"He's born to shimmer, he's born to shine..."

Hey all,

How's things with you? [insert lengthy pause here] Hmmm... Plenty going on in my head right now, but I've not yet got my brain around how to type it all up. I guess writing an entry once a week, pretty much every week means there will be some repetition and it's that that makes me stall. It's break the flow out of my head and out to the keyboard.

Thursday I was off to Chams (sorry, Nottingham Chameleons) for a bit of social. It was a lovely sunny evening and part of me wondered about setting the tables and chairs outside. Still, it was early on and in the UK, you never really know what the weather's going to do. Job done, I nipped upstairs to I get changed (I remembered my camera and to charge the batteries!): long summer top, leggings and wedges. It was those or the gladiators, but I think I'll be needing flats for the party next time. The flash isn't quite right and I think my camera is on it's last legs. Still, it's been faithful and perhaps it's time for retirement... and a damned good wipe program for the memory card too. :-)

Anyhoo, the evening was quiet. There was around half a dozen or so of us there: Tracey, Sandy, Yvonne, myself and a new lady called Andy. To be accurate three others turned up but disappeared outside for a chat for most of the evening. Andy turned up around 10ish and it was her first time to the group. She was - and quite understandably so - rather nervous. I suppose when you go to a group for so long or you go out as much as some of us do, it becomes second nature.

Sparkle

Talking of going out, part of the reason why it may have been so quiet is that it's Sparkle up in Manchester. I've not made the effort to go, mainly due to a lack of organisation on my part and family commitments. Part of me would be interested in going just so I can make up my own mind.

There's been praise, scorn and satire of the event. I wonder which of the three are closest to the truth? The cynic in me says satire, but I'd like that not to be the case. :-) I wonder if my lack of drive to go is that I'm lucky enough to get out regularly (from a tranny point of view). Last year I went to Harmony and I didn't really click with the event. The company, food and disco was very good, but it felt a little stayed in places. Perhaps I should have headed to the bar when the beauty contest started. Mmmm... beer :-)

Some people on-line and in real life (Ed: IRL?) have been saying that the next generation of trannys are making the most of the more accepting attitudes in society. I've heard it said that they don't need the support groups or organised events that the current wave do. As the old guard (Beaumont et al) don't seem to be relevant anymore (Ed: Don't sit on the fence, Lynn!) so perhaps the organised events, socials or support groups could one day go.

But... I don't buy that. Maybe some folk are happy to get on with it, but I think as long as we - we trannys have hang ups over who we are - so we'll have support groups in out of the way places to help people come to terms with who they are. It's not all bad news, but hey, it takes a while for that message to get through.

So, whatever you're up to this week: stay safe and enjoy. That's an order, private! :-)
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Shimmer by Shawn Mullins ]

"And it's 95 degrees in the shade..."

Hi,

I can't put it any other way other than: blimey, it's hot. I suppose I could say Scorchio, but that's an old Brit TV gag :-) Mind you, there's always Google and YouTube.

I tell you what, I was glad I was at work this week... at least some of it has air con! I don't mind a bit of sun, but regular days of 30C (Ed: not the bra size) just do me in and I bet the kids wouldn't have liked being couped up in the car nor being daubed with sunscreen until they looked like they'd been rolled in evaporating goose fat.

I suppose for those of you from hotter places will be scoffing at my inability to take temps beyond 28c. Dammit, Jim, I'm a Englishman, not a jungle explorer! ;-) If it's much warmer were you are, please let me know. It may even give me some perspective!

The office has been hot and many folks - well, gents to be precise - have forsaken the shirt and tie. Shorts are now on the cards and I've given up on long trousers until the temperature drops to a more typical British mid 20s.

Strappy vests seem to be the order of the day for the ladies at work. While part of me - the tranny part I guess - has a slight twinge of jealousy over women's seemingly endlessly more varied wardrobe. V cute shorts and gladiators for one, but not with my hairy pins. ;-) At the same time, I'd kinda glad I don't have to worry about what the fashion mags pump out at this time of year. Bikini diets, fan tans, the war on body hair, etc.

I've read in a few places that if Climate Change was going to occur, we can look forward - not quite the words I'd have used - to seeing British summers very much like the shake and bake of 2003. While I like the blue skies, I'm not keen on the temperatures. That said, part of me wonders how the work clothing would adapt for men. I notice that many delivery drivers and postmen / postladies....

actually, that sounds a bit TS doesn't it? :-P

... now wear shorts. Will we see the equivalent of City Shorts for men? Mind you, a few companies have been trying hard to flog tights for men, so as markets shrink, I suppose it's only natural.

Here's to a cooler weekend!

Take care
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Girls Aloud with Long Hot Summer ]

"Who put the glad in gladiator?"

Hey good people!

How's things? It's been a while hasn't it? Two lovely weeks away from the general routine! Top stuff indeed. The kids loved it and it was great to spend time altogether as a family and have some fun without having to watch the clock. Weekends and evenings go by so quickly.

I dunno about the rest of you out there in the blogosphere (tranesphere?), but I like to have a think about what I'm going to write about (Ed: it doesn't show. That or you should try harder). Anyways, Monday / Tuesday, not a lot was going on. I mean, there's only so much I can tell you about the week off and much as I share a lot with you folks, my family stuff remains on the QT.

So, I pondered what would I be writing about? Then lots of things happened in a short space of time.

Good afternoon, Mr Bond

Just before holiday a blogger friend J, he of Diary of the Man from Venus fame, dropped me an email saying that he was around Nottinghamshire and did we want to meet up for a spot of lunch? I must confess, my first thoughts where 'which pub should we go to?' but then I thought I did need to be sober for the rest of the work day... so that was off the cards. :-)

So having made our arrangement via email, I parked up and met up with J at our top secret rendezvous (a local library). Never let it be said that we trannys aren't an educated bunch. :-) BTW, just in case you're setting the scene up in your head, we were both in male mode. J looking very smart and me? Well, it was too hot for the old shirt and tie, so I looked a right old scruff bag, but hey, I save my best gear for Chameleons :-) After the hearty handshakes and big grins, we stopped by a shop to grab some sarnies. Wandering off we found a bench to sit and enjoy the sun and chat merrily for quite some time. J - if you're reading this - I had a good laugh and certainly overdid my lunch hour. Still, never mind eh?

Shopped

Having saved up a few pennies and as the sun was shining so gloriously, I decided on a spot of shopping earlier in the week. Nothing to do with having a 2 hour gap between meetings in town though eh? :-) I got a fab - well, I like them - pair of wide legged white trousers from New Look. I also got some killer heels - well wedges actually - at a bargain price of a tenner. I wasn't sure about them, but hey, I could always bring them home.

I still wasn't sure about the wedges - clearly not the same league as Sam's killer heels - but then quite a price difference :-) My, these bad boys where high: an inch platform and then... well, I don't know about the heel height, my ruler wasn't long enough :-) They'll have to go back as while they look totally transtastic, door frames are now a problem :-D

Instead I managed to find some very cute gladiator sandals. Just a little wedge heel on them to stop them being dead flat and lots of buckles and the design du temp (if that phrase works) of the strip of jewelled /beaded leather up the foot to the ankle strap.

Big Night Out

After meeting up with J, I was off to another meeting and then home to pick up the kids and sort out my Thursday night outfit. I borrowed Helen's fabby red crinkle vest which a few people asked about on the night (Joe Browns if you're interested and yes they do do a good size!). That was teamed with the gladiators and white trousers. With a bit of funky purple nail polish on my fingers and toes, I felt very summery. Sadly my camera batteries were flat when I tried to get a shot done. Oh well, the fun will just have to live on in my head. :-)

As the weather had been so warm, I'd been half in the holiday mood and not really bothered to shave. Come Thursday night, face and chest were suitably defuzzed and it had been over a month since I'd worn any make-up. In some ways, it was a bit like coming to it anew. Okay, I'd like to think I know a little about what I'm doing these days, but still, the gap between now and last time was enough to make me pay attention to the slow change from male mode to trans. LOL. Maybe one day I'll do a video! :-)

We had a few new folk come along during the evening: Alison and her partner and another (t)lady and a friend too. I'd got the wrong end of the stick about party night and I'd run off a CD of 60s tunes: Brit stuff and Motown ready.... only to find that's next month. Still, the music was given a test run while Tracy ransacked her stash of tranny photos from yesteryear.

Come the end of the evening, I'd caught up with friends and had a really good time. Of course, the time went quickly and it was soon time to change back. All in all though, a very good week! I hope the week's been kind to you.

TTFN
Lynn
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[ Today's lyric: Zero to Hero from Disney's Hercules. Man, quoting kid's films now. Maybe some Lady Ga Ga next week :-) ]

"So I say hello and I try to be nice, But I see he's feeling itchy"

Hey y'all,

Blimey, it's been warm this week. Shirts and shorts.... and for the men, something similar :0)

The warm weather must be making the sap rise 'cos I've had a bit of dodgy comment spam and we had a very iffy email to the Chameleons inbox. Now, I should point out that any tranny who emails the group, their comments are kept private. Most of the emails are people asking when and where the meeting is, asking for help about getting there or sometimes offers from companies (more on that later). One of the admins replies; y'know a bit of encouragement, directions or what-not and that's that.

Anyhoo, we've been pretty lucky in regards to keeping the *ahem* admirers away. Chams is a place for trannys to meet up, have a chat and relax. It's not somewhere to hook-up. >:-( An appropriately terse email has been sent back to the person in question. On a coincidental note, I've read two somewhat similar tales on two other tranny blogs (Jenny's and Justine's). Basically, how some people assume that if you're dressed like a lady (or girl for you young minxes out there), that you'd be interested in men. Errrk, wrong answer Hans! :-) Sorry, thanks, but no. En Oh. No. Not interested. Happily married thank you. Just move along.

Anyway, on a slightly nicer note, Evans dropped the group an email. One part was to tell us about the new fashion stylist service they're starting up (and we're welcome to pop along). Talk about tranny friendly eh? Then, on top of that, the offer of a late night shopping lock-in where we can shop-shop-shop to our little heart's content during a tranny only evening. Sounds cool eh? The clothes may not fit yours truly, but the shoes sure will :-) I've put a message on the forum and we'll see how it goes.

Finally, this is me done for a bit. Don't worry - or breathe a sigh of relief - I'm not giving up just yet, but it is time for the Jones Massive to drift off on holiday. Man, I can't wait!

Take care,
Lynn

[ Today's lyric: Ladykiller by Lush. ]

"Y'all dont know what its like, Being male, middle class and white.."

Hiya,

This week has been.... somewhat odd: a mix of highs and lows. The slightly ironic title will make more sense as you read on. Well, assuming you wanna read on. :-)

The start of the week - or the end of the last one if you will - was truly top. Good company, a trip to the park with the nippers and a blue sky of early summer. A sky so blue and perfect that it seemed to fit in my childhood memories of summers passed.

Tuesday I felt the familiar creeping of the black dog; that fug of disinterest that cloaks you... (Ed: your ability to bullsh*t seem to be okay tho)... and I put it down to just tiredness. However, by the end of Wednesday, it was back. Seemed the sound of heels and the swish of skirts reminded me how far away my own appointment with glamour was. Not a good time really. :-\

I get this from time to time and it annoys the sh** out of me. It seems I have no energy. I just want to sit and let the world go by. Become a silent passenger in it all. But, I know as a parent or a worker, that's not an option and based on previous episodes, it's counterproductive. Staying busy can be the key.

So, I forced myself to go for a long walk - one of the joys of a company with sites dotted around the city. Getting out into the sunshine helped, but I still wonder what's bringing the loom of darkness to my door? I hope it's just work and not another episode of being a mardy b*stard. :-) That or not enough dressing? But how can that be? Aren't tranny genes set to sleep around summer time? I think the latter is a survival mechanism: I mean, high summer with all that padding and a wig? You could combust :-)

Anyways... shoveling through the pile of emotional dung, I did experience two wee gems of good fortune this week. I came out to an on-line friend (non-trans) earlier in the week. She took it well; I mean - and no disrespect to the lass in question - do you ever really know? I guess it comes down to trust and I'm glad I made that step. We've had a chat about it and it's been a very postitive experience.

The other gem is that it was time for Nottingham Chameleons on Thursday. I've been checking up on the group's inbox (as Sandy & Tracey are away). That was good to do as it made me feel like I'm giving something back. I mean, ignoring my tedious white boy pain [irony] because realistically, I've got it good: a family, no strings attached dressing up, a steady job and my health.

Some of the emails you get are from folk who want to come along, but they're just so scared. I know some girls have rolled up in the car and - bless them - haven't been able to to open the door and make it into the venue. That first step is, I think, one of the hardest we have to make. I mean you're about to visit a place full of people you don't know and pretty much show the secret you've been hiding for so long. To come out to a partner, yes, that is one thing, but that's not always in 'frock & roll' mode is it? Here you're going to show your other face (and wardrobe), the whole tranny focused uncertaintity swings into action.

A night out at a social group, well, there you are for all the world to see - or so it would seem - and what must they make of you? Honestly - and if the group is worth it's salt - a friendly and knowing smile should be first. Get any tranny, even the most *ahem* talented of divas to show you their early photos and trust me, we all gotta start somewhere.

TTFN
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Rockin The Suburbs by Ben Folds ]

"Suckers, liars get me a shovel!"

Hey y'all,

Today I'd nipped out of the office to grab a sarnie (sorry: sandwich) and while I was out and about, I dropped into Boots. Well, they do do nice meal deals and there's the make-up section. Food and fabness, what's not to like? :-)

So as I pottered about basket in hand I wandered through the shiny packages of nail varnishes and lippys available. One thing that struck me about the promotional posters though, was this: the amount of BS beauty product adverts seem to contain.

Is that a bit harsh? Let me explain. What I mean is, if you watch an advert for... say... mascara, the small print will zip along the bottom saying something along the lines of enhanced post production or filmed with lash inserts. Okay, so when I come to try that fabuloso-in-a-tube, I'm not going to be batting a thousand, more like a half baked baker's dozen?

Riiiight. So while I'm not naive enough to believe what I see in an advert, I would kinda like the product to have some standing in reality. I mean, how long before we see an advert of a flying car ("Announcing the new Ford Areo!") only to see the small print of real car only travels on roads and does not actually fly. :-)

Oh well, I guess you can't have it all? I suppose the other option would be to ask if we can have access to the same software the ad companies use? Never a dull day in ad-land!

Drama

Yesterday, the BBC ran a TV programme called Dress to Impress (more here). I must say a quick note of thanks to Alex for spotting this wee gem in the schedules. It's part of the Beeb's Moving On series of plays, or drama, if you prefer. I watched it 'cos it features a tranny character. Why? Partly to see how the programme deals with it and also because I am a tranny.

The actors & crew did a great job. Jack McMullen did well as the young lad of the piece. There's a bit at the start where his character, Daniel, takes a keen interest in the times when his parents will be back. God, that struck home and brought back a flood of lost memories....

The clunk of the front door as it shuts. A nosey through the blinds upstairs as the car pulls out of the drive. You pull open the cupboard and reach for the items you keep stashed. A grasp at momentary freedom: a few hours to be yourself. Perhaps, more accurately, to not be your everyday self, but the person you long to be....

That was so long ago - 20 years? - yet in my mind's eye I can see it all. It was the 80s too. Dotty blouses and killer heels. No wonder I can't watch Ashes to Ashes :-)

Maybe that's the power of good drama: to leave us affected by what went on. Maybe Joe Public will be looking at the relationship between the husband and wife. But, for a small chunk of us, our t-dar will be pinging as Daniel studies women's fashions. You know he's going to come out, so I'm not spoiling anything here. Just how it happens, maybe I'm soft, but it did wrench my heart.

I'll leave you to watch it on iPlayer and make up your own minds.

Take care,
Lynn
x

[ Today's lyric: Don't Believe the Hype by Public Enemy. ]

"Tonight I'm gonna have myself a real good time"

Hi folks,

How's things? Looks like I put the mockers on the good weather by talking about summer fashion last time! :-) It's rained on and off for most of this week. However, the bright side to that is that it's not too hot to get dressed up, so some small mercies eh?

Last week the work canteen was alive with cute dresses and bright shades. Whereas this week, it almost looks like the womenfolk have returned to the winter wardrobes. Opaques, boots, dark trouser suits, etc. That said, I saw a lady in a very fetching linen business suit. She stood out against the sea of black that we all gravitate towards.

So what else has been going on? It was time for a trip to Nottingham Chameleons last night and it was great to see everyone again. It's funny, but the way the calendar falls, sometimes there's a 2 week gap between meetings and it's surprising how that longer gap - at least to me - makes you realise what regular socials mean.

It was also time for the group's annual general meeting. We're a bit... flexible... (Ed: no, not like that, you dirty minded so & sos) over the actual dates s of it :-) - but it's the thought that counts. As prices rise, so will the attendance fee: that's now up to 4 quid but I don't think that's bad. Fund-wise we're doing okay and the Bring & Buy sales that we do help keep us afloat and top up the funds for parties and other special events. Your truly volunteered to record the minutes, so an excuse for a more secretarial look :-)

There was much laughter and well meant banter during the proceedings - something that's clearly not reflected in what I wrote down. One of those occasions where you had to be there. Come the end of it, I felt a little miffed that it had all come to an end so soon.... or at least so it felt. Do I want more? I don't think so. I think I have the balance just about right for me and my family. But, as with any good night out, I think it's only natural to want to keep having a good time.

One of the group, Yvonne, is having some treatment at a local hospital (get well soon, chuck!) and having got talking to the nurses, she came out to them. Their curiosity piqued, Yvonne showed them the group's website - the one with the new photo by Debbie (good luck!)- and said, "there's a real girl on there. Which one is it?" Now, truth by told, there isn't but after a bit of umming and ahhing, the nurses pointed at my picture. So two things: firstly, Yvonne, cash or cheque love? :-)Secondly: the camera never lies (Ed: yeah, right! Dream on!)

Take care
Lynn
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[ Today's lyric: Don't Stop me Now by Queen ]