Wednesday, April 12, 2006

A week of highs and lows.

I started this post on Wednesday night full of flipancy and froth that you've grown to expect on this blog. For those newbie readers, welcome to the war. :-) So, in the style of Channel 5's Brass-Eye news, I will be presenting this blog in a good-week bad-week stylee.

Good Week

It's the Easter break. Five days away from work. ****ing hey. Say 'risk management' time one more time. Say it again, I dare you. I double dare you MF. :-D

Earlier in the week H. picked up MaxFactor's new mascara (whose exact product name escapes me right now). It's fabby, but when you're used to the standard types, like I am, you've got to watch that you don't pile it on.

Talking of piling it on (seamless link there, eh?), this week's Chameleons had a visit from a Body Shop rep. I turned up late (more on that below) to find a lady talking to the group. Behind her she had a table full of divine fabbiness that is the Body Shop make-up encounter.

[ BTW, if you're a voodoo witchdoctor and you need to summon a tranny, I recommend a table full of slap, some killer heels and any high-energy disco number. Or, you can try Mudvayne too, but be prepared for hell in heels :-P ]

I waltzed in (not literally) feeling like I'd just come to class late. The call of "a volunteer?" rang out and - as no one else was daft enough to do it - I stepped forward and said that unless anyone else wanted to do it, I'll volunteer. No-one did, so off I went. I did manage to totally embarass myself by asking, "Do you want me to take it all off?" I did mean the slap and the wig, but of course, the comment was taken the other way.

So, there I sat, wig hair pinned back while my make-up was removed and I went back to bloke-in-a-dress-and-wig mode. Mind you, I'm a sucker for a bit of pampering and this was great! The advice and products was great. The make-over? Excellent!

Normally, I'm a brown palette for my eyes. However, this time, the young lady made me over with lilac and amethyst. Yeah, that was my thoughts. Lilac? No way. But it really worked! A really startling change. Subtle and very expertly applied.

She (cat's mother) also recommended that I try some bronzing powder for my goth-white chest and arms. If I was any paler I'd have 40w tattoo'd somewhere. God, I must make more of an effort to remember people's names. I never forget a face, but names. Sheesh!

I now know that I've been doing blusher wrong for years; my nail varnish is soooo last decade; you don't have to do strong eyes / soft lips and my 2 o'clock eyeshadow technique isn't the only way to make a cat over. Quite an evening!

Jane was kind / evil enough to do some before, during and after photos. Hopefully I'll get to see how things turned out.

Bad Week

I've enjoyed the openness that P. and I have developed in the last few months. However, it seems that I've overstepped that mark and... deep breath... things are not 100% in the Jones' household. At the risk of mixing my blog style with a pastiche of Smashie & Nicey..... Her's a quick lyrical smackdown thanks to Ms Crow:

"If it makes you happy
It can't be that bad
If it makes you happy
Then why the hell are you so sad?"


Wise words mate. :-) I could have gone for anything by Trent Reznor, but no, I'll stick with Ms Crow's deep insight into the modern human psyche. :-)

P. says that if I continue to talk about make-up and clothes with her, then she thinks I'll drift out of the husband container and into the girlfriend category. Obviously, girlfriend material is not marriage material. D-I-V-O-R-C-E?

Fuck. So we had a long conversation Tuesday night about the whole TG thing (going out, interest in shopping / make-up or asking about ear piercing) and where do we go from here.

To be honest, I really don't know. Hell, I'm a man underneath it all and I like solutions. However, I'm just not sure on this one. I've promised to take things slowly and not go on about girlie things. When P. talks about clothes, shoes or make-up, I must try to remain calm and not go all supermodel in a talc factory (snooooort).

Ironically, we've a day off next week were P. and I are going shopping to get her a new outfit (for a friend's wedding). Perhaps I should remain home and do something macho like not tidy the house or take my motorbike to bits. :-) Shopping eh? It's just for poofs*, birds and metrosexuals right? :-( ( * ironic!)

Ahhh.. I've got Winamp on loop. It's just kicked off The Verve's Bittersweet Symphony. Now, that's wry. On the plus side, it's not "This is how it feels" by The Inspiral Carpets. :-)

You gotta laugh.

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