brace yourself kids - just 3 channels back in the day (BBC 1, BBC 2 and ITV). Most of society thought that it wasn't alright to be gay and men had to be 100% male - anything less than that was just 'wrong' (because wearing a frock is gay right? Yeah right [rolls eyes]). However, there were a few performers who had an impact on my already confused growing up: John Inman, Dick Emery, and to some extent Larry Grayson. A trinity of non-vanilla lifestyles and comedy performance. :-)

It was all about performance and while I didn't make lifestyle choices based on Are You Being Served, the fact that you had characters that were content with their alternative lifestyle jumped out at me. Occasionally, they were the butt of the joke but so it was with the *ahem* normal folk in there too. With a child's naivety I looked to these characters, not as true role models, but thinking "if these guys are cool with who they are, is being different that bad?".

I now know that not everyone appreciated the Mr Humphrey's character, but I'd like to think he helped bring acceptance in rather than push a stereotype: the gay equivalent of an Uncle Tom if you will.

[ insert tea break here ]

I've come back to this post after a rather nice cup of hot choccy and it seems I'm contradicting a glib comment I made about looking to kids films for role models. Post in haste, regret at leisure :)

Is it better, I wonder, to have nice telly where the bad stuff - like the dark side of Manning's wit - is kept away or should it be all in the open so we can discuss this with our (grown up) children and say why we do or don't agree with it?

Many Happy Returns NottsChams!

Thursday was good fun. We had a packed house, or church hall to be accurate (oh yea merry sinners!! :) ) as it was the 25th anniversary of the group. I've never played in-door badminton in heels with a tea tray before and to be honest, I don't think it'll catch on! :)

[ The lyric is from Girls Aloud's Biology and if they ever made Tranny: The Musical, I'd put a pony on it (monster! monster!) in being in the show ]

Tuesday, June 26, 2007

"On Echo Beach, I watch the sun go down"

Howdy partners,

Just as double Maths on a schoolday drags out time, so a good time passes in what seems a blink on an eye. Still, it's good to be back.... in the cold, the floods and to a (work) inbox that packed fuller than a Sparkle bound tranny suitcase. Still, work pays the bills which lets us go on these fancy jaunts.

So Sparkle? Did you go? Did you have fun? I missed it, although to be honest I had no intention of going. My tranny batteries are feeling a little flat at the mo. I think it's the summertime - although, it's not like I can blame the heat right? :)

It's funny because when I was away my imagination was bouncing ideas for blog posts like the lottery machine (Ed: 'Release the balls!') but now, faced with the time to actually put pen to paper - or more accurately, fingers to keyboard - I'm a bit bereft of content. Bugger. Ah well, I'll get back into my stride later in the week. It's been fun reading what the rest of you have been up to!

[ Today's lyric: Martha & The Muffins - Echo Beach ]

Wednesday, June 06, 2007

"When I was younger, so much younger than today,
I never needed anybody's help in any way."

Hiya peeps,

Help, it's a funny thing. Some people want it, others can't abide it. But enough of the word wrangling. I must confess that I have a bit of a soft spot for some of these lifestyle help programmes that seem to populate the airwaves. Yes, some are downright pants but there are others (How to Look Good Naked) that jump out at you. I think with the latter is the presenter, Gok, who makes the show. He is so positive and sincere. It's lovely to see. It's so not about size 0, it's about real women and understanding that the magazines peddle a figure unobtainable by 90% of us. Coupled with the Dove campaign of recent years, I hope we're on the cusp of a return to normality when it comes to female models. A (t)girl can dream right? :-)

So, why the question about help? While some shining wits may say I need help (Ed: I think your beyond help now my girl) this isn't about me. I think it is one thing to admit you need help, yet it is quite another to put yourself out there on TV and be seen warts and all. Personally, I think it is very brave. I'm too much of a private person to do it. Ironic perhaps coming from a blogger! But then you, well most of you, don't know me in a social context, so my modesty is preserved.

But enough about me (phew!), is there more to this phenomenon than media 'show cloning'? Is it that we've lost our social networks that allow us to help others? Are we too polite to offer help for fear of offending or patronising? Or do we muddle along ourselves to the point that we do not feel we have anything to offer others? Maybe there's an element that we're too proud or too scared to ask our friends and family for help? Sure, the telly will mean you get your 15 minutes of fame (more like 2.35 these days) but unlike expressing your inner being to your friends, the exposure may be more fleeting.

[ Today's lyric (well, like duh!), The Beatles. BTW, did you enjoy the Sgt Pepper covers? ]

Friday, June 01, 2007

"If I only could, be running up that hill."

Hi kids,

How's you? Good I hope. After last week's downpour, it looks like summer's back.

No big a meaningful insights today I'm afraid. It is late and my creativity is ebbing as I flag from a full-on week. Excuses, excuses eh? Maybe the muse will come later on.

The Name Game

This is a silly thing that we do as a family. We watch out for streets or business that share the same name as friends and family. I hadn't seen a good one for ages and then the other day I drove past a truck for Nolan Transport. That made me smile! There's a shopfitters in Leeds which is almost my name - although as there are two partners in the business, it's not quite perfect. :)

So, open mic time again. Any firms that share your initials or surnames?

Introspection

Once in a while a blog post comes along that opens your eyes.... or in this particular case, makes you stop and think.

As a teenager I loved walking (stay with me, we'll be back on the meaning of tranniness is a mo). Just put my headphones on, grab a bottle of water and go and stretch my legs. This one time - on holiday in the Peaks - I set off to see what was behind the cottage. After an hour of walking uphill, I still hadn't reached the top.

So it is with being TG (okay, maybe without the heavy metal soundtrack). It is a hill and when you first set off, it looks insurmountable. After a bit of climbing you'll have hit a few false summits, maybe you'll get into your stride.

Sometimes you'll walk alone or perhaps there's someone with you. Maybe you'll start in the dark: sprinting furtively in bursts because you make the most of the short time you have. It'll rain too; hard enough to make you fall down and cry, but when the sun comes out - you pick up your things and keep going.

If stop and you look back, you may be able to see where you've come from. If you want you can go back down. You can stay where you are and enjoy the scenery. For the curious or the brave, you can keep climbing...

I don't know what's at the top because I haven't got there. Maybe there's the perfect LBD, L Ron Hubbard or some type of tranny nirvana. I wish I knew.

When I stop, I can see other folk on their walks too. Sometimes our paths meet. Occasionally they cross, but in the main, we all seem to be heading somewhere.

[ This week's lyric: Kate Bush via Placebo ]

Friday, May 25, 2007

"I need to get some sleep"

Hello you,

Good week? I hope so.... and it's a long weekend too. Result!

Nightowl or earlybird?

Rachel said something in passing the other day about early starts and that kicked my subconscious. Are you an earlybird? Tucked up in bed before the late news and jumping out of bed at the dawn chorus? Or, maybe a nightowl? Is your brain at it's best around 11pm and you're happy until the small hours (provided you get a lie-in the next day).

Personally, I'm a night person. No, not creature of the night (Ed: T-t-t-t-t-touch me!! I wanna be dirty) - just a night bird. I find it easier to stay up than get up early. It's always been like this. My brain seems to switch on in the late evening and, if I've managed a lie-in, I'm normally good to go until the small hours. It seems all the things that I'd like to do (read, watch TV, blog or research on t'interweb) mean that I'm up until late. Not so good on a school night, but good for conferences or days with late meetings :)

A friend once joked to me if from an evolutionary point of view, nightowls and earlybirds where a useful thing to have around. While one group are kipped out in the cave, the other half are up and awake, keeping an eye on the place. It sounded very plausible, but then we had had a couple of glasses of falling down water.

So which one are you? Or, are you neither? Perhaps you're the modern-day Rip Van Winkle or like the Iron Lady. Apparently she got by on 3 hours kip (after bathing in virgin's blood?).

[ Today's lyric, Insomnia by Faithless ]

Wednesday, May 23, 2007

"The bounce has gone from his bungee."

Ey oop little old lady,

After a battle through the city traffic, I arrived at my meeting only to find that it had been cancelled. Ah well, such is life. Now, I could grumble about this, but I won't. Let's see... in town and no-one expects me back until 2pm. Righto, long lunch it is then. :)

The funny thing is I've kinda been expecting the tranny genes to switch off over the last month or so. Faced with a couple of hours shopping, I found myself kind of uninterested. Something must be wrong with me because I found the USB memory sticks more interesting that Ravell's shoe display.

I think part of it (as Penny wittily blogged about) is that the new fashions just don't do owt for me. Most of the smock tops I saw seemed to be cheapy polyester or a bad investment. It's not that I stick to classics, I like a trend as much as the next girl, but I'd like whatever I buy to last more than a single season. It's just that some of these new-retro tops are so garish. I saw a couple of ladies in town not following that fashion (one had on a simple vest and jeans) and they looked very cool. I guess we're back to wearing what you want, rather than what you think you should be wearing. :)

Tomorrow's the NC meeting and I'm in two minds about going. Yesterday I took a peak in the wardrobe and all that registered was my collection of shirts. No outfit came together. It's almost as if I'm tired of the clothes I've got. Maybe a good night's sleep will put a spring back into my step.

Some folk need something proper to worry about eh? :)

[ BTW - bonus points if you can tell me which children's TV show the greeting is from. Note - not the Wallace bit! ]

Saturday, May 19, 2007

"You're history,
That's what you are."

Hey-ho,

Been keeping it real, sista? Select! :)

It's been a bit of a strange week. One packed with memories, or more accurately, ghosts. Echoes of things passed, dredged up from my backstory, cued up by the oddest of triggers.

Monday: During a meeting at work, someone (very kindly) offered me a cup of tea. It wasn't until I drank it that memory kicked in. The tea was just like my Gran used to make - I know that sounds a bit daft. Tea's tea right? Nah. I don't know if it was the blend or how the person had made it. But what cemented the memory for me was the shape of the cup. Slightly triangular with a hint of art deco to it. For a moment I was back in Gran's dining room; sat on one of her old chairs listening to the clock on the wall tick-tock and the soft ping and hiss of the gas fire. Outside I could see to the bottom of the yard and over the brick wall to the park.

Wednesday: I traipsed in through the rain and took a short cut though one of the old buildings. You know how houses and buildings have their own smell? Well the stairwell had one like my Dad's old workshop. A strange mix of dust and a whiff of ozone. Again, another childhood memory of waiting for Dad to lock up after we'd been in town shopping.

Thursday: I was in the north of the county, not too far from where my (other) Gran & Grandad used to take us as kids (as grandparents are want to do). The town had changed significantly since I'd been (it was the 80s, maybe even the 70s) but again, it all came flooding back. Walking through town holding my granny's hand as we crossed the road. Although now, that same street is pedestrianised.

The funny thing is, I haven't thought about these memories in a very long time. I don't look back and wish things were like that. I know they're just snapshots. Maybe not even real memories, but imaginings of tiny fragments of fact. There are also things I would prefer to forget. Silly things. Moments of embarrassment or social gaffs. I doubt that the other party would remember, yet my mistakes ripple up. I wonder, if you could edit the past, would I - or would you - ever be satisfied? Would you tumble through time trying to make everything just so? Is it better to concentrate purely 'in the now' or do you embrace who you where?

I remember reading that much of our memory is made-up. If that's true, can we ever be sure of what really happened? How long does a memory stay before imagination works its magic over it? Does it get distilled down to a capsule of words, smells or fragments? Gas fire, tea cup, taste, granny's house?

Perhaps that's another reason why I blog. To get down on paper - so to speak - my thoughts and feelings at the time. Of course, this blog isn't a 100% accurate picture of me. How could it be? I only write so much and I choose what to put. It's highly editted. Do you really want to read about project meetings? Nah! Me neither and I have to sit through them! :-)

[ This week's lyrics: Shakespear's Sister ]

Monday, May 14, 2007

"Thoughts arrive like butterflies,
Oh, he don't know, so he chases them away"

Hi there,

Good weekend? I hope so. It's been a bit rainy, but hey, at least the lawn won't have karked it eh?

How much do you hold back? I don't mean biting your tongue or leaving out life's minutae; more... self censorship. There's been a couple of occasions with this blog, although it happens more on comments I leave with others, where I'll re-read what I've put, re-do it, only then to delete that too. Is it a lack of confidence, not wanting to offend or just that one's own jokes frequently look rather flat? I'm just not sure.

I also tend to find myself rambling (Ed: No sh**!) where a person's post will filter through my mind, pinging off new thoughts as I'm typing a reply. If I don't get what I want to say down early, my reply starts to make less and less sense - especially if I start to diliberate over it.

I guess it goes back to something I feel I've posted before: that sometimes there's so much going on in my head - like a riot of butterflies - that it's difficult to nail down any one particular thought and go with that.

Then there are the posts you don't make. Intimate and personal things that are best left between partners and friends. Not so much dirty laundry, but stuff you don't want to share. The latter could sound sappy or exclude people outside that cicrle and I'm not big on cliques.

I did the censorship thing the other night. Stephanie had posted her feelings and a number of us had responded: messages containing questions and/or support. After reading her response to those, I had a creative burst and blogged about that.

But... it just didn't feel right. I don't know if it was too invasive (I'd copied text from Stephanie's blog); too personal (you don't want to accidentally put your foot in it) or just too me-me-me. Yeah, I know this is a blog where the key theme is me, but if I'm honest, I'd rather talk about matters that promote discussion. Ironically, I don't post very frequently to the tranny forums.

[time passes]

Now I've re-written what I've put down and tweaked the odd word here and there. Having re-read it, I now look at it and wonder 'why am I posting this? What am I trying to say?' The delete button hovers to the right of my little finger, yet I hold off, stuck in contemplation. I'll put this in draft for now. It's good to have a bit of filler to fall back on eh? :-)

[ Update, well, it's made it out of draft :) Also, Google have updated their Analytics system. The new one's rather impressive. ]

[ Update 2: Seeing as I seem to post using another's words, credit is in order. Today's title comes from Pearl Jam's Even Flow. Two Hornby points if you got it! :) ]

Friday, May 11, 2007

"Time goes by... so slowly"

Hi kids,

No deep journey into the tranny soul tonight, my brain feels like it's ready to shutdown. With a bit of luck, maybe I can coax a little more activity out of it.

We had a consultant in at work. To those of you who have had the pleasure, you'll know all about Death By Powerpoint and the 2pm graveyard shift. You know, that bit where the animal part of your brain - which is being completely underused - kicks off with 'food eaten. now sleep.' It's touch and go then until it's time for tea and biscuits.

Somewhere in the dead zone, I found myself pondering something far more intereting than the security workshop. Okay, yes, it was clothing related (so sue me) and I realised someone had asked me a question. "So what to you think of the solution?"

Ooops. Busted! Now, it would have been rather handy if my imagination had used the items on the whiteboard and filled in the blanks. (Ed: or you hadn't been daydreaming). But no, instead I got a Obi-Wan moment delivered in Morgan Freeman's wonderful voice:

"Security synergy? To me, it's just a made up thing, a consultant's phrase, so that young fellas like yourself can wear a suit and a tie and charge the firm a four figure sum to tell management something they already know but are either too dumb or scared to admit it to our customers."

All this happened in but an instant; that's the wonder of your imagination. Perhaps the gentleman took my silence to mean that I was considering saying something of deep importance. Unable to shake Morgan's advice, I frowned and looked at the board. "I'm just not sure that that level of redundency is required." That seemed to do the trick and off he went into techno-double-speak.

Normal service will resume when my brain has recovered.

Saturday, May 05, 2007

"Yeah, here comes the water,
It comes to wash away the sins of you and I"

Hiya,

I have stared at the white white box that is the Blogger Editor. Left it and come back to it. Put off the thought that creatively, I'm dry. But, no, it's not about wit or 'having something to say(tm)' - it's about effort or drive.

It's not all lipstick, heels, self-doubt and elation - other things go on my life too. To that end, I'm having a lull in the tranniness. I think it may because we moving towards that time of year where the tranny genes begin to slow down. They never turn off - after all, they make us who we are - but they do go quiet.

For example, on Wednesday I was in town and I had the chance to do a spot of shopping. Rather than go on a shoe or top quest, I bought a sarnie and a bottle of water and then went and watched the world go by in Market Square. Shirt sleeves up, tie undone and headphones in. How many million did we pay for a large flat square? Still, maybe it'll allow us to enjoy a concert in the heart of Nottingham. Now, that would be cool.

But why the lull? It's not guilt and I'm still keeping up the war against my inner Wookie (Ed: Laugh it up fuzzball). I wonder if it's a hormone thing? Does your brain chemistry change during the summer months? Do your sex hormones shift because in the dim and distant, having a baby in the winter months meant cold nights and a lack of food? Hmmm... I feel a bit of search engine work coming on.

Talking of Nottingham, that reminds me that I've posted the first draft of a leaflet for the group. There's been a few minor alterations, but so far, people seem happy with it. It's only a few paragraphs and if all goes to plan, it'll be sitting pretty on the stand at Pride this year. If it helps a few folk find their way, that can only be a good thing.

I hope you have a great bank holiday!

Sunday, April 29, 2007

When shall we 12 meet again?

Hey,

Good weekend? I hope so. Fabby weather!

AGM

Last week's meeting was a bit different. We had an Annual General Meeting. You can tell it was important because it had capital letters (Ed: English is just an nationality to you, isn't it Lynn?). Anyhoo, it went rather well (IMO). I had a bit of a wardrobe dilema over what to wear. In the end, I went for my hippy skirt (brown + tie dye), a biscuit coloured top, the usual fishnets (not back on to plain yet) and my favourite heels (not sure about flats yet). Someone said I looked like a secretary, which made me laugh! Maybe I'll take a photo in to the admin team at work and swap ideas. :-)

We had a full house with many of the usual suspects and regular irregulars coming along. The meeting kicked off around 8.30ish and there was a very good spread provided. For my sins, I had volunteered to take the minutes while Paula was - ahhh - chairwoman. The minutes are on the Chameleons' forum if you're really interested (see side panel for a link and then select the forum option).

Midway through we broke for nibbles and to sip some Bucks Fizz. Somehow, I ended up being bottle opener as most folk didn't seem to like the sudden cork popping. Hint: twist it slowly and it won't shoot off. :)

The group discussed a number of matters cooly and calmly (s that a word? Ah well!). So, the subs are up to 3 quid 50 (no biggie), we have some more volunteers to do the admin tasks (like tidying up, making tea, web design, etc) which can only be a good thing.

The group has been running for nearly 25 years which I think is very impressive. Although it would be very hard, it would make a fascinating documentary / book on who attended the group and where their life has taken them since.

Jane had even kept the minutes from the last meeting - way back in 1988! Wow, 1988. I was a teenager back then. While I knew I was a tranny, I was cool about it at that point. It didn't start freaking me out until a year or two later. But, enough about me, what were you doing in '88?

Wednesday, April 25, 2007

"Falsehood is easy, truth so difficult."

Hi kids,

No lyric today, although to be honest The Smiths or The Manic Street Preachers could have provided suitable material. Today's title is from Mary Ann Evans, or to use her homme name [wink], George Elliot. Hmmm, a guy pretending to be a woman quoting a female author with a male pen name. Coo, post-modern eh? :-) Don't be fooling into thinking I'm well read - I'm just quick with a search engine.

I don't know what I find interesting about quotes or sound bites (to use a modern term). Perhaps it's the joy of language. Talking of which, a couple of posts ago I had a bit of cod Polari and after leafing through a few sites on the subject, I was surprised to see how much of it had entered mainstream language.

The Truth

Secrets and lies, they're funny things. In some ways a well kept secret can be a good thing. There are bits of information you pick up about people that you really cannot pass on. Real cross-your-heart stuff and no, I don't mean the bra range.

But, I digress. The truth? Or more accurately, the truth about being TG. Would what it be like to be out? Oh You Tee - OUT. Not in an in-your-face Sparkle t-shirt at work or wearing lippy when picking the kids up from school, but more a 'no more secrets' kinda way? Complete openness with your wife/GF and honesty with your friends. Would that be a good thing for the TG community and your own feelings, or is it just the selfish need to fob the guilt on to a third party? What price would you pay for your honesty and what benefits would outweigh the risks?

Of course, being in the closet is a tranny luxury. Our TS sisters, don't get that choice. Even if you can pull off 'deep stealth' there's a time when you're still finding your feet, a time before you perfect who you are.

Monday, April 23, 2007

"Anger is an energy."

Yesterday I felt rage. All day I could feel it building, simmering underneath the social veneer like an animal pacing against the bars of a cage. I don't like to be angry, it's not good for me. You say things you don't really mean and everyone gets hurt. I like calm; you can think things through rather than blurting out the first thing that roars from your subconscious.

It wasn't anything anyone had said to me, nor something I had or hadn't done. Just a combination of little events that when coupled together built into something less than pleasant. No, actually that's not really true. If I'm honest, I was angry because I couldn't help H. She was ill and she's had a hard run of it of late. I wanted things to go her way; wanted her to be well, not clapped out knackered and run down. But you can't will someone well can you? God knows I wanted that for my (late) sister, but that's not how the world works is it. Boy, am I not just a little ray of sunshine or what? :-)

I am now back to being calm. Calmed by the knowledge that H is going to be alright and that her condition will improve.

Wednesday, April 18, 2007

True's Grit

So were you glued to the box Tuesday night watching Leia, Kim and Sue try their hardest for the big pagent? If you missed it, maybe 4OD can help you out. I won't spoil the ending. What I will say is that the programme is more - and forgive the cliche - about the journey rather than the destination. To be honest, I found the pagent thing a little weird and if it's anything like Miss World is now, there's a lot more politics involved.

The start of the programme on 'being a TV' if you will, was (IMO) very good. It rang a few bells with me and I found myself nodding in agreement to some of the soundbites that were picked out. "A bloke 99.9% of the time" was one that stuck with me. For me at least, and if you feel different - please say otherwise, that's true. I spend the majority of my life in bloke mode and I'm cool with that. Sure, it's nice to go out and be glam, but it's *such* a lot of effort. I don't just mean the dressing up part, there's the secrecy, staying trim and the continual battle against your inner wolfman (Ed: she doesn't mean not biting people). Honestly, I like being a bloke. You get paid more for starters and there's no shame in being ballsy or go-getting. Double standards eh ladies? Then there's all those fab gadgets to play with: cars, computers, sporting equipment, hi-fi's, etc. :-)

Flippancy aside, the closing segment of the programme was very poinyant. Leia came out to her mum and another entrant was saying she hadn't seen her parents for over 4 years. All this woman wanted was the acceptance and love of her mother. Both scenes were very moving albeit in different ways. Does this explain the tranny love of blogging, forums and photos? While there is an element of vanity and ego, ultimately is it acceptance not attention that we crave? If we cannot find acceptance within our family, does a web page or blog fill that void? Does the acceptance from our peers outweight the risk of being found out? Ahhh, questions, questions eh?

Thursday, April 12, 2007

Queen of the Midlands

The Merry Men

The bona bijou City of Nottingham is packed with omi-polone and beancoves? I couldn't believe my orbs! [BTW, apologies for the ropey Polari]

I got this link from Penny's blog (Idle Thoughts, Furious Musings). It's about Nottingham being the 7th Most Gay City in England & Wales.

How gay our celtic cousins are, I'm not sure. Let's think: the national dress that shows off manly legs, they're nation of hardmen, like a good time and going out seems a national pastime. Nah.... :-) But what would I know, I'm only a bit Scots. (Ed: but which bit?)

Anyhoo - Gay Nottingham? I must confess it makes me feel a little bit cosmopolitan! I'd like to think that the good people of Nottingham (pronouned Not-ing-um) are fairly accepting. There's the occasional whiff of bigotry, but then you get that everywhere. The city is packed with young folk mainly due to the two universities and possibly, that explains matters. I'm not a guru on gay life in Nottm, so please forgive my ignorance. I know there are a few clubs and bars in town, but we're along way from Canal Street.

Still, if there's a reasonably sized community, hopefully there's a bit of a support network too. I know a young lad at one place I used to work really struggled coming to terms with it. Some of the things he said rang a few bells. Secrecy, wanting to conform and the 'am I normal?' bit too. 

Robina Hood?

Oh and it's NC tonight, so no doubt I'll be pondering what to wear when I should be thinking about work. Hmmm.... maybe thigh boots, a stout pair of hose and a tunic :-D