Friday, December 29, 2006

'Misfit, I sit. Lit up, wicked...'

Hello everyone in blogworld,

Hi folks. Did you have a good Christmas? I hope Santa brought you something nice in return for the sherry and mince pie you left out. Christmas was very good with various visits to the rellies and probably a little too much cake. Ahh, tis the season and all that. I guess it'll be celery sticks and salads in the new year.

With all the socials and parties I've been to, I think I must have been out (en femme) more than I ever have before. The thing is, it is rather addictive. There is were I begin to worry a little. Is it that I'm a simply a tranny and going out is just pure fun? No work stress, obligations or ties? Just being fabulous in fancy shoes, having a natter with the girls and being able to scratch the itch that dressing up allows you to do? Or - and more worryingly - am I becoming more at home presenting myself as a female? Am I relaxed because I feel 'right' or because being dressed ticks the box in my head that reads 'good times'? I have a wonderful wife and a lovely son. I think I would lose both of those if I went down the full-time path. Deep down, it's something I do not want to do and I fear it. What really worries me though, is do I get any choice in the matter? Being a tranny isn't optional - once your brain is wired that way, to fight it only leads to trouble (self-loathing, purging, guilt or depression). I guess my question is: how far will things go? As far as I want? Until I am happy? What about those I love? Must I chose this over them? Questions, questions. I am hopeful that it will not come to that.

Take care.

2 comments:

  1. If it's any consolation lynn I've been going out for about 10 years now, I'm married with children and it's had very little impact. If anything I think about dressing up a lot less. Repression is a much less attractive path. My advice... enjoy. :)

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  2. Maybe there's hope yet then. :-) Perhaps the urge (so to speak) comes in waves.

    I shall be taking your advice later in the month!

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